Scott Adams Quotes & Sayings

When you can release on your ego long enough to view your perceptions as incomplete or misleading, it gives you the freedom to imagine new and potentially more useful ways of looking at the world. — Scott Adams

Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does. — Scott Adams

I try to avoid giving advice. — Scott Adams

Pessimism is often a failure of imagination. — Scott Adams

Everything he talked about had a kind of logic to it, but so do many things that are nonsense. — Scott Adams

If eating a healthy diet feels unpleasant, you're doing it wrong. And you're wasting your limited stockpile of willpower. — Scott Adams

Because everything you perceive is a metaphor for
something your brain is not equipped to fully understand.
God is as real as the clothes you are wearing and the chair
you are sitting in. They are all metaphors for something you
will never understand. — Scott Adams

Hard work is rewarding. Taking credit for other people's hard work is rewarding and faster. — Scott Adams

Successwise, you're better off being good at two complementary skills than being excellent at one. — Scott Adams

Reality is overrated and impossible to understand with any degree of certainty. What you do know for sure is that some ways of looking at the world work better than others. Pick the way that works, even if you don't know why. — Scott Adams

Before 'Dilbert,' I tried to become a computer programmer. In the early days of computing, I bought this big, heavy, portable computer for my house. I spent two years nights and weekends trying to write games that I thought I would sell. Turns out I'm not that good a programmer, so that was two years that didn't work out. — Scott Adams

If you give an ant infinite time, it can move a mountain all by itself. — Scott Adams

Remember, freedom is always taken, never given. — Scott Adams

By the early-afternoon hours, if your brain is normal, it's running strictly on inertia and reflex. All you can do during those hours are the things that are exactly like other things you've done in similar situations. Creativity is out of the question. You might argue that you don't notice any difference in your thinking during the afternoon. That's because you're too dazed to notice anything during those hours. I'm sure it's true for me; I believe you could set my eyebrows on fire during the afternoon and I wouldn't notice until sometime the next morning. — Scott Adams

The elderly are spooky when they degenerate into
reflections of their younger selves. They say things that
make sense on some grammatical level, but it's not always
connected to reality. — Scott Adams

If you mine the data hard enough, you can also find messages from God. [Dogbert] — Scott Adams

There's nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms. — Scott Adams

Dilbert: Evolution must be true because it is a logical conclusion of the scientific method.
Dogbert: But science is based on the irrational belief that because we cannot perceive reality all at once, things called time and cause and effect exist.
Dilbert: That's what I was taught and that's what I believe.
Dogbert: Sounds cultish. — Scott Adams

You're wasting your time if you try to make someone see reason when reason is not influencing the decision. — Scott Adams

When you understand the power of honest praise (as opposed to bullshitting, flattery, and sucking up), you realize that withholding it borders on immoral. — Scott Adams

Free yourself from the shackles of an oppressive reality. What's real to you is what you imagine and what you feel. If you manage your illusions wisely, you might get what you want, but you won't necessarily understand why it worked. — Scott Adams

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. — Scott Adams

How did people steal before computers? - Dogbert — Scott Adams

Many, if not most, career opportunities come to you through people you know. So the more people you know, the more opportunities you have. Improving your social network is a great example of a system for moving from lower odds to better odds without having a specific goal. — Scott Adams

As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny. — Scott Adams

There's a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call that the Weasel Zone and it's where most of life happens. — Scott Adams

Women believe that men are, in a sense, defective versions of women, Men believe that women are defective versions of men. Both genders are trapped in a
delusion that their personal viewpoints are universal. That viewpoint - that each gender is a defective version of the
other - is the root of all misunderstandings. — Scott Adams

My investments have been hurt. — Scott Adams

The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly. — Scott Adams

Awareness does not come from receiving new information. It comes from rejecting old information. — Scott Adams

I don't read the news to find truth, as that would be a foolish waste of time. I read the news to broaden my exposure to new topics and patterns that make my brain more efficient in general and to enjoy myself, because learning interesting things increases my energy and makes me feel optimistic. Don't think of the news as information. Think of it as a source of energy. — Scott Adams

I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer's cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw. — Scott Adams

The past exists only in your
mind," he said. "Likewise, the future exists only in your
mind because it has not happened. — Scott Adams

If your goal is to lose 10 pounds, you may wake up each day with failure in mind because the goal is hard to reach, and you are progressing only by small amounts. It takes up all your willpower. I recommend that instead of a goal, you have a system. — Scott Adams

E-books are impervious to analogy. — Scott Adams

For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson. — Scott Adams

I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero. — Scott Adams

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart. — Scott Adams

Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there's no limit to what you can achieve. — Scott Adams

The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up. — Scott Adams

How can one part be more important if each part is completely necessary? — Scott Adams

Great minds don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions. — Scott Adams

No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot. — Scott Adams

I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information. — Scott Adams

We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings. — Scott Adams

Beware of advice about successful people and their methods. For starters, no two situations are alike. Your dreams of creating a dry-cleaning empire won't be helped by knowing that Thomas Edison liked to take naps. — Scott Adams

In the long run, any system that depends on your willpower will fail. — Scott Adams

No matter how many times I visit New York City, I am always struck by the same thing - a yellow taxicab. — Scott Adams

The marketing department uses many advanced techniques to match products and buyers in a way that mximizes profits. For example, they give away keychains. — Scott Adams

If, as you say, our minds are delusion
generators, then we're all like blind and deaf sea captains
shouting orders into the universe and hoping it makes a difference.
We have no way of knowing what really works and
what merely seems to work. So doesn't it make sense to try
all the things that appear to work even if we can't be sure? — Scott Adams

