Jeff Kinney Quotes & Sayings

Must've stepped in dog poop when I walked in the grass. And I knew EXACTLY where it happened, too. SQUISH I took my shoe off and went to the front of the room to tell Mrs. Pope about my situation. But I think Mrs. Pope thought I was trying to skip out on the pop quiz, because she gave me — Jeff Kinney

Be yourself and people will like you. — Jeff Kinney

Whenever you go with the cheaper option, you end up regretting it — Jeff Kinney

Holly is the fourth-prettiest girl in the class, but the top 3 all have boyfriends. So a lot of guys like me are doing everything they can to get in good with her. — Jeff Kinney

I didn't really know what to expect from detention but when I waked into the room, the first thought I had was, I don't belong in here with these future criminals. — Jeff Kinney

I can't divorce myself from my childhood. I try to write as much fiction as I possibly can, but there are so many things that are touchstones of my childhood like being on the swim team and playing soccer and the particularities of sports season and environments that make their way into my books. — Jeff Kinney

I don't know what a guy needs to do to impress a girl these days. — Jeff Kinney

The best person I know is Myself. — Jeff Kinney

I just hope someone doesn't start the Cheese Touch up again, because I don't need that kind of stress in my life any more. — Jeff Kinney

I draft on the computer. I have a really giant screen that attaches to my laptop, and then I have a humongous digital drawing tablet called a Cintiq. It sits at all different angles, and it's so big that it would take two people to move it. — Jeff Kinney

I'm an author whose strength is in gag-writing. — Jeff Kinney

I had an older brother, an older sister and a younger brother, and though I look back fondly on my childhood, I think that when you've got four siblings sharing the same resources and a single kids' bathroom, it's going to get a little tense at times. — Jeff Kinney

Mom always says I need to spend less time on the couch and more time being active. But the way I see it. I'm just conserving my energy for later on. When all my friends are in their eighties and their bodies are broken down, I'll just be getting started. — Jeff Kinney

But the thing I'm finding out is some people don't really appreciate it when you'r trying to be helpful. — Jeff Kinney

Then one day, this kid named Darren Walsh touched the Cheese with his finger, and that's what started this thing called the Cheese Touch. It's basically like the Cooties. If you get the Cheese Touch, you're stuck with it until you pass it on to someone else. The only way to protect yourself from the Cheese Touch is to cross your fingers. — Jeff Kinney

Most people don't seem to appreciate a person as honest as me. So don't ask me how George Washington ever got to be president. — Jeff Kinney

Chirag: Rowley, do you think I exist?
Rowley: Nope! I can't even hear you or see you! — Jeff Kinney

With the recent addition of a full soundtrack and the players map, millions of Poptropicans around the globe are now fully immersed in a multimedia gaming experience when they embark on our high quality adventures. — Jeff Kinney

I labored for eight years thinking I was writing a book for adults that was a nostalgic look back on childhood. Then my publisher informed me I'd written a children's book. — Jeff Kinney

In middle school, I started to draw, and my pencil sketches were huge. They were these 4ft by 3ft drawings, and I got a lot of attention for that, so that was very validating. But I didn't start cartooning until I was in college. — Jeff Kinney

I take comedy very seriously, and I feel very competitive. — Jeff Kinney

I'm very excited to see the wonderful 2-D characters in Poptropica come to life in the form of 3-D toys. When I first held the characters in my hands, it felt like magic. I'm excited for kids to have the same feeling! — Jeff Kinney

We're incredibly excited to welcome the 500 millionth Poptropican into our virtual world. When we started in 2007, we never could have imagined that we'd see a day when half a billion avatars inhabited Poptropica. — Jeff Kinney

I write in reverse: Rather than come up with a narrative and write jokes for that narrative, I write jokes independently of the narrative, then I try to fit them in. — Jeff Kinney

Merit badges are these little patches you get for learning how to do all sorts of manly stuff. — Jeff Kinney

I think humor is key [to a successful middle-grade novel]. Kids like to read for entertainment, and the best way to entertain kids is to make them laugh. — Jeff Kinney

I probably should've thought about talking to Uncle Gary a lot earlier. He's been married something like four times already, so he's an EXPERT on relationships. — Jeff Kinney

See, that's the problem with putting too much stock in the old days. You remember all the GOOD stuff, but you forget about the time you got spanked by your best friend's mom. — Jeff Kinney

Greg starts a middle school and asks: Why
is "bullies" such a big PROBLEM? And says
people need to shave twice a day. — Jeff Kinney

I'm not even the most influential person in my own house. — Jeff Kinney

fish and visitors stink in 3 days. — Jeff Kinney

I remember once I had lunch with George W Bush, his father, and Condoleezza Rice. Then I went home to find my dog and my neighbour's dog fighting over a dead rabbit, and I had to separate them. I like that my home life keeps things real. — Jeff Kinney

You and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End. — Jeff Kinney

I work in the house next to where I live. We bought a smaller house that I use as my office and the place where my two employees work ... We've got tens of thousands of letters from kids stored all over the house in places you would usually put dishes and other things like that. — Jeff Kinney

