Ian Doescher Quotes & Sayings

C-3PO - Thou shalt not label me A mindless, brute philosopher! Nay, nay, Thou overladen glob of grease, thou imp, Thou rubbish bucket fit for scrap, thou blue And silver pile of bantha dung! Now, come, And get thee hence away lest someone sees. — Ian Doescher

Once more unto the trench, dear friends, once more! — Ian Doescher

O help/ Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, help. Thou art/ Mine only hope.

-Leia Organa — Ian Doescher

Thou man of scruffy looks, thou who heard'st nerfs, Thou fool-born wimpled roughhewn waste waste of flesh! — Ian Doescher

YODA: O, great warrior!
A great warrior you seek?
Wars not make one great. — Ian Doescher

The hardest part of writing 'William Shakespeare's Star Wars' was probably the sheer amount of iambic pentameter and tiptoeing around certain scenes I knew would be hot-button issues for 'Star Wars' fans. — Ian Doescher

LUKE Alas, poor stormtrooper, I knew ye not, Yet have I ta'en both uniform and life From thee. What manner of a man wert thou? A man of inf'nite jest or cruelty? A man with helpmate and with children too? A man who hath his Empire serv'd with pride? — Ian Doescher

LEIA Thou truly art in jest. Art thou not small Of stature, if thou art a stormtrooper? Does Empire shrink for want of taller troops? The Empire's evil ways, I'll grant, are grand, But must its soldiers want for fear of height? — Ian Doescher

[They shoot, Greedo dies. [To innkeeper:] Pray, goodly Sir, forgive me for the mess. [Aside:] And whether I shot first, I'll ne'er confess! [Exeunt. — Ian Doescher

I've spent so much time with iambic pentameter that I can now recognize it when I hear it in conversation or a movie - it's like a weird, useless superpower. — Ian Doescher

Aye, say thou fool? Then fool, good Sir, am I.
But when thou sayest fool remember well
That fools do walk in foolish company.
So if I am a fool, perhaps 'tis true
That other fools around me may be found. — Ian Doescher

Visually speaking, nothing calls Shakespeare to mind like Hamlet holding Yorick's skull. — Ian Doescher

But Owen, he hath not a farmer's heart-/
This apple falls quite near his father's tree
- Beru — Ian Doescher

I had great English teachers in high school who first piqued my interest in Shakespeare. Each year, we read a different play - 'Othello,' 'Julius Caesar,' 'Macbeth,' 'Hamlet' - and I was the nerd in class who would memorize soliloquies just for the fun of it. — Ian Doescher

[Luke, holding stormtrooper helmet.] Alas, poor stormtrooper, I knew ye not,/ yet have I taken both uniform and life/ From thee. What manner of a man wert thou?/ A man of inf'nite jest or cruelty?/ A man with helpmate and with children too?/ A man who hath his Empire serv'd with pride?/ A man, perhaps, who wish'd for perfect peace?/ What'er thou wert, goodman, thy pardon grant/ Unto the one who took thy place: e'en me. — Ian Doescher

OBI-WAN Forsooth, a great disturbance in the Force Have I just felt. 'Twas like a million mouths Cried out in fear at once, and then were gone, All hush'd and quiet - silent to the last. I fear a stroke of evil hath occurr'd. But thou, good Luke, thy practice recommence. — Ian Doescher

HAN: 'Tis said that sometimes those who knew us in
Our youth did know us best. From them we have
No secrets and cannot pretend to be
Another thing that what we are. They keep
Our living honest, for they know who we
Have been. — Ian Doescher

Indeed, it may most verily be said
That only death and taxes certain are. — Ian Doescher

Have they been cruelly kill'd for what I want?/So shall I never want again if in/
The wanting all I love shall be destroy'd.
-Luke II,4 lines 56-58 — Ian Doescher

O, vile! These tauntauns have an awful stench outside, But nothing did I know of wretchedness, Disgusting rot, and sick'ning filth till this New smell hath made attack upon my nose. — Ian Doescher

I watched the Star Wars trilogy with some good friends of mine for the first time in a few years, I read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies-one of those first mashup books-and then I went to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival with my family. — Ian Doescher

People ask me whether I see 'Star Wars' as a comedy or a tragedy, but it's really neither - it's partly a history, like 'Henry V,' and partly a fantasy, like 'The Tempest.' — Ian Doescher

In writing 'William Shakespeare's Star Wars,' I had the freedom to go beyond the original script and add asides, soliloquys and even new scenes. The main characters all get a soliloquy or two - or in Luke's case, several. — Ian Doescher

This golden droid has been a friend, 'tis true,/ And yet I wish to still his prating tongue!/ An imp, he calleth me? I'll be reveng'd,/ And merry pranks aplenty I shall play/ Upon this pompous droid C-3PO!/ Yet not in language shall my pranks be done:/ Around both humans and droids I must/ Be seen to make such errant beeps and squeaks/ That they shall think me simple. Truly, though,/ Although with sounds obilque I speak to them, I clearly see how I shall play my part,/ And how a vast rebellion shall succeed/ by wit and wisdom of a simple droid. [R2-D2] — Ian Doescher

