J.A. Konrath Quotes & Sayings

People are bound to recognize the name Quasimodo." "Why is that?" "Because he rings a bell. — J.A. Konrath

If a traditional publisher offered me a quarter of a million dollars for a novel, I'd consider it. But anything less than that, I'm sure I can do better on my own. — J.A. Konrath

Lately, my sexual fantasies revolved around once again having a landlord. Looks, age, and hygiene didn't matter, as long as he had a tool belt and said, Don't worry, I'll fix it. — J.A. Konrath

Some people are born with a fire inside them. The will to succeed. It isn't a learned behavior. It's just some unknown biological factor that makes them try harder. — J.A. Konrath

As writers, we can do whatever we want to. We're only limited by our imaginations. What an amazing, incredible time to be alive. How lucky we all are. — J.A. Konrath

My grandchildren will be making money from the stories I write and sell as eBooks because they will continue to be making money. — J.A. Konrath

I know dozens of authors who have had a lot of books published by New York, and they won't ever take another Big 6 contract since they've gotten a taste of the freedom, control, and money self-publishing offers. — J.A. Konrath

Harry and told him where we were headed. He frowned. "You sure you want to do this, in your condition?" "I'm pregnant, McGlade, not helpless." "What about your precognition disease?" "It's preeclampsia." "For some reason I knew you were going to say that." I sighed. "That's precognition." "I thought you said it was preeclampsia." "It is. You're the one with precognition if you knew what I was going to say." He shrugged. "I probably picked it up from some call girl. I should have seen that coming." It — J.A. Konrath

You can't be both happy and ambitious. — J.A. Konrath

My next course of action was to take my phone off the hook, because I kept getting obnoxious messages along the lines of, "Where's that kidney?" and "You have to get to the hospital immediately!" and "He's dead. — J.A. Konrath

schoolchildren. Plus he has erectile dysfunction. — J.A. Konrath

Writers are essential. Readers are essential. Publishers are not. — J.A. Konrath

There's a word for a writer who never gives up: published. — J.A. Konrath

Don't prioritize the mundane. — J.A. Konrath

I rubbed my eyes, getting some eyeliner on my fingers. For what I paid for eyeliner, it shouldn't come off that easily. — J.A. Konrath

If you're stuck in hell, you might as well roast some marshmallows. Conversation, — J.A. Konrath

So they profiled the Gingerbread Man with a curved spine." "It's just a hunch," I said. — J.A. Konrath

Back in August, I wrote a post about the supposed race to the bottom with ebooks, refuting some nonsense written by an establishment bonehead.
This meme won't die. People are still convinced that new ebooks are going to be priced at ten cents, and writers will starve, and this will cause a second Great Depression where banks will close and people will be forced to buy Kindles with food stamps, and then the earth will enter another ice age where all the bunnies will freeze to death. — J.A. Konrath

Amazon is not a monopoly or a monopsony, and even if it were, that by itself isn't illegal. — J.A. Konrath

I just try to write entertaining books that are easily identifiable. — J.A. Konrath

Mothers shouldn't be allowed to get old and fragile. — J.A. Konrath

Funny thing about regrets. I don't lament what I've done, but rather, what I didn't do. — J.A. Konrath

A company doesn't have to compete with Amazon. A company can instead innovate in sectors Amazon doesn't presently care about. — J.A. Konrath

E-books are preferable to paper; they can be delivered instantly. In many cases, they're cheaper; you can buy them with the press of a button. — J.A. Konrath

I think guns are just a symbolic substitute for male genitalia, and I'm okay in that respect." "Fine. If they get in the house, you can whack them with your genitals. — J.A. Konrath

I've been saying for years that readers want inexpensive ebooks. — J.A. Konrath

Of course, Jack Kilborn is better than both of us combined and mixed with a side helping of the Bronte sisters. — J.A. Konrath

You can't let the uncertainty of tomorrow interfere with the joy of today, — J.A. Konrath

I wish I was like that. More carefree."
"Anyone can be. People aren't carved out of marble. We're all works in progress. The trick is to define ourselves, rather than let outside influences define us. — J.A. Konrath

I have turned off Google Alerts and don't Google my name or my pen names. I don't go on message boards. I don't read my book reviews. — J.A. Konrath

