Rachel Renee Russell Quotes & Sayings

And nails done, right after she visited the school nurse, — Rachel Renee Russell

Felt SO insanely happy I could just ... VOMIT sunshine, rainbows, confetti, glitter and ... um ... those yummy little Skittles thingies! — Rachel Renee Russell

Sweetie, when life presents challenges, you can be either a CHICKEN or a CHAMPION. The choice is YOURS! — Rachel Renee Russell

WHAAAT?! No way! Brandon, You said you couldn't go — Rachel Renee Russell

So, how was your week at Hogwarts? Luv the tacky uniforms (LOL)! NIKKI: — Rachel Renee Russell

Well, I'm really sorry to disappoint those snobby CCPs! — Rachel Renee Russell

Wine intoxicates for a time, but the end is bitterness. — Rachel Renee Russell

BTW, the roach's name is Max (courtesy of Brianna, "because of I had a puppy, I'd name him Max"). — Rachel Renee Russell

The next my parents and Brianna come rollin' up in here, I'm gonna scream, Hey! Why don't y'all just MOVE IN?! — Rachel Renee Russell

I AM !! Jealous much?! — Rachel Renee Russell

Miss Penelope THINKS I need beauty sleep?! Sorry, Brianna, but Miss Penelope CAN'T think. She doesn't have a BRAIN! She's a hand puppet!" I shot back. — Rachel Renee Russell

Chloe came up with the crazy idea that we should work SUPERhard in class and earn our black belts by the end of the month. Then we can start a secret crime-fighting team called the Dorky Defenders! She said that superheroes lead very romantic lives, when villains aren't trying to KILL them. After hearing THAT little detail, I wasn't exactly sold on the superhero lifestyle. Having to deal with MacKenzie is quite enough drama, thank you. I don't need any more villains sabotaging my life. — Rachel Renee Russell

Let your inner DORK shine through. — Rachel Renee Russell

Yes, I know. It's a VERY prestigious school, known for its outstanding students, rigorous academics, chic uniforms, and beautiful campus that's a twist between Hogwarts and a five-star luxury hotel! Most — Rachel Renee Russell

Calling MacKenzie a mean girl is an understatement. She's a cobra with hoop earrings, blond hair extensions, and a spray-on tan. — Rachel Renee Russell

NIKKI: Yep! I'm trying to help her earn a cooking badge for Scouts. Any ideas for a super-EZ brat-proof snack? BRANDON: — Rachel Renee Russell

And another hour to scrape seven of them off the stove, floor, and ceiling. . . . — Rachel Renee Russell

Dream big dreams,because little dreams have no magic.~Dork Diaries — Rachel Renee Russell

Then she cackled like a witch and sashayed away. I just HATE it when MacKenzie sashays. But — Rachel Renee Russell

Okay, I'll admit it. That part was MY fault! I just — Rachel Renee Russell

The Price Is Right for Morons. — Rachel Renee Russell

In the blank where it said "Name of act," I had scrawled, "Actually, I'm not really sure — Rachel Renee Russell

So Brandon, would you like to take... A POP QUIZ??!! — Rachel Renee Russell

And why does it smell like something DIED in the mud and is STILL in there rotting? — Rachel Renee Russell

It's easy to take people you really care about for granted. Then, one day, they're out of your life. — Rachel Renee Russell

Mr. Biz! The shrewd and savage business shark, — Rachel Renee Russell

Brandon for being excited about the student exchange — Rachel Renee Russell

STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL FAUX VOMIT:
1 cup of cooked oatmeal
1.2 cup of sour cream (or buttermilk ranch dressing or anything that smells like rancid, sour milk)
2 chopped cheese sticks (for chunkiness)
1 uncooked egg (for authentic slimy texture)
1 can of split pea soup (for putrid green color)
1/4 cup of raisins (to increase gross-osity)
Mix ingredients and simmer over low heat for 2 minutes
Let mixture cool to warm vomit temperature
Use liberally as needed
Makes 4 to 5 cups — Rachel Renee Russell

In spite of her cute little angelic face and pink sneakers, Brianna is actually a baby Tyrannosaurus rex. On STEROIDS! — Rachel Renee Russell

I'm SUCH a DORK!! — Rachel Renee Russell

When things are bad, we take a bit of comfort in the thought that they could always be WORSE. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get BETTER.' - Malcolm S. Forbes. — Rachel Renee Russell

I was like, JUST GREAT! Grandma is finally going SENILE! Doesn't she understand that some things in life you're STUCK with and powerless to change?! Jeez! — Rachel Renee Russell

OMG! Look at that! They're ALL wearing the same butt-ugly ensemble! Wait, don't tell me. They were giving them away for free with a purchase of a McDonald's Happy Meal! — Rachel Renee Russell

