Greg Gutfeld Quotes & Sayings

When you are so obsessed with identity politics it's not healthy because you're constantly worried about how you're perceived as opposed to your achievements. Once your identity becomes your achievement then you run into serious problems. — Greg Gutfeld

It's great that Mommy and Daddy did all that uncool work, so you could sit in your air-conditioned classroom and shit all over them, to the approving eye of your ponytailed professor. — Greg Gutfeld

Ask dumb questions and listen quietly for the answers. That's a wisdom stair climber. — Greg Gutfeld

I have to say that Adam Levine is truly a daring young man to go on Twitter to bash Fox News. He's so rebellious, so subversive. I mean, for a musician, seriously, could you find a more predictable stance than that? He's as edgy as a hacky sack, which also describes his music. — Greg Gutfeld

Believe he should have to actually "work" like the rest of us and he thinks the constituents — Greg Gutfeld

Lion is a beautiful creature. It's a wonderful creature. But it's easy outrage. And I also believe that this kind of outrage is a consequence of a moral cowardice in the face of other evil, that you transfer your impotence about other - in other arenas to this, because you know that people will agree with you that this is really bad, but there are serious outrages out there that are bigger than a lion. — Greg Gutfeld

The inevitability of abortion. But I refuse to accept the amoral consequences that are even far worse than that, which is harvesting them because we decided that as an adult society, we can use children to make our lives better, if you seek the reverse. — Greg Gutfeld

Incidentally, if you really think organic means pure, then you're in for a helluva heartbreak. Organic farms do use pesticides and, as reported by Brian Palmer in Slate, organic wine needs eighty times more fertilizer than conventional vino. — Greg Gutfeld

Look, this debate is basic: it's small government vs. big government. So how cowardly do folks like Blood and Frank Rich have to be that they can't man up and defend their love for collectivism? The only reason they scream race, is because that debate scares them. They know a racial accusation prevents dialogue, because such a harmful charge far outweighs any benefits of winning an argument. — Greg Gutfeld

I'm sure if you could survey the unborn they would prefer the chance for life over the options of solar power. — Greg Gutfeld

[If Republicans] got to put their kids into public school. They got to take public health. They would become libertarian faster than you could say Ayn Rand. — Greg Gutfeld

[Obamacare] has to be enforced because nobody wants it. This is the nature of progressive government they don't care if it's not good for you. It's good for them. — Greg Gutfeld

I guess if your heart's in the right place, the trash can go anywhere. — Greg Gutfeld

I don't like the way my hair looks, so we're going to do the whole show over. — Greg Gutfeld

Good people suddenly don't turn bad. — Greg Gutfeld

The people who whine about Fox News are hypocrites - they say they're totally tolerant, but when they run into someone who doesn't share their assumptions, they say, 'Fox News is evil, and it must be stopped.' — Greg Gutfeld

Legal gun ownership always prevails over the emotionalism of the gun control movement. — Greg Gutfeld

Celebrities are the doormats to power. — Greg Gutfeld

If America was a house, the Left would root for the termites. — Greg Gutfeld

There are also hunger strikes. Hunger strikes are noble and sometimes necessary. If you're a political prisoner in China or North Korea (where the entire country is on a hunger strike, not by choice), I get it. For you, it's life or death. But at Harvard, it's about a press clipping and maybe getting a better grade or a higher class of hand job. So when an undergrad adopts a hunger strike in order to get someone to divest from oil, I say, let the twerp starve. Most of them are overfed, pudgy masses of soft tissue - it wouldn't hurt if these sad sacks lost a few pounds. They might even understand the plight of the average Venezuelan, who operates under conditions American activists see as utopian, when they're really nightmarish. How about the next time one of our coeds feels a hunger strike coming on, we exchange her with someone who's genuinely starving? — Greg Gutfeld

They say: "We're all immigrants." They mean: You hate brown people. You say: "I'm just for a line. Stand in line, asshole. — Greg Gutfeld

The only candidate I'd allow to play my music would be Bigfoot, and unless we're talking about foraging for squirrels, he's notoriously apolitical. — Greg Gutfeld

A funny thing about tolerant people? They're really only tolerant when you agree with them. — Greg Gutfeld

The irony of prison is that it takes years and years and years to plan an elaborate escape, but all you have is years and years and years. — Greg Gutfeld

