Marc Maron Quotes & Sayings

There are also always those burnt, hard kernels at the bottom that don't pop. You know why they don't pop? They don't pop because they have integrity. — Marc Maron

But then again, what do I know. I project. Then I judge. — Marc Maron

I've had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to then walk around the mall and go, 'No! No! This wasn't what it was supposed to be about, people!' Then if there's a Santa at the mall, I walk up to him and say, 'Listen, fat man, you're just a clown at my birthday party.' — Marc Maron

[ ... ] I'm about to get on a plane here, and I'm packing recovery literature. All I know is I'm going to be the guy reading the book on co-dependency. That's what I know about me. — Marc Maron

There is a weird truth to the idea that if you really don't care, things will generally go your way. If you're really invested and emotionally attached, things will get away from you or at least get chaotic and scary. — Marc Maron

Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you're one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves? — Marc Maron

What comics sacrifice and what lives they live - I know that most of their lives, their adult lives, they're sitting around or walking around with notebooks, writing things down. Usually they're fairly sensitive. Usually they're very bright. And that makes them poets. — Marc Maron

I'm proud to be part of a generation where reading is a 'look.' — Marc Maron

Comedians in their infancy are generally selfish, irresponsible, emotionally retarded, morally dubious, substance-addicted animals who live out of boxes and milk crates. They are plagued with feelings of failure and fraudulence. They are prone to fleeting fits of manic grandiosity and are completely dependent on the acceptance and approval of rooms full of strangers, strangers the comedian resents until he feels sufficiently loved and embraced.
Perhaps I am only speaking for myself here. — Marc Maron

For my next trick I will make everyone understand me. — Marc Maron

Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.' — Marc Maron

Faith in the face of disappointment is only enhanced by laughter in the face of pain. — Marc Maron

There was a period when I was getting a lot of banana bread, because I mentioned someone cooked me banana bread, and then everyone cooked me baked stuff, and I would take it to the hotel, and it was making me fat. — Marc Maron

I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air. — Marc Maron

I was married once before, and I stopped. — Marc Maron

Imagining the worst has always been a great comfort to me. If there is turbulence there is an imminent crash. If she doesn't pick up the phone, she is fucking someone. If there is a lump it is a tumor. By thinking like this I protect myself from disappointment. And if anything other than the worst-case scenario unfolds, what a pleasant surprise! — Marc Maron

I find that if I don't do interviews, I get a little squirrely. I think that when you engage with someone else, or when you engage in something you're passionate about, you're sort of out of your own head. — Marc Maron

I'm sad to see the passing of the great drug warriors. I certainly did my part in that battle and I don't regret any of it. — Marc Maron

I don't know if I am romanticizing, mythologizing, or being nostalgic. I assume all three. That seems to be how the brain breaks things down after a certain age. I — Marc Maron

The medium of podcasting and the personal nature of it, the relationship you build with your listeners and the relationship they have with you - they could be just sitting there, chuckling and listening ... there's nothing like that. — Marc Maron

I have a very primitive sense that if I just turn on a radio or the television, that somebody's playing that stuff for me. — Marc Maron

The last day i was home i took the rental car up old 14 behind the Sandia Mountains. as i drove north toward Santa Fe past Madrid I rolled the window down halfway and let the cold, brisk, February air come into the car. I smelled the pinon trees and the damp earth. The Gray came over me. My life flashed through my heart in one deep rush of feeling. When I made the turn around the mountain to the west, the mesas and valleys spread out before me under the orange and gold horizon. The sun hit me like a wave that flooded out the past and dissolved any idea of the future, and I felt okay and whole for about twenty minutes. — Marc Maron

I didn't really want to kill myself, it just made me feel better to know I could if I wanted to. — Marc Maron

Is there any indication we shouldn't be depressed? Are you living on the same planet that I am? Do you ever think that depression might be the reasonable human response to the crap we're going through as a species, meant to propel us into the next evolutionary step or, at least, into taking some different course of action, so that we might survive? Do you ever think that maybe it's the happy people that are really screwed up in the head? — Marc Maron

Hopefully standup will become special again. — Marc Maron

I guess we can start at the end but it's really the middle. Let's just call it the really bad part. My second wife, Mishna, brought it to my attention that I had an anger problem. She didn't say it like that. What she said was, "I'm leaving." Then she took her vagina and left. — Marc Maron

