Russ Harris Quotes & Sayings

Most of us want pretty much the same thing. We want to know there is someone there for us: someone who truly cares about us, who takes the time to understand us, who recognizes our pain and appreciates how badly we are suffering, who makes the time to be with us and allows us to share our true feelings without expecting us to cheer up or pretend everything is okay, who will support us, who treats us kindly and offers to help, whose actions demonstrate that we are not alone. — Russ Harris

This particularly tends to happen with depression and anxiety. With anxiety you tend to get hooked by stories about the future, about things that might go wrong and how badly you're sure to handle them. — Russ Harris

Stop trying to control how you feel, and instead take control of what you do. — Russ Harris

Anytime you're feeling stressed, anxious, or depressed, ask yourself, "What story is my mind telling me now?" Then once you've identified it, defuse it. — Russ Harris

And yet, they are nothing more than words, which is why in ACT we often refer to thoughts as stories. — Russ Harris

Success in life means living by your values. — Russ Harris

Fear is not your enemy. It is a powerful source of energy that can be harnessed and used for your benefit. — Russ Harris

The feeling of love comes and goes on a whim; you can't control it. But the action of love is something you can do, regardless of how you are feeling. — Russ Harris

It's a sense more of resignation than of acceptance, of entrapment rather than freedom, of being stuck rather than moving forward. — Russ Harris

We call these "control strategies" because they are attempts to directly control how you feel. — Russ Harris

TEN RULES FOR WINNING THE GAME OF CONFIDENCE The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later. Genuine confidence is not the absence of fear; it is a transformed relationship with fear. Negative thoughts are normal. Don't fight them; defuse them. Self-acceptance trumps self-esteem. True success is living by your values. Hold your values lightly, but pursue them vigorously. Don't obsess about the outcome; get passionate about the process. Don't fight your fear: allow it, befriend it, and channel it. Failure hurts - but if we're willing to learn, it's a wonderful teacher. The key to peak performance is total engagement in the task. — Russ Harris

Having negative thoughts and feelings means I'm a normal human being. — Russ Harris

Rule 2: Genuine confidence is not the absence of fear; it is a transformed relationship with fear. — Russ Harris

Another way of putting this is that your thinking self produced some thoughts, and your observing self observed them. — Russ Harris

if you're like most other humans on the planet, you've already spent a lot of time and effort trying to have 'good' feelings instead of 'bad' ones - and you've probably found that as long as you're not too distressed, you can, to some degree, pull it off. But you've probably also discovered that as your level of distress increases, your ability to control your feelings progressively lessens. Sadly, — Russ Harris

The more we try to avoid the basic reality that all human life involves pain, the more we are likely to struggle with that pain when it arises, thereby creating even more suffering. — Russ Harris

The mind never stops telling stories - not even when we're asleep. — Russ Harris

Myth 1: Happiness Is the Natural State for All Human Beings — Russ Harris

Fusion Excessive expectations Avoidance of discomfort Remoteness from values — Russ Harris

Myth 2: If You're Not Happy, You're Defective — Russ Harris

I'M HAVING THE THOUGHT THAT . . . — Russ Harris

In ACT, whether a thought is true is not that important. Far more important is whether it's helpful. — Russ Harris

How Does a Solution Become a Problem? — Russ Harris

Rule 3: 'Negative' thoughts are normal. Don't fight them; defuse them. — Russ Harris

Commitment isn't about being perfect, always following through, or never going astray. Commitment means that when you (inevitably) stumble or get off track, you pick yourself up, find your bearings, and carry on in the direction you want to go. — Russ Harris

The mind loves telling stories; in fact, it never stops. — Russ Harris

When wood and fire combine within the hearth, they provide us with a wonderful experience of warmth. And when purpose and presence combine within our heart, they provide us with a wonderful experience of privilege. — Russ Harris

Yet inviting this man for dinner would mean the world to your partner. If it's really important for you to support your partner, then you could invite this man over for dinner, greet him warmly at the door, welcome him into your house, and make him feel completely at home, even though you intensely dislike him. That's willingness. — Russ Harris

The world is full of people who are trying to purchase self-confidence, or manufacture it, or who simply posture it. But you can't fake confidence, you have to earn it. If you ask me, the only way to do that is work. You have to do the work. — Russ Harris

But wanting to get rid of something is quite different from actively struggling with it. — Russ Harris

One in ten adults will attempt suicide, and one in five will suffer from depression. — Russ Harris

To get to the values underlying a goal, you need to ask yourself, "What's this goal in the service of? What will it enable me to do that's truly meaningful? — Russ Harris

Despite everything you've tried over the years, isn't it a fact that your mind still produces unpleasant pictures? — Russ Harris

Psychological flexibility is the ability to adapt to a situation with awareness, openness, and focus and to take effective action, guided by your values. — Russ Harris

Often when we connect with our values, we realise that we've been neglecting them for a long time and this can be very painful. But remember, this is not an excuse to beat yourself up! ('What a hypocrite I am! I say I value doing all these different things, yet I'm not doing any of them! I'm pathetic!') All of us lose touch with our values from time to time. Dwelling on those times is pointless because there's nothing we can do to change the past. What's important is to connect with our values here and now and to use them to guide and motivate our current actions. So if your mind does start beating up on you, simply thank it. — Russ Harris

it's pretty well impossible to create a better life if you're not prepared to have some uncomfortable feelings. However, — Russ Harris