But without most of the stuff I just listed above, Whole Foods would not exist. That organic food didn't arrive on the store shelves via an incredibly disciplined group of storks. I've seen the semis out in front and they don't harness the power of yoga and haikus. — Greg Gutfeld

The most problematic word in America is the word "problematic." It's a wuss word used by people to silence language without actually saying that they want to silence you. They don't want to go full fascist. — Greg Gutfeld

The best thing about Ikea - I'm going to do a quiz here - the names. Do you know what a Floria Fin (ph) is? It's a candle. A Pogestra (ph) - table. A Bar Grick (ph) is a plate, an Eterleeg (ph) is a wine glass and a Scuggle (ph) is the name of my third nipple. — Greg Gutfeld

It's easy to whip up resentment against anything that smacks with authority. Nobody ever organizes over pan handlers. So even if a cop is black, like the three arrested in Baltimore, or one dead in Mississippi, the hard left uses race as the underlying cause. It's why there are no defiant marches when policemen are killed. — Greg Gutfeld

I've always wondered, how did Hitler get away with so much for so long? — Greg Gutfeld

The problem is, then you see immigrants saving cities in Baltimore and you see 40 Korean groceries get burned down. — Greg Gutfeld

Republicans do actually care about health care. They just don't care about government-run health care. — Greg Gutfeld

I never quit. I just got fired. — Greg Gutfeld

We're already going down that path with illegal drug use and incarceration. I can't imagine it getting any worse. — Greg Gutfeld

Planned Parenthood's entire existence is basically based on keeping people in the dark through euphemism. You don't call it genocide, you call it reproductive health. So that's why Planned Parenthood has - nobody really thought. — Greg Gutfeld

It was then that I realized that while playing the well-meaning tolerant individual (in short: liberal) garnered you fans and grades, it didn't matter. In my heart and head, I was a fraud. — Greg Gutfeld

It's an economy based on the tooth fairy. — Greg Gutfeld

The media is Obama's scandal condom. — Greg Gutfeld

Being a conservative on campus is like bing a goat amongst the taliban. You are never safe. — Greg Gutfeld

Ocean privilege does not exist anymore. The world is small. We cannot rely on distance anymore. — Greg Gutfeld

Let's be clear about what people never say about Playboy on television. It was nothing more than an instrument for onanism. That's what it was. And the Internet co-opted that industry of self- gratification. There is no necessity for lonely men or teenagers to use Playboy. It turns out no one bought that magazine for the articles ever; it was used for only one thing. — Greg Gutfeld

The problem with leftism as a vice is that everyone else is stuck with the hangover. — Greg Gutfeld

In the world of pop stardom, what is mistaken for rebellion? A mediocre artist who spouts political beliefs that most freshmen in high school could have come up with after huffing Glade. — Greg Gutfeld

The problem with Republicans and Conservatives is we attack each other. — Greg Gutfeld

We need somebody that can unify a country in spite of a vocal powerful media that's intent on division. It's not about winning the media. It's about winning the people, and I don't think it's necessarily persuasive to eat - to cannibalize yourself. I think that you have to pick the winner. — Greg Gutfeld

ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator. — Greg Gutfeld

There's an argument that celebrities stop growing mentally the moment they reach stardom and then they just - everything goes away. I think that's true. — Greg Gutfeld

Hollywood's schizophrenia over guns is matched only by their attitude toward taxes. Ever wonder why they film in Vancouver so often? It ain't for the beaches, I can tell you. — Greg Gutfeld

Al Sharpton chases the spotlight the way Obama chases golf balls — Greg Gutfeld

Private citizens and companies are always seen as evil and greedy, because they want to profit. But the government picks your pocket any chance it can get, but they're never called greedy. — Greg Gutfeld

When someone in power declares that something is broken that means it's actually fine. What they're really saying is, "Let's change this so I like it and ruin it." Nothing is ever broken. — Greg Gutfeld

So the villains aren't gay-hating Islamists or women killing tyrants, but actually us: an American Congress bent on the apocalypse. Don't we understand? Iranians love their children too. — Greg Gutfeld

So let me get this straight - we ban guns, but encourage movies glorifying guns? — Greg Gutfeld

How we got to a place where men in skinny jeans rank higher in achievement and status than men in military-issued camouflage is a mental journey beyond the limits of my simple, sodden brain. — Greg Gutfeld

