Famous Quotes & Sayings

Roseanne Barr Quotes & Sayings

Enjoy the top 100 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Roseanne Barr.

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Famous Quotes By Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Barr Quotes 116276

I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird? — Roseanne Barr

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You know what, when I was thin, I thought there was a fat girl trying to get out of me. — Roseanne Barr

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I avoided reality for most of my life. But once you deal with it, it's kind of cool. — Roseanne Barr

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Excuse the mess, but we live here. — Roseanne Barr

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Here is my personal opinion about prostitution. If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it. — Roseanne Barr

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I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas. — Roseanne Barr

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Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. — Roseanne Barr

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My husband is almost as heavy as I am. We were married in adjoining churches. — Roseanne Barr

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Laugh every day as much as you can. — Roseanne Barr

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Don't call people names you dirty name caller you. — Roseanne Barr

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I was not raised a Zionist, but a socialist, as were most Jews before the Holocaust. — Roseanne Barr

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Imitation is the sincerest form of show business. — Roseanne Barr

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Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself. — Roseanne Barr

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Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil. — Roseanne Barr

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I didn't know that being in a relationship meant you had to be nice. I thought it meant you had to hack away at the other person until they were beaten down and then were too afraid to leave. — Roseanne Barr

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I'm not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S. — Roseanne Barr

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Two things do me in: one's chocolate cake, the other's hypocrisy. — Roseanne Barr

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My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel. — Roseanne Barr

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I consider myself to be apretty good judge of people ... That's why I don't like any of them. — Roseanne Barr

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I want to be the girl in Indiana Jones. I would love to do an adventure movie where I was saving the world. It might be cool if I used a lot of kitchen tools to fight off the enemy. — Roseanne Barr

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Abortion is a woman's right. — Roseanne Barr

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There's nothing like a hardship song to set my toes a-tappin. — Roseanne Barr

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Everything on this earth right now is about labor and slavery. War is the only American export left that anyone wants to buy. — Roseanne Barr

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A lot of people who are actors and artists who work in Hollywood come from a background of abuse, and you can make abused people very fearful and they'll do what they're told. Hollywood definitely has a point of view that it sells. — Roseanne Barr

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A lot of people in television who've had successful shows claim the 'Roseanne' show as their starting place, and I'm really proud of that. — Roseanne Barr

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I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great. — Roseanne Barr

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I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do. — Roseanne Barr

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You can't break through Hollywood formulaic points of view. I've tried, and I think I was more successful than anybody at doing it. — Roseanne Barr

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I'm on the mirror diet. You eat all your food in front of a mirror in the nude. It works pretty good, though some of the fancier restaurants don't go for it. — Roseanne Barr

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TV family sitcoms have always been about fathers who know best and mothers who are so enchanted with everything they do. I wanted to be the first mom to be a mom on TV. I wanted to sent out a message about how us women really feel. — Roseanne Barr

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US needs to fix up it's election system so that votes are fairly counted, and the Electoral College is removed. — Roseanne Barr

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I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers. — Roseanne Barr

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Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive? — Roseanne Barr

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I'm very introspective, and I mostly don't talk to people. I get into a real quiet, meditative place. — Roseanne Barr

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I know how to do anything, I'm a mom. — Roseanne Barr

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I want to say that nobody accuses their parents of abusing them without justification to do that. I didn't just make it up. A lot of things were true and abusive and horrible things that happened to me that my father did. — Roseanne Barr

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I gave Joss Whedon and Judd Apatow their first writing jobs, as well as many other untried writers who went on to great success. — Roseanne Barr

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A lot of men are impotent and it's very sad. How many of you are impotent? I see. Can't get your arms up either? — Roseanne Barr

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Legalize hemp and allow women to grow it and make food, clothing and housing for pennies from it and legalize marijuana too. Let women integrate their divided consciousness with a natural herb instead of doctors' pills that kill the liver. — Roseanne Barr

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Ever since I was a girl, I have written about one to five pages every day - on napkins, on scrap paper, in notebooks and tablets, on the walls in my room as a teenager, and in orange paint on the cheap white plastic blinds in my room. — Roseanne Barr

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Humanity is a failed experiment, but I think I'm God and I'd like to start over. I don't want to die, I just want everyone else to. I certainly would not be lonely. It would be exciting never having to listen to another person again but just my own self droning on and on. That's why I write a blog. And I read it, too. — Roseanne Barr

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I hold to nothing but envisioning international peace and utopia. We all have many more things in common than not. — Roseanne Barr

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I wish I'd done a tenth year of the 'Roseanne' show. — Roseanne Barr

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When I was three, I fell and I got Bell's palsy in my face. My mom said the first day she called the rabbi, and he said a prayer for me but nothing happened. The second day she called the Mormons, and they said a prayer for me and my face was healed, so my whole life was going around as a Jew who was giving talks in Mormon churches about being healed by the Mormons. — Roseanne Barr

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I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, don't I? I think you only get three. — Roseanne Barr

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My husband says, 'God, Roseanne, I can't remember the last time we had sex.' Well, I can, and that is why we ain't doing it. — Roseanne Barr

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If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun. — Roseanne Barr

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I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with. — Roseanne Barr

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I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty. — Roseanne Barr

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Nobody wanted the 'Roseanne' show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family. — Roseanne Barr

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The one who cares the most wins ... That's how I knew I'd end up with everyone else waving the white flags and not me. That's how I knew I'd be the last person standing when it was all over ... I cared the most. — Roseanne Barr

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Pot enables you to think clearly without any fear or any limits. It's a mind-expander, which is part of why it's illegal and why drugs like Vicodin are legal. — Roseanne Barr

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Judaism is one of the last of the world's matrilineal philosophies. Matriarchies are always the cultures that patriarchy attacks and decimates, because they don't spend all their money on the military like patriarchy does. They are easy prey. — Roseanne Barr

