Jonas Jonasson Quotes & Sayings

Allan looked at the bus and then at the suitcase, then again at the bus and then again at the suitcase. It has wheels, he said to himself. And there's a strap to pull it by too. And then Allan surprised himself by making what - you have to admit - was decision to say 'yes' to life.
p.12. — Jonas Jonasson

Above all, Suharto had been hunting down communists, presumed communists, suspected communists, possible communists, highly unlikely communists, and the odd innocent person. — Jonas Jonasson

Dr. Eklund was utterly dumbfounded. Did the prime minister think that a waiter who had dropped out of school before he was ten years old could be put to use to build atom bombs for Sweden? — Jonas Jonasson

Imagine that, death was just like being asleep. Would he have time to think before it was all over? And would he have time to think that he had thought it? But wait, how much do you have to think before you have finished thinking? — Jonas Jonasson

Allan Emmanuelle Karlsson closed his eyes and felt perfectly convinced that he would now pass away for ever. It had been exciting, the entire journey, but nothing lasts for ever, except possibly general stupidity. — Jonas Jonasson

Life worked in such a way that right was not necessarily right, but rather what the person in charge said was right. — Jonas Jonasson

You can't imagine what the Russian alphabet looks like. It's no wonder people are illiterate. — Jonas Jonasson

If you don't think you have enough problems, you should acquire a mammal in Sweden just hours before you're about to fly home to the other side of the world, and then insist that the animal must come along in your luggage. — Jonas Jonasson

- As long as we think positively, as I said. - I don't think Sonya actually weighs much more than four tons, perhaps four and a half at the most, said The Beauty. - You see, Benny, said Allan. That's what I mean by thinking positively. The problem immediately became a whole ton less. — Jonas Jonasson

Allan Karlsson hesitated as he stood there in the flower bed that ran along one side of the Old Folks' Home. He was wearing a brown jacket with brown trousers and on his feet he had a pair of brown indoor slippers. He was not a fashion plate; people rarely are at that age. He was on the run from his own birthday party, another unusual thing for a 100-year-old, not least because even being 100 is pretty rare. — Jonas Jonasson

Politics was often not only unnecessary, but sometimes also unnecessarily complicated. — Jonas Jonasson

In the end, they could think of no better solution than to put a bullet between his eyes, so they could go about their task in peace. — Jonas Jonasson

George W. Bush in Washington decided that Nobel Peace Prize winner and ex-president Nelson Mandela could probably be taken off the U.S. list of terrorists). — Jonas Jonasson

Hi Allan, it's Harry'
'Which Harry?'
'Truman, Allan. Harry S. Truman, the president, damn it!'
'How nice! That was a good meal we had Mr President, thank you. I hope you weren't required to fly the plane home? — Jonas Jonasson

You'll see that things will turn out like they do, because that is what usually happens - almost always, in fact — Jonas Jonasson

Those who only says what is the truth, they're not worth listening to. — Jonas Jonasson

The very biggest and apparently most impossible conflicts on earth were based on the dialogue: 'You are stupid, no, it's you who are stupid.' The solution, said Allan, was often t down a bottle of vodka together and then look ahed. — Jonas Jonasson

It was tough to think in new ways and equally tough to remember the old. — Jonas Jonasson

Life, here I come!' he said. And was immediately and fatally run over by a bus. — Jonas Jonasson

A good sense of humour combined with
self-distance always make the world a better place. And my hundred-year-old, Allan Karlsson, would probably add a bottle of vodka to complete the picture. — Jonas Jonasson

Things are what they are, and whatever will be, will be. — Jonas Jonasson

THE SOUTH AFRICAN ARMED FORCES RECEIVED EVER-HIGHER amounts of funding from an economy that couldn't afford it. In the end, a fifth of the country's hopelessly unbalanced budget was going to the military, all while the rest of the world came up with new embargoes. — Jonas Jonasson

For Benny and The Beauty, the sun was always shining whatever the weather, and if they hadn't been on the run from the law, they would probably have gotten married right away. Once you've reached a certain age, it is easier to sense when everything feels exactly right. — Jonas Jonasson

He told himself that he could die some other time, in some other place. — Jonas Jonasson

But as long as we think positively, I'm sure a solution will appear. — Jonas Jonasson

But God answered with silence. He did that sometimes, and Father Ferguson always interpreted it to mean that he should think for himself. Admittedly, it didn't always work out well when the pastor thought for himself, but you couldn't just give up. — Jonas Jonasson

And not only that, Mr Stalin. I have been in China for the purpose of making war against Mao Tse-tung, before I went to Iran and prevented an attempt to assassinate Churchill.'
'Churchill? That fat pig!' Stalin shouted.
Stalin recovered for a moment before downing a whole glass of vodka. Allan watched enviously. He too would like to have his glass filled, but didn't think it was the right moment for such a request. — Jonas Jonasson

But Allan left other people to themselves, dead or alive. — Jonas Jonasson

People could behave how they liked, but Allan considered that in general it was quite unnecessary to be grumpy if you had the chance not to. — Jonas Jonasson

And there Allan could see an opening. In a prison camp you couldn't just hang around, because if you did then the guards would shoot you.
Herbert liked the idea, but it gave him the creeps at the same time. A load of bullets, wouldn't that be dreadfully painful? — Jonas Jonasson

