Seth Grahame-Smith Quotes & Sayings

My men have suffered greatly (from boredom), much blood has been shed (by mosquitoes), and I have swung my ax mightily (chopping firewood). Surely we have earned our place in the annals of history - for never has there been so little war in a war. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Captivated by youth and beauty, and that appearance of good humour which youth and beauty generally give — Seth Grahame-Smith

Try telling a starving vampire to control himself when there's warm blood on his lips. You'd have as much luck telling a burning man not to scream. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Judge them not equally. — Seth Grahame-Smith

I am a foe to tyrants, and my country's friend. — Seth Grahame-Smith

The true roll in determing to embrace or reject anything is not whether it have any evil in it but whether it have more of evil than of good. There are few things wholly evil or wholly good. — Seth Grahame-Smith

It was a sort of peace I have rarely enjoyed since. As if we were the only two souls on earth - all of nature ours to enjoy. I wondered why a creator who had dreamt such beauty would have slandered it with such evil. Such grief. Why He had not been content to leave it unspoilt. I still wonder. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Seeing the way his trousers clung to those most English parts. — Seth Grahame-Smith

I shall never relinquish my sword for a ring. The right man wouldn't ask me to. — Seth Grahame-Smith

'Pride and Prejudice' - perhaps more than any other Jane Austen book - is engrained in our literary consciousness. — Seth Grahame-Smith

That righteous anger quickly sharpens into determination. Determination, of course, being nothing more than anger with brakes and a steering wheel. — Seth Grahame-Smith

There are but two types of men who desire war: those who haven't the slightest intention of fighting it themselves, and those who haven't the slightest idea what it is. ... Any man who has seen the face of death knows better than to seek him out a second time. — Seth Grahame-Smith

If you're a teenaged babysitter caring for a mute toddler in a remote Maine cabin during a once-in-a-century blizzard while and escaped killers (bearing a strange resemblance to the handicapped boy you and your friends bulled of an embankment and left for dead all those years ago) roams the woods, you're probably in a horror movie. — Seth Grahame-Smith

I'm a big, bombastic novelist and thrill-ride guy. I'm never going to win the National Book Award. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Put the car in "d" set the compass to "n" and get the "f"out of there — Seth Grahame-Smith

Abraham," he said. "I'm pleased to see you alive, old friend."
"And I to see you dead. — Seth Grahame-Smith

see, to be upon the spot to share with — Seth Grahame-Smith

This is a most unfortunate affair, and will probably be much talked of. But we must stem the tide of idle chatter, and pour into our wounded bosoms the soothing balm of vengeance. — Seth Grahame-Smith

How shall I ever sleep again knowing she is out there in the night? How shall I ever keep another thought in my head when she is all I care to think about? — Seth Grahame-Smith

In the real world, babysitting is a groovy way for young people to learn responsibility (and earn a little pocket money).
In the Terrorverse, it's a plot device used to kill teenagers. — Seth Grahame-Smith

The bottom half of the page had descended into a doodle of a tiny man giving the middle finger to a giant, angry eagle with razor-sharp talons. Beneath it, the caption: To Mock a Killing Bird. — Seth Grahame-Smith

It is a strange thing how quickly the body dies. How fragile a force our presence is. In an instant the soul is gone - leaving an empty, insignificant vessel in its stead. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Henry O. Sturges, born in England, March 2nd, 1563. Landed at Roanoke, July 27th, 1587. Friend to the American Revolution, present at the Battles of Trenton and Yorktown, staunch supporter of the North in its hour of need, adviser to presidents, a decorated soldier who distinguished himself in the trenches of the Great War, and member of the Union Brotherhood - a collective of vampires dedicated to preserving the freedom of man and his dominion over the earth. — Seth Grahame-Smith

And though it would not be long before even the daft Mr. Collins would discover her condition, and be forced to behead her, she did not seem to ask for compassion. Her home and her housekeeping, her parish and her poultry, and her ever deepening lust for tender morsels of savory brains had not yet lost their charm. — Seth Grahame-Smith

But I promise you ... this country will never be destroyed from the outside. Not by any ideology or foreign power ... and certainly not by you. — Seth Grahame-Smith

The business of Mr. Bennett's life was to keep his daughters alive. The business of Mrs. Bennett's was to get them married. — Seth Grahame-Smith

