Irvine Welsh Quotes & Sayings
Enjoy the top 100 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Irvine Welsh.
Famous Quotes By Irvine Welsh
You can't just have stuff that is free and escapist, you have to have stuff that is confrontational as well. You need stuff that is mystical but you need the realism too. — Irvine Welsh
It wis like auld times, but in a sense that only served tae remind us ay how much things hud changed. — Irvine Welsh
Begbie doesnae even notice; he's in his element, particularly good at funerals in the way a lot ay psychopaths tend tae be. Ah suppose if bringing death and despair is yir life's work, then being somewhere like this must feel like a result; the job's already done and you can just kick back and relax. — Irvine Welsh
Ah walk doon Hammersmith Broadway, London seeming strange and alien, after only a three-month absence, as familiar places do when you've been away. It's as if everything is a copy of what you knew before, similar, yet somehow lacking in its usual qualities, a bit like the wey things are in a dream. They say you have to live in a place to know it, but you have to come fresh tae really see it. — Irvine Welsh
Ah took a pish oan the cunt, then ah felt bad aboot Albo's cel so ah sais tae him oan the wey oot, cunt's only went n pished hissel but, eh. — Irvine Welsh
A lot of men are wankers cause they don't mind bad sex, but for a woman bad sex is far worse than no sex at all. — Irvine Welsh
Ye see, Rab, it's due to the way we feel about our arseholes. We now believe, as a species, if our soul is located anywhere in our bodies, it's up our arses. That's where it all goes. It makes sense. That's why we're obsessed with anal jokes, anal sex, anal hobbies...the arsehole - not the brain, not space - is the last frontier. That's what makes us revolutionaries. — Irvine Welsh
The establishment, the newspapers, they try to create something called Scottish literature, but when people are actually going to write, they are not going to necessarily prescribe to that, they'll write what they feel. — Irvine Welsh
Mental burds; needy, crazy, strength-sappin n soul-destroyin, aye, but mair often than not barry fuckin rides. — Irvine Welsh
Two choices; one: tough it oot, back in the room, two: phone that cunt Forrester and go tae Muirhoose, get fucked aboot and ripped oaf wi some crap gear. Nae contest.
In twenty minutes it wis: - Muirhoose pal? tae the driver oan the 32 bus and quiveringly stickin ma forty-five pence intae the the box.
Any port in a storm, and it's raging in here behind ma face. — Irvine Welsh
The fact that you use the term "cunt" in the same breath as "sexist", shows that you display the same muddled, fucked-up thinking oan this issue as you do oan everything else. — Irvine Welsh
Ah wonder if anybody this side of the Atlantic has ever bought a baseball bat with playing baseball in mind. — Irvine Welsh
Writing about drugs is like that though, isn't it? You can just tell when someone is writing about drugs and they've never really done them. It screams out at you. That's something where I believe you have to have been there to really get it, y'know? — Irvine Welsh
Choose us. Choose life. Choose mortgage payments; choose washing machines; choose cars; choose sitting oan a couch watching mind-numbing and spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fuckin junk food intae yir mooth. Choose rotting away, pishing and shiteing yersel in a home, a total fuckin embarrassment tae the selfish, fucked-up brats ye've produced. Choose life. — Irvine Welsh
- I'm just interested in women, Brian
- So am I, Kibby whined in urgent complaint.
- You think you are, but you're not. You read sci-fi magazines, for fuck sakes.
- I am! What I read's got nowt tae dae wi it! Kibby blurted.