BRANDON: I have a bag of candy. Will bring it right over. NIKKI: You're coming to my house? NOW?!! NIKKI: Brandon? NIKKI: Hello? R U there?! NIKKI: We'll just cook a PB — Rachel Renee Russell

BRANDON: How about caramel popcorn balls? Yummy too! NIKKI: Popcorn balls?! Are you kidding me? Sounds way too complicated! BRANDON: Nope. Super EZ! Even I can make them and I'm a cruddy cook. I made some last night. NIKKI: — Rachel Renee Russell

I'll pluck out my eye with a pencil and eat it with a Spam and mustard sandwich IF ONLY you'll sit me at lunch today, MacKenzie! — Rachel Renee Russell

The Hawk's keen nose is picking up the scent of a COWARD! Right . . . about . . . HERE! he snarled, and pointed at ME! — Rachel Renee Russell

Hey, I'm so BROKE, I have a milkshake on layaway at McDonald's! — Rachel Renee Russell

Looking back on my morning, there was definitely GOOD NEWS and BAD NEWS. The GOOD NEWS . . . ? My day had gotten off to such a HORRIBLE start, I was absolutely SURE there was NO WAY things could get any WORSE ! The BAD NEWS . . . ? I was TOTALLY WRONG about the GOOD NEWS! — Rachel Renee Russell

toilet-papered your house! — Rachel Renee Russell

Mom, I don't need a STUPID book with 288 BLANK pages!! — Rachel Renee Russell

NIKKI: Really?! What are the ingredients? BRANDON: Just popcorn and caramel candy. Cooks in microwave. NIKKI: That's all?! Very cool! Be right back . . . NIKKI: We have popcorn ! But no caramel candy ! BRANDON: — Rachel Renee Russell

DAD, MAX THE ROACH, AND OUR RAGGEDY OLD VAN WERE BACK WHERE THEY BELONGED! — Rachel Renee Russell

I knew Chloe LOVED to read, but I was in the middle of a MAJOR life crisis! For once, couldn't she just try focusing on ME instead of her stupid book characters?! Then — Rachel Renee Russell

Well, MacKenzie, YOU'RE the expert on toilets! It's only 8:00 a.m. and your BRAIN is completely CONSTIPATED while your MOUTH has a severe case of DIARRHEA! Please, go FLUSH! — Rachel Renee Russell

Absolutely no one writes their most intimate feelings and deep, dark secrets in a diary anymore! WHY?! Because just one or two people knowing all your BIZ could completely ruin your reputation. You're supposed to post this kind of juicy stuff online in your BLOG so MILLIONS can read it!!! — Rachel Renee Russell

AAAAAAAAAAHHH !! (That was me screaming in frustration!) I can't believe I overslept! AGAIN! Now I'm probably going to be late for school! WHY?!! Because my bratty little sister, Brianna, has been sneaking into my bedroom at night and stealing my alarm clock! She's been using it to get up extra early to make a peanut butter, jelly, and pickle sandwich to take to school for lunch. YES! She actually adds PICKLES! I don't know which is more NAUSEATING, Brianna or her disgusting sandwich! Anyway, now I have less than three minutes to shower, shampoo, brush, dress, pack, eat, gloss, and GO! This is how my very CRUDDY day began. . . . — Rachel Renee Russell

unanswered questions — Rachel Renee Russell

Your locker door. But due to my severe allergic reaction to your coat, all I could muster was a weak and very hoarse whisper that you apparently didn't hear. — Rachel Renee Russell

there's something really important I need to tell YOU!" He — Rachel Renee Russell

Wicked Witch of the West — Rachel Renee Russell

my advice column is going — Rachel Renee Russell

Better late than never."-Dork Diaries — Rachel Renee Russell

Brianna! I wouldn't feed that nasty sandwich to my WORST ENEMY!" And by worst enemy, I meant people like . . . well, you know . . . MACKENZIE HOLLISTER !! Although, — Rachel Renee Russell

Attention, there was an incessant gnawing deep down inside my gut that — Rachel Renee Russell

I look just like one of Brianna's UGLY finger paintings. Because now I'm completely covered with: 1. brown peanut-butter stains 2. purple jelly stains 3. white soap suds AND 4. bright fluorescent-green hand soap from the girls' bathroom. — Rachel Renee Russell

Brianna! Did you take my clock again?!" I yelled. "If I'M late for school, it's all YOUR fault!" "I didn't take your clock. Miss Penelope did! She thinks you need all the BEAUTY SLEEP you can get! — Rachel Renee Russell

Kincaid after class, she told me I was in bio, not ART class. Then she — Rachel Renee Russell

Sure, I sort of hated that girl a little bit. But I'd NEVER go — Rachel Renee Russell

