Nicole Hardy Quotes & Sayings

This is the kind of behavior that I was dreading: she doesn't see that what she's doing is for her, not me. She doesn't see that it's disrespectful. Dismissive. Condescending. As if my reasons aren't real. — Nicole Hardy

If the second-greatest commandment is to love our fellow man, where is that commandment in this? Dear God, where is the love in this? — Nicole Hardy

You are the one who takes care of you, I tell myself. — Nicole Hardy

Damn, girl,' says Jomo. 'You can play hard to get.'
'Unfortunately for both of us,' I say, softening, 'I'm not playing. — Nicole Hardy

Already I'm wondering if it will happen again, and when: that what I've been conditioned to fear, taught to avoid, will instead reveal the strangest, most inexplicable beauty. — Nicole Hardy

It didn't take long to figure out I'll never go back to teaching public high school. Why would I, when I can make virtually the same money waiting tables, have no stress, and work half the hours? When I can give away or trade my shifts if I need time to write or study. When I'll never have to wake up early, take my work home, or talk to anyone's parents
unless it's in regards to the nightly specials, the Spanish grenache that pairs beautifully with our house-made mole sauce. — Nicole Hardy

I am shocked at the openness with which people reveal their secrets and personal failures. Until I realize: not everyone has been raised in a culture of perfection; they don't see a benefit to the shellac required to keep up appearances. — Nicole Hardy

We seem expected to put up with bad manners and bizarre behavior from LDS men, I say. Things we'd never subject ourselves to on dates with nonmembers
simply because of their LDS-ness. My theory is that many LDS men have never learned how to treat women properly because they've always been the supply to an unrelenting demand. Leila continues, saying there are plenty of smart, successful, well-mannered men outside the church who want to date us, but with them we're pressured to lower other standards. — Nicole Hardy

There have to be men out there like us: committed to the Gospel, if not the culture of the church, she says. I nod in agreement. Mormon, but normal. Two Normons in a sea of Boremons and Whoremons. — Nicole Hardy

The separation of young single adults from (plain old) single adults is supposedly a precaution against older men courting girls as young as eighteen. I'm not sure why said girls can't be taught to simply say no to men they're not interested in dating. Truthfully, I'm not sure it's a good idea to separate singles at all. Because we're absent from regular congregations, we singles
and our concerns
aren't often considered. Our absence reinforces the fact that a single life cannot be respected the way a married life can; it certainly can't be admired
unless as an example of how to bear a trial. — Nicole Hardy

I would, for the love of God, feel a man's hands on me before I die. — Nicole Hardy

My throat closes against the words I can't swallow, not one more time. Because it's not true, what they're telling me
what they've been telling me since I was a child. There cannot be only one way to be a woman. My identity cannot be something I've never felt. — Nicole Hardy

But every time I go to church with you, I feel like everyone's trying to trap me in a room and convert me.' Which, in truth, they are. 'I want you, and your family, to love me for who I am,' he shouts, 'To let me be who I am. — Nicole Hardy

Rather than envy, anticipation, or joy, what I feel when I look at the bride is a shortness of breath. I hear the echo of doors closing, as if every one of her life's decisions has just been made. — Nicole Hardy

I played along, spent the next two hours searching for Mormon men who are attractive, employed, educated, no more than two inches shorter than I, no more than ten years older, who lack over commitment phobia, porn addiction, obvious misogynistic or homosexual tendencies, and the immediate need for a new mommy for their four-plus children. — Nicole Hardy

For Mormon women, however, motherhood is an identity, rather than a role. — Nicole Hardy

No prophet or apostle has lived a celibate life is what I'd like to tell her. No one who's ever told me celibacy is a viable option has ever been celibate. They don't even use the word. They say 'abstinent,' which implies there will be an end. They don't consider what my life will be like, if I never marry. Which is likely, given who I am, and the ways I'm different. People stand at the pulpit, or they come to my house, and tell me not to need what every human needs. Afterward, they go home and undress. They lie down next to the person they love most, or once did. — Nicole Hardy

Singlehood is a problem to be solved. Even the bishops in singles wards are impatient with us, frustrated with the amount of time they spend away from their families, dealing with violations of the law of chastity. There's an easy solution, we're often reminded. "Just choose one," said one bishop to a male friend of mine, and indicated, like a game show host, the array of available women before him. — Nicole Hardy

That feels like the worst part: denying people hope. I don't know where I'd be if I couldn't even tell myself that any day now, five minutes, or an hour from now, everything will change. — Nicole Hardy

It's good you have something to keep you occupied." I smile stiffly and turn away from her. Because I'm this far from asking what the fuck she thinks I do all day. But even through the surge of anger that's rising, I remind myself of what I know is true: she means well. They all do. These women want me to receive all of God's blessings, many of which can be bestowed only after my temple marriage, which should be my first objective. Everything I've done so far (my two graduate degrees, my international travels, my teaching career, my friendships, my creative pursuits), is "preparing." Treading water, keeping time, staying busy until real life begins. — Nicole Hardy