Michael R. Burch Quotes & Sayings

Trump appeals to right-wingnuts because when the going gets tough, they wig out. — Michael R. Burch

Every political card played by Jeb Bush has been Trumped; every political note played by The Donald has been Trumpeted. — Michael R. Burch

Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it's far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: "I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End." — Michael R. Burch

Trump appeals to the disaffected by loudly trumpet-ing what they want to hear: other people are always the problem, and the solution is to either put them in their proper place or get rid of them. — Michael R. Burch

What do we get when the Donald exposes his enormous ass? A trump roast. — Michael R. Burch

If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it. — Michael R. Burch

How can the Bible be "infallible" when from Genesis to Revelation slavery is commanded and condoned, but never condemned? — Michael R. Burch

Trump's last name is an omen that he'll win the Republican nomination, since "trump" means "triumph." One might suggest that this will constitute the triumph of insanity over reason, except that none of the other Republican candidates make any sense either. Trump just makes them seem less crazy by comparison. — Michael R. Burch

It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages! — Michael R. Burch

Trump claims he'd be the "best jobs president that God ever created." But isn't his claim to fame firing people? — Michael R. Burch

President Obama contends that charges he is "not really an American" have been trumped up by you-know-who. — Michael R. Burch

The truth can finally be told: Donald Trump's autism was caused by a vaccination that went terribly wrong; this explains why he can't relate to other people. — Michael R. Burch

I lived as best I could, and then I died. Be careful where you step: the grave is wide. — Michael R. Burch

Perhaps love doesn't make the world go round, but it makes the bumpy ride worthwhile and provides a glorious destination. — Michael R. Burch

Donald Trump isn't really running for president, come on! This is obviously a new reality show, Celebrity Presidential Apprentice. It ends with the incompetent celebrity being berated, humiliated, then unceremoniously fired. — Michael R. Burch

Donald Trump's hairpiece has reportedly narrowed its list of running partners down to Don King, Kramer, William Shatner, Dolly Parton and Phil Spector, and has no worries about being upstaged. — Michael R. Burch

Donald Trump just announced that if Republicans don't treat him fairly, he will resurrect the Whig party and run as its hair apparent. — Michael R. Burch

Donald Trump accused Huma Abedin of sharing state secrets with her husband. I think Trump clearly lacks a sense of Huma. — Michael R. Burch

Hell hath no fury like a frustrated fundamentalist whose God condemned him to "hell" for having "impure thoughts." — Michael R. Burch

When I was being bullied, I had to learn not to judge myself by the opinions of intolerant morons. Then I felt much better. — Michael R. Burch

Donald Trump has filed so many bankruptcies and busted so many companies that his children now have receding heir lines. — Michael R. Burch

C'm'on lefties! Admit that Trump has been very tough on China. He has been especially tough on Chinese kids who slave away in sweatboxes, making his clothing lines. — Michael R. Burch

Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick. — Michael R. Burch

Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump's hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon? — Michael R. Burch

Even Donald Trump's hairpiece is fed up with his insults and says it now supports Bernie Sanders. When Trump found out, he sobbed — Michael R. Burch

Epigrams delight us into wisdom. — Michael R. Burch

Rand Paul tried hard to upstage Donald Trump at the first debate, talking tough about his guns and his right not to register them. But with his pixie-ish perm, Paul does not impress me as the gunslinger type. Rand Paul is the RuPaul of politics. He would do better to defend his right to carry an unregistered blow-dryer and curling irons. — Michael R. Burch

These are clearly the end times, and now we understand why the prophets warned us about the Trump of Doom. — Michael R. Burch

The slogan of the American Civil Rights Movement was "We shall overcome!" Donald Trump's new campaign slogan is "We shall overcomb!" — Michael R. Burch

If God is good half the Bible is libel. — Michael R. Burch

Abbesses' recesses are not for excesses! — Michael R. Burch

Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths? — Michael R. Burch

Donald Trump just pledged to be loyal to the Green Party, the Communist Party and Party Central, as long as they agree to be nice to that thing on his head. If not, all bets are off. — Michael R. Burch

Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God. — Michael R. Burch

If every witty thing that's said was true, Oscar Wilde, the world would worship You! — Michael R. Burch

It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all. — Michael R. Burch

I'll not!
The gents are impressed
with the way that I'm dressed.
I wouldn't change even one spot. — Michael R. Burch

Love is either wholly folly, or fully holy. — Michael R. Burch

Life's saving graces are love, pleasure, laughter ... wisdom, it seems, is for the Hereafter. — Michael R. Burch

What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card. — Michael R. Burch

There's no better tonic for other people's bad ideas, than to think for oneself. — Michael R. Burch