Quentin R. Bufogle Quotes & Sayings

Today someone asked me if that old stereotype about hot-headed Italians is true. I answered this way: About 2,000 years ago, there was a guy running around hollering about peace & love ... and we nailed his ass to a cross! (Hope that answers your fuckin' question!) — Quentin R. Bufogle

99% of all problems can be solved by money
and for the other 1% there's alcohol. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Our love affair with guns has nothing to do with tyranny, or militias, or self-preservation. Just ask any NRA member the following: If Jesus Christ himself were to come down off the cross and grant you one wish, would you opt for a world without guns
or the one we live in now? If every gun owner truly feared for their life and liberty, the answer would be obvious. But it's not about life and liberty. It's all about the sheer hard-on of owning a gun. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Be thankful for the little you've got, and a little is all you're gonna get. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Guns kill far more quickly and efficiently than knives, or crossbows, or toenail clippers; and, unlike bombs, you don't need to build one in your basement
they come ready-made! There's a reason why guns are the overwhelming weapon of choice among mass murderers. — Quentin R. Bufogle

If you're one of those delusional 2nd Amendment types who believes you and your trailer park 'militia' might need to take on the Army, the Navy, the 101st Airborne and SEAL Team 6; not only should you be denied the right to bear arms
but the right to your belt & shoelaces as well ... 'cause you're stark, ravin' batshit!!! — Quentin R. Bufogle

The difference between an atheist and a person of faith? One additional religion in the crazy column. You believe that all religions except yours are crazy. I believe that all religions including yours are crazy. — Quentin R. Bufogle

My relationship is so dysfunctional, last night I had revenge sex and make-up porn. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Literature today is like elevator music for a narcoleptic. — Quentin R. Bufogle

One thing I love about politicians; they won't allow the truth to be obscured by a bunch of facts. — Quentin R. Bufogle

As with most things, my approach to writing has been entirely ass-backwards. I first had to become everything but a writer
exhaust all possibilities. I had to come to it on my knees. Only when there was truly nothing left, was I able to become a writer. — Quentin R. Bufogle

I must give myself permission not to like myself. It's ok. Plenty of other people don't like me either. And I have much higher standards. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Tolerance is NOT acceptance. And that's the problem with ALL religion. It teaches acceptance only for those who believe exactly as you do, and at best, tolerance for the rest of us "sinners." Sorry. Not acceptable. — Quentin R. Bufogle

The muse is fickle; ergo, when she knocks, ANSWER! It may take a while, but trust me, she WILL knock. In the meantime, keep your ear pressed firmly to the door. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Packy watched her walk away, her perfect heart-shaped rear end testing the confines of her tight black dress. There was a God. Packy was now certain of it. How else could such heart-stopping beauty be accounted for? Such a thing could not be the product of a random universe. A flower, maybe. A rainbow, perhaps. But not Venus Versailles. — Quentin R. Bufogle

When has a civilian ever stopped a mass shooting with an AR-15? An AR-15 is a perfect weapon for mass murderers
not so much for self-defense. Would you bring an AR-15 along on a date? To your place of work? To the movies? If not, how can owning an AR-15 save your life in the event of a mass shooting? Why does the NRA keep telling us we need semi-automatic rifles for self-defense? Whose side are they really on? — Quentin R. Bufogle

Stupid is terminal. There is no cure. I know those who've beaten cancer, but not a single individual who's ever been cured of stupid. Fortunately, nature has its own way of thinning the herd. The stupid ultimately don't survive. The antelope that doesn't recognize the lion as predator, winds up inside the lion. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Why do we still cling to the intellectually retarded notion that liberty can be obtained, maintained, or lost at the end of a gun barrel? When you're working 3 minimum wage jobs to make the minimum payment on a pair of socks you bought 12 years ago because your credit card company slapped you with an interest rate that would make a loan shark holler WTF! ... well, no one needs to hold a gun to your head. Your ass has already been sold down the river. — Quentin R. Bufogle

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. (Unless the other guy has a gun!) — Quentin R. Bufogle

The religious right is one of the most politically militant voting blocs in the country and the agenda is clear (a gun in every uterus). Time we stopped subsidizing the anti-abortion movement in the form of tax-exemptions. — Quentin R. Bufogle

I wish all those who've found God, would tell the rest of us where he's been hiding. — Quentin R. Bufogle

The Catholic Church standing in "solidarity" with members of the LGBT community while condemning their behavior as "sinful" is a little like attempting to stand with two feet in one shoe. "Love the sinner, hate the sin" sounds really high-minded until you realize the only sin committed was being born different. — Quentin R. Bufogle

God might not be dead, but he's sure as hell missing in action. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Just a thought for all you God-fearin', gun-lovin', Bible-thumpin' 2nd Amendment patriots. If it turns out Heaven's a gun-free zone, what's plan B??? — Quentin R. Bufogle

Chester watched it shining clearly above the picnic grounds. Soon an astronaut would step down off the LEM of Apollo 11 and plant his foot on what had once been hallowed ground. Science would intrude on what for all known time had been the sole domain of poets and dreamers alone: the moon. After that, well
one thing was for certain: no matter what they found up there, it would never again be as easy for a father to tell his young son that the mysterious ball of light that appeared in the heavens each night was really just a hunk of old cheese floating in the sky. Nothing would ever be that simple again. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Time heals all wounds; some broken hearts
and most cases of writer's block. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Always wanted a girl with a heart-shaped ass. Most of my exes have ass-shaped hearts. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Arguing that the only problem with a free market is lack of competition, is like arguing that that the only problem with prostitution is that there aren't enough pimps. — Quentin R. Bufogle

What's this business about the 'little man in the canoe?' If it's big enough for a canoe, it's too big for me. — Quentin R. Bufogle

