Famous Quotes & Sayings

Melody Beattie Quotes & Sayings

Enjoy the top 100 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Melody Beattie.

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Famous Quotes By Melody Beattie

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The plan will happen in spite of us, not because of us. — Melody Beattie

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A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior. — Melody Beattie

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Like it or not, i was already learning that in the worst and darkest time, I would find specks of light, moments of joy. What I didn't want to learn was the other, harsher lesson - that in life's brightest moments there would also be unbearable pain. p 87 — Melody Beattie

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Our best problem-solving resource is peace. Solutions arise easily and naturally out of a peaceful state. — Melody Beattie

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Remember to be kind. Remember to be loving.
Remember to feel all your feelings and to take care of yourself.
But most of all, remember to be happy. — Melody Beattie

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Today I will surrender to discipline. I realize that sometimes it takes time to see the fruits of my labors, yet I still need to practice discipline. Help me to remember, God, that I'm moving forward, and that I'm learning the very important art of discipline. — Melody Beattie

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Taking care of myself is a big job. No wonder I avoided it for so long. - ANONYMOUS — Melody Beattie

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Taking time to rest, renew, and refresh yourself isn't wasted time. Recharge. Choose what energizes you. — Melody Beattie

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Letting go of our ideas about how life should go is a choice that sets life's magic free. — Melody Beattie

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We don't have to do it any better than we can - ever. Do our best for the moment, then let it go. If we have to redo it, we can do our best in another moment, later. — Melody Beattie

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I pray for faith that my future will be good if I live today well, and in peace. I will remember that staying in the present is the best thing I can do for my future. I will focus on what's happening now instead of what's going to happen tomorrow. — Melody Beattie

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Panic is our great enemy. — Melody Beattie

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Today, I will understand that I hold the key to my freedom. I will stop participating in my oppression and victimization. I will take responsibility for myself, and let others do as they may. — Melody Beattie

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Today, God, help me practice the concept of acceptance in my life. Help me accept myself, others, and my circumstances. Take me one step further, and help me feel grateful. — Melody Beattie

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Life is always moving, changing, shifting into its next shape. The movement is natural. It is how we evolve. Let the shifts happen. Take responsibility for yourself each step of the way. Trust the new shape and form of your world — Melody Beattie

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Resentments are hardened chunks of anger. They loosen up and dissolve with forgiveness and letting go. — Melody Beattie

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Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay. — Melody Beattie

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I want to thank each person who has the courage to push through and past the set of coping behaviors we've come to label as codependency - who learn what it means to take care of themselves. "Nobody taught me how to take care of myself," a fifty-year-old woman told me recently. "I didn't have enough money to go to therapy, but I had enough to buy a book. — Melody Beattie

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Wants and needs are closely connected. And all our needs, even the ones we're not completely aware of yet, will be met. Be grateful that God knows more about what we need than we do. Sometimes when we pray, we get what we want. Sometimes we get what we need. Accept both answers-the yes's and the something else's-with heartfelt gratitude. Then look around and see what your lesson and gift is. — Melody Beattie

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Worrying, obsessing, and controlling are illusions. They are tricks we play on ourselves. — Melody Beattie

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The surest way to make ourselves crazy is to get involved in other people's business, and the quickest way to become sane and happy is to tend to our own affairs. — Melody Beattie

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If somebody rejects you or your choices, you are still real, and you are still worth every bit as much as you would be if you had not been rejected. — Melody Beattie

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We stop worrying about them, and they pick up the slack and finally start worrying about themselves. What a grand plan! We each mind our own business. Earlier, I described a person caught in — Melody Beattie

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If we abdicate responsibility for our choices, we may become angry, sometimes full of rage at others for running our lives, for telling us what to do. We need to take responsibility. We need to trust ourselves. — Melody Beattie

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I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life. — Melody Beattie

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Whatever we try to control does have control over us and our life. — Melody Beattie

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There are no knights on white horses, no magical grandmothers in the sky watching, waiting to rescue us. Teachers may come our way, but they will not rescue. They will teach. People who care will come, but they will not rescue. They will care. Help will come, but help is not rescuing. We are our own rescuers. Our relationships will improve dramatically when we stop rescuing others and stop expecting them to rescue us. — Melody Beattie

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It's not what we don't know that hurts us, people say. It's what we believe is true that isn't that does the damage. — Melody Beattie

