Lesley Kagen Quotes & Sayings

Appearing ordinary is one of her best talents. As long as nothing unexpected blows up in her face, which, of course, life being the minefield that it is, is about to. — Lesley Kagen

Nobody can get at your heart once it's lying six feet under. — Lesley Kagen

I know from vast experience that fear talks a lot louder than courage. I need to listen to that other voice inside me, that faint one that's struggling to be heard. — Lesley Kagen

And he shouldn't have talked to Mama in the hurtful ways he did neither. Calling her despicable names because she wanted to do things her own independent way instead of his. He uses his silver tongue like a sword. Nicking away at your heart, cutting word by cutting word. Maybe silence really is golden. — Lesley Kagen

Clearly, Nell was going crazy. (Well, she certainly had the hair for it.) — Lesley Kagen

THINGS TO DO THIS SUMMER
1. Make Father Mickey lose his black Irish temper.
2. Wear a turtleneck, take in a deep breath and get strangled.
3. Mary Lane takes the picture.
4. Practice getting away.
5. Sally puts the pedal to the metal.
6. Randa Rhonda Rendezvous — Lesley Kagen

Since Troo was in her office at least once a week for doing one bad thing or another, Sister told me she's thinking of having the chair in the corner of her office engraved permanently with Troo's name. (If she bothered to look at the back, she could save a few bucks. Troo stole a penknife out of the Five and Dime last summer.) — Lesley Kagen

I know some first-class Negroes. I also know some second-rate white people. — Lesley Kagen

Ethel Jackson was the cool side of my pillow when I had a fever. — Lesley Kagen

Troo hits the hay every night like a bale falling out of our old barn loft. — Lesley Kagen

All my nose is picking up on is the smell of green alfalfa hay and baling twine. I check with Keeper to see if he's sniffing up either hide or hair of Sneaky Tim Ray since my dog can can whiff dubious intentions from an acre away. People can hide their badness from one another, but the scent of wrongdoing is pungent and unmistakable to our four-legged friends. — Lesley Kagen

People can be so cruel to the different. — Lesley Kagen

Things happen when you least expect them. Things that can change your whole life. — Lesley Kagen

Beauty can help fill the cracks in people's hearts and comfort their souls." There — Lesley Kagen

I wouldn't throw that cat out of bed.
When did you get a cat? — Lesley Kagen

Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer... If one of those bottles should happen to fall, there'd be how many bottles of beer on the wall? — Lesley Kagen

His mean justified his end. — Lesley Kagen

[Joseph] and the Virgin Mary got turned away from the inn and had to go sleep in the manger. (Not with the manager, like Troo says.) — Lesley Kagen

Can you see the fireworks from Heaven? — Lesley Kagen

So might I suggest at your earliest convenience that you pay a visit to the Okins Funeral Salon to make arrangements?"
"Why'd I wanna do that?" she says so damn snippy.
"Because on my return visit you can count on my beatin' the ever-lovin' shit outta you with a rusty shovel. Twice. — Lesley Kagen

If only.
You got to admit, standing alone those words are pretty awful, but married together like that, they must be two of the saddest in the English language. — Lesley Kagen

Things can happen when you least expect them so you always gotta be prepared. And pay attention to the details. The devil is in the details. — Lesley Kagen

A soul is a quilt stitched of many patches. — Lesley Kagen

My arms were covered in scratches and had bled a little so I licked my finger and cleaned them off and thought God would have done a better job if he made blood taste like Three Musketeers bars. — Lesley Kagen

Most things in life sound better than they are except for blackmail. — Lesley Kagen

Even though I'm still torn about the way I dealt with Mama's disappearance and more than likely will meet my Maker, being so, I am dreadfully certain about one thing. First impressions? They can be dead wrong. — Lesley Kagen

Let bygones be bygones because everybody knew that forgiveness was divine. — Lesley Kagen

TO-DO LIST
1. Buy broccoli
2. Make sure Haddie gets the help she needs from a better therapist.
3. Set up a vocational counseling appointment for Henry.
4. Convince Will to love me again.
5. Get Birdie to talk to me.
6. Bury Louise once and for all.
7. Have a religious epiphany so # 8 is going to be okay with me.
8. Die. — Lesley Kagen

Memories are so two-faced.
One minute they're hugging you like a long-lost friend, the next minute they're ripping you apart like your worst enemy. — Lesley Kagen

Life, it is not simple like a garden, where flowers are always flowers and weeds are always weeds. — Lesley Kagen

Troo's a little in front of me bouncing a red rubber ball that she 'borrowed' from the playground shed. She's warming up to play that A my name is Annie and I come from Alabama with a carload of apples game. When she gets to the letter f, her name will be Fifi and she will come from where else but France. I refuse to repeat what she will have a carload of. — Lesley Kagen

When you least expect to recall something, a memory can pop up like an uninvited guest on your doorstep. — Lesley Kagen