Skinner shook his head. - You're not curious about girls, other than sexually. I know you fancied Shannon, but you never talked to her about anything that she might have been interested in, you just inflickted your own shite about video games and hillwalking clubs on to her. — Irvine Welsh
His mind was like a cruel prison, giving his captive soul a sight of freedom, but no more — Irvine Welsh
Society invents a spurious convoluted logic tae absorb and change people whae's behaviour is outside its mainstream. Suppose that ah ken aw the pros and cons, know that ah'm gaunnae huv a short life, am ah sound mind, ectetera, ectetera, but still want tae use smack? They won't let ye dae it. They won't let ye dae it, because it's seen as a sign ay thir ain failure. The fact that ye jist simply choose tae reject whut they huv tae offer. Choose us. Choose life. Choose mortgage payments; choose washing machines; choose cars; choose sitting oan a couch watching mind-numbing and spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fuckin junk food intae yir mooth. Choose rotting away, pishing and shiteing yersel in a home, a total fuckin embarrassment tae the selfish, fucked-up brats ye've produced. Choose life. Well, ah choose no tae choose life. If the cunts cannae handle that, it's thair fuckin problem. As Harry Launder sais, ah jist intend tae keep right on to the end of the road ... — Irvine Welsh
The town is mobbed out with Saturday shoppers looking for Christmas bargains. You can almost breathe in the raw greed which hangs in the air like vapour. As the late afternoon darkness falls, the lights look tacky and sinister. — Irvine Welsh
It's different in Scotland. People who come to readings are more interested in literature as such, but the readership in general is really quite diverse. It's a cliche, but it's said that people who read my books don't read any other books, and you do get that element. — Irvine Welsh
We're all like the slaves in the fields now, putting on the front that says 'Everything's fine, boss' while we worry about how to make ends meet. — Irvine Welsh
His eyes are wild, psychotic slits that bat-dance in your soul looking for good things to crush or bad elements to identify with. — Irvine Welsh
Why did I join the force? I repeat, - Oh I'd have to say that it was due to police oppression. I'd witnessed it within my own community and decided that it was something I wanted to be part of, I smile. — Irvine Welsh
Even evil bastards like Frank Begbie probabably attained an angelic innocence when they were out for the count. — Irvine Welsh
Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty, and you're still fuckin miles off the pace — Irvine Welsh
Okay baby, let's take this rocket to Uranus. This hoor is perfect, and she can act as well. — Irvine Welsh
Ah remember walkin along Princes Street wi Spud, we both hate walkin along that hideous street, deadened by tourists and shoppers, the twin curse ay modern capitalism. — Irvine Welsh
Now I'll be left alone, and that's all you want, all you crave out of life: to be left alone while you get on with the business of interfering with others. In — Irvine Welsh
The first job of a writer is to be honest. — Irvine Welsh
Living like this is a full-time business. — Irvine Welsh
I love doubt in a woman. It's nearly as sexy as determination. — Irvine Welsh
Thing is, as ye git aulder, this character-deficiency gig becomes mair sapping. Thir wis a time ah used tae say tae aw the teachers, bosses, dole punters, poll-tax guys, magistrates, when they telt me ah was deficient:'Hi, cool it, gadge, ah'm jist me, jist intae a different sort ay gig fae youse but, ken?' Now though, ah've goat tae concede thit mibee they cats had it sussed. Ye take a healthier slapping the aulder ye git. The blows hit hame mair. It's like yon Mike Tyson boy at the boxing, ken?
Every time ye git it thegither tae make a comeback, thir's jist a wee bit mair missin. So ye fuck up again. Yip, ah'm jist no a gadge cut oot fir modern life n that's aw thir is tae it, man. Sometimes the gig goes smooth, then ah jist pure panic n it's back tae the auld weys. What kin ah dae? — Irvine Welsh
[...] but it's aw hate, hate, hate wi some punters, and whair does it git us likesay, man? Whair the fuck does it git us? — Irvine Welsh
Sometimes ah think that people become junkies just because they subconsciously crave a wee bit ay silence. — Irvine Welsh
Gillman smiles, in the cold manner of an assassin. It's like looking in the mirror. — Irvine Welsh
I was anti-everything and everyone. I didn't want people around me. This aversion was not some big crippling anxiety; merely a mature recognition of my own psychological vulnerability and my lack of suitability as a companion. Thoughts jostled for space in my crowded brain as i struggled to give them some order which might serve to motivate my listless life. — Irvine Welsh
A standing prick hath no conscience. And if that standing prick is attached to Bruce Robertson then it hath less than no conscience. You can't afford a conscience in this life, that has become a luxury for the rich and a social ball and chain for the rest of us. Even if I wanted one, which I certainly do not, I wouldn't have the faintest idea as how to go about getting one. — Irvine Welsh
She's nothing to do with my shit, but fuck it, none of us are saints and scapegoats are always handy. — Irvine Welsh
Sometimes there's a snobbery among literary types that these people don't really get it, but in a lot of ways they get it more than the literati. There's a culture in the background that they understand and know. They get that deeper level. — Irvine Welsh
But ah'm hugging Janey and thinking about how much a life can change in the time it takes tae fix up. — Irvine Welsh
I'm working on a screenplay right now for the BBC, but I hope to have the decks cleared soon so I can get into the studio with my pals and put down some more tracks, try to get a strong dance single together. — Irvine Welsh
It's all okay, it's all beautiful; but ah fear that this internal sea is gaunnae subside soon, leaving this poisonous shite washed up, stranded up in ma body. — Irvine Welsh
- Ah nivir bother asking ma father who ah kin shag, ah idly observe.
- Glad tae hear it, Sylvia says in clipped tones as Ali stifles a giggle.
- Me neither ... groans Matty, - ... unless it's muh ma.