She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humor at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men.
As Mr. Darcy walked off, Elizabeth felt her blood turn cold. She had never in her life been so insulted. The warrior code demanded she avenge her honour. Elizabeth reached down to her ankle, taking care not to draw attention. There, her hand met the dagger concealed beneath her dress. She meant to follow this proud Mr. Darcy outside and open his throat. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Halloween, the one night when we embrace the darkness from which all of America is descended. October is the gateway to the wonderful, mystical finale of the American year. A place where life ends and the celebration of life briefly begins. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Did this fat little priest mean to take her as a wife? She was horrified at the thought of marrying of man whose only skill with a blade was cutting slivers of gorgonzola. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Nothing kills a vampire as quickly as the past. — Seth Grahame-Smith

My job on 'Dark Shadows' was to make it fun and funny, first and foremost. It can still be dark and it can still even be gory and gothic at times, but it also needed to be fun and it needed to be an experience that people would enjoy having. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Prolonging death was akin to prolonging an orgasm. The closer you could bring the victim to the finish line without crossing it, the better it — Seth Grahame-Smith

Some people say "if we split up,we can cover more ground"-with blood — Seth Grahame-Smith

I've always enjoyed reading history, particularly presidential biographies. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Most men have no purpose but to exist, Abraham; to pass quietly through history as minor characters upon a stage they cannot even see — Seth Grahame-Smith

Of all the weapons in the world, love is the most dangerous. — Seth Grahame-Smith

An empty theater is a promise unfulfilled.In a few hours, everything around him would be light and noise. Laughter and applause. Colorful people packed together in their colorful finery. Tonight, the promise would be fulfilled. And then, after the curtain came down and the gaslights were snuffed out, there would be darkness again. That was the beauty of it. That was theater. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Miss Bingley was left to the satisfaction of having forced him to say what gave no one any pain but herself. — Seth Grahame-Smith

I want to be judged harshly because that forces me to really sit down and focus. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Don't be alarmed, Mr. Sturges. Some of my closest friends are dead. — Seth Grahame-Smith

From this moment on, nothing is what it seems. You're not a human being, you're a character- and filmmakers are doing everything in their power to kill you even now.
Supernatural powers and curses are real, and numbers like 666 and 237 can kill you just as easily as a butch knife.
Log cabins are slaughterhouses, cornstalks are antennas for evil, and aliens never, ever come in peace. — Seth Grahame-Smith

He was a cowboy with the soul of a poet. To this day, he is the most American American I've ever met. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Real power comes not from hate, but from truth. — Seth Grahame-Smith

I dare say she means to keep you from his attentions. Your honour demands she be slain. — Seth Grahame-Smith

And when this intoxication has worn away ... when every desire is fulfilled and every language learned- when there are no more distant cities to explore; no classics to be studied; not another coin to be stuffed in to one's coffers- what then? One can have all the comforts of the world, but what use are they if there is no comfort in them? — Seth Grahame-Smith

A few of the guests, who had the misfortune of being too near the windows, were seized and feasted on at once. When Elizabeth stood, she saw Mrs. Long struggle to free herself as two female dreadfuls bit into her head, cracking her skull like a walnut, and sending a shower of dark blood spouting as high as the chandeliers.
As guests fled in every direction, Mr. Bennet's voice cut through the commotion. "Girls! Pentagram of Death!"
Elizabeth immediately joined her four sisters, Jane, Mary, Catherine, and Lydia in the center of the dance floor. Each girl produced a dagger from her ankle and stood at the tip of an imaginary five-pointed star. From the center of the room, they began stepping outward in unison - each thrusting a razor-sharp dagger with one hand, the other hand modestly tucked into the small of her back. — Seth Grahame-Smith

I like my zombies slow and I like my zombies stupid. — Seth Grahame-Smith

It is the sort of suffering that cannot be done justice with words. I can say only this - that I suspect it is an anguish from which one never recovers. A walking death. — Seth Grahame-Smith

America is thataway, Mr. Lincoln," laughed Davis, pointing north. "You're in Mississippi now. — Seth Grahame-Smith

An accomplished woman is one who has a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing and the modern languages; she must be well trained in the fighting styles of the Kyoto masters and the modern tactics and weaponry of Europe. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Your quarrel is with God. I merely wish to offer Him the opportunity to judge you. — Seth Grahame-Smith