I've never run into a person who yearns for their middle school days. — Jeff Kinney

'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' is my first book, and it's the fulfillment of a life-long dream. I had always wanted to be a cartoonist, but I found that it was very tough to break into the world of newspaper syndication. So I started playing with a style that mixed cartoons and 'traditional' writing, and that's how 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' was born. — Jeff Kinney

No matter how nice you are to some people, they'll turn their back on you the second they get the chance. — Jeff Kinney

I feel lucky I didn't become that newspaper cartoonist I wanted to be because in the U.S. so many newspapers have suffered circulation declines, and some have folded. What's fun about being an author is I reach a much bigger audience, and there is something special about launching a book you've penned. — Jeff Kinney

My office doubles as a karaoke den for the neighborhood. There are strobe lights and Rock Band plastic guitars, a disco ball and a fog machine and some other things. I have a really long work day, and you might find me doing karaoke by myself late at night. — Jeff Kinney

I had a very normal, very typical American childhood. My father worked for the government at the Pentagon and my mother was an educator, so we had a very average upbringing, but that's helped me in my writing because I'm writing about ordinary things. — Jeff Kinney

My advice to authors would be to try to do something original rather than to try to anticipate what the market is looking for. — Jeff Kinney

I only work on my books at nights and at weekends. It is really just like a hobby. — Jeff Kinney

Now there's a black market for toys at our school. Christopher Stangel brought in a bunch of Legos from home yesterday, and I hear a single brick will set you back fifty cents. — Jeff Kinney

For the record, I think it should be illegal for a boy to have to fold his mother's underwear. — Jeff Kinney

You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you. — Jeff Kinney

That made Dad pretty mad, so he said
"NO SON OF MINE IS A QUITTER!"
Which isn't really true at all. I'm a HUGE quitter, and so is Rodrick. And I think Manny is on his third of fourth preschool by now. — Jeff Kinney

Kids can sniff out when they are being preached to, and they don't like it. So while my books aren't amoral, they are not infused with morals or a message, either, and kids like that. — Jeff Kinney

I never thought I was writing for kids at all. It really shocked and unsettled me to hear kids were buying the books. If I'd known I was writing for kids, I might actually have spelt things out a bit more, and that would probably have killed the appeal. — Jeff Kinney

hopefully Mr. Blakely won't be too mad when he sees his — Jeff Kinney

I read the 'Harry Potter' books as I was writing my own books, and I love them, but I don't think Harry was very much like I was as a kid. He's always brave, and he's perfect in a lot of ways. — Jeff Kinney

I feel, as an adult, I'm very similar to how I was as a pre-teen. Maybe it's a case of arrested development, but I feel like it's easy to slip back into those shoes, and I feel like if we were all magically transported back to our middle school years, we'd all act like we did in middle school. — Jeff Kinney

I write for kids because I think the most interesting (and most humorous) stories come from people's childhoods. When I was writing 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid,' I had a blast talking on the phone to my younger brother, Patrick, remembering all of the things that happened to our family when we were growing up. — Jeff Kinney

It seems that when anything aimed at kids catches on, it causes the collective antennae of the older set to go up. — Jeff Kinney

Seriously, though, in this day and age I don't know why we're still cutting open frogs to see what's inside them.
If somebody tells me there's a heart and intestines inside a grog, I'm willing to take their word for it. — Jeff Kinney

And at least 95% of it was was totally outdated. — Jeff Kinney

Because it's our choices that makes us who we are ... — Jeff Kinney

I've seen a lot of movies where a kid my age finds out he's got magical powers and then gets invited to go away to some special school. Well, if I've got an invitation coming, now would be the perfect time to get it — Jeff Kinney

it turns the shower scene was a lot harder to film than i expected — Jeff Kinney

I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end. — Jeff Kinney

I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place. — Jeff Kinney

I'm keeping my day job, because Poptropica is something that really energizes me. I'd love to create a TV series or write a film that's not in the 'Wimpy' universe, but I know it will be difficult to create something from scratch. But I love creating good comedy for kids, so I hope to have another successful venture in the future! — Jeff Kinney

Luckily for me, my father had impeccable taste. No contemporary collector was he. His treasure trove of comics included gems such as 'Little Lulu,' 'Frontline Combat' and 'Classics Illustrated.' But the works that stood head and shoulders above the rest were Carl Barks's 'Donald Duck' and 'Uncle Scrooge' comics from the 1940s through the 1960s. — Jeff Kinney

When I first learned about Abrams and saw the types of books they were making, I knew I wanted my books to be published by them. Abrams books are special-when you hold one in your hands, you have the feeling that this book needed to be made. I once heard an artist say that books are fetish objects-I think Abrams gets that, because their books demand to be treasured. So who better to give comics art its proper due? I feel privileged to have found a home with Abrams. — Jeff Kinney

I don't know if this makes me a bad person or whatever, but it's hard for me to get interested in other people's vacations. — Jeff Kinney

