Lily Tomlin Quotes & Sayings

We're all in this together alone. — Lily Tomlin

I worry about kids today - because of the sexual revolution, they're going to grow up and never know what "dirty" means. — Lily Tomlin

When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don't feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one. — Lily Tomlin

When I've had a meltdown, people will say to me, "Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor." — Lily Tomlin

I never officially came out in any kind of really public way. I just always lived very simply and openly, but the press has never made a big fuss about me or said anything to me. — Lily Tomlin

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? — Lily Tomlin

What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring. — Lily Tomlin

I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining. — Lily Tomlin

When we talk to god, it's prayer. When god talks to us, it's schizophrenia. — Lily Tomlin

If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed! — Lily Tomlin

Infinity is just time on an ego trip. — Lily Tomlin

You don't really need to get married, but marriage is awfully nice. Everybody I know who got married, they say it really makes a difference. They feel very, very happy about it. — Lily Tomlin

I feel some part of me can wake up and be very existential and the next day wake up and be sort of in love with the universe. — Lily Tomlin

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed. — Lily Tomlin

There's nothing sadder than getting to the end of your life and saying, 'I didn't do it right'. — Lily Tomlin

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. — Lily Tomlin

The larger picture is really to swing people's awareness of what really is moral. — Lily Tomlin

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less. — Lily Tomlin

I said "Somebody should do something about that." Then I realized I am somebody. — Lily Tomlin

Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers. — Lily Tomlin

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing. — Lily Tomlin

No matter how cynical I get, I can't keep up. — Lily Tomlin

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up. — Lily Tomlin

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. — Lily Tomlin

For fast-acting relief from stress, try slowing down. — Lily Tomlin

I still believe that sex is dirty. It's just that now I wouldn't have it any other way. — Lily Tomlin

Many times I sit back and say, 'I can't believe that this is my life!' Other times, I feel self-satisfied. I mean, there's a lot to be proud and thankful for but, nonetheless, it's just a life! — Lily Tomlin

Wouldn't it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas. — Lily Tomlin

I have always felt that humor was a wonderful vehicle to let us become connected with each other and ourselves ... I try to portray the similarities and polarities in men and women, so that we
can acknowledge and embrace our collective consciousness. — Lily Tomlin

Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought. — Lily Tomlin

I grew up in a time when women didn't really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny - because it's powerful; it's a threat. — Lily Tomlin

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? — Lily Tomlin

I guess that's one of the reasons that you do it - work all the time - because it's sort of a high to find something that really works. — Lily Tomlin

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. — Lily Tomlin

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain. — Lily Tomlin

To act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting. You know you can't go back next week and fix it. Whereas in a live audience you know it's so in the moment and you just go with what's happening. First of all you never have to see it again so you don't know if you were really fulfilling it or not. — Lily Tomlin

Growing up in Michigan was fine ... until I realized where I was. — Lily Tomlin

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. — Lily Tomlin

The formula for water is H2O. Is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared? — Lily Tomlin

For fast-acting relief, try slowing down. — Lily Tomlin

And yet humanity is so not evolved that how can you expect anything absolutely major to happen? Look how long, we move ahead in technology, how much do we move ahead in morality or emotion? We move ahead so minimally, minimally, minimally. — Lily Tomlin

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? — Lily Tomlin

When I was 9 or 10, I had a ten-cent business: I would walk your dog for a dime, go to the store for a dime, empty your garbage for a dime - and then I could use the money to buy tricks at the magic store. — Lily Tomlin

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific. — Lily Tomlin

I think my politics are just inclined to be empathetic and humanistic. I grew up with so many different kinds of people with different politics, different religion, no religion, no politics, education, no education, and I was infatuated with all of them. — Lily Tomlin

We're all in this alone. — Lily Tomlin

Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain. — Lily Tomlin

Reality is nothing more than a collective hunch. — Lily Tomlin

So if you've had a good time tonight, or if you've had a good time any night, for gosh sake's why not drop a dollar in the mail to me? — Lily Tomlin

The whole idea of being in captivity in such limited space, especially in a zoo, causes elephants to suffer. They develop all kinds of foot diseases. They die. They get cysts. Not only is it painful, it eventually kills them. — Lily Tomlin

