Jerry Lawler Quotes & Sayings

In this day and time, with no competition you are really walking a tightrope. I mean you may think that no competition is good, but in reality no competition is really bad. — Jerry Lawler

I don't know if he needs a tic tac or toilet paper. — Jerry Lawler

Dustin Runnels came up to me and asked me if I made my peace with God today. I don't know if I ever had a fight with him. — Jerry Lawler

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma. — Jerry Lawler

You never really know a woman till you meet her in court. — Jerry Lawler

OSHA had come in and looked at the channel 5 studios and it sort of had something to do with wrestling, but they found that there were some safety concerns that had to be addressed. — Jerry Lawler

I asked Sunny if she would ever consider dating you. She said she would rather give birth to a porcupine on fire. — Jerry Lawler

Paul Bearer is so fat, he has his own gravitational pull! — Jerry Lawler

Andy Kaufman's mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied! — Jerry Lawler

When God said 'Let there be light', Mae Young threw the switch. — Jerry Lawler

Being a 3-time Intercontinental champion doesn't make you a great wrestler, just like Larry King having 9 wives don't make him a great husband. — Jerry Lawler

As a baby, Bret Hart was so ugly that they had to put tinted windows on his incubator! — Jerry Lawler

What do Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up! — Jerry Lawler

This man can make a horror movie without makeup. — Jerry Lawler

You know what they call a good looking girl in Philadelphia ... a tourist. — Jerry Lawler

When David killed Goliath, Mae Young called the cops. — Jerry Lawler

The Dudleys are going to get the VIP treatment this Sunday
Very Intense Pain! — Jerry Lawler

The fats dented the flats. — Jerry Lawler

I don't know of any wrestler who hasn't, at one time or another, been with a fan. One time I met a woman at a match in Tennessee, and afterward we went to a little roadside motel. We checked in, went to the room, and enjoyed each other for an hour or so. — Jerry Lawler

Dolph Ziggler reminds me of Santa; everywhere he goes he brings an old bag with him. — Jerry Lawler

It's not often that you see a smile on the face of the Viper, but it actually looks good on there. — Jerry Lawler

Certainly it's a business and you've got to have a salesman, but in my mind, when you've got two guys doing the same thing, you don't need one of them. — Jerry Lawler

You know, Alundra Blayze, with her looks could star in TV westerns ... if she had two more legs. — Jerry Lawler

Crash Holly's so short, you can see his feet on his driver's licence photo. — Jerry Lawler

We've finally told the world that this is sports entertainment, and I think one of the best forms of entertainment is anything that's fun or funny, something that you really enjoy watching or listening to. — Jerry Lawler

There is an old adage: love thy neighbor, but don't get caught. — Jerry Lawler

It's almost like while you are working for the WWF everything is fine and good, but if you are no longer employed by them they want you to just drop off the face of the earth and it's like you never existed. — Jerry Lawler

You lost weight? Look around, you'll find it. — Jerry Lawler

J.R.'s got moves like Jagger! — Jerry Lawler

You know how I impress girls at the gym? I do pull ups: I pull up in a Corvette, in a Cadillac, and in a Mercedes. — Jerry Lawler

Jake [Roberts] is feeling a little under the weather. He has bar-thritis. That's when because stiffin' a different joint every night. — Jerry Lawler

Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the Bible. — Jerry Lawler

Are you ready for some puppies?! — Jerry Lawler

What the Hell. In 1988, I was the AWA heavyweight champion and I never came to Milwaukee. — Jerry Lawler

One man's trash is another man's girlfriend. — Jerry Lawler

The only reason I lost to Aldo Montoya was the intoxicating fumes there were coming off his body from being around Jake Roberts. — Jerry Lawler

How could Triple H EVER be mad, how could he EVER have a bad day? How would you like to be married to her?! Wake up in a wonderful mood every morning. I mean, look at that! — Jerry Lawler

As they say, anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation. — Jerry Lawler

Look at the attention the Godfather's getting! Kick my leg, J.R.; kick me in the leg! — Jerry Lawler

There's one thing that comes into mind when I see Trish Stratus ... MANAGEMENT — Jerry Lawler

I've seen a lot of real out-of-line attitudes since I have been in the WWF and those people are still there or are getting a second or third chance or something like that. — Jerry Lawler

We just did a show in Providence, Rhode Island, and we got three puppy shots before we even got on the air, which was great. Although sometimes you get flashed by some puppies that you'd rather not see. They're more like mongrels. — Jerry Lawler

Women! Can't live with 'em, no resale value. — Jerry Lawler

Cheating is only cheating when you get caught. — Jerry Lawler

Australia was great. I would advise anybody to go there. In fact, if you couldn't live here, Australia would be the place to live. It's the most Americanized country that I've ever seen in the world. — Jerry Lawler

