Natsuo Kirino Quotes & Sayings

It wasn't so much that I was afraid of the place itself, but I was afraid of the creatures who masqueraded as people. — Natsuo Kirino

I got up on time this morning, boarded the train, changed to the subway, and worked like an aggressive career woman in one of the biggest corporations around. At night I transformed into a prostitute sought out by men. Suddenly I remembered the argument I had had earlier with Arai and stopped short. I'm a company employee day and night. Or is it that I'm a prostitute night and day? Which is it? Which one is me? — Natsuo Kirino

Friends are a weird thing. It seems like they know all about you, but then they don't understand you at all. — Natsuo Kirino

One of my books, 'Rain Falling on My Face,' earned me the 39th Edogawa Ranpo prize. It's a very prestigious literary prize in Japan, mostly for mysteries and thrillers. — Natsuo Kirino

As a child I first became aware that my existence had a purpose when I realized men lusted after me. And that's why I will lust forever after men. Before I even began to worry about homework or any of those school things, I began having secret liaisons with men. And it is men who give me the proof I need now to feel I'm alive. — Natsuo Kirino

In order to induce the process of decay, water is necessary. I think that, in the case of women, men are the water. — Natsuo Kirino

And what if, in order to keep on living, I have to continue to accept myself? — Natsuo Kirino

I was in a self-induced depression. Welcome to me Real World. — Natsuo Kirino

The thing I don't like about detective stories is looking for criminals. — Natsuo Kirino

The pain of being treated like a mere object. And a sense that this pain would turn into pleasure. — Natsuo Kirino

When stones lying warm in the sun were turned over, they exposed the cold, damp earth underneath; and that was where Masako had burrowed deep. There was no trace of warmth in this dark earth, yet for a bug curled up tight in it, it was a peaceful and familiar world. — Natsuo Kirino

A woman who does not know herself has no choice other than to live with other people's evaluations. But no one can adapt perfectly to public opinion. And herein lies the source of their destruction. — Natsuo Kirino

Was it my lot in life to stand forever on heaven's shores watching the glittering swirl of celestial bodies on the other side? — Natsuo Kirino

My talent was the uncompromising ability to feel spite. — Natsuo Kirino

Kids lose their trust in the parents they love, but still accept them, so they end up not trusting themselves anymore. — Natsuo Kirino

And then there was her face: her white skin, her brown eyes, and her expression, so soft and beautiful; she looked as though she were constantly getting ready to ask a question. Even an immaculately crafted doll could not have been as lovely. — Natsuo Kirino

A crime is like a crack in reality, and it is the author's role to explore those cracks. As a writer, I like to see how they impinge on people. — Natsuo Kirino

The woman had gasped beneath his heavy body. He rubbed against her, lubricated by the warm, sticky liquid, but as her body gradually grew cold, he felt as though they'd been glued together. She seemed to be see-sawing between agony and ecstasy, but finally Satake pressed his lips over hers to quiet the groans-of pain or pleasure-that were leaking from her mouth. He found the hole that he had made in her side and worked his finger deep into the opening. Blood was pumping from the wound, staining their sex a gruesome crimson. He wanted to get further inside, to melt into her. As he was about to come, he pulled his lips from her and she whispered in his ear: "I'm finished ... finished."
"I know," he'd said, and he could still hear the exact sound of his own voice. — Natsuo Kirino

This didn't make me sad exactly - it was more a feeling that my own world was too simple, too smooth, too boring and worthless. The most I could do was have another name, Ninna Hori. — Natsuo Kirino

It's a very confusing experience living as a woman in Japan. If your husband is white-collar, the wife is blue. Even if you marry a person of status, the wife inevitably remains a rung below. — Natsuo Kirino

I suspect there are lots of women who want to become prostitutes. Some see themselves as valued commodities and figure they ought to sell while the price is high. Others feel that sex has no intrinsic meaning in and of itself but allows individuals to feel the reality of their own bodies. A few women despise their existence and the insignificance of their meager lives and want to affirm themselves by controlling sex much as a man would. Then there are those who are actuated by violent, self-destructive behavior. And finally we have those want to offer comfort. I suppose there are any number of women who find the meaning of their existence in similar ways. — Natsuo Kirino

