Kody Keplinger Quotes & Sayings

Screw nightmares. I was waking up. — Kody Keplinger

He was my perfect match. Unfortunately he wasn't aware of this fact. — Kody Keplinger

You *are* my family,' he said.
The tears almost started up again. Those four little words meant so much to me - which was stupid, really. They were just words. But they were words I'd been wanting to hear, wanting to believe. *You are my family*. — Kody Keplinger

I wanted to make sure you were fine ... and that he was okay, too. You didn't, like, stab the boy, did you? I mean, I totally disapprove of murdering hotties, but if you need help burying the body, you know I'll bring the shovel. — Kody Keplinger

I kissed someone tonight."
"Good for you. Now go back to sleep."
"It was Wesley...Wesley Rush."
Casey shot straight up in bed. "Whoa!" She shook her head and rubbed the sleep from her wide hazel eyes. "Okay, now I'm awake. — Kody Keplinger

- He's arrogant, and he sleeps with everything he can get his filthy hands on. Most of time, I just want to claw his creepy eyes out. How could I like him? He's a jackass.
- And girls love jackasses. That's why I can't get a date. I'm too damn nice. — Kody Keplinger

Chloe didn't have all the answers, either. I knew that now. But she had known something all along that I hadn't: that being ashamed of what you want or how you feel is pointless, and letting anyone else make you feel ashamed is a waste. We all wanted different things, and that was okay. Chloe wanted sex without commitment. Mary wanted to wait until she was ready. And I wasn't sure what I wanted, but I didn't want to make any decisions until I knew. And I was proud of that. — Kody Keplinger

He had to find time in his schedule to talk to me. Wow, that made me feel important. — Kody Keplinger

I'm perfectly fine with being used. But I would like to know for what I'm being used.
Distraction
That much I gathered. What am I supposed to be distracting you from? There's a chance that if I knew, I could do my job more effectively. — Kody Keplinger

Graduation night was my last party,' he said. 'Or at least my last drink. After that night, I decided I was done with all of it.'
'Why? What changed?'
A sly grin crept across Nathan's face. 'I got really, really wasted graduation night, and when I woke up, some sassy, sexy vixen had stolen my virginity. — Kody Keplinger

Joe!' he called. 'Hey, honey, can you get the pretty girl a Coke?'
'Only if you stop calling me *honey*,' the bartender, a bearded man in his thirties, replied. 'We've had this discussion before, Harrison.'
'Aw, Joe. It's so cute that you think I listen. — Kody Keplinger

No matter where you go or what you do to distract yourself, reality catches up with you eventually. — Kody Keplinger

I guess ... I just wanted to talk to someone. I wanted someone to listen to me complain and to sympathize with me for a few minutes. I wanted someone to understand how lost I felt. — Kody Keplinger

Wesley Rush doesn't date, he fucks - everyone, for that matter. — Kody Keplinger

What did one do after having a one-night stand (or, in my case, one-afternoon stand) with the school's biggest man-whore? — Kody Keplinger

I told you, I'm awesome at everything," he teased, putting the PS3 controller on the floor between us. "That includes video games."
I watched as the character Wesley had been operating moved across the screen, doing some sort of odd victory dance. "Not fair," I muttered. "Your sword was bigger than mine."
"My sword is bigger than everyone's. — Kody Keplinger

The point is, scientists have proven that every group of friends has a weak link, a DUFF. And girls respond well to guys who associate with their DUFFs."
"Crackheads can call themselves scientists now? That's news to me. — Kody Keplinger

I, on the other hand, am best friends with Wikipedia.'
'You know that site is woefully inaccurate a lot of the time, right? Because anyone can change the information.'
'Yep. I'm the girl changing the information to make it woefully inaccurate.'
'So half the high schoolers around the country have you to thank for their failing grades on research papers.'
'Yes, sir. I'm practically a celebrity. Or I would be if it wasn't anonymous. — Kody Keplinger

P.s.: I know you're rolling your eyes right now, but I don't care. Honestly, it's always kind of been a turn on. — Kody Keplinger

You can't control everything. Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out. Let go a little and just let life happen. — Kody Keplinger

