Tabitha Suzuma Quotes & Sayings

Walking down the street, weaving in and out of the crowds, I try to think of something - anything - to look forward to. — Tabitha Suzuma

How-how can we make it against the whole world? — Tabitha Suzuma

I want to tell her that I can't pull her down. I want to tell her that she has to let go of my hand in order to swim. I want to tell her that she must live her own life. But I sense she already knows that these options are open to her. And that she, too, has made her choice. — Tabitha Suzuma

And the very important fact that I'm here to worry with you and go through all of this - every little bit of it - by your side, even your worst-case-scenario, should it somehow come to that. You wouldn't be doing any of it alone.'
Her voice drops and she looks down at our hands, fingers entwined, resting on her lap. 'Whatever happens, there will always be us. — Tabitha Suzuma

She looks away and bites her lip. Her eyes glisten.
I want to touch her but I don't dare. I don't even know if she's mine any more. — Tabitha Suzuma

I wanted some assurances that my life would never again be torn apart like that, that I would never again suffer the pain of watching my loved one destroyed by his own hand. And with that one telephone message I realized, in a brutal, final way that so long as I was with Flynn I would never be protected from the horror of suicide. That he would always be capable of stopping his medication, always be capable of lying to cover his illness, always be capable of swallowing forty pills and lying down beside his girlfriend to die. — Tabitha Suzuma

Talking to adults is bearable; it's talking to people my age that's impossible. — Tabitha Suzuma

I can't tell you. I can't tell you of all people. Throughout my life you were the one person I could turn to. The one person I could always count on to understand. And now that I've lost you, I've lost everything. — Tabitha Suzuma

They entered the profession full of hope and vigor, determined to make a difference, to heed Gandhi and be the change they wanted to see in the world. — Tabitha Suzuma

There are no laws, no boundaries on feelings.We can love each other as much and as deeply as we want.No one, Maya, no one can ever take that away from us. — Tabitha Suzuma

The sobs tear at my throat. Who would have thought forty pills wouldn't be enough? — Tabitha Suzuma

I've never seen anyone sleep with their head hanging off the back of a wooden chair before - was the couch not comfortable enough for you? — Tabitha Suzuma

You never let any of them lose! Even when giving them a run for their money, you always, always let them catch you in the end. — Tabitha Suzuma

We humans are so defenceless compared to the rest of the natural world, he thought to himself. We have no shell to protect us, no fur, no horns, no claws. We are just soft skin and fragile bones; we have only our minds to figure out a way to keep ourselves safe, and sometimes that's just not enough. We can be so easily hurt, so easily broken, so easily damaged beyond repair. — Tabitha Suzuma

But then why is it so terrible for me to be with the girl I love? Everyone one is permitted to have what they want, express their love as they please, without fear of harassment, ostracism, persecution, or even the law. Even emotionally abusive, adulterous relationships are often tolerated, despite the harm they cause others. In our progressive, permissive society, all these harmful, unhealthy types of "love" are allowed
but not ours. — Tabitha Suzuma

Lochie. The boy I once loved. The boy I still love. The boy I will continue to love, even when my part in this world is over too. — Tabitha Suzuma

She can't just be a face, a body; there has to be more than that, some kind of connection. And I can't connect, don't want to connect, with anyone. — Tabitha Suzuma

Trying to describe my life and feelings to you is like trying to describe coulours to the blind, or music to the deaf. It's simply not possible. — Tabitha Suzuma

Sometimes love chooses us — Tabitha Suzuma

There are moments during the day when I just grind to a halt and simply cannot find the energy to draw another breath. — Tabitha Suzuma

You're really fond of him, aren't you," I say. My heart hurts.
"Well, he's the only brother-in-law I've got, so I'd rather hang onto him if at all possible!" Sophie replies. — Tabitha Suzuma

Anyway, what does mad mean exactly?" Rami added quickly "Aren't we all a little mad? Don't we have to be somehat mad just to go on living, to go on hoping? — Tabitha Suzuma

Years ago at music camp Harry once said to me, "He's not just a musical prodigy, you know. He's a musical genius." It comes back to me now. And I laugh when I kiss my 'musical genius' because really he's just Flynn. — Tabitha Suzuma

