Melvin Helitzer Quotes & Sayings

If the audience knows what's behind the door and the actor does not, that's comedy. If both the audience and the actor do not know, that's mystery! — Melvin Helitzer

It's psychologically impossible to hate someone with whom you've laughed. — Melvin Helitzer

I have a serious investment problem. I have no money. — Melvin Helitzer

A famous actor, Edmund Kean, on his deathbed, was reported to have said, "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard." — Melvin Helitzer

I'd like to introduce a man with a lot of charm, talent, and wit. Unfortunately, he couldn't be here tonight, so instead ... — Melvin Helitzer

One thing I can guarantee you. You may not be a great deal wiser from my talk today, but you will be a great deal older. — Melvin Helitzer

I sort of feel like Cindy Crawford's new husband on their wedding night. I know what's expected of me. I'm just not sure I've got the ability to make it interesting. — Melvin Helitzer

Enjoy how sweet, how thoughtful, how kind I'm being on your birthday. Because tomorrow it's back to the same old crap. — Melvin Helitzer