Monica Holloway Quotes & Sayings

Would I ever have the courage to tell Wills the truth? That he wasn't just imagining the world was a more difficult place for him to understand than for some of his buddies - that it was, in fact, more difficult for him. That he'd been dealt a rotten hand in that regard, but only in that one regard. Because I wouldn't change one freckle, one misunderstood moment, one tiny piece of him for anything in the world. I would change myself. I would change the things other people said or thought out of ignorance or fear. I would change so many things, but I would absolutely never, in a million years, change him. — Monica Holloway

Knowing there is no cavalry is much better than hoping for a cavalry that never comes. I am strong because I have to be. I am the cavalry. (314) — Monica Holloway

I was relieved in some weird way that the accident had actually occurred. It was a physical manifestation of what had already been going on inside the car. The outside now matched the inside - damaged beyond repair. (113) — Monica Holloway

That night, my heart softened around Wills's autism. Clearly, Katherine had been right. I couldn't isolate him. As painful as it was to watch him paralyzed with fright, I knew that he was happier when he tried. Not showing up was admitting defeat. Admitting that he couldn't do it. Admitting that the autism was bigger than him. — Monica Holloway

The truth was that in the end, sad felt better than rage - a lot better. But rage came easier. Sad felt like the world was ending. (150) — Monica Holloway

My whole life, I wanted to be dead, but I didn't actually do anything about it. I guess I didn't want to be dead; I wanted relief. I wanted to be happy and peaceful." "That's it," she said. "It's not about dying; it's about stopping the pain." (289) — Monica Holloway

I wished there had been obvious signs of destruction on all of us kids: bruises or burn marks, something that indicated how violent our house was, but words and neglect don't leave visible marks. And that confuses even the person who knows better. (169) — Monica Holloway

The world wasn't safe today. The truth was, this world was never safe. (19) — Monica Holloway

I'll always be damaged in a way. I had hoped that I could completely heal those cracks, but I'm starting to think the real trick is learning to live a full life in spite of them. Cracked people are everywhere, and so I can forgive myself for being overly anxious or easily frightened. But I will no longer allow myself to be swallowed by my past. I insist on having the happiest life I can muster, and I am in control of that now. — Monica Holloway

Just as Sarah Keeler had taught me that children die, Wendy taught me that you don't have to wade through the insanity; you can get off the bus. This scared me so much that a sweaty panic swept over me. From that moment on I knew it was possible to end my own life. (157) — Monica Holloway

This sent me into an inappropriate laughing fit. I wasn't allowed to get angry, and I couldn't cry, so I laughed - a lot. (114) — Monica Holloway