Louise Rennison Quotes & Sayings

The fly in her argument is that when she says, 'they' will feel like lemons, we don't know who 'they' are. And 'they' might BE lemons. — Louise Rennison

Do you miss your dad?" And I said: "Who? — Louise Rennison

Everyone is so bloody keen on me thinking all of a sudden. It's not what I do. — Louise Rennison

As we passed a bloke playing a saxophone underneath one of the arches, he put down the sax and started doing a juggling thing with his hands. It was a bit peculiar, though, because, as I said to Jas, He hasn't got any balls. — Louise Rennison

There he is, tall, tanned, Italian, sophisticated. So what do you do?"
I said, "Er, leap on him and snog him within an inch of his life? Taking care not to strangle myself on his false beard, or disturb his banana. — Louise Rennison

Still, life carries on. Exams to be examined. Serious things to be thingied. — Louise Rennison

What in the name of Buddha's bra is he going on about now? — Louise Rennison

Jas, you are three hundred miles away. You would have to have nunga-nungas the size of France for Jock to be able to rest his hand on them. — Louise Rennison

Here is my recipe for a mood enhancer. Take a friend, preferably one with a really annoying fringe and outsize pants, and when she is rambling on swiftly, push her into a ditch and run away. — Louise Rennison

This soft grass suggests 'softness' to me, but also at the same time 'lying-down-ness'. — Louise Rennison

Angus is amusing himself by ambushing the postman. Och aye, they may have taken his trouser snake addendums, but they cannae tak his freedom!! — Louise Rennison

Cor, love a duck. And also Lawks-a-mercy. I said that inwardly, but outwardly I said, Blimey, and also, what larks. — Louise Rennison

Boys are like elastic bands. It doesn't mean that boys are made of elastic, which is a plus because nobody wants a boyfriend made out of rubber. On the other hand, if they were made out of rubber, you could save yourself a lot of time and effort and heartache by just rustling one up out of a car tire. Boys are different from girls. Girls like to be cozy all the time but boys don't. First of all, they like to get all close to you like a coiled-up rubber band, but after a while, they get fed up with being too coiled and need to stretch away to their full stretchiness. Then, after a bit of on-their-own strategy, they ping back to be close to you. So in conclusion on the boy front, you have to play hard to get and also let them be elastic bands. — Louise Rennison

Gingee, Gingee, it's meeeeeeeeeeee!!!'
I could hear her panting up the stairs to my room. She kicked open my bedroom door and ran from the door and leapt onto the bed, covering me with kisses.
'I LOBE you, my big big sister.'
I couldn't get her off me.
'Libby, just let me ... '
'Kissy kissy kiss, snoggy snog.'
'That's enough, now let me ... '
'Mmmmmm, groovy baby.'
What is she talking about? She is supposed to be in kindergarten to learn how to grow up, not turn into an even madder person.
Then she stood up on the bed and starting thrusting her hips out and singing her favorite:
'Sex bum sex bum I am a sex bum.'
Quite spectacularly mad. — Louise Rennison

He said, 'Hi, gorgeous,' which I think is nice. I admire honesty. — Louise Rennison

And that's when it fell off in my hand — Louise Rennison

My cousin Georgia says that boys are like gazelles. She says the get alarmed when they get close to girls. And they have to leap off into the woods like gazelles in trousers. Or have I just made that up? — Louise Rennison

I am soooo excited, I am over-excited. I'm hysterical, I may have to slap my own face in a minute at this rate. — Louise Rennison

I gave my artistic laugh and also threw in some quirky language for good measure. "Lawks-a-mercy, no! I'm going to have a long bath and ... "
I looked shyly down. Which is pretty impressive to have done artistic laugh, quirky language and shyness all in the space of ten seconds. — Louise Rennison

What shall I say? I must tread a fine line between glaciosity and friendlinosity. With just a hint of 'you don't know what you are missing, my fine-feathered friend. — Louise Rennison

It was like being in an exciting movie, except I didn't know whether it was a romance or a comedy. — Louise Rennison

Dave said, "Tarts' wardrobe?" "Loos." Dave said with sort of admirationosity in his voice, "Outstanding" midnight — Louise Rennison

