Harris Wittels Quotes & Sayings

I think all Internet comments should be disengaged. But I kind of live and die by it. It's completely irresistible. It's not like comedy. When I do a podcast or write an episode of TV, I have no feedback for that. That's the only way you know what you're doing is good or bad. — Harris Wittels

I'm very reactive, I think. I'm down to throw down with people. Online, of course. Not in person. — Harris Wittels

I'm not getting married until gay people can get married. Because I'm gay. — Harris Wittels

Death is beautiful, part of life... No, it is sad. It's sad when anyone dies. Even though every single human dies. So it's really not that sad. — Harris Wittels

What's up? I'm Harris. I'm 33 years young. I have my cousin Jason's truck for two more weeks. I have one testicle-whack a mole accident-and I'm down to clown. — Harris Wittels

Wheat Thins? Call me when they're Wheat THICKS! Gimme that wheat! — Harris Wittels

I hate smoking sections. Unless we're talking about the movie 'The Mask' with Jim Carrey. Then the smoking section is my favorite part. — Harris Wittels

I wanna open a Jamaican/Irish/Spanish small plate breakfast restaurant and call it Tapas the Morning to Ja. — Harris Wittels