S.L.J. Shortt Quotes & Sayings

Look honey, I ain't buying what you're selling so get out!"
"You prefer to be lying here or in the morgue?! Things got outta hand last night but at least you're alive! If we wanted you dead, don't you think I would have drained you by now, or dragged you outta here! We are trying to help you!"
"And I'm sure Jaws was just trying to help Quint! Get out! — S.L.J. Shortt

My car has wyvern giblets on the inside and fairy douche on the outside, I deserve the big shower! — S.L.J. Shortt

We're not immortal, we just haven't died yet. — S.L.J. Shortt

Apart from my mangled face and the thirty percent scar tissue that covers my body I'm gorgeous! — S.L.J. Shortt

So, what's the story?"
"No story. Just a nightmare."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning, heavy compression lines in his cartilage, severe bruising on his kidneys, liver and lower intestines. Fracture marks on his collar bone, tibia, radius, humerus, scapular, femur and every single one of his ribs have been broken. Don't even get me started on the concussive damage to his skull and brain tissue. Twenty-three percent of this boys body is scared for life. And yet, every organ is functioning normally and his neurological activity is above average. He's eighteen years old and he weights about two bills but remove the scar tissue and he'd weigh about a buck-ten. All in all, I say he lived inside a hydraulic car press, went through the Napoleonic wars and was on board the Hindenburg when it went down in flame and yet he's okay ... this boy just refuses to die. — S.L.J. Shortt

God picked me to be his punching bag ... so who am I suposed to pray to for mercy? — S.L.J. Shortt

Cass, I know you're only trying to help but I will stab you in your face. — S.L.J. Shortt

You know, I've been almost kidnapped and killed more times in the last thirty-six hours than anyone in history, and yet here I am trying to help you work through your personal issues and that Claire ... that is why I always get the last cookie, — S.L.J. Shortt

Freakin' fairies, you're too damn small!"
"Dude, you're a faecist."
"A what?"
"A fae-racist, you're a faecist."
"That's not even a real word!"
"Patten pending, — S.L.J. Shortt

I'll tell you what isn't; why'd they only go for you? I mean me and Steve might as well have not even been there. They just wanted you.
Well, can you blame them? I mean, everyone wants a piece of this sweet ass. — S.L.J. Shortt

You're a chain-smoking, alcoholic hyper-violent sociopath with daddy issues!"
"When you say it like that it sounds bad ... — S.L.J. Shortt

So that's why vampires are so pissed off all the time? Because their junk's gone rusty? — S.L.J. Shortt

Boy, you are outta line!" Joe yelled.
"I'm outta line?! You're screwing a vampire!"
"You hypocritical little bastard!"
"Yeah, you're a hypocripical-hypocri-hyp-hyp-hyp, I HATE THAT WORD! — S.L.J. Shortt

Yeah, well, Tinkerbell comes near me; she's gettin' both barrels and no clapping! — S.L.J. Shortt

Twenty highly trained agents versus one eighteen year old high school drop out and he managed to kick all your asses. Okay, did we get really bad at this over night or is this kid really that good?! — S.L.J. Shortt

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! You tried to blow up your guardian angel?!"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time ... — S.L.J. Shortt

You threw a bomb at me Jerry...frowny face. — S.L.J. Shortt

Happy endings are for people that can't survive the alternative. What a bunch of wimps. — S.L.J. Shortt

Well, what do you want me to do? Head butt my way through a few inches of steel?!" she snarled.
"Well, that would certainly earn you a cookie! — S.L.J. Shortt

You know, one of the tiny little perks that comes from having no parents is that you never have to worry about walking in on them ... you just took that away from me! — S.L.J. Shortt

We're on a tight leash. We gotta do things by the book so no shooting yourself or trying to blow me up this time."
"I thought we agreed that we weren't gonna talk about that anymore. — S.L.J. Shortt

You just kissed me! Why isn't your face melting off? — S.L.J. Shortt