PIETT: But truly, what man doth not wear a mask?
For all of us are masked in sone way --
Some choose sharp cruelty as their outward face,
Some put themselves behind a king's facade,
Some put on the disguise of arrogance,
But underneath our masks, are we not one?
Do not all wish for love, and joy, and peace?
And whether rebel or Imperial,
Do not our hearts all beat in time to make
The pounding rhythm of the galaxy? — Ian Doescher

It is a period of civil war. The spaceships of the rebels, striking swift From base unseen, have gain'd a vict'ry o'er The cruel Galactic Empire, now adrift. Amidst the battle, rebel spies prevail'd And stole the plans to a space station vast, Whose pow'rful beams will later be unveil'd And crush a planet: 'tis the DEATH STAR blast. Pursu'd by agents sinister and cold, Now Princess Leia to her home doth flee, Deliv'ring plans and a new hope they hold: Of bringing freedom to the galaxy. In time so long ago begins our play, In star-crossed galaxy far, far away. — Ian Doescher

LEIA: Love unfulfill'd turns quickly into spite,
And vengefulness doth fill the empty place
Within my heart. — Ian Doescher

This Force, by troth, I'll never comprehend!
It doth control and also doth obey?
And 'tis within and yet it is beyond,
'Tis both inside and yet outside one's self?
What paradox! What fickle-natur'd pow'r!
Aye: frailty, thy name
belike
is Force. — Ian Doescher

Discover thou shalt/That wherever good is found,/Evil is nearby. — Ian Doescher

If flurries be the food of quests, snow on. — Ian Doescher

LUKE But unto Tosche Station would I go, And there obtain some pow'r converters. Fie! — Ian Doescher

Of my home Tatooine, I know full well That elsewhere lies my destiny, not here. Although my uncle's will is that I stay, My heart within me bursts to think on it For out among the spheres I wish to roam - Adventure and rebellion stir my blood. Those oft-repeated words of my mate Biggs I do believe - that all the world's a star. Beyond that heav'nly light I shall fly far! [Exit. — Ian Doescher

A vessel swift of flight, though say'st? Hast thou
Not heard of the Millenn'um Falcon, Sir?
'Tis but the ship that hath the Kessel run
Accomplish'd in twelve parsecs, — Ian Doescher

LUKE Thou dost not understand, thou useless scamp. I search not for a friend in this damp place, But for a Jedi master wise in skill! YODA O Jedi master! Yoda that you seek it is. 'Tis truly Yoda! LUKE [aside:] A strange turn of events! This tiny sprite May yet prove useful if he knows the man. [To Yoda:] Attend: thou know'st of Yoda, little one? YODA I'll take thee to him. Aye, but first, let us eat food. Come, I good food have! LUKE I follow. R2, stay and watch the camp - Mayhap some hope still lives within this damp. — Ian Doescher

Impressive, most impressive, worthy lad,
Thine Obi-Wan hath taught thee well, and thou
Hast master'd all thy fears. Now, go! Release
Thine anger, for thy hate alone can strike
Me down! — Ian Doescher

I always wanted Han Solo's confidence and swagger. My personality is way more C-3PO, but Han was always who I wanted to be. — Ian Doescher

The Ewoks were definitely a challenge of writing 'The Jedi Doth Return.' After having done so many things with characters who don't speak English, how was I going to make them stand out? Jedi is also rich with emotional material, particularly Darth Vader's transformation from the dark side back to the good. — Ian Doescher

I pray thee, sir, forgive me for the mess/And whether I shot first, I'll not confess.
- Han Solo — Ian Doescher

In many ways, 'William Shakespeare's Star Wars' is modeled on Shakespeare's Henry V, which relied on a chorus to explain in words the battles of Harfleur and Agincourt that could never be captured on the Elizabethan stage. — Ian Doescher

Hath not a Sith eyes?
Hath not a Sith such feelings, heart and soul,
As any Jedi Knight did e'er possess?
If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you Blast us, shall we not injur'd be? If you Assault with lightsaber, do we not die? — Ian Doescher

Nay, Nay! Try thou not.
But do thou or do thou not,
For there is no try. — Ian Doescher

HAN Ha, ha! Thy errant systems of belief - Thy weapons ancient, all thy mysteries, Thy robes and meditations o'er the air, Thy superstitions, e'en thy precious Force - Cannot compare to my religion true: A trusty blaster ever by my side. With thus I say my prayers and guard my soul. — Ian Doescher

TARKIN: The wench hath lied! Deceiving,
cut-throat girl,
Most cunning princess born of
Hell's own heart! — Ian Doescher

thou who herd'st nerfs, — Ian Doescher

A plague on 3PO for action slow,/ A plague upon my quest that led us here,/ A plague on both our circuit boards, I say! [R2-D2} — Ian Doescher

