George S. Kaufman Quotes & Sayings
Enjoy the top 18 famous quotes, sayings and quotations by George S. Kaufman.
Famous Quotes By George S. Kaufman
You've heard of people living in a fool's paradise? Well, Leonora has a duplex there. — George S. Kaufman
At dramatic rehearsals, the only author that's better than an absent one is a dead one. — George S. Kaufman
When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay. — George S. Kaufman
You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Claus! — George S. Kaufman
I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra. — George S. Kaufman
Lawyers-they get together all day and say to each other, "What can we postpone next?" The only thing they don't postpone, of course, is their bill, which arrives regularly. You've heard about the man who got the bill from his lawyer which said, "For crossing the street to speak to you and discovering it was not you, twelve dollars." — George S. Kaufman
There was laughter in the back of the theater, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there. — George S. Kaufman
(Popular singer Eddie Fisher, appearing on This is Show Business, told Kaufman that women refused to date him because he looked so young.)
Mr. Fisher, on Mount Wilson there is a telescope that can magnify the most distant stars up to twenty-four times the magnification of any previous telescope. This remarkable instrument was unsurpassed in the world of astronomy until the construction of the Mount Palomar telescope, an even more remarkable instrument of magnification. Owing to advances and improvements in optical technology, it is capable of magnifying the stars to four times the magnification and resolution of the Mount Wilson telescope - Mr. Fisher, if you could somehow put the Mount Wilson telescope inside the Mount Palomar telescope, you still wouldn't be able to detect my interest in your problem. — George S. Kaufman
KIRBY: A man can't give up his business.
GRANDPA: Why not? You've got all the money you need. You can't take it with you. — George S. Kaufman
Epitaph for a dead waiter - God finally caught his eye. — George S. Kaufman
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Penny, why don't you write a play about Ism-Mania?
Penny Sycamore: Ism-Mania?
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Yeah, sure, you know, Communism, Faschism, Voodoo-ism, everybody's got an -ism these days.
Penny Sycamore: Oh
[laughs]
Penny Sycamore: I thought it was some kind of itch or something.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Well, it's just as catching. When things go a little bad nowadays, you go out, get yourself an -ism and you're in business. — George S. Kaufman
When I was born I owed twelve dollars. — George S. Kaufman
I understand your new play is full of single entendres. — George S. Kaufman
The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine. — George S. Kaufman