Goal-oriented people exist in a state of continuous presuccess failure at best, and permanent failure at worst if things never work out. Systems people succeed every time they apply their systems, in the sense that they did what they intended to do. The goals people are fighting the feeling of discouragement at each turn. The systems people are feeling good every time they apply their system. — Scott Adams

I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination. — Scott Adams

Frankly, I'm suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue. — Scott Adams

Ideas are cheap. A dime a dozen, as they say. It's the implementation that's important! The trick isn't just to have a computer game idea, but to actually create it! — Scott Adams

Beware the advice of successful people; they do not seek company. — Scott Adams

Always Postpone Meetings with Time-wasting Morons — Scott Adams

The ability to work hard and make sacrifices comes naturally to those who know exactly what they want. — Scott Adams

Simple molecules combine to make powerful chemicals. Simple cells combine to make powerful life-forms. Simple electronics combine to make powerful computers. Logically, all things are created by a combination of simpler, less capable components. Therefore, a supreme being must be in our future, not our origin. What if "God" is the consciousness that will be created when enough of us are connected by the Internet?!! — Scott Adams

He was tenser than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day. — Scott Adams

When virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed. — Scott Adams

Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting. — Scott Adams

Mockery is an important social tool for squelching stupidity. I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked. — Scott Adams

Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness. — Scott Adams

Failure always brings something valuable with it. I don't let it leave until I extract that value. — Scott Adams

There was only one creature smarter than all of those doctors put together: the Internet. (Yes, it's a creature, okay?) I — Scott Adams

I calculated the total time that humans have waited for web pages to load. It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age. Sometimes I think the web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society. — Scott Adams

Happiness has more to do with where you are heading than where you are. — Scott Adams

You don't have to be a person of influence to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me. — Scott Adams

If you believe people use reason for the important decisions in life, you will go through life feeling confused and frustrated that others seem to have bad reasoning skills. The reality is that reason is just one of the drivers of our decisions, and often the smallest one. Recently — Scott Adams

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant. — Scott Adams

In most groups the craziest person is in control. It starts because no one wants the problems that come from pissing off a crazy person. It's just smarter and easier sometimes to let the crazy person have his or her way. — Scott Adams

A woman needs to be told that you would sacrifice anything for her. A man needs to be told he is being useful. When the man or woman strays from that formula, the other loses trust. When trust is lost, communication falls apart. — Scott Adams

I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened. — Scott Adams

I've long seen failure as a tool, not an outcome. — Scott Adams

Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write a sentence. The advantage of this method is that you end up with something for which you will not be personally blamed. — Scott Adams

one of the primary factors in determining your energy level, and therefore your mood, is what you've eaten recently.* — Scott Adams

There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color. — Scott Adams

One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead. — Scott Adams

Skeptics," he said, "suffer from the skeptics' disease
the problem of being right too often. — Scott Adams

You've heard the old saying that knowledge is power. But knowledge of psychology is the purest form of that power. No matter what you're doing or how well you're doing it, you can benefit from a deeper understanding of how the mind interprets its world using only the clues that somehow find a way into your brain through the holes in your skull. When — Scott Adams

I'm a poor artist. Through brute force, I brought myself up to mediocre. I've never taken a writing class, but I can write okay. — Scott Adams

Science is a good thing. News reporters are good things too. But it's never a good idea to put them in the same room. — Scott Adams

Dogbert: Scientists have discovered the gene that makes some people love golf.
Dilbert: How can they tell it's the golf gene?
Dogbert: It's plaid and it lies. — Scott Adams

Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words. — Scott Adams

Happiness is nothing but good health and freedom, and money is the single best way you can buy your freedom. — Scott Adams

When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids. — Scott Adams

over the years I have cultivated a unique relationship with failure. I invite it. I survive it. I appreciate it. And then I mug the shit out of it. — Scott Adams

The system-versus-goals model can be applied to most human endeavors. In the world of dieting, losing twenty pounds is a goal, but eating right is a system. In the exercise realm, running a marathon in under four hours is a goal, but exercising daily is a system. In business, making a million dollars is a goal, but being a serial entrepreneur is a system. — Scott Adams

The only risk of failure is promotion. — Scott Adams

Managing your personal energy is like managing budgets in a company. — Scott Adams

I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time. — Scott Adams

These days it seems like any idiot with a laptop computer can churn out a business book and make a few bucks. That's certainly what I'm hoping. It would be a real letdown if the trend changed before this masterpiece goes to print. — Scott Adams

If you work in the city long enough, it begins to deal with you on a personal level. Streets reveal their moods. Sometimes the signal light loves you. Sometimes they fight you. When you're hunting for a new building, you hope the city is on your side. You have to use a little bit of thinking
you might call it the process of elimination
and you need a little bit of instinct, but not too much of either. If you think too hard, you overshoot your target and end up at the Pier or the Tenderloin. If you relax and let the city help, the destination does all the work for you. — Scott Adams

Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing. — Scott Adams

A lack of fear of embarrassment is what allows one to be proactive. It's what makes a person take on challenges that others write off as too risky. It's what makes you take the first step before you know what the second step is. I'm not a fan of physical risks, but if you can't handle the risk of embarrassment, rejection, and failure, you need to learn how, and studies suggest that is indeed a learnable skill.1 As — Scott Adams

Home is pretty utopian. — Scott Adams

Your shower is ready - I turned it on last night. — Scott Adams

Priority-wise, it simply makes sense to take care of yourself before you start searching for a higher meaning. You aren't much good to anyone else if you're unhealthy, a financial burden, or an emotional basket case. Fix yourself before you turn outward. It's best for everyone. — Scott Adams

One of the most important tricks for maximizing your productivity involves matching your mental state to the task. — Scott Adams

The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that
helps him get through the day — Scott Adams