Josh Billings Quotes & Sayings

The very thing that men think they have got the most of, they have got the least of; and that is judgment. — Josh Billings

It ain't because lovers are so sensitive that they quarrel so often; it is because there is so much fun n the making up. — Josh Billings

One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can. — Josh Billings

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. — Josh Billings

Men are seldom underrated; the mercury in a man finds its true level in the eyes of the world just as certainly as it does in the glass of a thermometer. — Josh Billings

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. — Josh Billings

Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go. — Josh Billings

The highest philosophers, in explaining the mystery of this world, are obliged to call in the aid of another. — Josh Billings

There is no limit to the vanity of this world. Each spoke in the wheel thinks the whole strength of the wheel depends upon it. — Josh Billings

It is not much trouble to doctor sick folks, but to doctor healthy ones is troublesome. — Josh Billings

A wise man never enjoys himself so much, nor a fool so little, as when alone. — Josh Billings

The fools in this world make about as much trouble as the wicked do. — Josh Billings

I do not know of a better cure for sorrow than to pity somebody else. — Josh Billings

You can reach stupidity only with a cannon ball. — Josh Billings

Keep a cow, and the milk won't have to be watered but once. — Josh Billings

Good nonsense is good sense in disguise. — Josh Billings

Fun is a sugar-coated physic. — Josh Billings

When a man makes up his mind to become a rascal, he should examine himself closely and see if he isn't better constructed for a fool. — Josh Billings

It AIN'T so much the things we don't know that get us into trouble. It's the things we know that just ain't so. — Josh Billings

Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected. — Josh Billings

There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't. — Josh Billings

Rumor is like bees; the more you fight them the more you don't get rid of them. — Josh Billings

I called my cat William because no shorter name fits the dignity of his character. Poor old man, he has fits now, so I call him Fitz-William. — Josh Billings

Experience is a school where a man learns what a big fool he has been. — Josh Billings

To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. — Josh Billings

Poverty is the step-mother of genius. — Josh Billings

Fools carry their daggers in their open mouths. — Josh Billings

Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it. — Josh Billings

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. — Josh Billings

It is the little bits of things that fret and worry us; we can dodge a elephant, but we can't dodge a fly. — Josh Billings

If you would make yourself agreeable wherever you go, listen to the grievances of others but never relate your own. — Josh Billings

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry. — Josh Billings

Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense — Josh Billings

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. — Josh Billings

Experience makes more timid men than it does wise ones. — Josh Billings

Advice can be like cod liver oil, easy enough to administer but not so pleasant to take for anybody. — Josh Billings

There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow's sister. — Josh Billings

It is a great art to be superior to others without letting them know it. — Josh Billings

But why discourse Upon the Virtues of the Horse? They are too numerous to tell Save when you have a Horse to Sell. — Josh Billings

There are only two qualities in the world: efficiency and inefficiency; and only two sorts of people: the efficient and the inefficient. — Josh Billings

Society is composed of slow Christians and wide-awake sinners. — Josh Billings

Don't have any more secrets than you can keep yourself. — Josh Billings

Seneca devoted much of his time to writing essays in praise of poverty, and in lending money at usurious rates. — Josh Billings

Building air castles is a harmless business as long as you don't attempt to live in them. — Josh Billings

Pyrotechnically considered, [laughing] is the fire-works of the soul. — Josh Billings

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope. — Josh Billings

Love is like the measles; we can't have it bad but once, and the later in life we have it the tougher it goes with us. — Josh Billings

Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return. — Josh Billings

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland. — Josh Billings

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed. — Josh Billings

the squeeky wheel gets the grease. — Josh Billings

The great art of writing is knowing when to stop. — Josh Billings

Early genius, like early cabbage, does not head well. — Josh Billings

Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal. — Josh Billings

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease. — Josh Billings

I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time. — Josh Billings

Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does. — Josh Billings

There's tons of people that spend a lot time watching their well being, they have not acquired time to take pleasure in it. — Josh Billings

Virtue does not consist in the absence of the passions, but in the control of them. — Josh Billings

It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good. — Josh Billings

We mingle in society not so much to meet others as to escape ourselves. — Josh Billings

Morally considered, laughter is next to the Ten Commandments. — Josh Billings

Be like a postage stamp - stick to one thing until you get there. — Josh Billings

Fortune is like a coquette; if you don't run after her, she will run after you. — Josh Billings

Remember the poor, it costs nothing. — Josh Billings

A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates. — Josh Billings

The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it. — Josh Billings

It strains a man's philosophy the worst kind to laugh when he gets beat. — Josh Billings

I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design. — Josh Billings

The books are balanced in heaven, not here. — Josh Billings

The nearest we can come to) perfect happiness is to cheat ourselves with the belief that we have got it. — Josh Billings

It's not so hard to get rich as it is to know when you have gotten rich. — Josh Billings

A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug. — Josh Billings

If a man is right, he can't be too radical; if he is wrong, he can't be too conservative. — Josh Billings

Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into. — Josh Billings

There's one good thing about tight shoes; they make you forget your other troubles. — Josh Billings

He whom prosperity humbles, and adversity strengthens, is the true hero. — Josh Billings

Some folks are wise and some otherwise. — Josh Billings

There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it. — Josh Billings

Error will slip through a crack, while truth will stick in a doorway. — Josh Billings

Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to. — Josh Billings

Men who have much to say use the fewest words. — Josh Billings

What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul I suppose this depends somewhat upon the size of the soul. I think there are cases where the trade would do. — Josh Billings

Lying is like trying to hide in a fog: If you move about you're in danger of bumping your head against the truth, and as soon as the fog blows off, you are gone anyhow. — Josh Billings

Men of genius are like eagles, they live on what they kill, while men of talents are like crows, they live on what has been killed for them. — Josh Billings

Plenty of folks are so contrary that if they should fall into the river, they would insist upon floating upstream. — Josh Billings

Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since. — Josh Billings

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins. — Josh Billings

The less we know the more we suspect — Josh Billings

Never teach your child to be cunning or you may be certain you will be one of the very first victims of his shrewdness. — Josh Billings

Pity costs nothing, and it ain't worth nothing. — Josh Billings

The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition. — Josh Billings

Waves are inspiring not because they rise and fail, but because each time they fall. They never fail to rise again. — Josh Billings

There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply — Josh Billings

A secret ceases to be a secret if it is once confided - it is like a dollar bill, once broken, it is never a dollar again. — Josh Billings

Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something. — Josh Billings

Dr. Holmes says, both wittily and truly, that crying widows are easiest consoled. — Josh Billings

Clothes form the intellect of the dandy. — Josh Billings

If men were stubborn just in proportion as they were right, stubbornness would take her seat among the virtues; but men are generally stubborn just in proportion as they are ignorant and wrong. — Josh Billings

I hold that a man has as much right to spell a word as it is pronounced as he has to pronounce it the way it ain't spelled. — Josh Billings