Sylvia Boorstein Quotes & Sayings

The Buddha taught complete honesty, with the extra instruction that everything a person says should be truthful and helpful. — Sylvia Boorstein

If we can keep at least a bit of the mind clear about temporality, we can mange complicated, even difficult, times with grace. — Sylvia Boorstein

One of the ways we build intimate relationships with other people is by sharing our fears with them, telling them the things that still frighten us. ...
"When we begin to appreciate the ways in which people have been frightened in their lives, we can be compassionate toward them, rather than angry [p. 97]. — Sylvia Boorstein

I understood that the teacher was not eing dismissive, that the problem would be addressed. But, without extra upset. A noncombative response, the Buddha taught, assures that pain does not become suffering. And, unclouded by the tension of struggle, the mind is able to assess clearly and respond wisely. — Sylvia Boorstein

Becoming aware of fragility, of temporality, of the fact that we will surely all be lost to one another, sooner or later, mandates a clear imperative to be totally kind and loving to each other always [p.119]. — Sylvia Boorstein

Anger is often a big problem for people who grew up in families where the overt expression of anger was an everyday occurrence. They have too much opportunity to practice anger and not enough sense of the other possibilities. Rage becomes, for them, the habitual response of the mind to unpleasant situations ... When people begin to see that anger, like any other mind energy, is just a transient phenomenon and therefore workable, they are very relieved [p. 83]. — Sylvia Boorstein

It is possible to cultivate a mind so spacious that it can be passionate and awake and responsive and involved and care about things, and noty struggle [p. 23] — Sylvia Boorstein

Safely connected to my life, and reassured of my essential goodness, I feel at ease, at home, really in the most sublime of homes. [p. 58] — Sylvia Boorstein

We are all dangling in mid-process between what already happened (which is just a memory) and what might happen (which is just an idea). Now is the only time anything happens. When we are awake in our lives, we know what's happening. When we're asleep, we don't see what's right in front of us. — Sylvia Boorstein

Here is the instruction: Only connect. Wherever you are, right now, pay attention. Forever. — Sylvia Boorstein

I am more able to recognize when my mind has gotten itself into trouble and increasingly eager to mobilize the energy to rescue it. Concentration and mindfulness, as remedies to confusion, are either self-activating ... or at least reasonably available remedies to confusion. [pp. 17-18] — Sylvia Boorstein

Life is easier without imperatives. — Sylvia Boorstein

The responses of friendliness, compassion, and appreciation that I felt ...
all situational permutations of basic goodwill
depended on my mind's being relaxed and alert enough to notice both what was happening around me and what was happening as my internal response. [p.50] — Sylvia Boorstein

My father ... used to say, 'I need my anger. It obliges me to take action.' I think my father was partly right. Anger arises, naturally, to signal disturbing situations that might require action. But actions initiated in anger perpetuate suffering. The most effective actions are those conceived in the wisdom of clarity. — Sylvia Boorstein

Here's a practice idea for right now. Choose one of those sets of phrases. ... Plan on taking some time to say those words over and over, as you would an ardent prayer. Set some time aside for this. (Fifteen minutes would be a good start.) Then sit comfortably. Later on, you can say these phrases walking about or doing chores or even riding your bike--but for now, just sit. That way you can look at the words.
"Say each phrase as if you expect it will feel different in your mind--they are slightly different wishes--and feel how each of them echoes in your mind and body. [pp. 72-73] — Sylvia Boorstein

May I feel contented and safe.
May I feel protected and pleased.
May my physical body support me with strength.
May my life unfold smoothly with ease. [p. 71] — Sylvia Boorstein

May I meet this moment fully. May I meet it as a friend. — Sylvia Boorstein

Everybody manages one way or another; everyone who is alive and reading this book has managed. — Sylvia Boorstein

Steadfast benevolence, sustained by the wisdom that anything other than benevolence is painful, protects the mind from all afflictions. — Sylvia Boorstein