I think 'growing up' would mean that you are incredibly tolerant and easygoing, liked everything, curious about the world because you weren't so egotistically driven. — Louise Rennison

Hello, my sister, Libby, also your daughter, is snogging a potato in my bed. What are you going to do about it?' Dad started yelling uncontrollably. I wonder if he is having the male menopause? If he starts growing breasts, I will definitely be running away with the circus. — Louise Rennison

I will not have him in my brain;there is no room for anyone else in the cakeshop of agony. it's crowded enough in there already. — Louise Rennison

I don't know what's going on with Mum and Dad, but it's weird. Mum keeps asking Dad to do things and he keeps doing them Unfotunately, she hasn't said 'Hand over your money and make your way to Europe! — Louise Rennison

He came over and ruffled my hair, which is technically assault. I could get on the blower to ChildLine. — Louise Rennison

I wonder if it is possible to have two boyfriends. I mean, times are changing. Relationships are more complicated. In France men always have mistresses and wives and so on. Henri probably has two girlfriends. He would laugh if you told him you just had one. He would say, 'C'est tres, tres tragique.' — Louise Rennison

I said to Mum, Vati is very very like David Beckham, isn't he? Apart from being porky, heavily bearded and crap at football. — Louise Rennison

Dad has brought me a cup of tea in bed this morning! I said, 'Vati, why are you waking me up in the middle of the night? Are you on fire? — Louise Rennison

Out on the moors,
The lonely moors,
I roll around in sheep poo.
Heathcliff, it's youuuuu,
I hate you, I love you tooooo.
Let me in, I'm here, it's meeeee,
Catheeeeeeee.
Look out of your windooooow. — Louise Rennison

Who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs?"
I said, "Come on then, they are down here."
He said, "Tallulah, the answer to who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs is ... me!!!! — Louise Rennison

I am looking at you and you are looking at me. This is very good. I am looking and I am liking. You are looking and you are thinking, 'I hope she doesn't hit me with her crop.' But that is because I am me and you are you. — Louise Rennison

Apparently if you want to get a boy to like you, you go sort of mysterious and icy and cool. That's what my cousin said and she has loads of boyfriends and snogging-type experiences. — Louise Rennison

If you fall down those stairs and break both of your legs, don't come running to me! — Louise Rennison

Jassie, guess what I'm dancing in!'
'I don't know, a bowl?'
'Non ... I am dancing in my Nuddy-pants! — Louise Rennison

Vaisey said, "Is it because your parents don't understand you?"
Charlie said, "No, it's because our parents understand us very well, and that is why they wanted us to go away. — Louise Rennison

At that point Ms Fox came in and said, "Hello, carry on as if I am not here."
Then she lay down on the floor. — Louise Rennison

I care too much for people. I am a bit like Jesus. Only not so heavily bearded. — Louise Rennison

He has a song in his heart for me. I hope it is not Shut Uppa You Face, Whatsa Matta You. — Louise Rennison

Looking out of the window at the infinite sky, I prayed out, 'Dear Baby Jesus, I am sorry for my sin, even though I do not know what they are, which seems a bit unfair if it is going to be held against me. But that is your way. And I am not questioning your wisdomosity. In future, however, would it be possible for my life to be not so entirely crap? Thank you. — Louise Rennison

It's hard to tell the truth sometimes, especially if you don't want to hurt someone. And you did. You said what you feel. And you must do what is right for you, not what other people say is right. — Louise Rennison

I am going to become a writer for Cosmo - you don't have to make any sense at all. Or maybe I'll be a bloke, they don't have to make sense either. — Louise Rennison

Watching TV Mum said, 'Do you miss your dad?' and I said, 'Who? — Louise Rennison

What in the name of Hitler's panties and matching bra set was she talking about? — Louise Rennison

Honestly, what planet do these people live on? And why isn't it farther away? — Louise Rennison

Mr. Darcy was in Pride and Prejudice and at first he was all snooty and huffy; then he fell in a lake and came out with his shirt all wet. And then we all loved him. In a swoony way. — Louise Rennison

I was going to say, No, no, don't cry, I'll go out
with you. Anything, but don't cry ... But I still
couldn't make my voice work.
And then he sort of cleared his throat and said,
Georgia, don't feel bad.
It's always tough to hurt someone and tell them the truth. I know that. You're a really lovely girl. Lovely ... mad ... but
lovely. I'll always like you. Don't worry. — Louise Rennison