I hated Valentine's Day even before I was aware of my Duff status. Honestly, I didn't even understand why it was a holiday. Really, it was just an excuse for girls to whine about being lonely and for guys to worm their way into getting laid. I found it materialistic, indulgent, and, with all of the chocolate, completely unhealthy. — Kody Keplinger

You amaze me Lissa Daniels. Most girls would cave as soon as I gave them the puppy-dog look with these amazing eyes."
"Sorry. I like boys. Not dogs. You should've dated a different girl if you wanted someone to bend to your will. — Kody Keplinger

All of a sudden I wanted to know how the book ended. — Kody Keplinger

I was thinking about how much I wanted to reenact that part in the shower with my hot, sexy, gorgeous girlfriend. And how she wouldn't need a butt double because she's perfect already."
"You smooth talker, you."
"I was also thinking how much sexier I am than that guy she was screwing in the shower. — Kody Keplinger

I don't like him," I explained. "He annoys the hell out of me ninety-six percent of the time, and sometimes I'd like nothing better than to strangle him to death. But at the same time I ... I want him to be happy. I think about him way more than I should, and I -"
"You love him. — Kody Keplinger

Go try your charming act on some tramp with low self-esteem, because I'm not falling for it. — Kody Keplinger

Shave that Moses beard and you might have better luck. Women don't want to kiss carpet, you know. — Kody Keplinger

He sleeps with everything that moves, and his brain is located in his pants - which means it's microscopic. — Kody Keplinger

Are you guys getting to know each other pretty well? I'm sure it's a little bit awkward at first.'
'Yeah,' I said. 'I'd say we're getting to know each other *really* well. Wouldn't you, Nathan?'
He kicked me under the table and mouthed, *Not funny*. — Kody Keplinger

Hey there, Lissa Daniels," he said. He raised his Coke. "Would you like to say hello to your distant cousin, Jack? — Kody Keplinger

Despite my best efforts, I smiled. He wasn't perfect, or even remotely close, for that matter, but, hey, neither was I. We were both pretty fucked up. Somehow, thought, that made everything more exciting. Yeah, it was sick and twisted, but that's reality, right? Escape is impossible, so why not embrace it? — Kody Keplinger

I don't think normal exists. — Kody Keplinger

The truth was, I hated pretty much anything requiring school spirit, because, obviously, I had none. — Kody Keplinger

Wesley was really the only thing getting me through those weeks. Some part of me was appalled at myself, but what could I say? I needed that escape-that high-more than ever, and he was always just a short drive away. A fix three or four times a week was all it took to keep me sane.
God, I was like a fucking druggie. Maybe my sanity was long gone already. — Kody Keplinger

What you are is an inteligent, sassy, sarcastic, cynical, neurotic, loyal, compassionate girl. That's what you are, OK? You're not a slut or a whore or anything remotely similar. Just because you have some secrets and some screwups ... You're just confused ... like the rest of us. — Kody Keplinger

Functionality is overrated. — Kody Keplinger

Wesley Rush was the most disgusting womanizing playboy to ever darken the doorstep of Hamilton High ... but he was kind of hot. Maybe if you could put him on mute ... and cut off his hands ... maybe - just maybe - he'd be tolerable then. Otherwise, he was a real piece of shit. Horn dog shit. — Kody Keplinger

I'd never felt like this, like I wanted to climb into another person's skin. — Kody Keplinger

While I'm sure this is going to be a fascinating story,' I interrupted. 'I don't care. I'm having a major parental crisis that sort of outshines your little tantrum, and frankly it seems like my dad agrees with you. I have a party to get ready for, can we do this later? — Kody Keplinger

There's more to this amazing body than awe-inspiring abs. I have a pair of ears, too, and they happen to work superbly. — Kody Keplinger

It wasn't a game," Cash whispered. "Not to me. — Kody Keplinger

So, you're Bianca? The freshman bitch that's been screwing my boyfriend?"
"Your boyfriend? I haven't been-"
"Stay the hell away from Jake. — Kody Keplinger

Learn some manners or I'll email the whole high school about how small your dick is - because we both know that I'm aware of exactly how small it is."
"Whore," he muttered, shooting Chloe a filthy glare over his shoulder.
"Ha. You might have better luck with a whore, actually. Me You couldn't pay me to bang you again. Dick's too minuscule to keep a lady satisfied. — Kody Keplinger

