Jules Cassard Quotes & Sayings

I suspect that many of the horror stories about jail are greatly exaggerated, but still, I wouldn't want to pass out in one. — Jules Cassard

It's like my therapist says: 'Even hypochondriacs get sick for real sometimes. — Jules Cassard

To give away flowers you have to literally cut off their life supply: 'Here you go, it's pretty now but it's rapidly dying and will decompose before your eyes.' It's like giving someone a pet fish without the bowl. — Jules Cassard

I know what I'm doing. I'm panicking. The first thing I should do is stop panicking. But that's not a thing to do, that's a thing to stop doing. Hey, maybe that's why I'm getting all worked up. I've been putting way too much emphasis on what I should be doing when often the real question has been what should I stop doing. So the first thing I should stop doing is asking the wrong questions. The second thing I should stop doing is panicking. — Jules Cassard

I think we could be friends on the outside. He really appreciated the makeshift vision test I gave him, and I appreciated the pointers he gave me on how to fool a Breathalyzer. It turns out he never knew he needed glasses and I never knew how much I could do with a penny. Well come to think of it, he did say he was in on a D.U.I., so maybe his method isn't quite as reliable as he thinks it is. — Jules Cassard

If you've only seen a dead body in a casket at a funeral, then you've never seen a real dead body. Believe me, I know, because recently I saw my first real dead body. — Jules Cassard

My mom always used to say, 'A watch pot never boils,' and I never knew if that really was something people used to say or if she just made it up, but I understood it either way. — Jules Cassard

Honey, what's the Detective doing here?"

"Tag, you never told me Wayne was so funny!"

"Wayne?"

"That's me. Most detectives also have first names. — Jules Cassard