John M. Gottman Quotes & Sayings

Admit when you're wrong. Shut up when you're right. — John M. Gottman

I liken an affair to the shattering of a Waterford crystal vase. You can glue it back together, but it will never be the same again. — John M. Gottman

We move in response to our conversation partner's face, and our brain also fires as we move those muscles and stirs the passions. Paralyzing the face is idiotic. — John M. Gottman

I believe we're going to find that respect and affection are essential to all relationships working and contempt destroys them. — John M. Gottman

In order to get to a healthier and more productive place, we need to give up our fear of conflict, turmoil and resistance. — John M. Gottman

Thus, the critical dimension in understanding whether a marriage will work or not, becomes the extent to which the male can accept the influence of the woman he loves and become socialized in emotional communication. — John M. Gottman

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. — John M. Gottman

Marriages are much more likely to succeed when the couple experiences a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions whereas when the ratio approaches 1 to 1, marriages are more likely to end in divorce. — John M. Gottman

Gay and lesbian relationships operate on essentially the same principles as heterosexual relationships — John M. Gottman

news flash: Men, you have the power to make or break a relationship. — John M. Gottman

In a good relationship, people get angry, but in a very different way. The Marriage Masters see a problem a bit like a soccer ball. They kick it around. It's 'our' problem. — John M. Gottman

Bid for connection: Each of our daily interactions with another person. — John M. Gottman

Our gridlocked conflicts contain the potential for great intimacy between us. But we have to feel safe enough to pull our dreams out of the closet. When we wear them, our partner may glimpse how beautiful we are - fragile but shimmering. Then, with understanding, our partners may join us in being dream catchers, rather than dream shredders. — John M. Gottman

When a couple gets to the last stage, one or both partners may have an affair. But an affair is usually a symptom of a dying marriage, not the cause. The end of that marriage could have been predicted long before either spouse strayed. — John M. Gottman

A hallmark of domestic violence is a man feeling threatened by a woman's friends and attempting to control or limit a woman's social contacts, or to isolate her socially. — John M. Gottman

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse predict an ailing marriage: Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling and Contempt. The worst of these is contempt. — John M. Gottman

Which scientific puzzle confounds the genius of Hawking? "Women," he said. "They are a complete mystery. — John M. Gottman