People who have babies tell me I will know a love that is beyond anything I can imagine, and a joy that is indescribable. Love and joy? That sounds horrifying. I have no way of knowing whether I can handle either of those. I'm much better with need and fear. They are what ground me. — Marc Maron

In most cases the only difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment. — Marc Maron

When you hear the things that people have gone through and realize you've gone through the same, it provides an amazing amount of relief. It gives us hope. And I think that's what we're supposed to get from each other. The — Marc Maron

I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his career. — Marc Maron

When I was a kid watching comedians on TV and listening to their records they were the only ones that could make it all seem okay. They seemed to cut through the bullshit and disarm fears and horror by being clever and funny. I don't think I could have survived my childhood without watching stand-up comics. When I started doing comedy I didn't understand show business. I just wanted to be a comedian. Now, after twenty-five years of doing stand-up and the last two years of having long conversations with over two hundred comics I can honestly say they are some of the most thoughtful, philosophical, open-minded, sensitive, insightful, talented, self-centred, neurotic, compulsive, angry, fucked-up, sweet, creative people in the world. — Marc Maron

I was thinking about how temporary disappointment can be if you don't linger on it too long and how there are beautiful things in the world if you look. It's up to you to find them for yourself. — Marc Maron

She had that strange mutant beauty that models have. It's the kind of beauty that no matter what they are wearing or how they try to hide themselves, a sharply defined, electric appeal comes through and zaps your desire. — Marc Maron

Conversation is a beautiful thing. When I was a younger guy, just wandering around talking to people was what kept me connected to the world. — Marc Maron

My favorite part is being engaged with somebody's story and life, and getting a laugh with people I have a tremendous amount of respect for or not, and being challenged by the immediacy of conversation. — Marc Maron

The worst thing about living in this world, in general, is that things get overwhelming, and things cause a tremendous amount of despair and anxiety. — Marc Maron

I remember seeing Richard Pryor's first movie; it was a midnight movie when I was in high school. I must have been about fifteen. It was one of the most cathartic experiences of my life. I'd never laughed that much. — Marc Maron

I think that standup has always been an acquired taste and there was always only a handful of performers that were really inspired. — Marc Maron

I once talked about wanting to kill myself, but I don't think I was ever really planning on doing it. It was just comforting to know that I could. — Marc Maron

If you let someone talk for an hour, you're gonna have a pretty good idea of who they are, and I think that's more rewarding than me sitting there going, "That's complete bullshit about health care." — Marc Maron

It's great to have people come out. I do worry, though. They know me very intimately, in a way, if they listen to my show; they know a lot about me. — Marc Maron

It's the irony or maybe the tragedy of being a fan that it's not enough to let the music enter you like a drug or define and shape the world for you. You also want to somehow touch it and have it affirm you in more direct ways, whether you're playing a riff like Chuck Berry or singing like Buddy Holly or buying Keith Richards's guitar - or actually meeting your idols. In — Marc Maron

On some level any appearance on Television can be seen as a product endorsement. — Marc Maron

I believe in God ... just in case. It's like there's some list somewhere and you don't want to be on it. I don't want to say THERE'S NO GOD! and then die and say, Oh, Hi ... Is there some kind of community service I can do? — Marc Maron

In our interview, Conan said something about the secret of his success: "Get yourself in a situation where you have no choice." And that's what I'm doing, because I had no choice. — Marc Maron

We live in a culture where people are self-centered and careerist and everybody seems to think they have too much on their plate or they just don't have time for other people's pain. — Marc Maron

Americans don't understand irony? I am an intelligent person living in the United States. My entire existence is ironic. — Marc Maron

The truth is, I can't read anything with any distance. Every book is a self-help book to me. Just having them makes me feel better. — Marc Maron

You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I could have had a car.' — Marc Maron

I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the world. — Marc Maron

Art is supposed to punch you in the brain, and it's supposed to stay punched. — Marc Maron

The bile makes it better. I am an information wasting machine - 100s of words a day. — Marc Maron

I'm not fundamentally a writer. I know writers, and I have a tremendous amount of respect for them. It bothers me that no matter how well I do it, it's not really my format. — Marc Maron

I don't seek controversy. I don't seek to antagonize. Sometimes it happens, but I'm not there to argue politics. — Marc Maron

I knew most of my radio listeners were lefty political people, and I decided definitively not to be that guy - not to address politics. — Marc Maron

There's something about cats' self-sufficiency and their seemingly individualistic ways that I find compelling. — Marc Maron