My redeemer is always the person next to me. — Sylvia Boorstein

Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience.
It isn't more complicated that that.
It is opening to or recieving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is,
without either clinging to it or rejecting it. — Sylvia Boorstein

I love the phrase 'I am not afraid!' Maybe it's the best phrase we can say, other than 'I have everything I need.' Maybe they are the same. [p. 14] — Sylvia Boorstein

When people ask the Dalai Lama, "Is Buddhism a religion?" he answers, "Yes, it is." Then they ask, "What kind of religion is it?" He responds, "My religion is kindness." You might think, "Everyone's is." Everyone's is. That's true. It's not complicated to describe the goal of a spiritual life. It's easier than you think to explain it. It's more difficult than you can imagine to do it. — Sylvia Boorstein

Mindfulness, the aware, balanced acceptance of present experience, is at the heart of what the Buddha taught. — Sylvia Boorstein

Some of my most precious moments of insight have been those in which I have seen clearly that gratitude is the only possible response." (Sylvia Boorstein, from "You Don't Look Buddhist") — Sylvia Boorstein

Although I knew what issues had been most difficult for me in my life, I may not have known the depth of the feeling I had about them ... When those stories, with their feelings, returned ... I paid attention to them. What I tell people now it, 'Try to keep your mind hospitable. This needs to visit for a while. Don't be afraid.' [p. 122] — Sylvia Boorstein

If I can't see around my personal story, I'll have no way to see sit in context: This is one event in a life of events. It is whatever it is, but it is temporal. The pain is terrible, but it won't last. I can manage it. or this joy is incredible, but it won't last. Celebrate it now! [pp. 104-105] — Sylvia Boorstein

Life is painful, suffering is optional. — Sylvia Boorstein

They were struggling and often in quite a lot of pain and concern, but still, they were all right. I thought to myself as I looked around, 'What we're all doing is we're all managing gracefully.' [p.5] — Sylvia Boorstein

Everything is always changing.
"There is a cause-and-effect lawfulness that governs all unfolding experience.
"What I do matters, but I am not in charge. Suffering results from struggling with what is beyond my control. [pp. 27-28] — Sylvia Boorstein

The Buddha said that there are three times that a person should consider the consequences of any action: before, during, and after. "One should reflect thus," he said. "'Is what I am about to do . . .' or 'Is what I am currently doing . . .' or 'Is what I just did . . . for my own well-being and for the benefit of all others? — Sylvia Boorstein

Essentially, he taught that it doesn't make sense to upset ourselves about what is beyond our control. We don't get a choice about what hand we are dealt in this life. The only choice we have is our attitude about the cards we hold and the finesse with which we play our hand. — Sylvia Boorstein

Knowing ... that the struggle to create a different current reality is to no avail helps keep the attention present even when experience is painful ... the same wisdom that keeps the attention alert and present in painful circumstances includes the awareness ... that human beings feel about things, that we lament or yearn or grieve even when we understand that things can't be different. [p. 33] — Sylvia Boorstein

Imagine how our lives might be if everyone had even a bit more of the Wisdom that comes from seeing clearly. Suppose people everywhere, simultaneously, stopped what they were doing and paid attention for only as long as it took to recognize their shared humanity. Surely the heartbreak of the world's pain, visible to all, would convert everyone to kindness. What a gift that would be. — Sylvia Boorstein

If you take a deep breath and look around, 'Look what's happening to me!' can become 'Look what's happening!' And what's happening? The incredible drama of life is happening. And we're in it! — Sylvia Boorstein

Suffering is the demand that experience be different from what it is. — Sylvia Boorstein

Effort, concentration, and mindfulness are the internal ways in which the mind restores itself from being out of balance and lost in confusion to a condition of ease, clarity, and wisdom NO external action needs to happen. [p. 17] — Sylvia Boorstein

Right Understanding means feeling terrible, remembering pain is finite, and taking some solace from that remembering. And, when things are pleasant, even splendidly pleasant, remembering impermanence doesn't diminish the experience--it enhances it [p. 33] — Sylvia Boorstein

