Merri Lisa Johnson Quotes & Sayings

I wade through the rush of neglect and loss and sadness pouring through a hole in my hull. — Merri Lisa Johnson

I longed to stabilize my core identity and to withstand the pressure of other people's words, behaviors, moods, and perceptions. I wanted to be less easily thrown. — Merri Lisa Johnson

Our bodies made us shiver in fear and disgust. We looked in the mirror and prepared ourselves to be horrified. — Merri Lisa Johnson

I can feel the sensation (it burns) of being called crazy when you feel wounded and desperate. — Merri Lisa Johnson

I worked through memories like weeping wounds. I wrote tedious accounts of petty conflicts and read them aloud to people. I removed layer after layer of rot. — Merri Lisa Johnson

Her life is a wrecked boat torn apart for kindling and set ablaze to send a message to the sky from a deserted beach. From a distance the words spell SAVE ME. The closer the sign the clearer the statement. Turns out it says FUCK YOU. — Merri Lisa Johnson

My life story is structured by reckless reenactments of panic and flight. — Merri Lisa Johnson

I bored myself to tears with the daytime television drama of confrontation (I've been wronged!). I winced at sluggish morning half-memories of wearing wrongness like a lampshade on my head (I'm mentally ill!). — Merri Lisa Johnson

It isn't any particular person I want to lie down with and make my own. It isn't anybody at all. It is the feeling of being taken care of that I want to pin down and rock my hips against. Sling a leg across it and fall asleep.
This longing for body comfort and security is familiar as my own face.
The need is urgent.
The need makes me stupid. — Merri Lisa Johnson

Affairs with unavailable people are a heroin high before nausea hits. Like smack they are destined to disappoint.
They begin with magic. Then the chasing after magic.
And finally the MOURNING FOR MAGIC. — Merri Lisa Johnson

A personality disorder is not the foreign presence of demonic possession or a cancerous cluster of cells spreading among the internal organs. It is a pattern of cognition and reaction that impares the capacity to be productive, happy and generally at ease. It is a fractured sense of self giving way to the weight of stressful interpersonal dynamics. — Merri Lisa Johnson

Sweet like syrup of ipecac, she leaves my system with my guts in her hands. — Merri Lisa Johnson

I thieve love. I beg for it. People want what they cannot have. — Merri Lisa Johnson

I know insecurity is unattractive. I hate this side of me.
I don't really hate this side of me.
I think other people will hate it so I hate it preemptively to ward off the unbearable feeling of having my shortcomings pointed out by other people. I want to get there before anyone else and stake my claim on hating my jealousy so no one else can. — Merri Lisa Johnson