- That's only good manners, ah shrugs. — Irvine Welsh
I'm always watching people over a short time frame, putting them in an extreme position. Sometimes you don't see the humanity in a person because the time frame is so short and the circumstance so extreme. — Irvine Welsh
There's nae reasoning wi some cats. You say 'reason', they mew 'treason'. Ken? — Irvine Welsh
No ambition but to use up the big wages on more drink and more hopeless horses. — Irvine Welsh
Once you've been with each other in a primal, shagging state, it's hard to talk about the weather. — Irvine Welsh
This is what being alive's all about, all those fucked up feelings. You've got to have them; when you stop, watch out. — Irvine Welsh
Money gives you the luxury of not caring about it. You can affect to find it crass and vulgar, but see how crass and vulgar it is when there's none of it in your pocket. — Irvine Welsh
... Basically, we live a short, disappointing life; and then we die. We fill up oor lives wi shite, things like careers and relationships tae delude oorsels that it isnae aw totally pointless. — Irvine Welsh
It seemed that young people, despite their fundamental decency, now had to buy into a mind-set which made viciousness and treachery come easy. — Irvine Welsh
Spud has two expressions: totally-scoobied-as-to-what-the-fuck's-going-on and the constantly-on-the-verge-of-tears look he is currently deploying. Assailed with self pity and self loathing, regarding his folly in sitting next to Begbie, he glances around. - Aye ... it's bad, like say, he concedes, wondering how he can manoeuvre into another seat. — Irvine Welsh
You can only live in the world you ken. The rest is just wishful thinking or paranoia. — Irvine Welsh
He's going on and on, and I can't be bothered. I just can't be fuckin well arsed saying something like: Solaris shites all over 2001, and then listening to him arguing vehemently against it. Or, alternatively, waiting for him to say it, and then being expected to argue engingly, as if to agree, even if we do, is a sign that we're effete proofs. I can't be bothered with it and I can't even be bothered to tell him that I can'be be bothered. — Irvine Welsh
Life is a dynamic rather than a static process, and when we don't change it kills us. It's not running away, it's moving on. — Irvine Welsh
I'd always done a lot of sniffing glue as a kid. I was very interested in glue, and then I went to lager and speed, and I drifted into heroin because as a kid growing up everybody told me, 'don't smoke marijuana, it will kill you'. — Irvine Welsh
When people start writing there is this idea that you have to get everything right first time, every sentence has to be perfect, every paragraph has to be perfect, every chapter has to be perfect, but what you're doing is not any kind of public show, until you're ready for it. — Irvine Welsh
The dead man is on the trolley and the woman collapses across his chest. That's what the ghouls want a shufti at, like at that Princess Diana's funeral, they want to scrutinise those who really knew her, to drink the misery out of their faces. — Irvine Welsh
Rents once sais, thirs nothin like a darker skin tone tae increase the vigilance ay the police n the magistrates: too right. — Irvine Welsh
But here, just at this point: this is limbo. There is the sense that if you stay at this point for too long, stop at this point of oblivion for a certain amount of time, you will just cease to exist. And we cannot move. — Irvine Welsh
People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that shite, which is not to be ignored, but what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. — Irvine Welsh
I feel like I've exhausted guys and male friendships. — Irvine Welsh
It was, as the song said, 'call to arms music,' and seemed to have little to do with Scotland and New Year. It was fighting music. Stevie didn't want to fight anyone. But it was also beautiful music. — Irvine Welsh
Now most people would put this doon tae experience, ye always want what ye cannae have and the things that ye dinnae really gie a toss aboot get handed tae ye oan a plate. — Irvine Welsh
This thought though, is nowhere near sufficient tae stop us fae daein what ah huv tae dae. — Irvine Welsh
No tears come, and it would be pointless, like trying to empty a reservoir of grief by drip feed. I'm being daft. — Irvine Welsh
Iggy Pop looks right at me as he sings the line: 'America takes drugs in psychic defence'; only he changes 'America' to 'Scatlin', and defines us mair accurately in a single sentence than all the others have ever done. — Irvine Welsh
You can only learn through failure, and what ye learn is the importance ay preparation. — Irvine Welsh
We kissed for a bit and I stopped shaking. We played with each other for a long time, and after we had joined, my cock and her fanny became one thing, then it seemed to vanish as we took off on a big psychic trip together. It was our souls and our minds that were doing it all; our genitals, our bodies, they were just launch pads and were soon superfluous as we went around the universe together on our shared trip, moving in and out of each other's heads and finding nothing in them but good things, nothing in them but love. The intensity increased until it became almost unbearable and we exploded together in an orgasmic crash-landing onto the shipwreck of a bed, from a long way out in some form of space. We held each other tightly, drenched in sweat and shaking with emotion — Irvine Welsh
we're not human any more. We've slipped out of our skins like lizards, shedding not just our pasts, but our futures. — Irvine Welsh
... if yir gaunny git hung fir stealin a sheep ye might as well shag it n aw. — Irvine Welsh
