Lilian Jackson Braun Quotes & Sayings

Cats have a contempt of speech. Why should they talk when they can communicate without words? — Lilian Jackson Braun

Cats never strike a pose that isn't photogenic. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Qwilleran's Siamese cat was a celebrity at the Press Club. Koko's portrait hung in the lobby along with Pulitzer Prize winners, and he was probably the only cat in the history of journalism who had his own press card signed by the chief of police. Although Qwilleran's suspicious nature and inquisitive mind had brought a few criminals to justice, it was commonly understood at the Press Club that the brains behind his success belonged to a feline of outstanding intelligence and sensory perception. Koko always seemed to sniff or scratch in the right place at the right time. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Meanwhile, news has been leaked to the press that the Hero of Drummond Street will be pictured on the cover of a national magazine, nude. — Lilian Jackson Braun

No one ever owns a cat," he corrected her. "You share a common habitation on a basis of equal rights and mutual respect . . . although somehow the cat always comes out ahead of the deal. Siamese particularly have a way of getting the upper hand. — Lilian Jackson Braun

The cats were relaxing in a patch of sunlight on the rug without a thought in their sleek brown heads. What matter to them that it was Sunday-or even Thursday? Every day was Today in their scheme of things, and there was no such thing as Yesterday or Tomorrow. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Cats hate a closed door, you know, regardless of which side they're on. If they're out, they want to get in, and if they're in, they want to get out. — Lilian Jackson Braun

I'm a gypsy at heart," Qwilleran said. "Home is where I hang my toothbrush and where the cats have their commode. See you tonight. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Like any normal cat Madame Phloi lived by the Rule of Three. She resisted any innovation three times before accepting it, tackled an obstacle three times before giving up, and tried each activity three times before tiring of it. — Lilian Jackson Braun

We designed the house to go with her looks. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Cats don't fight for their rights; they take them for granted. They have a right to be fed, watered, stroked on demand and supplied with a lap and a clean commode — Lilian Jackson Braun

Cats are fond of mooning. — Lilian Jackson Braun

If you've never been cussed out by a Siamese, you don't know what profanity is all about! — Lilian Jackson Braun

spread the rumor and, before anyone knows, it's a fact — Lilian Jackson Braun

At dinner time he would sit in a corner, concentrating; and suddenly they would say, 'Time to feed the cat,' as if it were their idea. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Every Dog Has A Day But A Cat Has 365 — Lilian Jackson Braun

Cats are cats ... the world over!
These intelligent, peace-loving, four-footed friends- who are without prejudice, without hate, without greed- may someday teach us something.
-James Mackintosh Qwilleran — Lilian Jackson Braun

One should be able to say anything to a close friend, he reflected, and yet part of friendship was knowing what not to say and when not to say it, — Lilian Jackson Braun

Nothing can scatter like 3 Siamese cats better than 2 Siamese cats. — Lilian Jackson Braun

The more you talk to cats ... the smarter they become. An occasional 'nice kitty' will have no measurable effect; intelligent conversation is required. — Lilian Jackson Braun

No one had ever accused Koko of being naughty. Perverse, perhaps, or arrogant, or despotic. But naughtiness was beneath his dignity. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Small birds throw seeds out of the feeder; large birds pick them up off the ground, but the squirrels try to muscle in. — Lilian Jackson Braun

He's our rodent control officer. He doesn't catch mice, he just terrifies them. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Mickey Maus," William was saying, "is a nut about butter. The only time he ever lost his cool was when we were having a small brunch and we were down to our last three pounds of butter. He panicked. — Lilian Jackson Braun

I'm beginning to be skeptical of my own skepticism. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Home is where i hang my toothbrush and where the cats have their commode — Lilian Jackson Braun

My days keep getting shorter. When I'm a hundred, I'll be going to bed before I get up. — Lilian Jackson Braun

She had white cat hair on her dark suit, she was a dedicated cat hugger. — Lilian Jackson Braun

The Madame deplored fat men. They had no laps, and of what use is a lapless human? Nevertheless, she gave him the common courtesy of a sniff at his trouser cuffs and immediately backed away, twitching her nose and showing her teeth. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Do you mind living alone?" she asked. "I've tried it both ways," he replied, "and I know it can be a letdown to come home to an empty apartment, but now I have the Siamese to greet me at the door. They're good companions; they need me; they're always happy to see me come home. On the other hand, they're always glad to see me go out - one of the things that cats do to keep a person from feeling too important. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Amanda raised her glass in a toast. "Here's a wet one to Saint Iris of the Hummocks!" Then she winced and scowled at Riker, who had kicked her under the table. Polly raised her glass and quoted from Hamlet: "And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Dogs have their day but cats have 365. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Phut Phat knew, at an early age, that humans were an inferior breed. They were unable to see in the dark. They ate and drank unthinkable concoctions. And they had only five senses; the pair who lived with Phut Phat could not even transmit their thoughts without resorting to words. — Lilian Jackson Braun

No one ever owns a cat ... you share a common habitation on a basis of equal rights and mutual respects ... although somehow the cat always comes out ahead of the deal. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Beware of the clever ones; the dumb ones are safer. — Lilian Jackson Braun

People who really appreciated animals always asked their names. — Lilian Jackson Braun

His wise parent disapproved of this uncatly conduct; it indicated a certain lack of character, and no good would come of it. By her own example she tried to guide him. When dinner was served she gave the plate a haughty sniff and walked away, no matter how tempting the dish. That was the way it was done by any self-respecting feline. In a minute or two she returned and condescended to dine, but never with open enthusiasm. — Lilian Jackson Braun

The way to test a man's sincerity is to serve him a bad cup of coffee. If he doesn't comment, he is not to be trusted. — Lilian Jackson Braun

Certain element - a few crazies - that don't have anything to do. They shot out two streetlights on Goodwinter Boulevard last night. When I was a kid we smashed pumpkins and strung trees with toilet paper on Halloween, but this new generation does it all year round. — Lilian Jackson Braun

A library card is the start of a lifelong adventure. — Lilian Jackson Braun

A female feline named Katta
Is getting fatta and fatta
But she's pretty and purry
And funny and furry
So what does an ounce or two matta? — Lilian Jackson Braun

To understand a cat, you must realize that he has has own gifts, his own viewpoint, even his own morality — Lilian Jackson Braun

Are those cat hairs on your lapel, or have you been dating a blonde with a crew cut? — Lilian Jackson Braun

When you don't know what to do with yourself, do something for someone else. — Lilian Jackson Braun