He has little hope that university, when he gets there next year, will be any different. Like right now, all these pupils taking notes as if their life depended on it. All for what? he wants to shout. To get into the top university, so that you can somehow convince yourself you are better than the great unwashed? So that your parents can convince themselves that they are better parents than the great unwashed? So that Mum and Dad's fourteen-hour days at the office, paying for a fucking private education you never asked for, wasn't just a pathetic waste of a life? — Tabitha Suzuma

But I don't want to be fine, not if it means she's going to let go of my hand; not if it means we're going to go back to being polite strangers. — Tabitha Suzuma

Out of the millions and millions of people that inhabit this planet, he is one of the tiny few I can never have. — Tabitha Suzuma

She presses her nose against mine, completely obscuring my view of the keyboard. I find myself staring into her large dark green eyes. Her irises are flecked with gold. I keep playing.
"Wrong note!" she cries, triumphant. — Tabitha Suzuma

I don't know when it started - this thing - bit it's growing, muffling me, suffocating me like poison ivy. I grew into it. It grew into me. We blurred at the edges, became an amorphous, seeping, crawling thing. — Tabitha Suzuma

At what point do you give up - decide enough is enough? There is only one answer really. Never. — Tabitha Suzuma

Any guy, even imaginary, would just feel like second best. Second best to what? I don't even have an image of the perfect boyfriend. I just know he must exist. Because I have all these feelings-love, longing, wanting to be touched, dreaming of being kissed-yet no one to focus them on. — Tabitha Suzuma

This is the definition of happiness: a whole day stretching out ahead of me, beautiful in its emptiness and simplicity. — Tabitha Suzuma

He's the hottest guy in school. I've fancied him for ages. I can't wait to go out with him. — Tabitha Suzuma

You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel. — Tabitha Suzuma

Family: the most important thing of all. My siblings may drive me crazy at times but they are my blood. They're all I've known. My family is me. They are my life. Without them I walk the planet alone. Forbidden, Tabitha Suzuma — Tabitha Suzuma

You cannot undo the past; you can only learn to live with it, find some way of making peace with it, and move on. — Tabitha Suzuma

And this is something I must accept - even if, like acid on metal, it is slowly corroding me inside. — Tabitha Suzuma

But whichever form it took it brought with it, in those moments of bitter anguish, such a desperate surge of hope that it was almost untouchable, and flitted away like a golden butterfly into the bright blue sky - beautiful, unreachable and completely transistent. — Tabitha Suzuma

You've always been my best friend, my soul mate, and now I've fallen in love with you too. Why is that such a crime? — Tabitha Suzuma

As the light begins to intensify, so does my misery, and I wonder how it is possible to hurt so much when nothing is wrong. — Tabitha Suzuma

Before there was anything, there was Lochan. — Tabitha Suzuma

At the age of five she has already come to terms with one of the life's harshest lessons: that the world isn't fair. — Tabitha Suzuma

Dan was picking himself up and wiping the mud from his trousers and groaning and saying to Raven "Christ, you're fast! I always used to beat everyone at obstacle courses!" and Jackie was patting him on the back and laughing and saying, "Don't worry, darling you were very good. I'm sure none of the other parents could have beaten you! — Tabitha Suzuma

The last thing you want to do is turn into a nerd like your father, nose always buried in a book, living like a tramp just to get one of those useless PhD thingies. And look where his posh Cambridge education got him - a flipping poet, for chrissakes! — Tabitha Suzuma

If I move, if I speak, if I so much as blink, I'm going to lose this battle. — Tabitha Suzuma

It's horrible being ashamed of someone you care about; it eats away at you. And if you let it get to you, if you give up the fight and surrender, eventually that shame turns to hate. — Tabitha Suzuma

He wants to run, but where? However far he goes, he will not escape, cannot escape his own loathsome self. He will always be trapped within his own body, his own mind. The emotional pain that comes with this realization is so strong, it feels physical. He senses it knotting and twisting inside his body, ready to destroy him from within. He is losing his grip, he is losing his mind. Does anyone else know what it is to be dead yet still alive? This is it. This is it . A half-world of torment, where memories frozen into oblivion slowly begin to thaw. A place where everything hurts, where your conscious mind has neither the strength to let you function in the real world, nor the power to return you to hibernation. — Tabitha Suzuma