First I become flush with righteous anger, which, if you must be angry, is the very best kind. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Tell you now children - you're all gonna die. No hand stamp reentry, no refund, no lie. - Found written on a bathroom stall in Disneyland, June 6th, 1988 — Seth Grahame-Smith

Yes," thought Elizabeth, "a summer with so few balls would be miserable indeed for a girl who thinks of little else. — Seth Grahame-Smith

What makes a good book and what makes a good movie are totally different things. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Bottom half of the page had descended into a doodle of a tiny man giving the middle finger to a giant, angry eagle with razor-sharp talons. Beneath it, the caption: To Mock a Killing Bird. Sadly, this was the best idea I'd had in weeks. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Jane and Elizabeth tried to explain that all five of them were capable of fending for themselves; that they could make tolerable fortunes as bodyguards, assassins, or mercenaries if need be. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Elizabeth, having rather expected to affront him, was amazed at his gallantry; and Darcy had never been so bewitched by any woman as he was by her. He really believed, that were it not for the inferiority of her connections, he should be in some danger of falling in love, and were it not for his considerable skill in the deadly arts, that he should be in danger of being bested by hers
for never had he seen a lady more gifted in the ways of vanquishing the undead. — Seth Grahame-Smith

These fools who haven't the slightest idea how to live the morals they espouse. These fools who proclaim themselves men of God, yet show not the slightest reverance to His word ... Is it any different from a drunkard preaching temperance? A whore preaching modesty? — Seth Grahame-Smith

All I ask is that my final months be happy ones, and that I be permitted a husband who will see to my proper Christian beheading and burial. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Of all weapons in the world, I now know love to be the most dangerous. For I have suffered a mortal wound. When did I fall so deeply under your spell, Miss Bennet? I cannot fix the hour or the spot or the look or the words which lay the foundation. I was in the middle before I knew I began. But a proud fool I was. I have faced the harsh truth: that I can never hope to win your love in this life. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Movie characters rarely get to think out loud or talk very much about their emotions. Instead they have to, very briefly, show their feelings through their action or through dialog. — Seth Grahame-Smith

The prophecy is clear, Your Highness. The Messiah shall topple all the kingdoms of the world. Even yours. — Seth Grahame-Smith

I wrote one terrible manuscript after another for a decade and I guess they gradually got a little less terrible. But there were many, many unpublished short stories, abandoned screenplays and novels ... a Library of Congress worth of awful literature. — Seth Grahame-Smith

There was one vampire, however, who refused to leave ... who believed that the dream of a nation of immortals was still within reach - so long as Abraham Lincoln was dead. His name was John Wilkes Booth. FIG.3E - JOHN WILKES BOOTH (SEATED) POSES FOR A PORTRAIT WITH CONFEDERATE PRESIDENT JEFFERSON DAVIS IN RICHMOND, CIRCA 1863. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Living men are bound by time ... Thus, their lives have an urgency. This gives them ambition. Makes them choose those things that are most important, cling more tightly to that which they hold dear. Their lives have seasons, and rites of passage, and consequences. And ultimately, an end. But what of a life with no urgency? What then of ambition? What then of love? — Seth Grahame-Smith

It was this weird confrontation of these two delicious flavors that got me consciously or subconsciously combining Lincoln and vampires as an observational in-joke with myself. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Without death, life is meaningless. It is a story that can never be told.A song that can never be sung. For how would one finish? - Henry, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter — Seth Grahame-Smith

My dear, do not give way to such gloomy thoughts. Let us hope for better things. Let us flatter ourselves that Mr. Collins, who seems always eager to talk of Heaven, may be dispatched there by a horde of zombies before I am dead. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Elizabeth: "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?"
Darcy: "They belong to you, Miss Bennett. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Without death,' he answered, 'life is meaningless. It is a story that can never be told. A song that can never be sung. For how would one finish it? — Seth Grahame-Smith

Every service had a price. Every object a value. If someone made you a sword, you paid him the appropriate amount or traded something of equal value with him. If a man saved your life, you either paid him the amount you considered that life worth, or you saved his in return. Until either of those things was transacted, you were in his debt. It was business. And if Balthazar believed in anything with religious fervor, it was that. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Some novels present a story form many points of view. Most movies tell only one person's side of the story. Sometime it's easy to use the strongest point of view, or find the character with the most dramatic experience. It depends on which themes the scriptwriter wants to explore. — Seth Grahame-Smith

