Sue Johnson Quotes & Sayings

Naming an emotion begins the process of regulating it and reflecting on it. — Sue Johnson

The most functional way to regulate difficult emotions in love relationships is to share them. — Sue Johnson

When love doesn't work, we hurt. Indeed, "hurt feelings" is a precisely accurate phrase, according to psychologist Naomi Eisenberger of the University of California. Her brain imaging studies show that rejection and exclusion trigger the same circuits in the same part of the brain, the anterior cingulate, as physical pain. — Sue Johnson

The truth is that we stray and have affairs not because we are all naturally inclined to have multiple mates but because our bond with our partner is either inherently weak or has deteriorated so far that we are unbearably lonely. We haven't understood love or known how to repair it. So, confused and lost in a world that sells sex aggressively as the be-all and end-all of a relationship, the only obvious "solution" has been to seek out new lovers to try to create the longed-for connection. — Sue Johnson

In insecure relationships, we disguise our vulnerabilities so our partner never really sees us. — Sue Johnson

Love has an immense ability to help heal the devastating wounds that life sometimes deals us. Love also enhances our sense of connection to the larger world. Loving responsiveness is the foundation of a truly compassionate, civilized society. — Sue Johnson

Seeking out and giving support are so vital to human beings that social psychologists Mario Mikulincer and Phil Shaver observe that, rather than being called Homo sapiens, or "one who knows," we should be named Homo auxiliator vel accipio auxilium, or "one who helps or receives help." To be even more accurate, I say we should be called Homo vinculum - "one who bonds. — Sue Johnson

Being the "best you can be" is really only possible when you are deeply connected to another. Splendid isolation is for planets, not people. — Sue Johnson