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Waiting time is not wasted time. Something is being worked out - in us, in someone else, in the Universe. — Melody Beattie

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Beliefs create reality — Melody Beattie

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There are almost as many definitions of co-dependency as there are experiences that represent it. — Melody Beattie

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Today, I will apply the concept of detachment, to the best of my ability, in my relationships. If I can't let go completely, I'll try to "hang on loose. — Melody Beattie

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When we don't ask for what we want and need, we discount ourselves. — Melody Beattie

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Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They under-react. But rarely do they act. They react to the problems, pains, lives, and behaviors of others. They react to their own problems, pains, and behaviors. — Melody Beattie

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And gratitude is the solution. Being grateful for what we have today doesn't mean we have to have that forever. It means we acknowledge that what we have today is what we're supposed to have today. There is enough, we're enough, and all we need will come to us. We don't have to be desperate, fearful, jealous, resentful, or miserly. We don't have to worry about what someone else has; they don't have ours. All we need to do is appreciate and take care of what we have today. The trick is, we need to be grateful first - before we get anything else, not afterward. — Melody Beattie

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If we weren't trying to control whether a person liked us or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control the course of a relationship, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control another person's behavior, how would we think, feel, speak, and behave differently than we do now? What haven't we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or person? Are there some things we've been doing that we'd stop? How would we treat ourselves differently? Would we let ourselves enjoy life more and feel better right now? Would we stop feeling so bad? Would we treat ourselves better? If we weren't trying to control, what would we do differently? Make a list, then do it. — Melody Beattie

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Gratitude can turn a meal into a feast. — Melody Beattie

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Many codependents, at some time in their lives, were true victims - of someone's abuse, neglect, abandonment, alcoholism, or any number of situations that can victimize people. We were, at some time, truly helpless to protect ourselves or solve our problems. Something came our way, something we didn't ask for, and it hurt us terribly. That is sad, truly sad. But an even sadder fact is that many of us codependents began to see ourselves as victims. Our painful history repeats itself. As caretakers, we allow people to victimize us, and we participate in our victimization by perpetually rescuing people. Rescuing or caretaking is not an act of love. — Melody Beattie

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Self-care isn't selfish; it's self-esteem. — Melody Beattie

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The greatest gift we can bring to any relationship wherever we go is being who we are. — Melody Beattie

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Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible-controlling that which we cannot-and instead, focus on what is possible-which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible. — Melody Beattie

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There's a secret to get through loss, pain and grief. If we're alone we can't see who we are. When we join the club, other people become the mirror. Through them, we see ourselves and gain an understanding of what we're going through. Then slowly, real slowly, we learn to accept who we see in the mirror. Then you become the mirror for them; by being honest about who you are, you'll help them learn to love and accept themselves. — Melody Beattie

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If we are unhappy without a relationship, we'll probably be unhappy with one as well. A relationship doesn't begin our life; a relationship doesn't become our life. A relationship is a continuation of life. — Melody Beattie

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No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. — Melody Beattie

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react is important here. However you approach codependency, however you define it, and from whatever frame of reference you choose to diagnose and treat it, codependency is primarily a reactionary process. Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They under-react. But rarely do they act. They react to the problems, pains, — Melody Beattie

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We don't have to take other people's behaviors as reflections of our self-worth. We don't have to be embarrassed if someone we love chooses to behave inappropriately. It's normal to react that way, but we don't have to continue to feel embarrassed and less than if someone else continues to behave inappropriately. Each person is responsible for his or her behavior. — Melody Beattie

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We can stop picking on ourselves for picking on ourselvesWe can cherish ourselves and our lives. We can nuture ourselves and love ourselves. We can accept our wonderful selves, with all our faults, foibles, strong points, weak points, feelings, thoughts, and everything else. It's the best thing we've got going for us. It's who we are, and who we were meant to be. And it's not a mistake. We are the greatest thing that will ever happen to us. Believe it. It makes life much easier. — Melody Beattie

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Choosing to take responsibility for ourselves and for the consequences our choices create looks like hard work, but it really sets us free. — Melody Beattie

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It's our job to first make ourselves feel better and then make ourselves feel good. — Melody Beattie

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It's easy to see and notice what we like in other people. Sometimes, it's not as easy to see the attributes and beauty in ourselves. It's good to see the beauty in others. But sometimes, take a moment and get excited when you notice what's beautiful in yourself, too. — Melody Beattie

