Kinky Friedman Quotes & Sayings

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore. — Kinky Friedman

I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass. — Kinky Friedman

I've achieved many of my dreams, and I want to see that some others get a chance to, especially younger Texans. — Kinky Friedman

Young people are the key to this election. — Kinky Friedman

In six days the Lord created the heavens and the earth and all the wonders therein. There are some of us who feel that He might have taken just a little more time. — Kinky Friedman

The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves. — Kinky Friedman

May the God of your choice bless you. — Kinky Friedman

I came from an upper-middle class home, which is always a hard cross for a country singer to bear. — Kinky Friedman

I am not anti-death penalty, but I'm damned sure anti-the-wrong-guy-getting-executed. — Kinky Friedman

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes. — Kinky Friedman

I'm ready for anything. That's probably why it never happens. — Kinky Friedman

They probably would've taken Jesus if he hadn't been nailed down. — Kinky Friedman

But the most dangerous thing in the world in the world is to run the risk of waking up one morning and realizing suddenly that all this time you've been living without really and truly living and by then it's too late. When you wake up to that kind of realization, it's too late for wishes and regrets. It's even too late to dream. — Kinky Friedman

We're going to make that Lone Star shine again — Kinky Friedman

I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm not afraid to succeed. I'm not afraid to fall in love. I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm just afraid I might have to stop talking about myself for five minutes. — Kinky Friedman

If you're lookin' for a helpin' hand, try the one at the end of your arm. — Kinky Friedman

Inspiration thing is important, to teach the kids that JFK is not an airport, RFK's not a stadium, Martin Luther King ain't a street — Kinky Friedman

I don't apologize to people with an agenda. — Kinky Friedman

And I'll tell you another thing, you won't find any candidate that supports prayer in school and gay marriage. For that reason alone, people should vote for an independent-thinking person. — Kinky Friedman

I admit I was drinking a Guinness ... but I did not swallow. — Kinky Friedman

What has six balls and screws Texans? The Texas Lottery. — Kinky Friedman

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. — Kinky Friedman

I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you. — Kinky Friedman

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong. — Kinky Friedman

The only thing that really differentiates Texas from any other place in the world is the proclivity of its people to urinate outdoors and to attach a certain amount of importance to this popular pastime. — Kinky Friedman

Never re-elect anybody — Kinky Friedman

Like most of us, I determined that I'd rather be a large part of the problem than a small part of the solution. — Kinky Friedman

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world. — Kinky Friedman

Remember, the Legislature is the joke, not our campaign. — Kinky Friedman

See the people on the sidewalk? ... aren't you glad you're not one of them?
they're all so self-importantly going nowhere ... they just have no idea of who they are or where they really belong. nothing will ever be enough for them. nothing will truly make them happy. they all think they've got to get someplace, got to meet someone, got to get to work, got to get home, got to keep that appointment. if they had a hundred million bucks, it wouldn't be enough for them. if they had four cars, they'd need more. if they had four homes, they'd need more. they are organically out of touch with their land and their tribe. — Kinky Friedman

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror. — Kinky Friedman

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people. — Kinky Friedman

I see an issue I like, and I support it. — Kinky Friedman

Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but ... — Kinky Friedman

There will be a whole new spirit blowing through Texas. There will be a smile on everybody's face and a chill up the spine of every politician. — Kinky Friedman

A fool and his money are soon elected — Kinky Friedman

Rocky Hawkins has written a rare, fun and beautiful book. If you don't believe me, read it for yourself. — Kinky Friedman

My definition of an artist is anyone who's ahead of his time and behind on his rent. — Kinky Friedman

God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world. — Kinky Friedman

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care. — Kinky Friedman

I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink. — Kinky Friedman

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough. — Kinky Friedman

The system is not perfect. Until it's perfect, let's do away with the death penalty. — Kinky Friedman

Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. — Kinky Friedman

He looked like an accountant or a serial-killer type. Definitely one of the service industries. — Kinky Friedman

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us. — Kinky Friedman

You have to work at it if you want to be a good smoker. Especially today with all the non-smoking world constantly harassing you. — Kinky Friedman

An editor's job is to take something great and make it good. — Kinky Friedman

I want to fight the wussification of the State of Texas. I want to rise and shine and bring back the glory. — Kinky Friedman

People are drooling for the truth. They want honesty from politicians, and they're not getting it. — Kinky Friedman