I was always empathetic with animals. It's a terrible and self-involved point of view that we do something because someone else is exploitable. — Lily Tomlin

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic. — Lily Tomlin

I try to be cynical, but it's so hard to keep up. — Lily Tomlin

I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war. — Lily Tomlin

I'm not a religious person. I don't have any desire. To me it's imitative of a conventional culture. I'm all for it for anybody. I totally have a free and open feeling about how other humans want to live their lives. It's just not something that has any real significance for me. — Lily Tomlin

We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles. — Lily Tomlin

What goes up must come down. But don't expect it to come down where you can find it. — Lily Tomlin

If trying harder doesn't work, try softer. — Lily Tomlin

To me, "sexual freedom" means freedom from having to have sex. — Lily Tomlin

I never thought of myself as any kind of a film star, as many films as I've made - and I've made some really fun movies with good people. I've always been paired with someone because I'm not really box office, in that carrying-a-picture sense. I've always been busy, but not in the spotlight. — Lily Tomlin

The thing that most distresses me is whenever I see things over sexualized, I worry about young girls. Some of the fall out of the feminist movement is that it made younger and younger girls more sexually available. It's part of the philosophy, be your own person and be free. But, girls are so over sexualized in this culture. — Lily Tomlin

I always wanted to be something, but now I see I should have been more specific. — Lily Tomlin

You are what you think ... geez, that's frightening ... — Lily Tomlin

Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers. — Lily Tomlin

After all, in private, we're all misfits — Lily Tomlin

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination. — Lily Tomlin

I was always drawn to more the social-expression-of-culture types. — Lily Tomlin

Sometimes i worry about being a success in a mediocre world. — Lily Tomlin

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody. — Lily Tomlin

Having a real public outlet is how you imprint something for yourself. It's just a matter of timing. It's like you've marked your territory. — Lily Tomlin

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. — Lily Tomlin

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? — Lily Tomlin

I wonder what it would be like if we all became what we wanted to be when we grew up? I mean, imagine a world filled with nothing but firemen, cowboys, nurses and ballerinas. — Lily Tomlin

Even when I'm being funny, I'm deadly serious. — Lily Tomlin

I especially love 'Web Therapy' and I did 'Eastbound and Down' too. I had a lot of fun doing that. — Lily Tomlin

9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn't really happened, but it has come closer. — Lily Tomlin

Sexual freedom and liberation has to be of your own making. I'm stunned when I hear about friends' children, ten or twelve years old giving blow jobs. I just don't like the girls being used or exploited in that way. It's just indiscriminate sexual relating. It's just the isolated things. — Lily Tomlin

If evolution was worth its salt, it should've evolved something better than 'survival of the fittest.' I think a better idea would be 'survival of the wittiest.' At least, that way, creatures that didn't survive could've died laughing. — Lily Tomlin

There will be sex after death, we just won't be able to feel it. — Lily Tomlin

I mean yes to act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting. — Lily Tomlin

Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. — Lily Tomlin

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. — Lily Tomlin

Just remember, we're all in this alone. — Lily Tomlin

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. — Lily Tomlin

Thank God kids never mean well — Lily Tomlin

Remember we're all in this alone. — Lily Tomlin

Nobody is here without a reason ... I always had a different sensibility. I like a huge range of comedy - from broad and farcical, the most sensitive, the most understated - but I always
wanted my comedy to be more embracing of the species rather than debasing of it. — Lily Tomlin

It's a more ridiculing, divisive humor today. — Lily Tomlin

Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest? — Lily Tomlin

We're giving jobs to people who would otherwise be out of work if we weren't exploiting cheap labor. — Lily Tomlin

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then
we elected them. — Lily Tomlin

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. — Lily Tomlin

Exercise is for people who can't handle drugs or alcohol. — Lily Tomlin

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework. — Lily Tomlin

When we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis! — Lily Tomlin

I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won't. — Lily Tomlin

You can't expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it's a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way. — Lily Tomlin

If life is so meaningless, then why are we always bringing it up? — Lily Tomlin

Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use. — Lily Tomlin

The best mind altering drug is the truth. — Lily Tomlin