That's why I refused. But after the media — J.A. Konrath

The business model - where books can be returned, and where a 50% sell-through is considered acceptable - is archaic and wasteful. Writers get small royalties, little say in how their books are marketed and sold, and simple things like cover and title approval are unheard of unless you're a huge bestseller. — J.A. Konrath

What happens to rage deferred? It explodes. It explodes in spectacular fashion. — J.A. Konrath

Chico was a small-time hustler and big-time loser who liked to bet the ponies and hit women. He was more successful at the latter. — J.A. Konrath

I didn't like doctors. They always wanted to take something from you, like blood or a kidney, or stick something in you, like a probe or a needle. As — J.A. Konrath

Write the best book you possibly can, then dedicate yourself to getting people to read it. — J.A. Konrath

Success means nothing unless you have someone to share it with. — J.A. Konrath

If they lived through this, she promised to herself she'd be different. More open. Less worried. More fun. Less angry. More loving. — J.A. Konrath

I try not to watch the news. Too depressing. — J.A. Konrath

We don't know the Devil's side of the story, because God wrote all the books. — J.A. Konrath

Authors need to decide if they want to keep forever to themselves, or share forever with a publisher who takes over half the cover price. — J.A. Konrath

Some people are naturally brave. Others, like me, learn to fake it. I still had no idea if faked bravery and real bravery were the same thing. — J.A. Konrath

I became a control freak as a defense mechanism. The more control I had in my life, the less chance of being surprised, of getting hurt. — J.A. Konrath

I love bookstores and booksellers. In my novel 'Dirty Martini,' I thanked over 3,000 booksellers by name in the back matter. — J.A. Konrath

I know a place that serves great falafel." "Falafel?" "No, I don't feel awful." Herb grinned. "I feel pretty good. — J.A. Konrath

You're the total of all the choices you've made in your life, Jack. This is what you have because this is what you chose. — J.A. Konrath

Sir, this lane is for ten items or less. I'm counting thirteen items in your cart, including that hemorrhoid cream. And while hemorrhoids might give you a reason to be nasty, they don't give you a reason to be in this lane. — J.A. Konrath

Mark Twain once said that true bravery isn't the absence of fear, but the ability to act in the face of fear. — J.A. Konrath

The cab smelled like curry, cigarettes, and body odor, and the safety glass between me and the driver had cracks in it. — J.A. Konrath

I really think it is possible to make a very nice living by writing and not worrying about anything else. — J.A. Konrath

No one was interested in picking up a midlist series, even though I have a decent fanbase and respectable numbers. — J.A. Konrath

He rolled his eyes, which buoyed me with relief. The dying don't bother with sarcasm. — J.A. Konrath

If cops were viewed as the enemy, the tenuous balance of power could shift. Laws would be broken out of contempt. Authority wouldn't be acknowledged. Police officers might even be attacked, or worse. — J.A. Konrath

Actually," Coursey lowered his voice an octave, "we've been informed by Homeland Security that three members of a subversive Brazilian band went through Customs at O'Hare Airport eleven days ago. — J.A. Konrath

McGlade is a bit, um, abrasive," Jack said. "If he says something rude, you have to promise not to kill him." I smiled. Jack didn't. "I'm serious. Promise me." "I promise. I don't kill people just because they're rude." "Yeah, well, that's because you haven't met Harry yet." She — J.A. Konrath

Before you make the key, study the lock. — J.A. Konrath

We each take up one virtual space per title ... Virtual shelf life is forever. In a bookstore, you have anywhere from a few weeks to a few months to sell your title, and then it gets returned. This is a big waste of money, and no incentive at all for the bookseller to move the book. — J.A. Konrath

Why didn't vandals ever quote Shakespeare? I'd love to see graffiti in iambic pentameter. — J.A. Konrath

I don't care what people are saying about me, good or bad, in blogs or on Twitter or in the media. There will always be people who don't like you and don't like your books. Ignore them. — J.A. Konrath

While the modern Bible is missing many of its original passages, the Book of Bob isn't one of them. You're probably getting it confused with the lost Book of Fred. — J.A. Konrath

Fate is a future you didn't try hard enough to change. — J.A. Konrath

When a single author uploading his own books to Amazon can earn more money than a large N.Y. publisher exploiting both print and e-rights, there's something amiss. — J.A. Konrath

Writers aren't in competition with one another. It isn't a zero sum game. If you have a good book, a good cover, a good product description, and a low price, you can sell well. — J.A. Konrath

