Sam Ewing Quotes & Sayings

Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done. — Sam Ewing

Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child. — Sam Ewing

The brain is like a TV set; when it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound. — Sam Ewing

The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor. — Sam Ewing

When a husband says, "I run things in my home" he may mean the washing machine, the dishwasher and the vacuum cleaner. — Sam Ewing

A neighbor will stand at your door talking for 20 minutes because she doesn't have time to come in. — Sam Ewing

Many trees could be saved if the government stopped printing tax forms. — Sam Ewing

If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography. — Sam Ewing

Nobody's too fat - they're just too short. — Sam Ewing

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all. — Sam Ewing

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood. — Sam Ewing

Two things help to keep one's job. First, let the boss think he's having his own way. Second, let him have it. — Sam Ewing

Success is when your name is in everything but the telephone directory. — Sam Ewing

Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career. — Sam Ewing

A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet. — Sam Ewing

Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little change in them. — Sam Ewing

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame. — Sam Ewing

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork. — Sam Ewing

Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in. — Sam Ewing

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. — Sam Ewing

Parents who wonder where the younger generation is going should remember where it came from. — Sam Ewing

"Tell me, doctor, " said the patient, "when I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush to my feet now?" "That's because your feet aren't empty," said the doctor. — Sam Ewing

On the plains of hesitation bleach the bones of countless millions who, at the dawn of decision, sat down to wait, and waiting died. — Sam Ewing

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'. — Sam Ewing

The reason that so many of us cannot save money is because of our friends. They're always buying something we can't afford. — Sam Ewing

There's no thief like a bad movie. — Sam Ewing

If you lend someone 20 dollars and never see that person again, it's probably worth it. — Sam Ewing

Youth is when you think you'll live forever. Old age is when you wonder how you've lived so long. — Sam Ewing

Nothing in the world can replace the modern swimsuit, and it practically has. — Sam Ewing

As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it. — Sam Ewing

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about. — Sam Ewing

The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists. — Sam Ewing

We are all born into the world with nothing. Everything we acquire after that is profit. — Sam Ewing

Highways are full of careless drivers who are always too close in front of you. — Sam Ewing

Half of all home accidents happen in the kitchen, and the family has to eat them. — Sam Ewing

Don't drive as if you own the road; drive as if you own the car. — Sam Ewing

Some people are much like blisters-they don't show up until the work is done. — Sam Ewing

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours. — Sam Ewing

The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect. — Sam Ewing

Ever notice that nothing changes the color of paint like putting it on a wall? — Sam Ewing

Wouldn't you like to weigh what it says on your driver's license? — Sam Ewing

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day. — Sam Ewing

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it. — Sam Ewing

President Herbert Hoover returned his salary to the government. His idea caught on, and now we're all doing it. — Sam Ewing

I try to figure my adjusted gross income, but no matter how I figure it, it's still gross. — Sam Ewing

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime. — Sam Ewing

Vacation: Two weeks on the sunny sands - and the rest of the year on the financial rocks. — Sam Ewing

On every commercial flight, the traveler is told, "Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device". The question is, why doesn't the plane just become a boat? — Sam Ewing

Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf. — Sam Ewing

If we are what we eat, why aren't we new, improved, fat-free, and light. — Sam Ewing

The sight of home looks best after you've traveled hundreds of miles to get away from it. — Sam Ewing