My heart thumps as if it's ready to burst. Please let him come. Oh, please let him come." " I just have to hope. But I do hope, I hope so much it hurts." "He must be here. He must." - Jennah — Tabitha Suzuma

Willa's big blue eyes, Willa's dimpled-cheeked smile. Tiffin's shaggy blond mane, Tiffin's cheeky grin. Kit's yells of excitement, Kit's glow of pride. Maya's face, Maya's kisses, Maya's love.
Maya, Maya, Maya ... — Tabitha Suzuma

Everything hurts. He can barely lie still. He feels caught. He wants to run, but where? He feels certain he will always remain like this - trapped within his own body, his own mind. The emotional pain is so strong, it becomes physical. He feels it knotting and twisting inside him, ready to crush him, suffocate him. He is losing his grip, he is losing his mind. He thought he had it all back under control, but suddenly nothing makes sense any more. Does anyone else know what it's like to be stuck somewhere between dead and alive? I't s a half-world of incoherent pain where emotions you put on ice start slowly thawing again. A place where everything hurts, where your mind is no longer strong enough to force your feelings back into hibernation. — Tabitha Suzuma

I feel like I'm going crazy: seeing you every day but never being able to - to hold you, to touch you when anyone else is around. i just want to take your hand, kiss you, hug you, without having to hide all the time. All those things every other couple takes for granted! — Tabitha Suzuma

Nothing can relieve the pain. Not crying, laughing, screaming, begging. Nothing can change the past. — Tabitha Suzuma

The sight of such aching beauty would infuse his soul with pain. — Tabitha Suzuma

Otherwise I'll fall apart. I'm going to fall apart. I am falling apart. — Tabitha Suzuma

If I keep breathing, then I have to keep living, and if I keep living, then I have to keep hurting, and I can't - not like this. — Tabitha Suzuma

The words fire from my mouth like bullets, ricocheting off the walls before I can even register what I'm saying. — Tabitha Suzuma

This whole time, my whole life, that harsh, stony path was leading up to this one point. I followed it blindly, stumbling along the way, scraped and weary, without any idea of where it was leading, without ever realizing that with every step I was approaching the light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel. And now that I've reached it, now that I'm here, I want to catch it in my hand, hold onto it forever to look back on - the point at which my new life really began. — Tabitha Suzuma

I mean, at the end of the day, what the hell does it matter who I end up with if it can't be you? — Tabitha Suzuma

How can something so wrong feel so right? — Tabitha Suzuma

I am overcome by a feeling of complete detachment. I am a mere object to these people. I am barely human any more. — Tabitha Suzuma

Separated by so much more than distance and lifestyle, even their memories of a shared childhood have faded from their minds. — Tabitha Suzuma

He is my soul mate, my fresh air, the reason I look forward to getting up every morning. — Tabitha Suzuma

He shakes his head with a slow smile. You'd better be right. If the phone rings, I'm unpluggining it, I swear to God-"
You'd do that to your five-year-old sister?" I gasp in mock outrage.
For one whole night alone? Jesus, Maya, I'd sell her to the gypsies! — Tabitha Suzuma

I might appear confident and chatty, but I spend most of my time laughing at jokes I don't find funny, saying things I don't really mean - because at the end of the day that's what we're all trying to do: fit in, one way or another, desperately trying to pretend we're all the same. — Tabitha Suzuma

He will think Lochan wasn't loved, but he was, more deeply than most people are in a lifetime. — Tabitha Suzuma

I think I'm going to die from happiness. I think I'm going to die from pain. — Tabitha Suzuma

At the end of the day it's about how much you can bear, how much you can endure. Being together, we harm nobody; being apart, we extinguish ourselves. — Tabitha Suzuma

So that's what she was doing with the sports bag. Emptying the flat of pills so that I wouldn't kill myself. I want to laugh. You're so stupid, I want to say. There are kitchen knives, aren't there? Windows that open? Glasses which can be broken? Do you honestly think that by taking away all the pills you will somehow stop me from killing myself?
Then another thought occurs to me. That in her hurt, angry state, Jennah still had the presence of mind to do this. Don't kill yourself, she says to me through the empty drawer. Don't kill yourself over me. — Tabitha Suzuma