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The American people are sick and tired of this 'lesser evil' garbage they get fed every election year. Both the Democrats and the Republicans do the same evils once they're in office. — Roseanne Barr

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This bugs me the worst. That's when the husband thinks that the wife knows where everything is, huh? Like they think the uterus is a tracking device. He comes in: "Hey, Roseanne! Roseanne! Do we have any Cheetos left?" Like he can't go over and lift up the sofa cushion himself. — Roseanne Barr

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It's a big culture of mind control too, MK-Ultra mind control rules in Hollywood. If you don't know that, google it and look into it. It's really hard for artists to find their voice in the media. It's levels of brainwashing and mind control. — Roseanne Barr

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When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying. — Roseanne Barr

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I want to eat, cook, meet famous people and make fun of them. — Roseanne Barr

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It's the Night of the Living Dead. It's scary out here. — Roseanne Barr

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Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight. — Roseanne Barr

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To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian. — Roseanne Barr

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Facts and data, rather than opinion, are the two cornerstones of problem solving, and yet they are consistently withheld from the people by American media. We must have facts and data in order to recognize where there is a problem! — Roseanne Barr

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Truth is available to the ears that can hear it. — Roseanne Barr

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You're only seventeen, you're too young to have a meatloaf recipe ... go get something pierced. — Roseanne Barr

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I have great parents, and they both taught me great things, but my formative years were boundaryless. — Roseanne Barr

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I loved work and I loved pouring myself into the work, you know. It was the real life that I had trouble with. — Roseanne Barr

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Anyone with a show on T.V. will tell you it's backbreaking work. And if you have a big personality, which I have, and you're a perfectionist, there's going to be head-butting. — Roseanne Barr

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I'm funnier now because I'm braver and less full of hate, so everything is even more ridiculous than it was before. — Roseanne Barr

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TV is a language all its own, a land of one dimensional stereotypes that destroys culture, not adds to it. TV is anti-art, a reflection of consumerism that serves the power structure. TV is about demographics. — Roseanne Barr

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Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with. — Roseanne Barr

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My best friend Linda is leaving her husband just because he is unfaithful to her. That is no reason to leave the person. I feel like after that, you should stay with them and make sure that the rest of their life is sheer hell. — Roseanne Barr

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I hate alcoholics and AA (alcoholics anonymous). If you can't drink responsibly, don't drink at all. Don't go to meetings, whine about your character flaws and blame the fact that you are a sociopath on booze. — Roseanne Barr

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Politics and religion in the United States work like the twin grips of a pair of pliers on a critical mass of the masses. — Roseanne Barr

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I can't have cats around me because they try to steal my energy. — Roseanne Barr

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ACORN is organizing to make sure the job of rebuilding New Orleans is done by the people of New Orleans and truly benefits the communities who have been hurt the most. — Roseanne Barr

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I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house. — Roseanne Barr

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Women of this planet need some essential resources: wells, seeds and roads. That is primarily all we have ever needed. Added to that, women need righteous and strong men who will help us to use our most cherished gifts: the ability to multitask and problem solve. — Roseanne Barr

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You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right. — Roseanne Barr

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I actually regard Facebook as a huge bore, but I cannot refrain from participating in it. I guess I crave the feeling of hope it gives me to think that today will be different from yesterday, that I will find an interesting comment or poke or video, and on the extremely rare occasion when that happens, I am just thrilled. — Roseanne Barr

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I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset that I'm not a widow. — Roseanne Barr

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Most of the books call Her a He, but I am able to ascertain what is meant, despite that semantic error.. — Roseanne Barr

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I do kabbalistic meditation. It's not unlike time travel; it can change the past and not just the future. You can look at what was lost and go beyond the grief of what was lost. — Roseanne Barr

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Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians. — Roseanne Barr

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Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian. — Roseanne Barr

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I'm a heterosexual. I don't know why I'm like this. I was just born this way. — Roseanne Barr

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I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself. — Roseanne Barr

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You must never be afraid in New York City, because then you will call bad stuff to you and you will not like it there. — Roseanne Barr

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Finding a calm place inside myself through meditation kind of helped me to get over a lot of mental illness ... it's just been a really great thing in my life. — Roseanne Barr

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I think that all comics or humorists, or whatever we are, ask questions. That's what we're supposed to do. But I not only ask the questions, I offer solutions. — Roseanne Barr

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I signed a deal with Satan because I wanted to get famous. Then I forgot I had a deal with Satan and then I got really famous. — Roseanne Barr

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You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.' — Roseanne Barr

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As long as your abuser has you scared, you will stay in the cycle of abuse. Thinking of solutions helps you to escape. — Roseanne Barr

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Those who can't do, teach. And, as Woody Allen says, those who can't teach, teach gym. And, as I say, those who can't teach gym become experts. That's who we look to for answers these days-the people telling you how to make your marriage work. Men telling women how to raise their self-esteem. The only thing that cures everything is talking to people who have the same problem you do. The rest is just a moneymaking bullshit scheme that some asshole is getting rich on. — Roseanne Barr

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I say I'm the only serious comedian in the presidential race. And I'd like to take this opportunity to ask both Romney and Obama to debate me. Because I think that both of those guys - I think that the American people are being given a false choice, because the choice between the lesser of two evils is a false choice. — Roseanne Barr

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My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk about our sexual problems?' Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of Fortune for that. — Roseanne Barr

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I believe in equal rights for all citizens. One law for all. — Roseanne Barr

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We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are. — Roseanne Barr

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Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce. — Roseanne Barr

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A lot of times nerds are really artists listening to the beat of another drummer. — Roseanne Barr

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My real life is funnier than anything on TV. — Roseanne Barr