OCTOBER Wednesday My parents are always saying the world doesn't revolve around me, but sometimes I wonder if it actually DOES. When I was a little kid, I saw this movie about a man whose whole life is secretly being filmed for a TV show. This guy is famous all over the world, and he doesn't KNOW it. Well, ever since I saw that movie, I've kind of figured the same thing is probably happening to ME. HOPE YOU CREEPS ARE ENJOYING YOURSELVES! — Jeff Kinney

When I was on the swim team as a kid, I used to hide out from my coach by going into the bathroom and hiding out in one of the stalls. And I would literally wrap myself in toilet paper so as not to get hypothermia. — Jeff Kinney

If there is any message in the 'Wimpy Kid' books, it is that reading can be and should be fun. As an adult reader, when I see an obvious moral lesson to be taught, I run in the other direction ... Kids can sniff out an adult agenda from an early age. I'm writing for entertainment, not to impress literary judges. — Jeff Kinney

I'm not good at narrative; I'm really a gag writer, and that comes from being in the newspaper comic strip world for a while in college. What I do is I just write tons of jokes, then I sort them out in terms of quality and then pick the best of the jokes and then try to form them into a plot. If I get a good theme going, I feel lucky. — Jeff Kinney

When I was growing up, my house was filled with books. My mother was an educator, and my father was a history buff, so our home was a virtual library, covering every author from Beverly Cleary to James Michener. — Jeff Kinney

The only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can't stand the taste of my own breath any more. — Jeff Kinney

If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all. — Jeff Kinney

First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it. — Jeff Kinney

My life is pretty ordinary in so many ways. I live in a town called Plainville. I have the life of an average dad. It feels like I have this secret identity as an author, and it's still very surreal to me. — Jeff Kinney

I gravitated to Judy Blume early on. 'Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing' was my favorite, with a realistic and relatable protagonist in Peter Hatcher. When I reached the fourth grade, I made the leap to science fiction and never looked back. — Jeff Kinney

It's not easy to writing thank-you notes for the stuff you didn't want in the first place. — Jeff Kinney

When you're used to having electricity and then all of a sudden it's taken away, you're basically just one step from being a wild animal. — Jeff Kinney

I really wanted to be a newspaper cartoonist, but nobody liked my work. I didn't have the control or flair that was necessary to create something that didn't look childish. — Jeff Kinney

I'm not very charismatic or telegenic. I feel bad for the kids waiting three hours in line for their book to be signed. — Jeff Kinney

There are two ways to look at my publishing career. One is that I'm a novelist churning out books, who is eight into a series; the other way is that I'm a cartoonist, just starting out. Most cartoonists have long careers: Charles Schulz drew Peanuts for 50 years. — Jeff Kinney

I'll tell you who has a lot of money, and that's Manny. I mean, that kid is RICH. A few weeks ago Mom and Dad told Manny they'd give him a quarter for every time he uses the potty without being asked. So now he carries around a gallon of water with him at all times. — Jeff Kinney

i'm just glad i'm not in the swim team this summer — Jeff Kinney

step step step no no no plop plop plop in i go — Jeff Kinney

So if you want to find somebody to blame for the way i am, I guess you'd have to start with the public education system. — Jeff Kinney

I was an average kid who had his wimpy moments. — Jeff Kinney

Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know. — Jeff Kinney

hope your birthday is hot hot hot — Jeff Kinney

I've learned to accept that I'm a children's writer, even if it's not what I set out to become. It's what I should have been all along, and I'll stay in this role as long as I'm a writer. — Jeff Kinney

I do all my speeches in pictures. If I wrote words, I'd get locked in on them. — Jeff Kinney

I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget — Jeff Kinney

I think it's important for me to keep my childhood friends so that later on someone can appreciate how far I've come. — Jeff Kinney

Kids and adults have a difference of opinion when it comes to what constitutes legitimate reading. Adults often push books that they loved as children, which, ironically, were often books that their parents weren't particularly keen on. — Jeff Kinney

We're extremely excited to see more than 500,000 friends around the globe be added within the first 12 hours of launching Friends on Poptropica. The reaction has been extremely positive from fans, and we're proud to bring a completely safe friends offering to kids on our virtual world. — Jeff Kinney

I think the most satisfying part about filmmaking is seeing a production in full bloom. When I write, I write in isolation. — Jeff Kinney

See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich. — Jeff Kinney

Back in those days it was just me swimming around in the dark, doing back flips and taking naps whenever I want. — Jeff Kinney

I think Diary of a Wimpy kidis sooooo good!!!!!!! — Jeff Kinney

I realised all the good ideas were taken before I was even born. — Jeff Kinney

You know, back in the old days adults were respected because of how wise they were, and people went to them to help settle disputes. Nowadays it's a whole different world, and half the time I wonder if grown-ups should really be in charge. — Jeff Kinney

On our swim team, they had something called the 'developmental meet.' I didn't know it was a meet only for the worst kids so that they could get a ribbon, and I'd show up with my friend who was also a terrible swimmer, and we would be amazed that the best kids hadn't bothered to show up. I didn't get it until after college. — Jeff Kinney

I've realized is that every time you get something cool for your birthday or for Christmas, within a week it's being used against you. (We'll be taking this away until your English grade improves) — Jeff Kinney