Bianca, can I ask you something?" "No," I said quickly. "I am not giving you a blow job. No fucking way. Just the thought of it is disgusting and degrading and ... No. Never." "While that's a little disappointing," Wesley said, "it's not what I was planning to ask you."
Keplinger, Kody (2010-09-07). The DUFF: (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) (p. 166). Little, Brown Books for Young Readers. Kindle Edition. — Kody Keplinger

The people who call you names are just trying to make themselves feel better. They've fucked up too. You're not the only one. — Kody Keplinger

It was one of those titles that just fed off of an inner fear every girl must have from time to time. Slut, bitch, prude, tease, ditz. They were all the same. Every girl felt like one of these sexist labels described her at some point. — Kody Keplinger

He was the last person I expected to find on the Rushes' front porch. Well, okay. Maybe no the last. That title most likely belonged to the Queen of England or the reanimated corpse of Edgar Allan Poe. — Kody Keplinger

Your sense of humor needs some work, then,' Wesley suggested. 'Most girls find my jokes charming.'
'Those girls must have IQs low enough to trip over. — Kody Keplinger

Love is rare and hard to find and takes years upon years to develop. Teenagers don't fall in love. — Kody Keplinger

If I tell Dad he has a problem, he'll think I hate him. How can I hurt him more? He just lost everything."
Wesley shook his head. "Not everything. He didn't lose you," he said. "At least not yet. If you don't talk to him, he'll just end up driving you away, and then he will be in far worse pain. — Kody Keplinger

Without warning, Wesley lifted me up onto the pool table. His hands moved to my shoulders, and a second later, I was flat on my back, staring up at him as he smirked. He shifted so that he was on the table too, leaning over me with his face only inches from mine.
"On the pool table?" I said, narrowing my eyes at him. "Seriously?"
"I can't resist," he said. "You know, you're pretty sexy when you're pissed at me, Duffy."
First, I was struck by the irony of that statement. I mean, he used sexy and Duffy-implying I was fat and ugly-in the same sentence. The contrast was almost laughable. Almost. — Kody Keplinger

I want more. I want everything. I want you."
"Nathan ... "
"I'm not settling for less, Whitley," he said. "And neither should you. — Kody Keplinger

Hey Kid
so proud of you. so is emily. we wish we could be there, but here's a fat check to make up for it but dont go spending it all out on booze. call you soon.
Love, the best big brother ever
and Emily and Marie, too.
I smiled. It was a mark of how much I loved my big brother that I found his lack of punctuation and proper grammar endearing. — Kody Keplinger

Wrong?" Casey asked. "We're getting the fuck out of here," I said, yanking their unwilling bodies along behind me. "I'll explain in the car. I just can't stand to be in this hellhole for one more second." "Can't I say bye to Harrison first?" Jessica whined, trying to loosen my grip on her arm. "Jessica!" I cricked my neck painfully when I twisted around to face her. "He's gay! You don't have a chance, — Kody Keplinger

Nathan had to park his Honda a whole block from the party, which was a good thing for two reasons. First, it gave Bailey and me the chance to ditch him before we even got to the house. I don't know about her, but I didn't want to be seen with the guy wearing a shirt that said, MAY THE MASS TIMES ACCELERATION BE WITH YOU. — Kody Keplinger

I took Russian in high school," Nathan said, climbing out of the pool. He'd decided to swim laps that afternoon instead of going to the gym.
"Did you?" Harrison asked, grinning at him.
"Yeah." Nathan grabbed his towel from the little patio table and began dabbing at his face. "But the only thing I remember is, Mozhno li kopirovat vashi domashnie zodaneeye?"
"Let me guess," I said. "You just asked me where the bathroom is, right?"
"No." He scoffed, flicking his wet towel at me. "I was beyond that basic stuff. I took two years of it. Give me some credit."
"Then what does it mean?" I asked.
"It means, 'Can I copy your homework? — Kody Keplinger

The winter sky has already turned black, but I could still see Wesley's gray eyes in the darkness. They were exactly the color of the sky before a thunderstorm. — Kody Keplinger

Just when I think you might have a soul, you say shit like that. — Kody Keplinger