They are not testing comics for drugs. If our job is dependent on that, there would be three working comics in the country, and two of them would have puppets. — Marc Maron

Comics seemed to have a handle on things. They could sort of disarm and get control over reality. I found it very comforting to laugh. — Marc Maron

Notebooks. There are dozens of notebooks. I always carry notebooks with me. I scribble in them in a barely readable scrawl. I do not write jokes. I write moments. Thoughts. Fragments that I have to sweat over as if they're cryptic texts in a lost language when I try to interpret them. That shouldn't be part of my process - decoding my own writing - but it has been for my entire life. What does that say about me? Why can't I make it easy? I need to complicate everything to protect myself from success and to remain complicated and overwhelmed. — Marc Maron

I develop oddly deep emotional connections to people in my life that are one-sided. I may just be a passing character to them. I don't know what that is. I don't know why that is. I can have one encounter with somebody and feel very connected to them and read a lot into that. They become very important people to me, but to them I may just be like, "Oh yeah, we talked that one time, right?" To me it's a live-changing moment that bonded us; to them, it was a five-minute polite chat in passing. — Marc Maron

I think things evolve into jokes. I don't generally write them down as jokes. I talk them out. — Marc Maron

There's a fine line between cultural criticism and bitterness. — Marc Maron

The way I figure it, if you can't tell I'm high by looking at me, I win. — Marc Maron

I'm not a racist. It's really case by case; it's not ethnicity specific. It's just the way I react to things that are different. I think that's normal. Everyone's nervous when they're confronted with things that they don't understand or are different. That's a normal human reaction. It doesn't become racist 'til you say things like, 'Oh, there's a lot of them.' — Marc Maron

When you commit your life to something and it doesn't work out, it is a tough place to be. Suicide can be the spiritual reprieve of a faithless person. I knew I could always just end it, and there was solace in that. — Marc Maron

The next evolutionary step is into the screen. — Marc Maron

It's easy to maintain your integrity when no one is offering to buy it out. — Marc Maron

Jerusalem Syndrome is actually a rare psychological condition that occurs to some visitors to the Middle East. They get to Israel and just snap. — Marc Maron

There's this whole post-modern, nuevo beatnik, retro-bohemian thing going on, you know what I mean? You walk into some coffee shops, and it feels like you're an ex-patriot in Paris in the 20s. You're like, 'Hey, isn't that a young Ernest Hemingway over there? Yeah, I think it is! Hey, let's go have a look and see what he's writing ... It's a Gap application.' — Marc Maron

I need to complicate everything to protect myself from success and to remain complicated and overwhelmed. I — Marc Maron

I don't make a list of questions. Ever. I think a lot of my interviews are driven by my need to feel connection. — Marc Maron

What appealed to me was the intimacy of the medium, the fact that I was doing it from my home, and the fact that I wanted to talk. I was not there to plug things. I don't do a hell of a lot of research. I go on a sort of kindred-spirit bonding that preexists the interview, and just see what unfolds. — Marc Maron

I always thought I was funny, but I was very sensitive, and very provocative just to get a rise out of people. — Marc Maron

Most of the books I have are indicators of my insecurity. I really wanted to be an intellectual. I really wanted to understand Sartre. I thought that was what made people smart. I have tried to read Being and Nothingness no fewer than twenty times in my life. I really thought that every answer had to be in that book. Maybe it is. The truth is, I can't read anything with any distance. Every book is a self-help book to me. Just having them makes me feel better. I underline profusely but I don't retain much. Reading is like a drug. When I am reading from these books it feels like I am thinking what is being read, and that gives me a rush. That is enough. I glean what I can. I finish some of the unfinished thoughts lingering around in my head by adding the thoughts of geniuses and I build from there. There are bookmarks in most of the denser tomes at around page 20 to 40 because that was where I said, "I get it." Then I put them back on the shelf. — Marc Maron

It always astounds me that over the course of my career, and having lived in four comedy cities - New York, Boston, San Francisco, and Los Angeles - there's very few people I haven't run into. — Marc Maron

What you don't know about your parents is what becomes fascinating as you get older. They — Marc Maron

There's something to be said that if everyone likes something there's gotta be something fucking wrong with it on some level. Unless it's ice cream. — Marc Maron

It may have lost its special-ness forever and the clubs might not being doing well but I think standup is in the best shape it has been in a long time. — Marc Maron

I'm not against people just being funny or telling stories. I don't need to delve into the soft, dark core all the time. If it happens, it happens. — Marc Maron

