Victor Gischler Quotes & Sayings

Plans are what people make when Fate is sneaking up behind them, — Victor Gischler

Prague lay before him like a mysterious stranger in an old hat. An exotic woman waiting for him in poor light. Like an inviting gypsy with a brand-new iPod. — Victor Gischler

Between the ink mage and the wizard, his mouth falling open at the sight. The hulk had nearly let her go after Talbun's shock attack, but he recovered quickly and took her head in his meaty hands. Don't. With appalling ease, the ink mage twisted. The snap was so loud, it made Brasley flinch even from across the chamber. His mouth fell open to scream. "No!" The brute's mouth twisted into a contemptuous grin as he let the limp body fall from his hands. Brasley watched it happen in slow motion, almost like she was floating, eyes closed, face peaceful, hair floating up around her. It was as if life had been some tremendous weight, and now that it was gone, her shell drifted down to the floor like a dry leaf. Talbun's body hit with a dull thud that brought Brasley back to reality. — Victor Gischler

You've come to the wrong shop for mercy. — Victor Gischler

This is how Mortimer Tate ended up killing the first three human beings he'd laid eyes on in nearly a decade. — Victor Gischler

She was like some kind of Energizer Bunny nonstop bitch machine ... She needed three more husbands, so we could all take shifts listening to her. — Victor Gischler

That was life, wasn't it? You spend so much of it trying to find happiness, and then when you get some, you worry every day something is going to take it away. — Victor Gischler

Fifty-one hybrids and ten MINI coopers. We're the most eco-friendly assault force in history. — Victor Gischler

Kidpool: Seems like we spend a lot of time bashing flunkies. There's no end to them.
Lady Deadpool: They belong to the same union as Stormtroopers and red shirts. — Victor Gischler

Brasley still drank too much and liked his women, but at least he paced himself now, walking the path to self-destruction instead of sprinting down it at full speed. — Victor Gischler

You think your muscles hurt? Try a blade in the belly. — Victor Gischler

His stomach growled again. He couldn't remember ever being this hungry. A little brown spider scurried between his shoes. He snatched it up, shoved it in his mouth, chewed, swallowed. Wait. That's not right. Allen strongly suspected he needed to be rescued. — Victor Gischler

Prinn lived by one governing thought: Whenever life seems to be going surprisingly well, just wait ten seconds and everything will go back to shit like normal. — Victor Gischler

Big Stupid leapt up. Little Duane had a gun. Big Stupid punched Little Duane so hard his whole family tree died back to the Middle Ages. — Victor Gischler

At first, the pinpricks felt like hot fly bites down the soft white skin over her spine and along her shoulders. The first time Rina flinched, the mage had admonished her harshly. She hadn't moved again. — Victor Gischler

Mortimer had maxed three credit cards stocking the cave with canned goods and medical supplies and tools and everything a man needed to live through the end of the world. There were more than a thousand books along shelves in the driest part of the cave. There used to be several boxes of pornography until Mortimer realized that he'd spent nearly ten days in a row sitting in the cave masturbating. He burned the dirty magazines to keep from doing some terrible whacking injury to himself. — Victor Gischler

The house looked like some gay architect had gotten drunk and watched Gone with the Wind. — Victor Gischler

I'd finally in up in jail for a murder I really did commit. Amazing how fate can work against us sometimes. We like the think we're the center of the Solar System, everything revolving around. More likely, we're the center of the vortex when we flush the toilet. — Victor Gischler