I would give anything to escape myself, Flynn thought, just for a day, just for a minute even. Just to know what it was like to think differently, to feel differently, and to not be me. — Tabitha Suzuma

I am sure that music was never meant to sound this harsh, this painful. — Tabitha Suzuma

It's funny how you can think you've reached rock bottom, then sink a whole lot further. — Tabitha Suzuma

What else could he possibly have done? What choices did he ever have? — Tabitha Suzuma

In some indefinable way he felt drawn to her, as if he already knew her, as if they had been close friends, soulmates even, somewhere in a previous existence. Her mere presence seemed to calm his thoughts, saving him from the vicissitudes of his mind. She appeared before him as familiar, a kindred spirit. Perhaps it was something in her face, her eyes. She seemed to know ... what, exactly, he was not sure. She seemed to understand. Or rather, he had detected in her the capacity to understand. — Tabitha Suzuma

Time has stopped; time is racing. Lochie's lips are rough yet smooth, hard yet gentle. His fingers are strong: I feel them in my hair and on my neck and down my arms and against my back. And I never want him to let me go. — Tabitha Suzuma

I close my eyes and try and shut him out. My fingers don't want to stay in time. They want to race ahead in fury, plunging into the dense fog of black notes, pulling the music out by its roots, hurling it up out of the piano and into the air. — Tabitha Suzuma

Within the grand scale of things, sitting in a classroom day after day is so utterly meaningless and pointless that it actually makes his chest hurt to think about it. — Tabitha Suzuma

And my loneliness, always my loneliness - that airless bubble of despair that is slowing stifling me. — Tabitha Suzuma

They say when you really love someone, you should be willing to set them free. So that is what I am doing. I will step back and you will move on. I will let you go ... Your happiness means everything to me. I will listen for your voice in the distance. I will look at the moon. I will keep you in my pocket. I will carry your smile with me everywhere, like a warm and comforting glow. — Tabitha Suzuma

You're so cute with your hair all gelled and spiky. You know, all I'm going to be thinking when you're on that stage is that I get to take you home with me tonight. - Jennah — Tabitha Suzuma

She reaches out for the crumpled sheet at the end of her bed and wraps it round beneath her arms. The white material swirls around her feet, making me smile. I pull on my underwear and join her by the window, kissing her cheek. 'I do.'

She looks at me questioningly and then down at the sheet before breaking into giggles.

'In sickness and in health?' she asks. 'Till death us do part?'

I shake my head. 'Way beyond that,' I say. 'For ever. — Tabitha Suzuma

Never before have I imagined my life without him - like this house, he is my only point of reference in this difficult existence, this unstable and frightening world. The thought of his leaving home fills me with a terror so strong, it takes my breath away. I feel like one of those seagulls covered in oil from a spill, drowning in a black tar of fear. — Tabitha Suzuma

They say that depression makes you see everything in a negative light. I disagree. It makes you see things for what they are. It makes you take off the fucking rose-tinted glasses and look around and see the world as it really is- cruel, harsh and unfair. It makes you see people in their true colours- stupid, shallow and self-absorbed. All that ridiculous optimism, all that carpe diem and life-is-what-you-make-of-it. Words, jsut empty words in an attempt to give meaning to an existence taht is both doomed and futile. — Tabitha Suzuma

They've cranked up the lithium so high, I can hardly see straight. I feel like a robot, my feelings have completely evaporated and I couldn't even say boo to a goose. I'm no danger to anyone."

"I'm not thinking you're a danger to anyone."

"I'm no danger to myself, then."

Rami stops, spaghetti-laden fork halfway to his mouth. There is a long pause. "Are you sure about that? — Tabitha Suzuma

Pressed up against him, I can feel the thud of his heart against mine, his ribcase expanding and contracting rapidly against my chest, the warm whisper of his breath tickling the side of my neck, the brush of his leg against my thigh. Resting my arms on his shoulders, I pull back a little to get a look at his face. But he isn't smiling any more. — Tabitha Suzuma

It's always nice being wanted. Even if it's by the wrong person. — Tabitha Suzuma

It's always nice being fancied. It's always nice being wanted. Even it it's by the wrong person. — Tabitha Suzuma

I don't understand. Why can't she just be like the other teachers? Why does she have to care? — Tabitha Suzuma