In time so long ago begins our play, In war-torn galaxy far, far away. — Ian Doescher

LUKE: O, what is life, and what our purpose here?
Are living creatures made for pain and strife,
Do we but walk our days upon the ground
To perish without memory or fame?
If so, what shall we seek whilst we yet like?
Is brave adventure worthy of our time,
Or should we seek the principle of pleasure? — Ian Doescher

I do a lot of writing in my capacity as the creative director for a marketing agency. These days, though, I'm trying to write a little bit most evenings just to keep the creative juices flowing. — Ian Doescher

LEIA [to Han:] Hast thou come here in that ungainly heap? Thou art, perhaps, then braver than I thought. — Ian Doescher

LEIA O, I do love thee wholly, Han. HAN - I know. — Ian Doescher

LUKE: There is a tide in the affairs of Jedi.
Which taken at a flood, leads to the Force. — Ian Doescher

- Be thou not technical with me,/Or else thine input valve may swift receive/a hearty helping of my golden foot. — Ian Doescher

O be not anxious, comrades, fear ye not! The siuation here hath been controll'd. All merry 'tis in the detention block! ...
That conversation did my spirits bore! Now Luke, prepare thyself for company. — Ian Doescher

Writing 'William Shakespeare's Star Wars' was a fun exercise in mixing just the right amount of the Bard with just the right amount of everyone's favorite galaxy far, far away. — Ian Doescher

YODA: But mind the dark side.
Anger, fear, aggression
from
The dark side are they.
Easily they flow,
Quick to join you in a fight.
Aye, they do not fail!
Once on the dark path,
Forever shall not control
Thy destiny, Luke. — Ian Doescher

O Luke, I would not lose thee as I lost
Darth Vader. His betrayal made my life
A bleak and tragic thing. Thy loss unto
The dark would make my death a hellish, cold
Eternity. — Ian Doescher

ACKBAR - O knavery Most vile, O trick of Empire's basest wit. A snare, a ruse, a ploy: and we the fools. What great deception hath been plied today - O rebels, do you hear? Fie, 'tis a trap! — Ian Doescher

R2-D2 [aside:] - Almost I could My metal tongue release and speak to him. This man doth show sure signs of wisdom and Experience. [To Obi-Wan:] Beep, beep, meep, beep, meep, squeak. — Ian Doescher

I grew up with the 'Star Wars' movies since before I have many memories. We had them on VHS back in the day, so they were part of the fabric of growing up in my family. — Ian Doescher

My favorite play is Hamlet. It was my first love when it comes to Shakespeare, and I've read it and seen it performed more than just about every other Shakespeare play. I've had the "To be or not to be" monologue memorized since I was 15, and it's just really close to my heart. — Ian Doescher

LUKE - But O, what now? What light through yonder flashing sensor breaks? — Ian Doescher

Trying to write while I'm distracted definitely doesn't work for me. I'm also a compulsive saver of my files, so every writing session ends with me emailing what I've written to myself, just in case ... — Ian Doescher

Try thou not. But do thou or do thou not, For there is no — Ian Doescher

The final curtain of life's play is dropp'd. — Ian Doescher

LUKE Friends, rebels, starfighters, lend me your ears. Wish not we had a single fighter more, If we are mark'd to die, we are enough To make our planets proud. But should we win, We fewer rebels share the greater fame. We all have sacrific'd unto this cause. — Ian Doescher

I do believe - that all the world's a star. Beyond that heav'nly light I shall fly far! Luke (ACT I, Scene 7) — Ian Doescher

Our cause is for the truth, for righteousness, For anyone who e'er oppression knew. 'Tis not rebellion for the sake of one, 'Tis not a cause to serve a priv'leg'd few - This moment shall resound in history For ev'ry person who would freedom know! So Biggs, stand with me now, and be my aide, And Wedge, fly at my side to lead the charge - We three, we happy three, we band of brothers, Shall fly unto the trench with throttles full! — Ian Doescher

Thou truly art in jest. Art thou not small/Of stature, if thou art a stormtrooper?
-Leia Organa — Ian Doescher

At early morn, with eager wills they rise, A shar'd endeavor binding them anew. The fast landspeeder o'er the desert flies - They go to find the errant droid R2. — Ian Doescher

True it is,/ That these are not the droids for which thou search'st.
-Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi — Ian Doescher

LEIA - O help Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, help. Thou art Mine only hope. LUKE - I wonder who she is. Whoever she may be, whatever is Her cause, I shall unto her pleas respond. Not e'en were she my sister could I know A duty of more weight than I feel now. It seemeth she some dreadful trouble hath - Mayhap I should replay the message whole. — Ian Doescher

To Alderaan we fly on course direct, And to this feast of death I'll not object. [Exit Darth Vader. — Ian Doescher