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There is honor in all work, in all tasks, but take it one step further. Make what you do a labor of love. Then your work will truly touch and change the world in the way you desire. The work you do, whatever your chosen field, will be work that heals. — Melody Beattie

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Love yourself just as you are. — Melody Beattie

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Few situations - no matter how greatly they appear to demand it - can be bettered by us going berserk. Why do we do it, then? We react because we're anxious and afraid of what has happened, what might happen, and what is happening. Many of us react as though everything is a crisis because we have lived with so many crises for so long that crisis reaction has become a habit. We react because we think things shouldn't be happening the way they are. We react because we don't feel good about ourselves. We react because most people react. We react because we think we have to react. We don't have to. We don't have to be so afraid of people. They are just people like us. We don't have to forfeit our peace. It doesn't help. We have the same facts and resources available to us when we're peaceful that are available to us when we're frantic and chaotic. Actually we have more resources available because our minds and emotions are free to perform at peak level. — Melody Beattie

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You don't blast a heart open," she said. "You coax and nurture it open, like the sun does to a rose. — Melody Beattie

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Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. — Melody Beattie

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Each life needs its own quiet place. — Melody Beattie

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Caring works. Caretaking doesn't. We can learn to walk the line between the two. — Melody Beattie

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The more we learn to love and respect ourselves, the more we will become attracted to people who will love and respect us and who we can safely love and respect. — Melody Beattie

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Living our lives may not be an exciting prospect to some of us either. Maybe we've been so wrapped up in other people that we've forgotten how to live and enjoy our lives. — Melody Beattie

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We do not lead others into the Light by stepping into the darkness with them. — Melody Beattie

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The test, the mark, of a person that's on a spiritual path is whether they can live in harmony. — Melody Beattie

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We decided that sooner or later you had to learn to live without almost everybody, at least for a while. Even people you didn't think you could live without. p 167
love always found itself again. — Melody Beattie

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Relationships are where we take our recovery on the road. — Melody Beattie

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Quit hanging on to the handrails ... Let go. Surrender. Go for the ride of your life. Do it every day. — Melody Beattie

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Gratitude turns negative energy into positive energy. There is no situation or circumstance so small or large that it is not susceptible to gratitude's power. — Melody Beattie

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We rescue people from their responsibilities. We take care of people's responsibilities for them. Later we get mad at them for what we've done. Then we feel used and sorry for ourselves. That is the pattern, the triangle. — Melody Beattie

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are experts at taking care of everybody around us, do we doubt our ability to take care of ourselves? What is it about us? Many of us learned these things because when we were children, someone very important to us was unable to give us the love, approval, and emotional security we needed. So we've gone about our lives the best way we could, still looking vaguely or desperately for something we never got. Some of us are still beating our heads against the cement trying to get this love from people who, like Mother or Father, are unable to give what we need. The cycle repeats itself until it is interrupted and stopped. It's called unfinished business. — Melody Beattie

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I know when to say no and when to say yes. I take responsibility for my choices. The victim? She went somewhere else. The only one who can truly victimize me is myself, and 99 percent of the time I choose to do that no more. But I need to continue to remember the key principles: boundaries, letting go, forgiveness after feeling my feelings - not before, self-expression, loving others but loving myself, too. — Melody Beattie

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Today, I will wait if the way is not clear. I will trust that out of the chaos will come clarity. — Melody Beattie

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The formula is simple: In any given situation, detach and ask, What do I need to do to take care of myself? — Melody Beattie

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When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love have to offer, the best God and His universe have to send. Then open your hands to receive it. It's yours. — Melody Beattie

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I never know what the next lesson is going to be, because we're not supposed to know
we're supposed to trust ourselves to discover it. — Melody Beattie

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A man went to Istanbul, his first visit there. On his way to a business meeting, this man lost his way. He began raging at himself for getting lost, until a realization allowed him to transcend his ire. "How can I be lost? I've never been here before?" pp 104-105 — Melody Beattie

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Striving for excellence is a positive quality. Striving for perfection is self-defeating. — Melody Beattie

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Codependents: don't trust themselves. don't trust their feelings. don't trust their decisions. don't trust other people. try to trust untrustworthy people. — Melody Beattie

