Matt Walsh Quotes & Sayings

Meanwhile, feminists regularly insist that the absence of a uterus and a vagina excludes men from having an opinion about things like abortion. So a man can't have ideas about women's issues because he lacks the correct anatomy, but he can actually be a woman despite lacking the correct anatomy? How does that make any kind of sense? — Matt Walsh

Children are entitled to life. We conceive them and so we owe them our care and our protection. This may not be a dictate of law anymore, but it is a dictate of love. — Matt Walsh

We are the protagonists of our love story, not the spectators. — Matt Walsh

L.A. can be pretty insane because there's so much show business here, but I also know a lot of kids who grew up in Manhattan who are some of the most normal, nicest people I know. Casting directors always say Chicago people are just nicer. — Matt Walsh

I know that relationships can be a winding, sometimes unpredictable road ... it just seems to me that, if you ever find yourself backed into a corner, and the only way out is a box, that you have sex in, on stage, on live TV ... something has gone terribly wrong. — Matt Walsh

Well, politics is much more severe than entertainment. You have to hit those points, in politics, word for word. You have to remember the date. You have to remember the website. You have to rehearse stories that might be asked, have anecdotes ready for questions that might come up. — Matt Walsh

I'm more of a fisherman as opposed to a scientist perhaps and chasing the whale. But I've had some success. — Matt Walsh

Sure, I would have loved it, if we'd gotten 2,000 screens, but I never had that delusion. I was very realistic. I think it's a success, in that it turned out funny, I got everyone I wanted to be in it, and it will get seen. The hope is that it gets a little cult following. I think people will be surprised about who's in it and how funny it is. That's my hope. — Matt Walsh

Yeah, it was always a low-budget passion project. It's my directing debut. I've always wanted to make an improv movie because I have so much experience in it, but it's not a big studio movie. It was an experiment that turned out better than I thought. — Matt Walsh

If you're not familiar with it, a college degree is a thing that we tell our kids to buy with money they don't have, in hopes that it will help them make money they might earn, which will give them the ability to pay back the money they spent in order to make the money they're paying it back with. — Matt Walsh

As far as I can tell, kids are called bossy when they behave in a dictatorial and domineering fashion. They're called bossy when they try to order people around and refuse to listen to authority figures. Here's a suggestion: instead of telling us not to refer to them as bossy, why don't we teach them not to be bossy? We concentrate so much on eradicating negative words while forgetting to address the behavior that the words describe. — Matt Walsh

I didn't marry The One, I married this one, and the two of us became one. — Matt Walsh

You can't be controlling in improv. — Matt Walsh

Anyone who believes in a Jesus who condones abortion does not believe in the real Jesus, and therefore is not Christian. — Matt Walsh

I've never gotten hired for drama because I'm a good improviser. I don't think people who write drama scripts want you playing with them as much. — Matt Walsh

It's so pretentious, but I believe that with comedy, if you have a good story, 90% of it is casting. Once you get the guys and gals in there, it's pretty easy to make a funny movie. — Matt Walsh

Truth only seems old fashioned nowadays because we've grown so accustomed to deceit and manipulation. But Truth is eternal, so it can never be old or new. It never 'was' or 'will be.' It just 'is.' It always 'is.' Truth never grows old, and if you believe in it and try to live by it, you will always be, in some ways - the only ways that matter - the youngest, freshest, most energetic rebel on the block. — Matt Walsh

If you won 600 million dollars in the lottery, would you go out the next day and break into cars to steal the change from the cup holders? That's what sleeping around is like when you've already found a woman who will pledge her life and her entire being to you for the remainder of her existence.
You tell me that you are in an "open marriage." I will probably be lambasted for "judging" you for it, but, sorry Professor, an "open marriage" makes about as much sense as a plane without wings or a boat that doesn't float. Marriages, by definition, are supposed to be closed. Actually, I'm getting rather tired of people like you trying to hijack the institution, strip it of its beauty and purpose, and convert it into some shallow little thing that suits your vices. — Matt Walsh

I have never in my life encountered a religion as oppressive, cold, and stiff as Progressivism. I've never known a faith more eager to burn heretics at the stake. Even a fundamentalist Iranian Muslim would flinch if he came face to face with a western liberal's rigid dogmatism. I imagine that even a Saudi Arabian Islamic cleric would take one look at how American left wingers react when anyone deviates ever so slightly from their established orthodoxy, and say to himself, 'man, these people REALLY need to chill. — Matt Walsh

Definitions require lines of distinction. If I'm going to define the word up, for instance, then I must come up with a definition that rudely excludes down. If I want to define cow, I must have a definition that discriminates against horses and aardvarks. The "old" version of marriage drew a clear, obvious, logical, purposeful, meaningful, and objective line. What about the new? Is marriage merely a romantic agreement between two individuals who love each other? If so, that opens up a whole slew of alternate manifestations of marriage, which either leaves the definition so "open" as to fade it into oblivion, or else it requires the pioneers of this edited thing to begin making a thousand stipulations until, before long, they're doing exactly what they accused us of doing, only they're now doing it for increasingly arbitrary and superficial reasons. — Matt Walsh

Bossy means "given to ordering people around, highhanded, domineering, overly authoritative, dictatorial, abrasive." ... Could it be that girls are called bossy when they're ... well, bossy? Could it be that boys are also called bossy for the same reason? — Matt Walsh

It used to be that your rights were infringed upon if the government punished or threatened you for expressing your sincerest beliefs. Now, your rights are infringed upon if you want something but someone refuses to buy it for you. — Matt Walsh

Although I do use some of my psychology training in comedy, but it's more like pop psychology, not a course of treatment or anything. To me, it's more like social intelligence. — Matt Walsh

A perfect movie is a different thing, but a funny movie is easy. I was really happy that I got everyone that I got. Everybody got to play to their strengths and was paired up in the right scenarios. It was very fortunate. It was exciting, the whole process. It makes more difficulty in editing 'cause there's more footage, but the guy I had handle it was a documentarian editor for a long time, so it was very useful. — Matt Walsh

I guess I'm sort of spoiled because, most of the things that I get to do, people know that you're a good improviser, so they allow you at least one improv take, and for comedy, that's great. — Matt Walsh

I'm a huge fan of Chicago sports and Chicago food, and I love going home and my family is still there. I guess it's pretty easy to have a normal life in Chicago. — Matt Walsh