The child-teacher relationship is crucial. — Kinky Friedman

This system is really broken. No Child Left Behind has really failed and the only way to solve education is to leave one governor behind. — Kinky Friedman

I'm not for the parties. I'm for Texas. — Kinky Friedman

There are more inspirational people in music than there are in politics. — Kinky Friedman

There is a difference between who is important and who is significant. — Kinky Friedman

I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail. — Kinky Friedman

If you don't love Jesus-go to hell! — Kinky Friedman

A happy childhood ... is the worst possible preparation for life. — Kinky Friedman

The best fiction is true. — Kinky Friedman

You never marry the person you first see 'Casablanca' with. — Kinky Friedman

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount. — Kinky Friedman

Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other. — Kinky Friedman

I believe that voices like Ross Perot (search), Pat Buchanan, Ralph Nader should be heard. They don't have to be president. Give 'em a chance. — Kinky Friedman

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime. — Kinky Friedman

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends off on a saddle. — Kinky Friedman

No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions. — Kinky Friedman

I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate. — Kinky Friedman

The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system. — Kinky Friedman

If Raymond Chandler came from the South, his name would be Ace Atkins. — Kinky Friedman

William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another. — Kinky Friedman

I don't believe in carrying a weapon. If somebody wants to shoot me, he'll have to bring his own gun. — Kinky Friedman

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive. — Kinky Friedman

I'd felt that a man without a woman was like a neck without a pain. — Kinky Friedman

Happiness is a moving target. — Kinky Friedman

Finding a cat
or having a cat find you
can change your world as much as marriage, divorce, love, death, or even winning the lottery can, and sometimes more. — Kinky Friedman

When you have a cat you assume certain responsibilities that, in a spiritual sense, transcend those of a marital or a business relationship. — Kinky Friedman

We're all worm bait waiting to happen. It's what you do while you wait that matters. — Kinky Friedman

On the whole I prefer cats to women because cats seldom if ever use the word 'relationship'. — Kinky Friedman

I've been in true love many times. I just try to avoid it as much as possible. For if there's one thing I know about true love, it is that sooner or later, it results in a hostage situation. — Kinky Friedman

If you're patient and you wait long enough, something will usually happen and it'll usually be something you don't like. — Kinky Friedman

Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly. — Kinky Friedman

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' — Kinky Friedman

My plan is to bring back like the Bracero Program (search) from 1944 that ran for 20 years where the Mexican government vets these people. I mean, they pay for it, and they get green cards, and they're actually legitimate. And then seal the border. — Kinky Friedman

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus. — Kinky Friedman

I'm also for gay marriage, because I say they have every right to be just as miserable as the rest of us. Love is bigger than government. And Texas, by the way, has a very progressive law about gay couples adopting kids. We just won't let them get married. So that's not common sense. — Kinky Friedman

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites. — Kinky Friedman

The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life. — Kinky Friedman

Seventeen publishers rejected the manuscript, at which time we knew we had something pretty hot. — Kinky Friedman

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians. — Kinky Friedman

My three favorite travel writers of all time are Robert Louis Stevenson, Graham Greene, and Chuck Thompson. Smile When You're Lying not only tells the truth about the travel-writing racket, it gets to the heart of some of the travel industry's best-kept secrets. — Kinky Friedman

You struggle with your demons and you conquer them. — Kinky Friedman

I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets. — Kinky Friedman

I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors. — Kinky Friedman

If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you. — Kinky Friedman

There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979 — Kinky Friedman

My goal as a young man, to be fat, famous and financially fixed by 50. — Kinky Friedman

This is called "spiritual lifting." It's not heavy lifting. The governor of Texas should not be confused with Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's a powerful position. The governor of Texas can't do any heavy lifting really. It's not that powerful a position. — Kinky Friedman

Most people, of course, spend their lives caring about the wrong things. The worry about South Africa or Nicaragua. They spend so much time finding themselves that they lose their taxicabs. They don't see that what kind of napkin you get at a delicatessen is a matter of much significance in the world today.
That's why they don't get linen — Kinky Friedman

I don't see how the people who created the problem can fix it. Texas is worth fighting for, and the best way to fight is to get the politicians out of politics. — Kinky Friedman

I don't think I have even achieved fame. Of course, Hemingway says that fame is death's little sister. — Kinky Friedman