Her heart broke. Because of sorrow. Because of guilt. Because of repressed dreams, visions and fantasies. Because almost nothing in her life had gone as she'd hoped. — Jonas Jonasson

Allan thought it sounded unnecessary for the people in the seventeenth century to kill each other. If they had only been a little patient they would all have died in the end anyway. Julius said that you could say the same of all epochs — Jonas Jonasson

The overworked man was tired of everything, and he only kept going because he had long since forgotten that life could consist of anything else. — Jonas Jonasson

Allan had always reasoned about religion that if you couldn't know for sure then there was no point in going around guessing. — Jonas Jonasson

Allan woke up and wondered whether it wouldn't soon be time to go to bed. — Jonas Jonasson

There are only two things I can do better than most people. One of them is to make vodka from goats' milk, and the other is to put together an atom bomb. — Jonas Jonasson

Never try to out-drink a Swede, unless you happen to be a Finn or at least a Russian. — Jonas Jonasson

This passenger was wondering why he had stolen a big grey suitcase on four wheels. Was it because he could and because the owner was a lout, or because the suitcase might contain a pair of shoes and even a hat? Or was it because the old man didn't have anything to lose? Allan really couldn't say why he did it. When life has gone into overtime it's easy to take liberties, he thought, and he made himself comfortable in the seat.
So far, Allan was satisfied with the way the day had developed. Then he closed his eyes for his afternoon nap. — Jonas Jonasson

To think that Allan was going to enjoy one more breakfast in his life without porridge! That was good news indeed. — Jonas Jonasson

With the new antiterrorism laws, the government could call anyone a terrorist and lock him or her up for as long as they liked, for any reason they liked. Or for no reason at all. — Jonas Jonasson

T was so ridiculous that it had to be true - he could hardly hae made it up. — Jonas Jonasson

The hundred-year-old man had never let himself be irritated by people, even when there was a good reason to be, and he was not annoyed by the uncouth manner of this youth. — Jonas Jonasson

Only the prisoners who were hit. An undamaged — Jonas Jonasson

Is my life, by any chance, about to take a new turn? — Jonas Jonasson

When life has gone into overtime it's easy to take liberties, — Jonas Jonasson

Allan admitted that the difference between madness and genius was subtle, and that he couldn't with certainty say which it was in this case, but that he had his suspicions. — Jonas Jonasson

ONE Monday, May 2, 2005 — Jonas Jonasson

Allan had never imagined it would be easy to cross the Himalayas. But later he had realised just how lucky he had been to bump into those kind Iranian communists. It — Jonas Jonasson

I shall destroy capitalism! Do you hear! I shall destroy every single capitalist! And I shall start with you, you dog, if you don't help us with the bomb!'
Allan noted that the had managed to be both a rat and a dog in the course of a minute or so. And that Stalin was being rather inconsistent, because now he wanted to use Allan's services after all.
But Allan wasn't going to sit there and listen to this abuse any longer. He had come to Moscow to help them out, not to be shouted at. Stalin would have to manage on his own.
'I've been thinking,' said Allan.
'What,' said Stalin angrily.
'Why don't you shave off that moustache?'
With that the dinner was over, because the interpreter fainted. — Jonas Jonasson

Allan didn't even know if the Prime Minister was Left or Right. He must certainly be one of them, because if there was one thing life had taugh Allan, it was that people insisted on being one or the other. — Jonas Jonasson

Priests and politicians were equally bad, Allan thought, and it didn't make the slightest difference if they were communists, fascists, capitalists or any other political persuasion. — Jonas Jonasson

Politics sometimes is not only unnecessary but also unnecessary complicated. — Jonas Jonasson

Revenge is like politics, one thing always leads to another until bad has become worse, and worse has become worst. — Jonas Jonasson

Allan interrupted the two brothers by saying that he had been out and about in the world and if there was one thing he had learned it was that the very biggest and apparently most impossible conflicts on earth were based on the dialogue: "You are stupid, no, it's you who are stupid, no, it's you who are stupid." The solution, said Allan, was often to down a bottle of vodka together and then look ahead. — Jonas Jonasson

The world went on revolving around its sun at the constant speed and with the inconstant temper it always had. — Jonas Jonasson

Marshal Beria wasn't the type to sit and chat about nothing. Life was too short for that (and besides he was socially incompetent). — Jonas Jonasson

Three hours later the two men were calling each other Harry and Allan, which goes to show what a couple of bottles of tequila can do for international relations. — Jonas Jonasson

There are undoubtedly advantages to being dead, said Julius. — Jonas Jonasson

In certain situations it was best not to know or at least best not to leave any way of proving that you knew what you knew. — Jonas Jonasson

Allan said that they would all turn up soon. And then he ended with some encouraging words about how he thought that there wasn't a single person in the world who had gone so far with such a limited intelligence as Amanda had done. And Amanda thought that was so beautifully said, that tears came to her eyes. — Jonas Jonasson

The pillow entrepreneur, who knew the true nature of the distributor, thought that it might take longer than that. — Jonas Jonasson

You should beware of priests, my son. And people who don't drink vodka. Worst of all are priests who don't drink vodka. — Jonas Jonasson

First, it was some students who were for free sex and against the Vietnam War. As far as that went, this was OK with the president because students will always find something to complain about. But — Jonas Jonasson

Benny gave her an admiring look. He had never heard a woman swear so much in such a short time. He thought it sounded delightful. — Jonas Jonasson