Stuart MacBride Quotes & Sayings

Steel squared her shoulders. "Ladies, and gentlemen, are are no' at home to Mr Fuckup today. Who are we no' at home to?"

The response wasn't much more than an embarrassed murmur. "Mr Fuckup."

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! WHO ARE WE NO' AT HOME TO?"

Better this time: "Mr Fuckup."

"ONE MORE TIME!"

They bellowed it out: "WE ARE NOT AT HOME TO MR FUCKUP!"

"Damn right we're no'." She smiled, nodded. "Now get out there and catch me those bloody killers. — Stuart MacBride

shook his head, sending his jowls wobbling. 'No chance.' He checked his watch. 'Show doesn't — Stuart MacBride

WPC Buchan might not know much about art, but she knew what gave her the fucking willies, and these things took the hairy biscuit. — Stuart MacBride

So, are you two shagging yet?' He stuck two fingers up at her. 'Did you have to rip a strip off Robertson and Weatherford in front of everyone? Poor sods are doing their best.' 'Come on, I saw her checking you out all through the briefing. Yesterday she thought you were a two-foot wide skidmark on the hand-towel of life, now she's throwing you meaningful glances like they're on buy-one-get-one-free.' Steel grinned. 'You shagged her, didn't you?' 'She's my sister. OK?' 'You shagged your sister? You're disgusting. Told Susan we shouldn't have got you that boxed set of Game of Thrones.' He stood. 'You know what? I'm glad your ribs hurt. Serves you right.' Snow-covered — Stuart MacBride

Blah, blah, blah, regret to inform you that DI Gray has tendered his resignation; blah, blah, blah; opportunity to reward performance; blah, blah, blah; suggestions by next Wednesday.

McPherson had scribbled, "BEATTIE?" in the margin in red biro.

Idiot.

Logan stuck the memo back in the drawer. Detective Sergeant Beattie couldn't arrest his own backside with three patrol cars and a search warrant. — Stuart MacBride

Ina stood and shuffled over tot he urn on the fireplace. Stroked it with a twisted finger. "How are we supposed to get more consecrated soil, now? Taxi drivers always look at you so strangely when you get in with a shovel and say, 'Take me to the nearest graveyard. — Stuart MacBride

Must be nice to be a seagull. You eat, you sleep, you shag, and if you're having a bad day you can shite on everyone from a great height. Doesn't even have to be a bad day, you can do it just for fun. — Stuart MacBride

Logan glanced at the clock on the cooker: nearly five minutes fast. The room was bathed in the pale orange glow of the overcast sky, the back garden a jungle of silhouettes and shadows through the window. He filled the kettle, then poured half of it out, before sticking it on to boil. The growing rumble drowned out the babble on his Airwave handset as DI Bell got his firearms team into place. — Stuart MacBride

Finnie kicked a packet of washing powder. "Why am I surrounded by morons? Did I tick the wrong bloody box for room service? I wanted scrambled eggs on toast, but they delivered a family-sized bag of idiots! — Stuart MacBride

The day was dark as a lawyer's soul. — Stuart MacBride

Guthrie handed him the mug, a wee pout pulling his pale face out of shape. With his semi-skimmed skin, faint ginger hair, and blond eyebrows he looked like a ghost that had been at the pies. "Milk, two sugars. — Stuart MacBride

Nah, mostly they're just students. Bit of weed, bit of booze, bit of studying, bit of pining away in their rooms wondering why nobody wants to shag them. — Stuart MacBride

A thoughtful pause and then: 'Maybe to make it easy to find, but look like it's hard to find, so you'd find it but think it wasn't meant to be found, even though you only really found it because someone wanted it to be found?' Logan — Stuart MacBride

What about Ding-Dong?"

"Detective Inspector Bell couldn't find his arse with both hands if you duct-taped them to it. Come on. — Stuart MacBride

Where Insch was bald, Steel looked as if someone had sellotaped a Cairn terrier to her head. Rumour had it she was only forty-two, but she looked a lot older. Years of chain smoking had left her face looking like a holiday home for lines and wrinkles. — Stuart MacBride

Logan battered to the end of 'Started Out With Nothin', drove in silence for a minute, then launched into 'Living Is a Problem Because Everything Dies'. Making up half of the words as he went along. — Stuart MacBride