Any search for a "pain-free existence" is doomed to failure. — Russ Harris

A major concept in ACT is the idea of workability. — Russ Harris

We need to pay attention with a particular attitude: one of openness, curiosity, and receptiveness. — Russ Harris

The more useful approach is to ask, "Is this thought helpful? Does it help me take action to create the life I want?" If it's helpful, pay attention. If it's not, defuse it. — Russ Harris

The Illusion of Control — Russ Harris

Values describe what you want to do, and how you want to do it - how you want to behave toward your friends, your family, your neighbors, your body, your environment, your work, etc. The — Russ Harris

Too often we react to our thoughts as if they are the absolute truth or as if we must give them all our attention. The psychological jargon for this reaction is fusion. — Russ Harris

This is where someone who does his job competently and effectively believes that he's just an impostor; that he doesn't really know what he's doing. — Russ Harris

In ACT, our main interest in a thought is not whether it's true or false, but whether it's helpful; that is, if we pay attention to this thought, will it help us create the life we want? — Russ Harris

Rule 1: The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later. — Russ Harris

In the words of the great leader, Sir Winston Churchill: "Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts." Redefining — Russ Harris

Building a good relationship with ourselves is essential for inner fulfilment, especially when we run into a large reality gap. — Russ Harris

Donna learned quickly that there's no point in beating yourself up when you screw up or fail to follow through. Guilt trips and self-criticism don't motivate you to make meaningful changes; they just keep you stuck, dwelling on the past. So after each relapse, Donna came back to the basic ACT formula: A = Accept your thoughts and feelings and be present. C = Connect with your values. T = Take effective action. — Russ Harris

Adopting this definition means you can be successful right now, whether or not you've achieved your major goals. — Russ Harris

The most important thing is sailing toward shore. — Russ Harris

If you love somebody deeply and you lose that relationship - whether through death, rejection or separation - you will feel pain. That pain is called grief. Grief is a normal emotional reaction to any significant loss, whether a loved one, a job or a limb. There's no way to avoid or get rid of it - it's just there. And, once accepted, it will pass in its own time.
Unfortunately, many of us refuse to accept grief. We will do anything rather than feel it. We may bury ourselves in work, drink heavily, throw ourselves into a new relationship 'on the rebound' or numb ourselves with prescribed medications. But no matter how hard we try to push grief away, deep down inside it's still there. And eventually it will be back.
It's like holding a football underwater. As long as you keep holding it down, it stays beneath the surface. But eventually your arm gets tired and the moment you release your grip, the ball leaps straight up out of the water. — Russ Harris

If you're living a goal-focused life, then no matter what you have, it's never enough — Russ Harris

Thoughts = words inside our heads Images = pictures inside our heads Sensations = feelings inside our bodies. — Russ Harris

Today's middle class lives better than did the Royalty of not so long ago, and yet humans today don't seem very happy. — Russ Harris

Therefore, it makes sense to put your life's energy mainly into action and attention. — Russ Harris

We start trying to use defusion as a control strategy, as a way of trying to make our experience different than it is. — Russ Harris

NAMING YOUR STORIES Identify your mind's favorite stories, then — Russ Harris

The fight-or-flight is often triggered in situations where it is of little or no use to us. — Russ Harris

There's an ancient Eastern saying: If you don't decide where you're going, you'll end up wherever you're heading. — Russ Harris

The Story Is Not the Event — Russ Harris

Fulfilment does not mean our difficult emotions disappear; it means we change our relationship with them. — Russ Harris

What do you most dislike about yourself? — Russ Harris

If your mind says, "I'll fail!" then simply acknowledge, "I'm having the thought that I'll fail! — Russ Harris

So by all means, have your beliefs - but hold them lightly. Keep in mind that all beliefs are stories, whether or not they're true. — Russ Harris

Unfortunately, many people walk around with the belief that everyone else is happy except for them. And - you guessed it - this belief creates even more unhappiness. — Russ Harris

The more importance we place on avoiding unpleasant feelings in life, the more our life tends to go downhill. — Russ Harris

Letting the radio play on without giving it much attention is very different from actively trying to ignore it. — Russ Harris

Thus, evolution has shaped our brains so that we are hardwired to suffer psychologically: to compare, evaluate, and criticize ourselves, to focus on what we're lacking, to rapidly become dissatisfied with what we have, and to imagine all sorts of frightening scenarios, most of which will never happen. No wonder humans find it hard to be happy! — Russ Harris

The fact that you can act with love even when you don't feel love is very empowering. Why? Because whereas the feelings of love are fleeting and largely out of your control, you can take the actions of love anytime and anyplace for the whole rest of your life. — Russ Harris

the things we generally value most in life bring with them a whole range of feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant. For example, in an intimate long-term relationship, although you will experience wonderful feelings such as love and joy, you will also inevitably experience disappointment and frustration. There is no such thing as the perfect partner and sooner or later conflicts of interest will happen. — Russ Harris

Basically, expansion means making room for our feelings. If we give unpleasant feelings enough space, they no longer stretch us or strain us. — Russ Harris

Our thoughts are not the problem. Our thoughts do not create the psychological smog. It is the way we respond to our thoughts that creates the smog. — Russ Harris

Accept it. Take effective action to improve it. — Russ Harris

Some people call this "staying in your comfort zone," but that's not a good name for it because the comfort zone is definitely not comfortable. It should be called the "misery zone" or the "missing-out-on-life zone." In — Russ Harris

Never set as your goal something that a dead person can do better than you. — Russ Harris