If charisma were rain, Blackman would be a desert. — Jerry Lawler

If Mark Henry was the Titanic, the iceberg would've sank! — Jerry Lawler

Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to them. — Jerry Lawler

Jim Ross you're a fine one to talk about how someone is dressed. — Jerry Lawler

When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts! — Jerry Lawler

When John Cena came to Raw, he immediately got off on the wrong foot with Eric Bischoff. Eric Bischoff said that he thought John Cena was a would be Eminem, and Lord knows one Eminem is enough, but since that time, I have come to respect and really like this kid. This John Cena is a good guy. You can't say anything differently than that. — Jerry Lawler

Can I press one for English? — Jerry Lawler

Michael Cole, what did you get for Christmas? Except drunk. — Jerry Lawler

Jake 'The Snake's' two best friends are Jim Beam & Jack Daniels. — Jerry Lawler

The only thing harder than Terry Funk's legs are his arteries. — Jerry Lawler

I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at school. — Jerry Lawler

I'd like to retain Trish Stratus's services. — Jerry Lawler

But if I've heard this saying once, I've heard it a thousand times- everything happens for a reason. And possibly it does. I just haven't found the reason that this all happened yet. — Jerry Lawler

Get that strait jacket that Heidenreich had and put it on Lita! — Jerry Lawler

What's twelve inches long and hangs in front on ass, Mankind's tie. — Jerry Lawler

Her, Me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions? — Jerry Lawler

Of course, the whole Andy Kaufman angle was classic. I'm real proud of that. I mean that is something people are still talking about 20 years later, making movies about and that sort of thing. I mean not a day goes by that someone doesn't mention Andy Kaufman to me. — Jerry Lawler

When it comes to Shawn Michaels, there's always a way. — Jerry Lawler

I don't think that McMahon thinks very much about the fact that J.R and I have been successful. I don't think that McMahon thinks the wrestling announcers really have that much to contribute the show. — Jerry Lawler

Mark Henry is so strong he eats steak with a spoon. — Jerry Lawler

You know what they say in Arkansas ... manure happens. — Jerry Lawler

ECW stands for Extremely Crappy Wrestling. — Jerry Lawler

Speaking of birthday suits, I think Mae Young's needs ironing! — Jerry Lawler

I don't think it's blowing my own horn to say the show is not as good. There was chemistry there that took years and years to build and now that's gone. The commentary is lacking. — Jerry Lawler

A little sex on TV never hurt anyone ... unless you fall off! — Jerry Lawler

When I'm in bed with a woman, my favorite move is a wrestling hold called the lip lock. — Jerry Lawler

I'm an artist and I can draw very well. I'm amazed that everybody can't draw well because I can do it so effortlessly. — Jerry Lawler

Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick. — Jerry Lawler

Do you have a quarter? My mom told me to call her when I meet the women of my dreams. — Jerry Lawler

It used to be that Shamrock was the world's most dangerous man, but now Shamrock is the world's most dangerous speedbump. — Jerry Lawler

Sunny didn't make a fool out of Phineas, God beat her to that. — Jerry Lawler

Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book! — Jerry Lawler

Foley looks like an un-made bed. — Jerry Lawler

Is he dancing or having a seizure? — Jerry Lawler

Hey Mark Henry, where are your gold medals? We all know that if Mark Henry won a gold medal he'd just take it and have it bronzed. — Jerry Lawler

I've been here for nine years, and over that time, these people have become like my family. — Jerry Lawler

Judging from what looks like the popularity of this classic wrestling show is that the people like what they have grown to know and love here in Memphis. — Jerry Lawler

Koko B. Ware is a crossword wrestler: he enters the ring vertically, and leaves horizontally. — Jerry Lawler

Jake Robert's wife is real ugly, but according to him that's nothing a six pack and a light switch can't fix. — Jerry Lawler

Go back to your bingo hall. — Jerry Lawler

If the Japanese are so smart, why do they eat with sticks? — Jerry Lawler

If at first you don't succeed, see if there is a prize for the losers. — Jerry Lawler

Cena with the WWE Title, Randy Orton with the Money In The Bank briefcase, & Daniel Bryan with the beard. — Jerry Lawler

The only reason Jake 'The Snake' Roberts doesn't drink and drive anymore is because he is afraid he might hit a bump and spill his drink. — Jerry Lawler

I'm not a racist like Bret Hart, I hate everyone equally! — Jerry Lawler

When you were born and your mom saw your face and your rear end, she said "Oh! Siamesse Twins!" — Jerry Lawler