Jackie wears even more makeup than those scary circus people. You know, when you go to the circus and you accidentally see a trapeze artist close-up and they are orange. — Louise Rennison

I always want to tell him everything. But
instead I said, "What's your advice, Horn -
meister?"
And he started doing pretend beard stroking
and said, "Well, luuurve is a many trousered
thing ... — Louise Rennison

I wanted to kill her and make her eat her fringe. And her knickers. — Louise Rennison

Its okay I'm wearing really big knickers. — Louise Rennison

He had everything a dream boy should have. Back, front, sides, Everything. A head. — Louise Rennison

P.P.S. I am giving you telepathic hugs.
P.P.P.S. But not in a telepathically lezzie way. — Louise Rennison

Campingfahrt means not, as you might imagine, an unfortunate incident with Libby in a tent ... . It means "camping trip." I think I have a natural talent for languages. — Louise Rennison

11:20 a.m.
This is my fabulous life: the Sex God left for Whakatane last month and he has taken my heart with him.
11:25 a.m.
Not literally, of course, otherwise there would be a big hole in my nunga-nungas.
11:28 a.m.
And also I would be dead. Which quite frankly would be a blessing in disguise. — Louise Rennison

Here is another marvy glimpse into the gothic basement that I call my mind. — Louise Rennison

You're doing it again and it really annoys me. In fact, I will have to kill you now because I have a lot of untamed energy because of the Sex God. I'm going to have to give you a bit of a duffing up." And I shoved her.
She said, "Don't be silly and childish."
I said, "I'm not."
She got up and started making her hair have more bouncability with the air brush thing again. I waited until she had got it just right (in her opinion); then I hit her over the head with a pillow. She started to say, "Look, this is not funn-" but before she could finish I hit her over the head again with the pillow. And every time she tried to talk I did it again. She got all red-faced, which in Jas's case is very red indeed. It made me feel much better. Violence may be the answer to the world's problems. I may write to the Dalai Lama and suggest he tries my new approach. — Louise Rennison

I am abandoned on the ship of life." "I know." "Jas, you are not really cheering me up." "Well, I know and that is because there is really nothing to be cheerful about; I would hate to be you." in — Louise Rennison

Lord of the Flies is so boring ... and so weird. I always thought boys were very very strange, but I didn't think they would start eating each other. — Louise Rennison

I could have quite literally snogged until the cows came home. And when they came home I would have shouted, WHAT HAVE YOU COWS COME HOME FOR? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SNOGGING, YOU STUPID HERBIVORES??? — Louise Rennison

When Mutti and Vati came in I didn't speak to them. I just unfurled the CAT MOLESTERS banner I had made. — Louise Rennison

I am a pop widow. — Louise Rennison

Anyway, then it said on the news, 'And tonight the Prime Minister has just got to Number Ten.'
I looked down at Jas and said, 'Ooer.' Meaning he'd got to number ten on the snogging scale. And then we both laughed like loons.
Vati just looked at us like we were mad. — Louise Rennison

Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away. — Louise Rennison

Shut up Jas, you are not Baby Jesus — Louise Rennison

Look, girls and boys are different. Girls like to be touched twenty times a day in a nonsexual way to feel good about themselves - that is why I tickle you and link arms with you - but boys think about sex, snogging and football, and also snogging whilst playing football. Simple. — Louise Rennison

As we drew near to the gates of Dother Hall the old bell in the belfry rang out. I said, 'I must go in, it's nigh on ten of the clock.' He half-turned away from me, his jacket collar hiding his expression. Was he angry? Disappointed?"
Jo looked intently and I said, "Hungry?"
Jo ignored me, but as she passed by acting out walking away from Phil, she allowed her hand to slap against my head. — Louise Rennison

Your soul shines through even if you haven't got mascara on — Louise Rennison

You make me laugh like a loon on loon tablets! — Louise Rennison

I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that's why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.) — Louise Rennison

How do you make yourself not like someone? — Louise Rennison

He who laughs last laughs the laughiest. — Louise Rennison

Some things in life are not pleasant but they have to be done. For instance, German and maths. — Louise Rennison

