Joe Bob Briggs Quotes & Sayings

A universal draft is most often the instrument of Third World dictators. — Joe Bob Briggs

The Italians always made good wine, but you had the impression they were friendly guys in straw hats running family vineyards with slaves or something so that the vino was never more than ten bucks a bottle. — Joe Bob Briggs

As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager. — Joe Bob Briggs

Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever. — Joe Bob Briggs

The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother. — Joe Bob Briggs

It's not a crime to get drunk. — Joe Bob Briggs

Speaking of things that'll make your head explode, "Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story" finally made it to the drive-in — Joe Bob Briggs

I went to school in Hooks, Texas, where most people can't even read the name stitched over their own pocket. — Joe Bob Briggs

The fifties were when people started coming down on "juvenile delinquents," "hoodlums," "vandals"
anybody that was young, wore a motorcycle jacket, and didn't act polite around older people. — Joe Bob Briggs

I made the mistake of watching "A.I." on cable the week they showed it about 792 times, and I ended up watching it every time it was on. — Joe Bob Briggs

In some European theaters, it's still not uncommon to have a late start and three LONG intermissions, because people actually eat and drink and converse during the intermissions. — Joe Bob Briggs

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke. — Joe Bob Briggs

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's. — Joe Bob Briggs

In other words, New York has gone all suburban and bourgeois on us. — Joe Bob Briggs

I AM a male chauvinist. Who's been saying otherwise? — Joe Bob Briggs

If you hate what you're seeing, you call it sex and violence. If you like it, you call it 'romance and adventure.' — Joe Bob Briggs

Faith is like a kernel of wheat. — Joe Bob Briggs

Everything changed in Bosnia, when General Wesley Clark proved that you could fight a war with high- level precision air strikes and a bare minimum of ground action. — Joe Bob Briggs

You're not a real Texan till you've been kicked out of every decent state in America. — Joe Bob Briggs

There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11. — Joe Bob Briggs

SURE-FIRE SINGLES AD:
Famous Writer needs woman to organize his life and spend his money. Loves to turn off Sunday football and go to the Botanical Gardens with that special someone. Will obtain plastic surgery if necessary. — Joe Bob Briggs