The prohibition of L'shon Hara is the Jewish equivalent of the Buddhist practice of Right Speech. — Sylvia Boorstein

Buddha also said that the Dharma, like a bird, needs two wings to fly, and that the wing that balances Wisdom is compassion. — Sylvia Boorstein

I want to feel deeply, and whenever I am brokenhearted I emerge more compassionate. I think I allow myself to be brokenhearted more easily, knowing I won't be irrevocably shattered [p. 59] — Sylvia Boorstein

The end of health or of vigor is sad. [p. 149] — Sylvia Boorstein

Life is difficult and painful, just by its very nature, not because we're doing it wrong [pp. 17-18]. — Sylvia Boorstein

People are realizing that what seemed important to them in their lives-materialism and consumerism-doesn't work at all to make a happy heart. It actually makes an unhappy heart. And an unhappy world. — Sylvia Boorstein

The Buddha taught that suffering is the extra pain in the mind that happens when we feel an anguished imperative to have things be different from how they are. We see it most clearly when our personal situation is painful and we want very much for it to change. It's the wanting very much that hurts so badly, the feeling of "I need this desperately," that paralyzes the mind. The "I" who wants so much feels isolated. Alone. — Sylvia Boorstein

I am thankful that thus far today I have not had any unkind thoughts or said any harsh words or done anything that I regret. However, now I need to get out of bed and so things may become more difficult. — Sylvia Boorstein

If I want to free myself from endless cycles of struggling with temptation, I need to keep rediscovering that the pain of the struggle is greater than the pain of the desire. If I develop the habit of restraining myself, I'll enjoy the relief of feeling the desires pass, and I'll remember that desires are not the problem. Feeling pushed around by them is. I'll continue to have desires, of course, because I'm alive, but they'll be more modest in their demands. — Sylvia Boorstein

Sadness isn't a kilesha, a habit pattern evoked by challenge. Sadness is what the mind feels when it is bereaved or bereft. All the wisdom in the world about the inevitability of change or the lawfulness of karma does not ease the heaviness in the mind that we feel when we lose someone, or something, we hold dear [p. 148]. — Sylvia Boorstein

The mind is like tofu. It tastes like whatever you marinate it in. — Sylvia Boorstein

We don't get a choice about what hand we are dealt in this life. — Sylvia Boorstein

Change and loss and sadness and grief are the shared lot of all human beings ... we are all making our way from one end of life to the other hoping
for whatever intervals of time we can manage it
to feel safe and content and strong and at ease. [p.40] — Sylvia Boorstein

Being silent for me doesn't require being in a quiet place and it doesnt mean not saying words. It means, "receiving in a balanced, noncombative way what is happening." With or without words, the hope of my heart is that it will be able to relax and acknowledge the truth of my situation with compassion. — Sylvia Boorstein

I think they paid attention to their lives and became wise. For those of us who don't arrive at wisdom naturally, meditation is one way to get there through practice. — Sylvia Boorstein

What if someone hurts you with a weapon? Wait. Think it over. You probably feel angry. That's normal. But wasn't it the stick striking your body that hurt you? Can you be angry at the stick? Of course not. Should you be angry at the wielder of the stick? Wouldn't it make more sense to be angry at the hatred in the mind of the stick wielder? If you think about it, isn't the end of hatred in the world what you want most of all? Why, then, would you add to it by giving energy to your anger? After all, it will pass on its own if left alone, especially if you respond to it with compassion. — Sylvia Boorstein

Fear doesn't frighten me as much as it used to. I know it's from clinging, and I know it will pass [p. 29]. — Sylvia Boorstein

Spirituality doesn't look like sitting down and meditating. Spirituality looks like folding the towels in a sweet way and talking kindly to the people in the family eve though you've had a rough day. — Sylvia Boorstein

The voice of Thich Nhat Hanh-friendly, patient, steadfast, confident, contemporary, and often witty-seems, to me, an intermediary big brother talking directly to me on every page saying, 'Look! It's right there in you,' the very wisdom that leads to compassion. — Sylvia Boorstein