A little stupid is like a little forest fire. If you happen upon some stupid, please stomp it out before it spreads. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Before you're allowed to own a .44, your IQ should be higher than .44. — Quentin R. Bufogle

I was eating a steak at a local restaurant last night, when a random woman said: "Y'know, you'd be much better off being a vegetarian." "Are you crazy?" I said, "The cow was a vegetarian and look what happened to it! — Quentin R. Bufogle

Everything's a bad metaphor for sex. — Quentin R. Bufogle

If a person has no conscience, it's called being a sociopath. If a corporation has no conscience, it's called capitalism. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Stop praying. Get off your knees and do something. There's only one particular need that can be effectively addressed while in the kneeling position. If yours pertains to anything else, then please, seek help elsewhere. 'God helps those who help themselves' is just the Church's way of telling you that it's all a sham. You're really on your own. — Quentin R. Bufogle

To all the kids from the "special" reading class back in high school (the one where you tried to form words using wooden blocks)
PLEASE stop telling me that I can't blame an "inanimate object" for the off-the-hook gun violence in this country. YES! ... I CAN!!! I blame all the "inanimate objects" in Congress who refuse to pass sensible gun legislation because they're too chicken-shit to take on Wayne LaPierre and the gun lobby. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Forget 'pray the gay away.' I you're more turned on by an AR-15 than a pair of tits, time for some serious therapy. Time for all you gun-humpers to come out of the closet. Is this really about the 2nd Amendment and self-defense
or just a pathetic fetish for guys with tiny pee-pees? — Quentin R. Bufogle

I believe a Christian muffler shop owner should have the same right to refuse service to a gay couple, as a gay lifeguard has to refuse service to a drowning Christian. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Writing is the dragon that lives underneath my floorboards. The one I incessantly feed for fear it may turn and devour my ass. Writing is the friend who doesn't return my phone calls; the itch I'm unable to scratch; a dinner invitation from a cannibal; elevator music for a narcoleptic. Writing is the hope of lifting all boats by pissing in the ocean. Writing isn't something that makes me happy like a good cup of coffee. It's just something I do because not writing, as I've found, is so much worse. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Better a starving eagle, than a well-fed pigeon. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Lately the muse has been treating me like Ike treated Tina. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Personally, I think we should remove the word "shooting" from the vernacular. It's an ugly, biased word that somehow creates the assumption that a gun was involved. Let's go with 'Interpersonal Ballistic Event' (IBE). — Quentin R. Bufogle

God doesn't send atheists to Hell
there's no room with all the Christians down there. — Quentin R. Bufogle

A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my half of the fame, for his half of the money. — Quentin R. Bufogle

We don't have a gun problem; we have a math problem: ZERO GUNS = ZERO GUN-RELATED DEATHS. — Quentin R. Bufogle

Religious freedom doesn't include the freedom to disregard the law and restrict another's freedom to believe and act differently. No one's forcing Catholic nuns to practice birth control, or priests to wear condoms (good idea tho). If you really feel your religious beliefs conflict with the mandates of running a business, the solution is simple: Get your ass out of the boardroom and back to the pulpit (where it belongs). — Quentin R. Bufogle

Mass shootings are all part of a vast Left-wing conspiracy to undermine the 2nd Amendment and deprive your 6-year-old of his God-given right to bring a Bushmaster to class for "show and tell" ... The one he got from his psychotic, meth-addicted uncle's trailer while the latter was out getting the Confederate flag tattooed on his face. Remember, guns don't kill: the dimwits who insist EVERYONE should have the right to own 'em do. — Quentin R. Bufogle

People ask what's up with this writing business? What do I hope to accomplish? I tell 'em I'm just a brick mason; words are my bricks and I'm building a skyscraper
one brick at a time. — Quentin R. Bufogle

If Heaven actually exists, I don't need anyone to be my real estate broker. After all, what is religion but an attempt to sell you a share in the ultimate gated community? — Quentin R. Bufogle

I want an avowed atheist in the White House. When time comes to push that button, I want whoever's making the decision to understand that once it's pushed, it's over. Finito. They're not gonna have lunch with Jesus. Won't be deflowering 72 virgins on the great shag carpet of eternity, or reincarnated as a cow. I want someone making that decision who believes life on this Earth isn't just a dress rehearsal for something better
but the only shot we get. — Quentin R. Bufogle

After listening to Rick Santorum, I'm now for late-term abortions (say up to age 53). — Quentin R. Bufogle

To all you who believe we shouldn't have a minimum wage
that the minimum amount you can be paid should be determined solely by your employer, we tried it once before: it was called slavery. — Quentin R. Bufogle

It takes a good guy with a gun, to stop a bad guy with a gun (unless the bad guy's a much better shot). — Quentin R. Bufogle

I used to be a hopeless romantic. Now I'm just hopeless. — Quentin R. Bufogle

And so once again peace reigned in his kitchen cabinet. The voices he'd been hearing as he lie in bed stopped. His doctor took him off the Lithium. Tho every now and again he'd hear what seemed to be the sounds of love making emanating from the kitchen ... and the muffled sobs of a can of refried beans. Probably just the Mexican couple in the apartment upstairs. (From "Kitchen Cabinet Confidential") — Quentin R. Bufogle

I was planning on procrastinating today ... but never got around to it. — Quentin R. Bufogle

There are no sacred cows
just ask Ronald McDonald. — Quentin R. Bufogle

If you're gonna burn a bridge behind you, make sure you've crossed it first. — Quentin R. Bufogle

To all my fellow Americans who simply insist on hangin' on to those guns ... Two things: 1) Enjoy 'em! 2) Please keep them hidden in a safe, secure place where the young 'uns can't get at 'em (I'd suggest the same place you keep the textbooks on evolution and global warming). — Quentin R. Bufogle