Victor Borge Quotes & Sayings

Beethoven wrote in three flats a lot. That's because he moved twice. — Victor Borge

What is the difference between a Nazi and a dog?The Nazi lifts his arm. — Victor Borge

Read (this book), smile, enjoy, and if you happen to learn something along the way, don't get upset. — Victor Borge

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace. — Victor Borge

It (the double-clarinet in India) was primarily used for snake charming, since the snake would do almost anything to get the Indians to stop playing it. — Victor Borge

The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow) — Victor Borge

In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist
but I found I had nothing to say. — Victor Borge

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad. — Victor Borge

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward. — Victor Borge

They say that Nero started the fire himself because he needed a suitable backdrop for his concert. — Victor Borge

I don't mind growing old. I'm just not used to it. — Victor Borge

Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos. — Victor Borge

I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much. — Victor Borge

Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger. — Victor Borge

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth. — Victor Borge

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year. — Victor Borge

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. — Victor Borge

In my dreams of Heaven, I always see the great Masters gathered in a huge hall in which they all reside. Only Mozart has his own suite. — Victor Borge

I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't. — Victor Borge

Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals. — Victor Borge

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function. — Victor Borge

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them? — Victor Borge

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded? — Victor Borge

A Smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight. — Victor Borge

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer. — Victor Borge

You want something by Bach? Which one, Johann Sebastian or Jacques Offen? — Victor Borge

Laughter is the closest distance between two people. — Victor Borge

The elephant smoked too much. — Victor Borge

The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him. — Victor Borge

The first piano was built long after they didn't have any at all. — Victor Borge

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. — Victor Borge

Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics. — Victor Borge

I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary. — Victor Borge

Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year — Victor Borge

You may not be aware of this but Leonard Bernstein won another award, for explaining the music of Igor Stravinsky ... to Igor Stravinsky! — Victor Borge

That's why I've never thought of retiring because I do it all the time whether on the stage or off. I found that in a precarious situation, a smile is the shortest distance between people. When one needs to reach out for sympathy or a link with people, what better way is there? — Victor Borge

The oboe sounds like a clarinet with a cold. — Victor Borge

There is a bit of Hans Christian Andersen in every Dane. — Victor Borge

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it. — Victor Borge

When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance. — Victor Borge

And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that. — Victor Borge

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator? — Victor Borge

I learned to play the piano on my mother's knee - that was before we got a piano. — Victor Borge

I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so. — Victor Borge

When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza ... I hate Liebestraum. — Victor Borge

Occasionally, a finger comes up to wipe a tear [of laughter] from the eye ... and that's my reward ... the rest goes to the government. — Victor Borge

(Shortly after Germany forced Denmark to sign a non-aggression pact in 1939) How nice. Now the Germans can sleep in peace, knowing that they will not be invaded by us. — Victor Borge

Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats. — Victor Borge

There are three Bachs. Johann, Sebastian and Offen. — Victor Borge