Just remember to do what makes you happy, okay? Don't lie to yourself because you think it's safer. Reality
doesn't work like that ... . I think I told you that before.
She had.
But I'd been running for so long I wasn't sure what I wanted anymore. — Kody Keplinger

Spanish, huh?" he said, glancing down at the scattered papers as he grabbed them. "Can you say anything interesting?"
"El tono de tu voz hace que queria estrangularme." I stood up and waited for him to hand over my papers.
"That sounds sexy," he said, getting to his feet and handing me the stack of Spanish work he'd swept together. "What's it mean?"
"The sound of your voice makes me want to strangle myself."
"Kinky. — Kody Keplinger

I meant that a decent guy - a smart guy - wouldn't have let something like sex ruin a good thing. — Kody Keplinger

I'm serious. They'll call me a pussy."

"And if you help them, I'll call you a dick. So no matter what you do, you're going to be some form of genitalia. — Kody Keplinger

Sometimes people surprise you, if you let them. — Kody Keplinger

Where are you going?" I demanded.
He looked over his shoulder at me with an exasperated sigh. "To my room, of course."
"Can't we write the paper down here?" I asked.
The corners of Wesley's mouth turned slightly upward as he hooked a finger over his belt. "We could, Duffy, but the writing will go much faster if I'm typing, and my computer's upstairs. You're the one who said you wanted to get this over with. — Kody Keplinger

Great. He was a hottie, a good kisser, and a literature buff. God really must have had a sense of humor, because if I had to name my biggest turn-on, it was literature. And he had just recommended a book that I didn't know, that wasn't taught in school. If I were single, there would be no better pick-up line. Suddenly, I found myself thinking back to Atonement - you know, the scene in the book where the two main characters have sex in the library? Even though Chloe said doing it against bookshelves would be really uncomfortable (and she'd probably know), it was still a fantasy of mine. Like, what's more romantic than a quiet place full of books? But I shouldn't have been thinking about my library fantasies. Especially while I was staring at Cash. In the middle of a library. — Kody Keplinger

I don't really do friends,' I told him.
'Good,' he said. 'I don't want you to "do" me. We've established the flaws in that plan already ... — Kody Keplinger

Plus, no matter how many times I'd brushed my teeth in Casey's bathroom (after half an hour she'd knocked on the door to make sure I was okay), the taste of disgusting, womanizing bastard was still in my mouth. Ugh! — Kody Keplinger

She wrote a self-esteem book. — Kody Keplinger

I cleared my throat and tried to look like I wasn't inwardly slapping myself. — Kody Keplinger

I shook my head. "Don't bother making excuses," I said. "Don't waste your time because, the fact is, I am the Duff. But so is everyone else in the world. We're all fucking Duffs."
"I'm not the Duff," Wesley said confidently.
"That's because you don't have friends."
"Oh. Right. — Kody Keplinger

It was almost funny, really. Such a strong reaction to a bunch of shirtless guys. — Kody Keplinger

You know, my father says those are the four most frightening words a woman can say. He claims that nothing good ever begins with "We need to talk." You're worrying me a little here, Duffy. — Kody Keplinger

I mean, just because my voice actually worked didn't necessarily mean I could use it well in his presence. — Kody Keplinger

Being ashamed of what you want or how you feel is pointless, and letting anyone else make you feel ashamed is a waste. — Kody Keplinger

Maybe if you could put him on mute ... and cut off his hands ... maybe - just maybe - he'd be tolerable then. — Kody Keplinger

Thanks," Toby said. "And if Wesley breaks your heart, I promise to ... well, I would say I'd kick his ass, but we both
know that's physically impossible." He frowned down at his skinny arms. "So I'll write him a strongly worded letter. — Kody Keplinger

On the ground, Cash gave a signal, and all the guys lined up by the pool. In unison, they stripped off their shirts and tossed them onto the grass. An audible sigh- like the ones you hear on a sitcom that is "filmed in front of a live studio audience"- filled the room. It was almost funny, really. Such a strong reaction to a bunch of shirtless boys. — Kody Keplinger

I'm scared." It was something I'd never said out loud. "I'm scared he'll let me down ... or that he won't want me. And I figure maybe it's easier if I just don't give him the chance. — Kody Keplinger

I mean, there is a reason its initials are VD. I bet you more people contract syphilis on Valentine's Day than on any other day of the year. What a cause for celebration. — Kody Keplinger