Security should not be a black and white thing. — Greg Gutfeld

Fact is, the desperate desire to be cool has skewed our culture toward nihilism, carelessness, and ineptitude. It is now cool to be an idiot. A jackass. It's cool to be a failure, as long as your failure is the basis for a reality show. — Greg Gutfeld

For a community to grow to a size that sustains those who don't contribute to the growth of said community (whom I call leeches but society has chosen to call grad students), you need an immensely powerful creature to build a structure that allows those loafers to exist. But even a whale can only support so many parasites. — Greg Gutfeld

The problem with the immigration debate, it's probably is the most poisoned and political debate of any issue, because you have this huge voting bloc that everybody says is yours — Greg Gutfeld

Essentially, the Tea Party are the Hell's Angels, but with sun visors instead of switch blades. They push macaroni instead of meth. Mess with the Tea Party and they'll put your dog in an American flag sweater on a hot day. — Greg Gutfeld

When you have a TV show or when you are running a magazine, you have to remember that your audience isn't rich. They're not made of money. — Greg Gutfeld

When immigrants go into the worse neighborhood and they fix it up, they should become citizens. — Greg Gutfeld

I'm thinking about American votes and American - all Americans, black or white have to be concerned about what's happening in the world. — Greg Gutfeld

The [Confederate] Flag is - literally - sewed division. People claim it means different things to different people, but it harkens back to the pro-slavery side of the war. — Greg Gutfeld

America is like the greatest hit of the world. — Greg Gutfeld

We need an idiot middle ground, where we have to be honest and say, kids can be idiots and cops can be idiots. — Greg Gutfeld

Republicans are systematically and deliberately trying to stop millions of American citizens from voting. What part of democracy are they afraid of? I call on Republicans at all levels of government, with all manner of ambition, to stop fear mongering about a phantom epidemic of election fraud. I'm calling for universal, automatic voter registration, every citizen in every state in the union. — Greg Gutfeld

We have two nations, and it's not black or white. It's red and blue. Under Republican leadership, cities tend to do better. Cities are destroyed under Democrats, because they don't know how to deal with the constituency; they're terrified. — Greg Gutfeld

Steer clear of pot. It's an ambition zapper. Wait till you've made it. When you're 45 buy a bong. But for now, buy a suit. — Greg Gutfeld

Unlike those who fight truly intolerant things like terrorism throughout the world, Madonna is really the lone brave voice in the wilderness standing up against evil. — Greg Gutfeld

If Russia, if Russia had the same military power that America did, earth would be called Russia. — Greg Gutfeld

The government is controlling your mind through chem trails, we all know this is true. — Greg Gutfeld

How funny is it that so many professors labeled Tea Partiers as terrorists, while kissing the asses of real, bona fide terrorists? It's not funny, really. But it's the result of a simple equation: One is cool, and the other isn't. Own a gun and keep it by your bed in your remote farmhouse? You're a redneck. Purchase guns that end up killing a judge? Priceless. As long as you cling to cool, progressive beliefs that deem America evil, whatever you do is cool. And if you do it under a big fuzzy 'fro? Even cooler. Hell, if you 'fro is big enough, you could nuke an orphanage and still get tenure. — Greg Gutfeld

Why is our media quick to find evil in our local police, but tnot in Islamic terror? — Greg Gutfeld

It goes back to the if identity becomes your achievement, what do you do, this is what happens? And I do think it leads to psychological disorders. You have to start doing things and stop thinking about yourself. — Greg Gutfeld

When one becomes a liberal, he or she pretends to advocate tolerance, equality and peace, but hilariously, they're doing so for purely selfish reasons. It's the human equivalent of a puppy dog's face: an evolutionary tool designed to enhance survival, reproductive value and status. In short, liberalism is based on one central desire: to look cool in front of others in order to get love. Preaching tolerance makes you look cooler, than saying something like, 'please lower my taxes.' — Greg Gutfeld

As we all know, there is no force stronger in the rhetorical universe than that of liberal race-guilt. — Greg Gutfeld

The cities are full of women falling for the cool loser: the man trafficking in "edgy" so women cut him slack in his more loathsome behaviors. Christ, I know so many, it's sad. Please accept my flaws (and pay my rent) because I can play guitar! Badly. — Greg Gutfeld

Adults use children in order to survive because now, we have this [kids] tissue that can allow us to live longer. And once you've accepted this idea that you can use this tissue to make yourself healthier, what's to stop you from making it into a nutritional supplement? What's to stop you from any kind of weird, bizarre, amoral act because you've already made the leap? — Greg Gutfeld

