Samantha Bee Quotes & Sayings

Don't judge me. I made a lot of money. — Samantha Bee

Sex with my first boyfriend was a little bit like learning how to put in a tampon, but only half as enjoyable! — Samantha Bee

I hate birthdays. I thought that I only hated my own birthday, and then I realized that I hate my children's birthdays too. — Samantha Bee

I dislike Ted Cruz as much as the next everyone. But that's no reason to be rude to Ted's loving wife and possible hostage. — Samantha Bee

I'm capable of living in the moment. And I'm especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people's moments. — Samantha Bee

I think NASCAR's coming to Canada now so it'll take on a whole new relevance. Be afraid. — Samantha Bee

I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of information. — Samantha Bee

My apartment is the equivalent of one room in my Toronto home. Now I understand why New Yorkers are on the streets at all hours. People don't want to stay inside for fear they'll go crazy. — Samantha Bee

I continue to be very shy. I think a lot of actors and performers are really weird, shy people working it out onstage. I don't know why that is. — Samantha Bee

It was only a few years ago that I couldn't get hired to save my life. — Samantha Bee

There are some people who believe that these are not real stories with real people, but they actually are. — Samantha Bee

I think the show does better with newsmakers and politicians than it does with actors. — Samantha Bee

If I could live in New York the rest of my life, I absolutely would, but it's also prohibitively expensive and you have to be working. New York is a lot nicer when you have a job. — Samantha Bee

And since I was basically being raised by senior citizens at the time, my physical activity was limited to driving around the park to look at the trees, driving to the lake to look at the lake, and driving to the mall to look at coats that were "car length." My — Samantha Bee

I was totally unknown in the television and film industry in Canada. — Samantha Bee

Our family car was the antithesis of designs and desirability. It was like driving Hitler's moustache. — Samantha Bee

If it wasn't for what goes on in the world of politics, we wouldn't really have much of a show. — Samantha Bee

I'm shy, but I'm not clinically shy. I don't have social anxiety disorder or anything like that. I more have a gentle shyness. Like, I have a little trouble mingling at parties. — Samantha Bee

It is so expensive to take care of my hair and keep it looking like I was born with it, when my real hair is the color of rat fur. — Samantha Bee

I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show. — Samantha Bee

I believe in breakfast. It's the one meal that my kids usually eat without a fuss, so that's huge. As for myself, I can't function without it, and I see it as a great way to get some healthy greens in, some coffee, and on a good day, maybe even some news of the world via the newspaper. — Samantha Bee

The best part about poker is there's no down side. — Samantha Bee

A lot of funny stuff happens in Canada. — Samantha Bee

I get maximum satisfaction out of buying children's clothes online. — Samantha Bee

I am a cookbook fanatic. — Samantha Bee

Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people. — Samantha Bee

Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one. — Samantha Bee

It's great when you have people who will speak passionately and honestly about what they are doing. — Samantha Bee

You have to be willing to ask questions that almost no one else would ask. — Samantha Bee

Everybody is agreeing so tersely. I just had a flashback to the month before my parents finally admitted they were getting a divorce. — Samantha Bee

It's not every day people fly you to New York for auditions. — Samantha Bee

I can agree in principle that it's the thought that counts when giving or getting gifts, but I would also like to point out that "if there's no thought...it doesn't count." I don't wish to be reminded that you didn't want to take the time to get to know me, or perhaps you have even known me my whole life and simply don't care about me. All I ask is that you not rub my face in it. — Samantha Bee

I learn something in the interviews from time to time. — Samantha Bee

I think that my love of cooking grew out of my love of reading about cooking. When I was a kid, we had a bookcase in the kitchen filled with cookbooks. I would eat all my meals reading about meals I could have been having. — Samantha Bee

It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting some blowback. — Samantha Bee