When you actually meet the devil and he offers you a deal most artists eventually negotiate. — Marc Maron

Most of the comics that I talk to I've never talked to for more than ten minutes ever. So 95 percent of the time you're really hearing the first conversation between me and that guy on the podcast. — Marc Maron

I think seeing Pryor's first movie, Live In Concert, when I was in high school changed my life. Pryor really put the heart in darkness for me. — Marc Maron

You can't avoid pain in life. It's how you handle pain, that's what defines you. — Marc Maron

Some people don't even realize they're bitter. If you don't know whether you are or not, here's a quick quiz you can give yourself. If you ever wake up in the morning and the first thing you say is "Oh, fuck, not again," you might be a little bitter. — Marc Maron

Most of my comedy writing happens through improvisation on stage; doing it in the moment. — Marc Maron

If you have a handlebar mustache, that is pretty much all you are. You are a delivery system for a handlebar mustache. — Marc Maron

I just wanted to be a good comic and had no sense of show business, but at some point you want the opportunity to write a show about your life. — Marc Maron

For 15 years of my life I smoked, I drank, I used to do drugs ... but during that time, I never once thought I was going to die. But the second I set foot on a stairmaster -the second- I am sure my heart is gonna explode and blood is gonna spray out of my nose. — Marc Maron

I used to be jealous; I'm not jealous anymore. And a miracle happened to me, because if you're jealous, it's a cancer, it's a plague on your spirit, it really is. And I actually cured jealousy in a very weird way - I cured it with mathematics. And I'm not a math person at all, but I've been with my wife for about seven years, so we have had sex probably, I'd like to think, like, 9 million times or, at least, 1,500. So, the way I figured it, if she goes out and screws some other guy once - I'm still winning. — Marc Maron

They used to have a smoking section at most airports. No more. They now have these glass-encased rooms. You're not just a smoker, you're an example to other people. You're an exhibit at a futuristic zoo. — Marc Maron

The development of the comedy club industry destroyed the uniqueness and intimacy of the profession but it also created jobs for comics and bred some great performers. — Marc Maron

How complicated can ice cream flavors be? How much can you put in there? I mean, when the flavor's something like banana ice cream with caramel, fudge chunks, cheddar goldfish and pennies - you've got to draw a line there. — Marc Maron

We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice. — Marc Maron

A lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New York, and I think he's running a little late. I'm asking myself, 'Alright, what happens if Jesus comes back tomorrow? What - does he make rounds to churches?' 'OK, everyone who's been good, buses leave in 10 minutes. I'll meet you in front of the post office. I gotta go. Oh, don't tell the Jews I'm back.' — Marc Maron

I sort of get tired of myself sometimes. When you're busy, your life becomes relatively small. But I never get tired of talking to other people. — Marc Maron

When I was a young kid I loved Don Rickles, Buddy Hackett and Jackie Vernon. — Marc Maron

I'm just looking for authentic engagement of some kind, and usually, after an hour or more, you get that. Some people talk at you. Some people just want to answer questions, but a lot of times, all of a sudden you drift away, and you don't remember you're on the mic, and you're in something real. — Marc Maron

Why am I holding on to this stuff? Some of this junk is losing its punch. Pictures. Pieces of paper with writing on them - I can no longer connect with the thoughts or feelings that birthed them, that drove me in that panicky desperate moment to scribble in a barely legible scrawl as if on a cave wall. All say the same thing in some form or another: "I am here. This is me in this moment." Do I have some fantasy that this stuff will be important after I die? Do I think that scholars will be thrilled that I left such a disorganized treasure trove of creative evidence of me? Will the archives be fought over by college libraries? What will probably happen is my brother will come out with my mother and look in the boxes. My mother will hold up a VHS or a cassette and say to my brother, "Do I have a machine that plays these?" My brother will shake his head no and they will throw it all away. — Marc Maron

God doesn't seem to talk to people like he used to. Who's he talking to now? I don't know. Then I'm walking down the street in Manhattan one day, and I realize maybe it's those guys you see walking down the street talking to themselves. You know, those guys that are like, 'I can't! No, I can't!' Maybe the other side of that conversation is God going, 'You're the new leader.' 'No I can't!' They're not crazy - they're reluctant prophets. — Marc Maron

Show business is one of the few businesses that the devil will actually agree to own just a portion of your soul because he knows if you have a performer's ego you were probably working for him all along. — Marc Maron