My bad!" She giggled. "Sugar makes me chatty. — Rachel Renee Russell

Then he evacuated all the students from the classroom because — Rachel Renee Russell

You are friendly and outgoing, and you love people. You will most enjoy writing a blog. Select a fab online ID and share your exciting, DIVALICIOUS life with your friends. — Rachel Renee Russell

just say . . . ?! — Rachel Renee Russell

Well, it's not MY fault you're such an AIRHEAD that if you open your mouth I can hear the ocean! I shot back. — Rachel Renee Russell

Lucky for me it wasn't Brianna at my door, but my parents. Before I could say, "Come in", they just kind of barged in, like they always do, which really irritated me, because this is supposed to be MY room! — Rachel Renee Russell

Idea the situation was so bad until I asked each committee member to present a status report at our meeting this morning. — Rachel Renee Russell

We were supposed to be brainstorming. But, unfortunately, my brain was farting. — Rachel Renee Russell

Then she slammed her locker shut and sashayed away. I just HATE it when MacKenzie sashays. — Rachel Renee Russell

Try it! You might like it !! I wrote this letter to tell you that I am very, very sorry. When you are mad at me, your face looks like Daddy's when he smelled that skunk that was hiding in the garage. And this made me very sad. Your face, not the smelly skunk. Are you still mad? Pleeze circle one: YES NO If you are still mad, pleeze accept my sorryness for taking your clock, calling you a sandwich stealer, playing games on your phone and drawing my very cute face on it, and trying to call Price Princess Sugar Plum. I did not reech her. But I did reech a guy named Moe by mistake, and he was not very polite at all. He said if I reech him again he will call the cops. That would be very bad becuz I do not think they serve chicken nuggets in jail. Then I would starve to death, which would not be a very fun time . Anyway, I made this sandwich just for you because I really care about you. I hope you love it! You are my very best friend! After Miss Penelope and Princess Sugar Plum. — Rachel Renee Russell

And while we worked, we had a serious chat. BRANDON — Rachel Renee Russell

Then I had a continental breakfast with freshly squeezed orange juice, half a bagel with goat cheese, and a green smoothie, all served on a silver tray by my maid, Olga, right in my bedroom. — Rachel Renee Russell

So many FREAKS and not enough CIRCUSES! — Rachel Renee Russell

This morning I had these fluttery butterflies in my stomach that were making me feel SUPERnauseous — Rachel Renee Russell

Hey, get a load of those two! It must be mating season or something ... — Rachel Renee Russell

I got up at exactly 6:15 a.m., showered, and did ten minutes of yoga. Then I had a continental breakfast with freshly squeezed orange juice, half a bagel with goat cheese, and a green smoothie, all — Rachel Renee Russell

Whatever happens, we've got your back, girlfriend! Unless, of course, the crowd gets mad and decides to tar and feather us. Then, I'll be leaving you in the dust! — Rachel Renee Russell

So I just smiled, thanked — Rachel Renee Russell

You're such a big BABY. So cry me a river, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVER IT — Rachel Renee Russell

That's So Hot! magazine — Rachel Renee Russell

Book five of Dork Diaries is one of my favorite books it brings my thoughts deep into the book and think if you haven't read it you should you will probably fell just as I fell. — Rachel Renee Russell

It was only after I grabbed MacKenzie's waist and pulled with all my might that the three of us finally tumbled into a big heap on the marble floor next to the fountain. Hey, at least we weren't IN the fountain! But somehow the force of us falling had launched Tiffany's cell phone into the air. She watched in HORROR as it fell into the fountain with a big SPLASH and quickly sank to the bottom! "OH NO! MY PHONE!! MY PHONE!!" she screamed hysterically. Then she DOVE right into the fountain after it! Soon Tiffany's shrieks echoed through the halls of the school. "OMG! MY CELL PHONE IS RUINED! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE A SELFIE WITHOUT MY PHONE?!!" That's when I whispered to MacKenzie, "Since Tiffany's phone is all wet, I really think we should be nice and help — Rachel Renee Russell

Mean fake advice letters to students, and spreading lies and nasty rumors. And — Rachel Renee Russell

HIDEOUS! Sorry, Mom, but vomit green is NOT my colour. And that dress is impossible to walk in! It's so tight around my legs that it looks like a giant fish tail. While the other bridesmaids walked gracefully to the "Wedding March" song, I flopped my way down the aisle like a human-sized catfish or something! Those rug burns were pure agony! It was getting late and I was running out of time! The last thing I wanted to do was to traumatise Brandon by showing up at the dance looking like a MUTANT FISH GIRL or something. Right now I'm SO frustrated that I'm seriously considering just NOT going to the dance. Why is my life so hopelessly CRUDDY?! — Rachel Renee Russell

my butt cheeks had frozen into two big chunks of ice. — Rachel Renee Russell