Seriously, if the bastards cheat on you, then they don't deserve you anyway. If that's a legit fear, then you probably shouldn't be with them to begin with. — Kody Keplinger

I am the Duff. But so is everyone else in the world. We're all fucking Duffs. — Kody Keplinger

Why did that jackass have to sit next to me? — Kody Keplinger

" ... we're all fucking Duffs."
(Designated Ugly Fat Friend)
"I'm not the Duff," Wesley said confidently.
"That's because you don't have friends." (Bianca)
"Oh. Right." — Kody Keplinger

Happy. Dave had suggested an impromptu road trip — Kody Keplinger

I want to be normal, but no one talks about sex, so how should I know what normal is? — Kody Keplinger

God really must have had a sense of humor, because if I had to name my biggest turn-on, it was literature. And he had just recommended a book that I didn't know, that wasn't taught in school. If I were single, there would be no better pick-up line. — Kody Keplinger

I was supposed to be at the condo, wasting time on the beach, just Dad and me, figuring out college and my life and spending time together. Instead, I was in a new house with new people - including a future stepbrother who'd seen me naked. — Kody Keplinger

Even though this story could end a thousand different ways, and even though chances were, it might not have a happy ending, it didn't matter. Because I already knew how I was gonna tell this story. — Kody Keplinger

Don't pretend, Bianca," he said. "You're smarter than that, and so am I. I finally figured out what you meant when you left. You said you were like Hester. I get it now. The first time you came to my house, when we wrote that paper, you said Hester was trying to escape. But everything caught up with Hester in the end, didn't it? Well, something finally caught up with you, but you're just running away again. Only, he"-Wesley pointed to my bedroom door-"is your escape this time." He took a step toward me, forcing me to crane my neck even more to see his face. "Admit it, Duffy."
"Admit what?"
"That you're running away from me," he said. "You realized you're in love with me and you bailed because it scared the shit out of you. — Kody Keplinger

Anger was less painful than abandonment. — Kody Keplinger

Oh, please stop," I said, moving to sit down beside her on the bed. "No. Nothing like that. It's ... it's letting someone that close to me. Physically and emotionally. Randy and I got close a few times, but ... I chickened out. I'm afraid of letting someone have that kind of power over me. Not being in control is what scares me. — Kody Keplinger

If Kate Winslet had been the Duff, Leonardo DiCaprio wouldn't have been after her in Titanic and that could have saved all of us a lot of tears. — Kody Keplinger

You're a disgusting, shallow, womanizing jackass, and I hope that soda stains your preppy little shirt." Just before I marched away, i looked over my shoulder and added, "And my name isn't Duffy. it's Bianca. we've been in the same homeroom since middle school, you selfabsorbed son of a bitch. — Kody Keplinger

Paper cuts are like battle scars for the academic ... I, on the other hand, am best friends with Wikipedia. — Kody Keplinger

I think about you much more than any self-respecting man would like to admit, and I'm insanely jealous of Tucker - something I never thought I'd say. Moving on after you is impossible. No other girl can keep me on my toes the way you can. No one else makes me WANT to embarrass myself by writing sappy letters like this one.
Only you. — Kody Keplinger

Where are you going?" Wesley asked in a semi-sleepy voice.
"Home." I pulled on my jeans. "I've gotta take a shower and get ready for school."
He pushed himself up on one elbow to look at me. His hair was a mess, brown curls falling into his eyes and sticking up in the back. "You can shower here," he offered. "I might even join you if you're lucky. — Kody Keplinger

Shut up, Kelsey, and just give Lissa a chance," Chloe snapped.
Kelsey mocked surprise. "Oh my God, Chloe can speak? I thought her mouth only worked for sucking dicks. It's a miracle. — Kody Keplinger

For a girl with such a fat ass, I felt pretty invisible. — Kody Keplinger

I wasn't trying to drive you crazy, just to get your attention," he said. "Lissa, I never tried to use you. Everything that happened between us-I meant it. Including that kiss in the library. I tried to tell you the other day at my house. That this"-he held up our entwined hands-"is more than just a game to me. But ... — Kody Keplinger

That just proves there's something going on with you and Mr. Jackass. — Kody Keplinger