Maybe what I want is to cut all ties with everybody. The thread or something that keeps me connected to the world, the worthless proof that I exist. — Natsuo Kirino

I started writing juvenile novels around 1985. I never really thought of it as a career, but more as a way to make a living. — Natsuo Kirino

Kazue's journals depict an absolutely sublime struggle, the struggle between an individual and the rest of the world. Kazue lost the battle, ended up completely alone, and died hungry for some measure of kindness from another person. Don't you think it's a sad story? — Natsuo Kirino

In reality of everyday occurrences I've had to submit to people in order not to lose them. It's less the submission that bothers me, I guess, than how it makes my life miserable. And what happens if I can't forgive myself for making that choice? And what if, in order to keep on living, I have to continue to accept myself? What am I supposed to do? Conclusion: It'd be best if I'm destroyed. The best thing is for me just to vanish. — Natsuo Kirino

You know," she murmured, "we're all heading straight to hell."
"Yes," said Masako, giving her a bleak look. "It's like riding downhill with no brakes."
"You mean, there's no way to stop?"
"No, you stop all right - when you crash. — Natsuo Kirino

I was frightened by the optimism of adults, their stupid trust in science to treat a troubled heart. Afraid of their obsession with believing they have to treat troubled kids. I just wanted them to leave me alone, so how come they didn't get it? But that's the way it always is. — Natsuo Kirino

When high school girls like us freak out, people are always able to overpower us before we do something stupid, like hijacking a bus or running around with a knife. Which is why girls arm themselves beforehand so they don't get caught up in something like that. Boys probably aren't so good at protecting themselves. — Natsuo Kirino

Our gods did not come to us in any specific form, but we held them in our hearts and understood them in our own way. — Natsuo Kirino

Here was a man who wanted what no one had wanted before: he wanted to get to know the inner workings of the doll-like woman who was me. Karl wasn't interested in me; neither was Johnson. But Kijima's father liked me for who I was. The realization left me feeling numb. I was touched. But being touched is not the same as feeling desire. And I didn't exist without desire. If I didn't exist, then what? — Natsuo Kirino

The living mourn the dead for a time but they forget about them as days pass. The living are so selfish, so spoilt, so taken with the very act of living that they don't remember long. — Natsuo Kirino

I don't know if foreigners will take to my novels or not. It may be that my books appeal only to a particular gender or age group rather than convey a more universal appeal. — Natsuo Kirino

All I want is for someone to understand me before I die. With death staring me in the face, I finally understand the reason novelists write books: before they die they want somebody, somewhere, to understand them. — Natsuo Kirino

I first thought about becoming a writer after the age of 30, which is rather late, I'd say. In my 20s, I wasn't especially good at anything, and I didn't have a lot of experiences. I was just a young woman without a good job. — Natsuo Kirino

I realized that the last thing I wanted to do was go home. A weird feeling - like on the one hand I wanted to go back to that other world, but at the same time didn't care if my connections to it were cut forever. It wasn't a feeling of being free or anything. I just didn't want to go back. I wanted to float somewhere in between. — Natsuo Kirino

I suppose I'm the one responsible for destroying myself. — Natsuo Kirino

But even a nice mom and dad like this can't really sense how their child's been assaulted by commercialism ever since she was little, how she's lived in fear of being eaten alive by the morons around her. They just don't get it.
Mom always lectures me about not being afraid of getting hurt, but all she can imagine is the kind of hurt she's experienced herself. She has no idea of the threats that surround kids these days, how much we're bullied, how much hurt this causes. — Natsuo Kirino

If people can't stand being alone, they have no choice but to die — Natsuo Kirino

Fortunately for me, I ran across some girls I could get along with so I could enjoy high school life okay, but it must be awful for kids who don't get along with anybody. We're different from our parents, a completely different species from our teachers. And kids who are one grade apart you are in a different world altogether. In other words, we're basically surrounded by enemies and have to make it on our own. — Natsuo Kirino