All I can think about is that boy's skull, bashed in, the way his head was caved in and how it wasn't like a heid at all, just like a broken silly puppet face, about how when you destroy something, when you brutalise it, it always looks warped and disfigured and slightly unreal and unhuman and that's what makes it easier for you to go on brutalising it, go on fucking it and hurting it and mashing until you've destroyed it completely, proving that destruction is natural in the human spirit, that nature has devices to enable us to destroy, to make it easier for us; a way of making righteous people who want to act do things without the fear of consequence, a way of making us less than human, as we break the laws ... — Irvine Welsh
But I really thought that me and her had something. Then I thought about how a lot of people, black and white don't like the idea of a white geezer and a black bird getting it on. One day it won't matter a fuck, we'll all be coffee-coloured with a tint of yellow. Till then we got a load of grief tae get through. — Irvine Welsh
It seems to go beyond our personal junk circumstances; a brilliant metaphor for our times. — Irvine Welsh
Ah didnae really know much aboot women. Ah didnae really know much aboot anything. — Irvine Welsh
What interests me, personally, is work which in some way, speaks the truth to power ... I don't think we speak the truth to power for power's ear, but for the ear and the imagination of future generations, who would seek to live in a world free from the malign and self-serving influence of those who wield it. — Irvine Welsh
We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we're all going to die, without really finding out the big answers. We develop all those long-winded ideas which just interpret the reality of our lives in different ways, without really extending our body of worthwhile knowledge, about the big things, the real things. Basically, we live a short disappointing life; and then we die. We fill up our lives with shite, things like careers and relationships to delude ourselves that it isn't all totally pointless. — Irvine Welsh
That's all very well as an abstract moral principle, Avril, a coffee-table theoretical construct, but there's no denying the sheer gratuitous pleasure to be derived from seeing members of the ruling class in pain and torment. — Irvine Welsh
Another cunt oaf ma fuckin Christmas caird list.
-Didnae ken ye kept a list, likesay, Franco...
-Every cunt keeps a fuckn list. He taps his heid,
-A Christmas caird list, n that cunt's fuckin well oaf it! — Irvine Welsh
Even as I'm shoveling up my hooter, I realize the sad truth. Coke bores me, It bores us all. We're jaded cunts, in a scene we hate, a city we hate, pretending that we're at the center of the universe, trashing ourselves with crap drugs to stave off the feeling that real life is happening somewhere else, aware that all we're doing is feeding that paranoia and disenchantment, yet somehow we're too apathetic to stop. Cause, sadly, there's nothing else of interest to stop for. — Irvine Welsh
Ah don't hate the English. They're just wankers. We are colonised by wankers. We can't even pick a decent, vibrant, healthy culture to be colonised by. No. We're ruled by effete arseholes. What does that make us? — Irvine Welsh
Without this kickstart to my day, I'd be lost. A day without a morning run is a day you fumble through, rather than one you attack. — Irvine Welsh
Now there is apparently a causal link between heroin addiction and vegetarianism. — Irvine Welsh
I wouldn't care about hurting myself or anybody else. Because I know now that doing things doesn't hurt you; you get hurt by avoiding them — Irvine Welsh
Ah realise now thit death is usually a process, rather than an
event. People generally die by degrees, incrementally. They rot away slowly in homes and hoespitals,
or places like this. — Irvine Welsh
No fuckin way: cunt dies when ah fuckin well say eh dies.
(Jim Frances Begbie as he is trying to resuscitate a friend who's having a stroke.) — Irvine Welsh
When I get home I take some sleeping pills and within what seemed like half an hour of unconsciousness it was Monday morning again. — Irvine Welsh
It's easy to love, or for that matter hate, somebody in their absence, somebody we don't really know... — Irvine Welsh
Planet Ay The Apes hus insinuated hissel intae the company. The thought ay that cunt shaggin wee Maria Anderson is not aesthetically appealing. The thought ay that cunt shaggin anybody isnae aesthetically appealing. If he tries tae talk tae ma Ma, ah'll gless the fucker's primate pus. — Irvine Welsh
no matter how early you rise or how late you turn in, you never see that point where light begins or the first bruise of darkness bleeds in under its fragile skin; the beauty, and the scary, unfathomable wisdom of transition. — Irvine Welsh
Ah ken the junk gits bad press, but ah think it's barry. It's easy tae criticize something fae outside, but yuv goat tae experience eveything in life, ken? Thinkay how shitey things would huv been for eveycat if Jim Morrison hudnae droaped acid. He widnae broken oan through tae the other side n aw barry tunes wid be shiter as a result ... it aw disnae goaway on skag:it jist disnae bother ye any mair. — Irvine Welsh
Since he was sixteen, he had been continuously sexually active, either with a girlfriend or through a series of casual flings. From the point of someone like Kibby, he considered, he would be regarded as highly succesful with women.
But the real problem is relationships, which fucking social retards like Kibby can't grasp, because they're just so obsessed with getting their hole. — Irvine Welsh