I understand exactly what I am. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Men have enslaved each other since they invented gods to forgive them for doing it. — Seth Grahame-Smith

I leave you, hoping that the lamp of liberty will burn in your bosoms until there shall no longer be a doubt that all mean are created free and equal. — Seth Grahame-Smith

The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied with it. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Miss Todd, I want to dance with you in the worst way. — Seth Grahame-Smith

She remembered the lead ammunition in her pocket and offered it to him. "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?" He reached out and closed her hand around them, and offered, "They belong to you, Miss Bennet. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Father may have been wanting in some things, but here he was masterful. Night upon night, I marveled at his power to hold listeners in rapt attention. He could tell a story with such detail, such flourish, that afterwards a man could swear it had been his own memory, and not a tale at all. — Seth Grahame-Smith

We must fight for our country and forget our differences. There can be but two parties: the party of patriots and the party of traitors ... — Seth Grahame-Smith

The one thing people loved more than an outlaw was seeing him punished. — Seth Grahame-Smith

But I am happy. And happiness, I have decided, is a noble ambition. — Seth Grahame-Smith

So long as this country is cursed with slavery, so too will it be cursed with vampires. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Surely life has taught you that a thing can be both beautiful and vile. — Seth Grahame-Smith

When she remembered the haughty style of his address, she dreamt of watching his eyes glaze over as she choked the life from his body; — Seth Grahame-Smith

It's absurd to think of 'Pride and Prejudice,' this classic, beloved book, beset with a zombie uprising. The goal is to make you suspend your disbelief enough to allow you to get lost in the story and believe what you're reading for a while. — Seth Grahame-Smith

No ninjas! How was that possible? Five daughters brought up at home without any ninjas! I never heard of such a thing. Your mother must have been quite a slave to your safety. — Seth Grahame-Smith

I fear that a life of death has made me numb to both. — Seth Grahame-Smith

According to the laws of early twenty-first century cinema, anyone speaking Japanese is in a horror movie. If — Seth Grahame-Smith

He begged to know to which of his fair cousins the excellency of its cookery was owing.
Briefly forgetting her manners, Mary grabbed her fork and leapt from her chair onto the table. Lydia, who was seated nearest her, grabbed her ankle before she could dive at Mr. Collins and, presumably, stab him about the head and neck for such an insult. — Seth Grahame-Smith

This is one hell of a suicide note.
THE SUICIDE SOLILOQUY-
Yes! I've resolved the deed to do,
And this the place to do it;
The heart I'll rush a dagger through
Though I in hell should rue it!
Sweet steel! Come forth from out your sheath,
And glist'ning, speak your powers;
Rip up the organs of my breath,
And draw my blood in showers!
I strike! It quivers in that heart
Which drives me to this end;
I draw and kiss the bloody dart,
My last-my only friend! — Seth Grahame-Smith

And though we have all the comforts of the world, we find no comfort in them. — Seth Grahame-Smith

I nearly broke out laughing when the wrteched soothsayer warned Caesar: "Beware the Ides of April." I thought it a miracle (and a relief) that no one in the udience had snickered or yelled out a correction. How could such an error be made by an actor? Had my ears deceived me? — Seth Grahame-Smith

She delivered a vicious blow, penetrating his rib cage, and withdrew her hand - with the ninja's still-beating heart in it. As all but Lady Catherine turned away in disgust, Elizabeth took a bite, letting the blood run down her chin and onto her sparring gown. "Curious," said Elizabeth, still chewing. "I have tasted many a heart, but I dare say, I find the Japanese ones a bit tender."
Her ladyship left the dojo without giving compliment to Elizabeth's skills. — Seth Grahame-Smith

History remembers Abe's towering intellect but forgets that, in those days, he was more towering than intellectual. — Seth Grahame-Smith

Elizabeth sheathed her sword, knelt behind him, and strangled him to death with his own large bowel. — Seth Grahame-Smith

I know of nobody that is coming, I am sure, unless Charlotte Lucas should happen to call in- and I am sure my dinners are good enough for her, since she is an unmarried woman of seven-and-twenty, and as such should expect little more than a crust of bread washed down with a cup of loneliness. — Seth Grahame-Smith

On the contrary, there is something pleasing about his mouth when he
speaks. And there is something of dignity in the way his trousers cling to those most English parts
of him. — Seth Grahame-Smith