Walk around Tokyo and all you see are people trying to sell you something. Tell them okay and before you know you have bought something. Make the mistake of telling your address and now you're on a mailing list. Some old guy pats you on the shoulder and before you know what hit you you're in a hotel room. Stalkers' victims, the ones they kill, are always women. — Natsuo Kirino

For a nymphomaniac like myself, I suppose there could be no job more suitable than prostitution; it is my God-given destiny. No matter how violent a man might be, or how ugly, at the moment we're in the act I cannot help but love him. And what's more I'll grant his every wish, no matter how shameful. In fact, the more twisted my partner is, the more attracted I will be to him, because my ability to meet my lover's demands is the one way I can feel alive.
That is my virtue. It is also my biggest flaw. I can't deny a man. I'm like a vagina incarnate - female essence embodied. If I ever were to deny a man, I would stop being me. — Natsuo Kirino

My lascivious blood leaves me no choice but to lust for men. No matter how common I become, how ugly, how old, as long as there is life in my body I will go on wanting men. That's just my fate. Even if men are no longer amazed when they see me, even if they no longer desire me, even if they belittle me, I have to sleep with them. No, I want to sleep with them. It's the retribution for a divinity that no one can sustain forever. I suppose you could say my 'power' was little more than sin. — Natsuo Kirino

I decided then and there I was never going to have kids. — Natsuo Kirino

I'm happy to be told that I am beautiful, but I don't gain anything from that. — Natsuo Kirino

If the old man looked at straight lines to keep his act together, I was going to stare at curved lines and go down in flames. — Natsuo Kirino

'Out' was my real breakthrough, the novel that became a hit in Japan and sold a lot of books, so it was sort of an obvious choice for being the first book to be translated into English. — Natsuo Kirino

[..] and there are tons of people I hate so much that I wouldn't mind taking them out. But killing them wouldn't get me anywhere - that's the conclusion I always come to. If I'm going to pay for it in the end, I might as well let them live. — Natsuo Kirino

I'm this superphilosophical kind of person. Stuck in a prison of abstract ideas and overpowering emotions, I have this personality that makes it really hard to survive. — Natsuo Kirino

Bye-bye. I'm off on a journey to the real world. 'Cause within this meta-reality what's real is this - my death. — Natsuo Kirino

Most of the kids I know read only manga, but I prefer novels. Novels are closer to real life than manga, it's like they show you the real world with one layer peeled away, a reality you can't see otherwise. — Natsuo Kirino

If you say I hide things because I'm shy, that can't be right. I've finally realized it's for a different reason
that I don't want to see the darkness that lies in my heart — Natsuo Kirino

So something that never should have happened did, all because of my thoughts and actions. A clear-cut cause-and-effect relationship. I was the one who caused it, and I should probably get the death penalty. Or maybe what I should say is I'm the one who pronounced the death sentence on myself — Natsuo Kirino

A women who does not know herself has no choice other than to live with other people's evaluations. — Natsuo Kirino

Loneliness. Sometimes that awful feeling causes you to do something stupid. — Natsuo Kirino

Men live by rules they've made for themselves. And among those rules is one specifying that women are merely commodities for men to possess. A daughter belongs to her father, a wife to her husband. A woman's own desires present obstacles for men and are best ignored. — Natsuo Kirino

But it did seem that the thing we are most proud of and the thing we are most ashamed of are but the front and back of the same coin. — Natsuo Kirino

You see, natural beauty creates such excitement that the existence of the weight is negated. And once it is negated, the heavier it is to bear. — Natsuo Kirino

For a girl, appearance can be a powerful form of oppression. No matter how intelligent a girl may be, no matter her many talents, these attributes are not easily discerned. Brains and talent will never stand up against a girl who is clearly physically attractive. — Natsuo Kirino

For research, I like to go to the location of the places in the novels. The first thing that I do is involve my senses: I notice the smells; I open the trash cans and look at what people have thrown away. — Natsuo Kirino

I'm still afraid of being totally honest. I'm more afraid of this than dying. — Natsuo Kirino

In Japan, full-time homemakers have no economic power of their own, and they socially lead a faceless, anonymous existence. — Natsuo Kirino

Let's face it: the world is twisted. And rotten. — Natsuo Kirino