And the kittykats would have to erect scaffolding and a pulley to get him down. Mind you, I wouldn't put that past them. Sometimes when they are behind the sofa supposedly purring, I think they are drilling. — Louise Rennison

poo parlor division" instead of "loo. — Louise Rennison

I've said it once and I will say it again, why can't everyone just speak English? The Americans give it a bit of a go - why can't
other nations? — Louise Rennison

I put my arm around her and said, Jas, I have found that when you are troubled, it is often better to think of others rather than yourself. I think you would feel much better if you got me some milky coffee and jammy dodgers and I told you all about me. — Louise Rennison

I could have stayed holding on to Masimo and riding round forever, round and round, like that bloke on that doomed phantom boat, The Flying Dutchman. Of course there are differences - he was not on a scooter, and I don't have a beard and I am not Dutch. — Louise Rennison

Tom is back on a flight at 6:15 P.M. That is 6:15. Do you get it? Not 6:00 P.M. but 6:15 P.M. And do you know how many minutes that is? I do. I have also become a Time Lord. — Louise Rennison

Unbelievable! I said, What would I be doing walking the streets at night as a stuffed olive- gate-crashing cocktail parties? — Louise Rennison

I said, "Do you think she thinks it's me?"
Jas said, "Well, it's pretty conclusive, isn't it? She said 'the most sniveling idiot I have ever come across.'"
I said, "I didn't know that YOU have been seeing Masimo. Tom the Slug King is going to be very upset. — Louise Rennison

What is that song they are singing Is it an old Yorkshire ditty you know like that 'On Ilkley Moor Bar T'at' "
Ruby said "Nah it's a football song. It goes 'We hate Chelsea we hate Chelsea we are the Chelsea haters. — Louise Rennison

And a secret inward voice in my head was saying (in a strange breathy voice ... ) Yes, yessss, I will pop round to The Blind Pig. I will 'pop' round because guess who lives at the Blind Pig? It is not a blind pig, it is Alex. — Louise Rennison

I'm not a ice cream, i'm a human being — Louise Rennison

Does it matter that the sausages are local? I'm just going to eat them, not make friends and go to the cinema with them. — Louise Rennison

Look, I can't go out with you, because ... because ... because I'm a lesbian. — Louise Rennison

Dad at breakfast today being very quiet. I notice he is clean shaven. I said to him, 'Vati, what has happened to the little beaver that used to live on the end of your chin? — Louise Rennison

Vaisey looked like a startled earwig. — Louise Rennison

I don't think their mummy and daddy told them they were little sunbeams for Jesus. — Louise Rennison

I suppose this is what life will be like for me - never having a boyfriend, always just living through others — Louise Rennison

Oh dear. I have just seen Angus hunkering down in the long grass. He's stalking their poodle. I'll have to intervene to avert a massacre. Oh, it's OK, Mrs. Next Door has thrown a brick at him. — Louise Rennison

Heathcliff. The "hero" of Wuthering Heights. Although no one knows why.
He's mean, moody, and possibly a bit on the pongy side. Cathy loves him, though. She shows this by viciously rejecting him and marrying someone else for a laugh. Still, that is true love on the moors for you. — Louise Rennison

When girls walk home we put on lippy and makeup. We chat. Sometimes we pretend to be hunchbacks. But that is it. Perfectly normal behavior. — Louise Rennison

He says we should take it easy and that maybe he overreacted a bit."
Dave said, "A bit? That's like Hitler saying, 'Oooh, I just meant to go for a little walk, but then I accidentally invaded Poland. — Louise Rennison

Still, a really heavy period should cheer me up. — Louise Rennison

Dad leapt over the garden wall instead of going through the gate. Sadly he didn't do himself a severe injury, and so he lives to embarrass me to death another day. — Louise Rennison

I am exhausted by trying to get along with the Lord. — Louise Rennison

As she left my room I knew I should shut up. But you know when you should shut up because you really should just shut up ... but you keep on and on anyway? Well, I had that. — Louise Rennison

Or if I truly gave up I could be like Wet Lindsay. When Robbie dumped her she got all pale and even wetter than normal. She was like an anoraksick. (A person who is both very thin and wears tragic anoraks.) I just made that up as a joke. Even though I am very upset I can still think of a joke. — Louise Rennison