Anthony Jeselnik Quotes

Every Night, My Girlfriend Comes Home From Work, And She Brings With Her A Houseplant. She's Like, 'Anthony, I Had To Pick This Up. We Need A Houseplant In Our Apartment.' And Every Night, I Make Her Return It. I Say, 'No Way, Baby. You Can't Take Care Of A Houseplant. You Couldn't Even Keep Your Baby Alive.'

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