Judy Gold Quotes & Sayings

I'm not selfish at all. — Judy Gold

Women risked their lives for the right to vote. When I hear people say, 'Oh, I'm not gonna vote,' I just wanna tear their heart out. — Judy Gold

Over the years, things got so bad between my mother and I, we stopped talking to each other and started communicating by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator. — Judy Gold

I've gotten resistance for my entire career. — Judy Gold

I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.' — Judy Gold

Female comics cannot dress provocatively on stage. — Judy Gold

I always dreamed of living in N.Y.C. — Judy Gold

I realize as I get older that stand-up is a huge part of who I am. I think I'll do it for the rest of my life. — Judy Gold

Growing up in New Jersey, bat mitzvas were all about the elegant parties. — Judy Gold

I've done stand-up since I was 18 years old, and I absolutely love it, but I used to go onstage, and the audience was my peers. Now I go onstage, and I could be their mother. — Judy Gold

Joan Rivers was my hero. — Judy Gold

I'm going to be a 'Chopped' champion. — Judy Gold

When I was a kid, I'd read about celebrities who didn't want to talk to their fans after a show. I told myself, 'That's terrible, and I would never do that.' — Judy Gold

I like being able to donate my comedy to charity. I'm not a billionaire, and I can't write checks. — Judy Gold

I love being a Givenik Ambassador. Not only does it give me a platform to discuss my favorite charities, but I get to talk about my other favorite topic - 'The Judy Show!' — Judy Gold

Many comics stay in one city and develop their acts for that particular audience. — Judy Gold

'The Judy Show' would be the name of my TV show if I had one, but I don't. — Judy Gold

Unfortunately, I cook for two boys, and they don't care what it looks like on the plate, and neither do I. — Judy Gold

I live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I live in a 950-square-foot apartment with one bathroom and two sons. — Judy Gold

The first time I did stand-up was on a dare. — Judy Gold

Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was. — Judy Gold

My mother loves it when I talk about her. Half the time, I think she says things that she knows will go straight into the act. — Judy Gold

There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage. — Judy Gold

If I was married to a man, and I had the same life situation that I have, it's the perfect recipe for a sitcom. — Judy Gold

I've never been on one of these shows where you have to make alliances and be a team player. — Judy Gold

When Joan Rivers walked through the curtain on 'The Tonight Show,' nobody in my house was allowed to utter a sound. Her gait was full of pep and purpose and her voice unmatched. — Judy Gold

If I wasn't true to myself, I couldn't live with myself. — Judy Gold

Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.' — Judy Gold

I started taking all these cooking classes. I learned a lot in them, but you think you're going to retain it, and you don't. Under the pressure, it's hard to retain everything. — Judy Gold

Of course I love cooking Eastern European food because I'm a Jew, but I also love making roast chicken. I love making Hungarian goulash. There are a lot of egg noodles in my cooking. — Judy Gold

When I got a part in 'All American Girl,' in 1994, I remember thinking, 'Now I have a series, I'm not going to need to do standup,' but every night I'd go out afterward and get onstage somewhere. — Judy Gold

Joan Rivers was a role model to comics everywhere, but especially to women. She got the first laugh and the last laugh. — Judy Gold

Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh. — Judy Gold

People always think you have a lot of money when they see you on TV. — Judy Gold

The more life experience you have, the more comedy you can write. — Judy Gold

In America, I've been told so many times that I look 'too Jewish' that I stopped counting. — Judy Gold

I would love to get married, first of all, from my children's perspective. People don't think of children when they think of gay marriage, but I do have children, and for them to see their family validated as other families are validated and protected by our government, yes. — Judy Gold

Women are taught that if you want to be a lady, keep your opinions to yourself and be polite. — Judy Gold

There is no reason to be ashamed of who you are. — Judy Gold

Some people use stand-up to get something else in their careers, but it's truly the art form of stand-up I love. — Judy Gold

Twelve years ago my mother gets her cataracts removed. So twelve years ago the doctor gives her these enormous sunglasses to wear to protect her eyes from the sun for 4-6 weeks after the operation ... twelve years ago. She still wears them. She thinks they're attractive. She looks like Bea Arthur as a welder. — Judy Gold

The fight in theatre is focus, focus, focus. — Judy Gold

What if obese people couldn't get married? — Judy Gold

I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize. — Judy Gold

I didn't want to be known as a gay comic, but as a comic who happens to be gay. — Judy Gold

To have a job making people laugh really is the greatest thing. — Judy Gold

Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. — Judy Gold

I worked at Military Media, an advertising agency for military-base newspapers. Don't ask, I won't tell. — Judy Gold

My doctor said I had OCD. I couldn't believe it. I had to call him nine times to make sure. — Judy Gold

We all know showbiz isn't easy, but being a comic - especially being a female comic - can be quite punishing. — Judy Gold

For me, humor is everything! — Judy Gold

My desire for my own sitcom began as a little girl - I spent hours lying on my belly on the shag carpeting getting lost in the world of the '70s sitcom. All I wanted to do was run away to the Brady house, The Partridge Family bus; even the project on 'Good Times' seemed better than Clark, NJ. — Judy Gold

I do believe that it's something that we don't talk about, but when there are clearly defined gender roles, it is much simpler. Because you don't have to think, which people apparently don't like to do. — Judy Gold

It's fun to be someone else. — Judy Gold

My mother is a tall woman - as is everyone in my family. At her prime, she stood 5 feet 9 inches, which is quite unusual for a woman born in 1922. — Judy Gold

Remember the phrase - 'Act your age, not your shoe size?' That didn't apply to me, as they were the same until the age of 12 when my feet stopped growing. — Judy Gold

When you see another tall woman on the street, you nod, sort of like Orthodox Jews. — Judy Gold

My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting. — Judy Gold

My partner and I had our first son in 1996, and the office became the baby's room. Our second son was born in 2001, and the office became the kids' room. — Judy Gold

I try to win the love and approval of strangers, since it didn't work with my family. — Judy Gold

I love the vulgar. I kind of have the humor of a 17-year-old boy. — Judy Gold

If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure that it's not a cop car — Judy Gold

I have a nice little house in LA. Well, the bedroom is nice. I have French doors in the bedroom. They don't open unless I lick them. — Judy Gold

Comedy is all about having a point of view, and it's also about power. — Judy Gold

My Shabbat dinner is not to be reckoned with. — Judy Gold

As scary as it was being raised by one Jewish mother, I have to feel for my kids because they have two Jewish mothers. — Judy Gold

I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners. — Judy Gold