Together, Amazon and I are giving readers what they want - inexpensive, professional ebooks. — J.A. Konrath

We all need to focus on our writing. Because the millions of readers out there don't care about your blog. — J.A. Konrath

Life isn't worth living unless you have someone to share it with, Jacqueline. The good times, and the bad times. In sickness and in health. Even toward the end, she could still make my heart flutter when I looked at her. — J.A. Konrath

I doubt I'll ever have another traditional print deal. — J.A. Konrath

Publishers vet books, and they do a good job keeping out the low quality. But they also miss some good quality. — J.A. Konrath

If you can't be smart or funny, be brief. — J.A. Konrath

Never having something is different than having something and losing it. — J.A. Konrath

You act like you have a saggy diaper that leaks." "Maybe you need to take your Shut-The-Hell-Up pill. — J.A. Konrath

If you ever want to get laid again, you'll promise me." Andy felt himself tear up. "Okay. — J.A. Konrath

She nodded, taking his pistol and showing him the button to release the empty clip.
"Where did you learn how to shoot?" he asked.
"I teach high school. — J.A. Konrath

I picked up a transsexual hooker named Thor, all six feet of her, at the off ramp to Eau Claire, Wisconsin, as I was driving up north to kill a man. — J.A. Konrath

I can't do it, if I finish that, I'll have to attach a seat belt to the toilet.
Maybe an airbag too. — J.A. Konrath

I took a moment before saying, "You think the murderer is a Brazilian samba trio." Dailey held up his right hand and ticked off fingers. "They're organized. Focused. Motivated. And are in excellent physical condition, by the looks of the pictures on their CD. — J.A. Konrath

I was overworked, underpaid, and socially retarded. But — J.A. Konrath

Men got all the comfortable clothing trends. — J.A. Konrath

After 20 years, a million written words, and nine rejected novels, I finally landed a book contract. — J.A. Konrath

I enjoy writing. Publishing ... not so much. I've been lucky to work with some very talented people in the publishing world, and the print industry has allowed me to write full time. — J.A. Konrath

Time is the ultimate long tail. Even with a big wad of money up front, if something sells forever, the back end is what ultimately counts. — J.A. Konrath

It's easier to release an ebook than a print book. — J.A. Konrath

Besides, if a guy couldn't accept the way a woman looked when she woke up, he wasn't worth waking up next to. Not — J.A. Konrath

There's a word for an author who doesn't give up ... published. — J.A. Konrath

The publishing industry is an archaic and inefficient industry. — J.A. Konrath

Because we self-published 'Draculas,' we control the rights. Not just for now, but forever. — J.A. Konrath

But after eating his one-thousandth sinner, Bob became prideful of his accomplishments, and that angered God."
"Why would that anger God?"
"This was the Old Testament. God got pissed off a lot. Didn't you ever read Job? — J.A. Konrath

People, even crazy, evil people, tended to believe they have a good reason for doing what they do. Though some consider religion the opiate of the masses, others use it to further their obsessions, or rationalize their crimes. — J.A. Konrath

Sorry to hear about your Dad."
He shrugged. "He was seventy, and we always told him fast food would kill him."
"Heart attack?"
"He was hit by a Pizza Express truck. — J.A. Konrath

Ha-shem to do His dirty work, namely, punishing sin. It can be read that Mastema, not Adonai, — J.A. Konrath

Blake Crouch, Chicago's deputy chief, and says, "I don't know." Crouch resembles a mole, with a long, sharp nose and tiny black eyes. — J.A. Konrath

been following turned his black Cadillac — J.A. Konrath

My Kindle readers have been incredibly faithful fans. — J.A. Konrath

I've got issues?" "You've got a whole subscription. — J.A. Konrath

If you can quit, quit. If you can't quit, stop complaining - this is what you chose. — J.A. Konrath

One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit. — J.A. Konrath

author of more than — J.A. Konrath

All you need to know about plotting is twofold. 1. Give your characters goals. 2. Don't let them reach those goals. — J.A. Konrath

You're sick in the head. — J.A. Konrath

If it takes every cent of my money, every single one of my vast resources, I'll see to it that you never insure another vehicle again. When I get done with you, you won't be able to put on roller skates without the Feds breathing down your neck. — J.A. Konrath