Jeff Foxworthy Quotes & Sayings

To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge. — Jeff Foxworthy

I really don't require a whole lot in life. — Jeff Foxworthy

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture. — Jeff Foxworthy

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by. — Jeff Foxworthy

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school. — Jeff Foxworthy

If you think fast food is hittin a deer att 65 miles per hr..
you might be a redneck — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up. — Jeff Foxworthy

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco. — Jeff Foxworthy

Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this. — Jeff Foxworthy

You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary. — Jeff Foxworthy

I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting. — Jeff Foxworthy

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve. — Jeff Foxworthy

Children that play outside develop better problem solving skills and have a stronger ability to work within a group. — Jeff Foxworthy

As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things. — Jeff Foxworthy

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut. — Jeff Foxworthy

My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat. — Jeff Foxworthy

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do. — Jeff Foxworthy

When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and 'lose that stupid accent you got.' And I'm like, 'Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent.' — Jeff Foxworthy

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey. — Jeff Foxworthy

As an actor, there was that freedom of not having to worry about lights or marks or other people. It was just going out there and having fun with the character. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off ... and so does your husband. — Jeff Foxworthy

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car. — Jeff Foxworthy

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight. — Jeff Foxworthy

As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do. — Jeff Foxworthy

[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming. — Jeff Foxworthy

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. — Jeff Foxworthy

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods. — Jeff Foxworthy

We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy. — Jeff Foxworthy

If men have a smell it's usually an accident. — Jeff Foxworthy

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it? — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall. — Jeff Foxworthy

You may be a redneck if ... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. — Jeff Foxworthy

You may be a redneck if ... you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard. — Jeff Foxworthy

I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one. — Jeff Foxworthy

I always wore cowboy boots and drove a truck, and talked like this. So everywhere I would go in comedy people would say, "Foxworthy, you ain't nothing but a redneck from Georgia!" It kind of became a formula joke. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if ... you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work. — Jeff Foxworthy

You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT! — Jeff Foxworthy

Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car. — Jeff Foxworthy

I'm having my house repainted and we have a piano in the corner and the painter says, Is that y'all's piano? I said, No, that's our coffee table; it just has buck teeth. Here's Your Sign. — Jeff Foxworthy

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy. — Jeff Foxworthy

Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it. — Jeff Foxworthy

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland. — Jeff Foxworthy

I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script. — Jeff Foxworthy

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like ... bottle rockets. — Jeff Foxworthy

The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up ... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord ... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!' — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels. — Jeff Foxworthy

If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded. — Jeff Foxworthy

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter. — Jeff Foxworthy

If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy

I teach a Bible study for homeless guys in downtown Atlanta every week. Been doing it for years. That's the guys I'd rather go talk to. I'd rather take my act outside the church. — Jeff Foxworthy

If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off. — Jeff Foxworthy

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice. — Jeff Foxworthy

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead — Jeff Foxworthy

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift. — Jeff Foxworthy

Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if people hear your car long before they see it. — Jeff Foxworthy

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door. — Jeff Foxworthy

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if ... you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. — Jeff Foxworthy

If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. — Jeff Foxworthy

If you think the last four words to the national anthem are " gentleman, start your engines", You might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard. — Jeff Foxworthy

Country music is about new love and it's about old love. — Jeff Foxworthy

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot! — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have started a petition to change the National Anthem to Georgia on My Mind. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown. — Jeff Foxworthy

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police! — Jeff Foxworthy