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Frequently, when I suggest to people that they detach from a person or problem, they recoil in horror. "Oh, no!" they say. "I could never do that. I love him, or her, too much. I care too much to do that. This problem or person is too important to me. I have to stay attached!" My answer to that is, "WHO SAYS YOU HAVE TO?" I've got news - good news. We don't "have to." There's a better way. It's called "detachment."3 It may be scary at first, but it will ultimately work better for everyone involved. — Melody Beattie

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I gave three years of my life to take care of my dying mother who had Alzheimer's disease. Being there for her every need for three years might have looked codependent but it wasn't because it was what I wanted to do. — Melody Beattie

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We call it keeping up with the Joneses. They buy a boat and we buy a bigger one. They get a new TV and we get a big screen. They start a business and we start planning our articles of incorporation and the first stock release. And while we're so busy keeping up, we ignore our soul, the inner voice, that's telling us that it really wants to teach children to read. While it helps to identify with each other, we're not the same. So why compare ourselves on the basis of material things? Are you walking a path with heart in your own life, regardless of what others have? — Melody Beattie

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Today, I will trust that God will do for me what I cannot do for myself. I will do my part - working the Twelve Steps and letting God do the rest. — Melody Beattie

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When you let go of fear and the need to control, you'll experience how mysterious, sacred, and interesting Life can be. — Melody Beattie

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Today, I will strive for balance. — Melody Beattie

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Today, I will let things happen without worrying about the significance of each event. I will trust that this will bring about my growth faster than running around with a microscope. I will trust my lessons to reveal themselves in their own time. — Melody Beattie

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[Reactionaries] Just feeling urgent and compulsive is enough to hurt us. We keep ourselves in a crisis state ... ready to react to emergencies that aren't really emergencies. Someone does something, so we must do something back. Someone says something, so we must say something. Someone feels a certain way, so we must feel a certain way. WE JUMP INTO THE FIRST FEELING THAT COMES OUR WAY AND THEN WALLOW IN IT. — Melody Beattie

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Feel what you feel, know what you know, and set your relatives free to do the same. — Melody Beattie

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Furthermore, worrying about people and problems doesn't help. It doesn't solve problems, it doesn't help other people, and it doesn't help us. It is wasted energy. — Melody Beattie

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I used to be afraid of pain, didn't take a lot of risks, especially in love. I'm not as afraid anymore. I'm more spontaneous, more likely to say what I think. — Melody Beattie

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This moment, we are right where we need to be, right where we are meant to be. — Melody Beattie

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Today I will focus on a peaceful pace, rather than a harried one. I will keep moving forward gently, not frantically. I will let go of my need to be anxious and upset and will replace these feelings with calmness and harmony. — Melody Beattie

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Nurtured, nourished people, who love themselves and care for themselves, are the delight of the Universe. — Melody Beattie

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I've learned that I have many, many soul mates here, and they come to me at the right time and in the right place. They come to help me when I'm lost, and each comes with different sets of lessons for me
usually, always, my most intense lessons
the ones my soul came here to learn. — Melody Beattie

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I reacted to other people's feelings, behaviors, problems, and thoughts. I reacted to what they might by feeling, thinking, or doing. I reacted to my own feelings, my own thoughts, my own problems. My strong point seemed to be reacting to crises - I thought almost everything was a crisis. I overreacted. — Melody Beattie

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Can you feel the rush? Listen quietly. It's there. It's the sound of a life and spirit being set free. God, help me set myself free from ridiculous and unnecessary expectations. — Melody Beattie

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Today, I will know that I don't have to worry about anything. If I do worry, I will do it with the understanding that I am choosing to worry, and it is not necessary. — Melody Beattie

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Each moment in time we have it all, even when we think we don't. — Melody Beattie

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Except for normal human emotions we would be feeling anyway, and twinges of discomfort as we begin to behave differently, recovery from codependency is exciting. It is liberating. It lets us be who we are. It lets other people be who they are. — Melody Beattie

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Who you are is love. What love does is heal. — Melody Beattie

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We have as much time as we need. — Melody Beattie

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Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. — Melody Beattie

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Acceptance is the magic that makes change possible. It is not forever, it is for the present moment — Melody Beattie

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We can let ourselves enjoy life. If we want something and can afford it, buy it. If we want to do something that is legal and harmless, do it. When we're actually involved with doing something that is recreational, don't find ways to feel bad. Let go and enjoy life. — Melody Beattie