We used to actually kill each other before we discovered rhetoric in words. If you look at other countries, there are people attacking each other in parliament and stuff. — Greg Gutfeld

People that want to control words will never ever try to break up, like, a fight on a subway. They will never confront an aggressive person on the bus. They prefer their fights to be easy. — Greg Gutfeld

I think the reason why 'Red Eye' is popular is because we question the common assumptions that you find elsewhere. — Greg Gutfeld

Accusing a politician of being politically expedient is like accusing water of being wet or circles for being round. — Greg Gutfeld

I would like to see a president with a monocle. — Greg Gutfeld

The Islamophobia phobes, (ph) the writers and the editors and the talking heads who deny an existence of evil while blaming those who speak up. There no difference - different than the apologists for communism. As communism killed millions, they, they denied it. — Greg Gutfeld

You can't get more racist than hating black conservatives just because they're black. — Greg Gutfeld

I've noticed, living in New York, how hard it is for many women to find Mr. Right. This is because when you look at most men living in big cities, none of them are Mr. Right. There are just way too many sexual options for them, so they feel no pressure to behave like actual gentlemen.
So, who gives them these options? Women, of course - who don't have the balls to limit these options and ask these boys to behave like men. So now that women are screwing men the way men want women to screw them, there are few men out there who would actually want to marry women after they've fucked them. — Greg Gutfeld

I have a rule: Anything that can be done privately does not need to be performed publicly. It's why I love the gays but I hate their parades. Actually, I hate all parades. Marching to celebrate something you're born as seems silly. (As I write this, St. Patrick's Day is in full bore in Midtown. It's delightful how celebrating a heritage requires you to pick fights with strangers and then pee in a parking garage. The upside - the sea of clover-painted drunks moving in unison - might be the only green energy I've ever seen work.) And what's the point of a parade anyway? A bunch of yahoos who share some affinity, walking in one direction? Who decided this was entertainment? For previous generations, this was called a migration, or more often, refugees fleeing for their lives — Greg Gutfeld

What I'm going to miss is the competition, being, that's OK, I can watch from the house. — Greg Gutfeld

We need to remember who the enemy is, and then we need to eat them alive. — Greg Gutfeld

Monitoring activities is neither new or intrusive. We did that with communities in terms of getting rid of the mob. And cops, believe me, do not want to do this. Do you think they really want to listen to you chant five times a day. However, you should look on the bright side: you might convert them. — Greg Gutfeld

Politics is way cool, as long as it's progressive. Conservatives by nature hate politics and politicians. — Greg Gutfeld

If you're hiring, if you're the person doing the hiring, forgive a scar or two. Remember that when we were young, we were also idiots. There were just no cameras there to catch it. — Greg Gutfeld

But for the rest of us, cool has a shelf life. If you're a quarterback in high school, you're cool. But ten years later, working as a sullen bouncer at the only nightclub in town, your "cool" is on life support. Which is why so many young girls who never said no end up with losers in pants hanging below their asses and no known income to speak of. These cads were charming in high school; now they're as useless as shoulder pads on a snake. — Greg Gutfeld

who just hasn't committed to — Greg Gutfeld

You also wonder if a restaurant placed an ad that read, "Only homeless need apply," would they get fined? Probably not. But if they said, "No homeless apply," they would be transient bigots. For as bureaucrats use language to punish the lawful, they use tolerance to coddle the troubled. — Greg Gutfeld

Playboy seems like a sad magazine for me. It seems like for men who would sit around in a bath robe. — Greg Gutfeld

I want to make a positive point of Ikea. It makes income inequality a minor distraction. — Greg Gutfeld

If you throw the baby away, that's garbage. But no, the heart's precious. You could get something, you could save a life. Well, you just threw away a baby but the heart's valuable. That's the horror and the terror and the hypocrisy that nobody can understand. We base communities on the idea of protecting children based on the sacrifice of adults. Adults work and die so that their next generation would grow and prosper. — Greg Gutfeld

92 people are killed every single day in car fatalities. What if we filmed every one of them? No one would drive cars. — Greg Gutfeld

As P. J. O'Rourke once observed, no woman daydreams about being swept off her feet by a liberal. — Greg Gutfeld

I don't understand why a 40 is a quarter of beer when a 40 is 40 ounces. It's time to embrace the metric system. — Greg Gutfeld