Jen Mann Quotes & Sayings

I let my kids make decisions for themselves, but some things are not up for discussion. When it's cold, they wear a coat. — Jen Mann

Excuse me?" I asked. I always say "excuse me" even though I heard perfectly well what the person said. I feel that by saying "excuse me," I'm giving them a chance to realize they're being an asshole, and they can change their attitude for the second attempt. — Jen Mann

Besides shopping at garage sales, I love hosting garage sales. Every year my mom and I dig through our houses and find a bunch of crap (I mean really terrific stuff) to sell so we can earn some money so we can go back out and buy some more crap (I mean really terrific stuff) that we'll use for a bit and then turn around and garage-sale in a couple of years. It's the circle of life suburban style. — Jen Mann

I'm the only one who leaves the house in my pajamas because I can't get my shit together, nor do I give a shit that I can't get my shit together. — Jen Mann

We're not very good at the niceties and the small talk that are required to be a good neighbor, so block parties and barbecues tend to be awkward. Our politics rarely jibe (we're a couple of mouthy liberals living in the heart of red country), and we don't give a shit about sports, especially college basketball and hypercompetitive soccer for young children, which are the favorites around here. — Jen Mann

The thing about marriage is that it requires so much compromise. And, naturally, someone is going to come into the marriage being better at The Yield. In fact, I say a lengthy marriage requires it. Someone is always going to come in with horns down and nostrils flaring. That requires that the other person run away as quickly as possible while waving the white flag. Certainly not the red flag, because I don't want to be that poor woman who accidentally ran over her spouse sixty-five times. Someone is the bull. Someone must be the china shop. We all have important roles to play. — Jen Mann

People who tell me not to swear so much. Oh, fuck you, too. — Jen Mann

Someday will I have a mustache on my 'china, too?" She'd caught a glimpse of me in the shower that morning and was quite disturbed at the state of my " 'china," and wanted to know if there was a way to make hers look better. — Jen Mann

And why do you have a pager? Are you a drug dealer? — Jen Mann

I realize parenting is hard and boring at times and a four-hour break would be super, but this is the job we signed up for. Some days it sucks, but most days it's great. — Jen Mann

No mother in my community has a more widely recognized hobby than bitching about her child's school. I've come to realize that for many, school is a real drag. It gets in the way of raising a professional athlete. — Jen Mann

I love my husband dearly, but there are days I wouldn't be opposed to burying his bludgeoned body in the backyard. — Jen Mann

In 1996 or so, I bought my first home computer. It was some sort of IBM product. If I was some weird computer nerd, I would be able to tell you all about the ROM and RAM this machine had. All I know is that it was black when every other model was off-white. When I was perusing models with the sales guy who was blathering on and on about what it could do, all I could think was how much better the black would look in my home office than the ugly off-white. I'm that kind of nerd. — Jen Mann

Cheerleading was not a hit: "What am I doing here, Mommy? I'm freezing cold and I'm cheering for a bunch of boys to win a game! Who cheers for me?" (Exactly, Adolpha. Exactly.) — Jen Mann

One of these days I'm going to be surrounded by so many young gifted athletes. There must be something in the water, because everyone's kid is a prodigy of some kind, except for mine. Gomer is a bit of a lumberer on the soccer field, and when Adolpha practices her ballet, she has the grace of a baby giraffe. They're so like their mother. I couldn't be prouder of my little underachievers. — Jen Mann

The minivan is the yoga pants of vehicles. But you know what? I love my yoga pants. — Jen Mann