The Buddha's criteria for Wise Speech include - in addition to the obvious expectation that speech be truthful - that it be timely, gentle, motivated by kindness, and helpful. — Sylvia Boorstein

Ultimately ... it's not the stories that determine our choices, but the stories that we continue to choose. — Sylvia Boorstein

If anger arises in the mind in response to an outside event, it's helpful to look for either the saddening or frightening aspect of that event and then take whatever measures we can to address the sadness or the fear. Knowing that negativity or aversion is a transient energy never means to ignore it. It means to see it clearly, always, and work with it wisely [p. 85]. — Sylvia Boorstein

Knowing the truth brings happiness. — Sylvia Boorstein

Dedication to goodness-dedication in response to an inner moral mandate rather than external restraint-was both the antidote to the pain and the source of great happiness. — Sylvia Boorstein

Don't just do something, sit there! — Sylvia Boorstein

I'd say, "But I'm not happy." And she'd say, "Where is it written that you're supposed to be happy all the time? — Sylvia Boorstein

The next-to-last sentence that the Buddha is reported to have spoken as he was dying, before his final sentence of encouragement to his community, was Transient are all conditioned things. — Sylvia Boorstein

The Buhha was a monastic, but the practice of mindfulness in the context of any lifestyle is one of renunciation. Every moment of mindfulness renounces the reflexive, self-protecting response of the mind in favor of clear and balanced understanding. In the light of the wisdom that comes from balanced undertanding, attachment to having things be other than what they ar falls away. — Sylvia Boorstein

Hatred will never cease by hatred, Only love will erase hatred, This is the eternal law. — Sylvia Boorstein

The delicacy, the impermanence, the emptiness of mind states. Just like the weather, they blow in and out. Good mood. Bad mood. Tranquil mood. Frazzled mood [p. 105]. — Sylvia Boorstein

Surrender means wisely accommodating ourselves to what is beyond our control. — Sylvia Boorstein

All losses are sad. The end of an important relationship is also a death. When people fall out of love with each other, or when what seemed like a solid friendship falls into ruin, the hope for a shared future
a hope that provided a context and a purpose to life
is gone. [p. 149] — Sylvia Boorstein

Heir to your own karma doesn't mean 'You get what you deserve.' I think it means 'You get what you get.' Bad things happen to good people. My happiness depending on my action means, to me, that it depends on my action of choosing compassion
for myself as well as for everyone else
rather than contention. [p.61] — Sylvia Boorstein

Concentration and mindfulness are the internal ways in which the mind restores itself from being out of balance and lost in confusion to a condition of ease, clarity, and wisdom. No external action needs to happen. — Sylvia Boorstein

When the mind is clear, behavior is always impeccable. — Sylvia Boorstein

His response is more than sensible. It reflects his understanding that evens unfold as a refelction of precise karmic order and that a benevolent response in all circumstances will be the most healing one. I think he is so universally admired becuase he exemplifies by his behavior the truth that the essence of natural mind, unclouded by greed or anger or delusion, is that of peace. — Sylvia Boorstein

The moment in which the mind acknowledge 'This isn't what I wanted, but it's what I got' is the point at which suffering disappears. Sadness might remain present, but the mind ... is free to console, free to support the mind's acceptance of the situation, free to allow space for new possibilities to come into view. [p. 29] — Sylvia Boorstein

Being trapped by fear is a form of delusion. Either I can do something or I can't. If I truly can't ... I don't do it. If I truly can, and it wold be a wholesome thing to do, I push myself [p. 39]. — Sylvia Boorstein

It is our own pain, and our own desire to be free of it, that alerts us to the suffering of the world. It is our personal discovery that pain can be acknowledged, even held lovingly, that enables us to look at the pain around us unflinchingly and feel compassion being born in us. We need to start with ourselves. — Sylvia Boorstein

May I meet each moment fully and meet it as a friend. — Sylvia Boorstein

Sometimes I think the only thing worth saying is I love you. — Sylvia Boorstein

You are in pain. Relax. Take a breath. Let's pay attention to what is happening. Then we'll figure out what to do. [p. 10] — Sylvia Boorstein

Clearly the path of mitzvot is a form of meditation. The intention to act impeccably requires complete dedication and unwavering attention. I was also impressed with LUzzato's insistence that mitzvot practice is joyful. — Sylvia Boorstein

I think a lot about Big Mind-Small Mind, expansive, wide-lens consciousness and contracted, introverted consciousness. I have moments-we all do-when just being alive is a pleasure and a miracle. They feel like moments when the shutters of the mind are open so I can look out. It also feels as if those same shutters have no hooks to fix them in an open position. One small wind and bang-they slam shut. — Sylvia Boorstein

Perhaps ... these days of less sunlight are opportunities for more contemplative time, more looking deeply to see what can only be seen in the dark. — Sylvia Boorstein

Pain is inevitable; lives come with pain. Suffering is not inevitable. If suffering is what happens when we struggle with our experience because of our inability to accept it, then suffering is an optional extra [p. 19]. — Sylvia Boorstein

We have moments of such clarity, of such appreciation of the incredible web of interconnected events that carry us from breath to breath, day to day, as long as we live-and the next moment we fret about how much we weigh. Or who we didn't send a Valentine. Or who forgot to compliment the dinner. Or whatever. — Sylvia Boorstein

When we are relaxed and reasonable content, we are naturally wise. We accept that life is unpredictable, unreliable. We say jokingly or philosophically, "Nothing is sure except death and taxes," or "God willing and the creek don't rise," reminding each other that, notwithstanding the level of planning, we are continually dealing with being surprised. We get startled. We recover. We are disappointed. We adjust. Mostly-with Wisdom intact-we manage. — Sylvia Boorstein

I would not ask you to do this practice, to undertake this path of liberation from the habits of suffering mind, unless it were a feasible path. — Sylvia Boorstein

The path of compassion leads to the development of insight. But it doesn't work to say, "Ready, set, go! Be compassionate!" Beginning any practice depends on intention. Intention depends on intuiting-at least a little bit-the suffering inherent in the human condition and the pain we feel, and cause, when we act out of confusion. It also depends on trusting-at least a little bit-in the possibility of a contented, satisfied mind. — Sylvia Boorstein

Freedom of choice is possible. Life is going to unfold however it does: pleasant or unpleasant, disappointing or thrilling, expected or unexpected, all of the above! What a relief it would be to know that whatever wave comes along, we can ride it out with grace [p. 35]. — Sylvia Boorstein

Mindfulness is attentiveness, moment to moment. What's happening right now and what's coming up in me in response to what's happening right now. Importantly, this is in the service of being able to choose wisely so that I avoid complicating my own life and the lives of others. — Sylvia Boorstein

Every single act we do has the potential of causing pain, and every single thing we do has consequences that echo way beyond what we can imagine. It doesn't mean we shouldn't act. It means we should act carefully. Everything matters [p. 41]. — Sylvia Boorstein

He did not confuse compassion with passivity. — Sylvia Boorstein

Mindfulness meditation doesn't change life. Life remains as fragile and unpredictable as ever. Meditation changes the heart's capacity to accept life as it is. It teaches the heart to be more accommodating, not by beating it into submission, but by making it clear that accommodation is a gratifying choice. — Sylvia Boorstein

Speech that compliments is, by definition, free from derision, which clouds the mind with enemies and makes it tense. Kind speech makes the mind feel safe and also glad. [p.74] — Sylvia Boorstein

I know whether or not I am confused most readily by noticing
being mindful of
my capacity for feeling caring concern ... when I feel myself in caring connection
encouraging, consoling, or appreciating
I feel the twin pleasures of clarity and goodness. It doesn't matter if the connection I feel is to myself or a person I know or people I don't know or even the whole world. The lively impulse of caring is what counts. [p. 20] — Sylvia Boorstein