Gary L. Thomas Quotes & Sayings

A defeatist attitude kills almost as many marriages as do affairs. — Gary L. Thomas

Righteousness - true holiness - is seen over time in our persistence. It is relatively easy to "flirt" with righteousness - being occasionally courteous to other drivers (if you happen to be in a good mood), helping someone in need by opening the door for them (if you have time), throwing a few extra bucks into the offering plate (as long as you won't miss them). But this behavior is in reality superficial righteousness. The righteousness God seeks is a persistent righteousness, a commitment to continue making the right decision even when, perhaps hourly, you feel pulled in the opposite direction. — Gary L. Thomas

He planted marriage among humans as yet another signpost pointing to his own eternal, spiritual existence. — Gary L. Thomas

What if your husband's faults are God's tools to shape you? What if the very thing that most bugs you about your man constitutes God's plan to teach you something new? Are you willing to accept that your marriage makeover - the process of moving a man - might begin with you? — Gary L. Thomas

What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? — Gary L. Thomas

When our happiness is dependent on what happens to us and when our self-focus determines our daily mood, our joy will necessarily be limited to whatever good thing happens to us. But when we learn to truly delight in the welfare of others and rejoice in what God is doing in their lives, the potential for increased joy skyrockets. — Gary L. Thomas

This is a book that looks at how we can use the challenges, joys, struggles, and celebrations of marriage to draw closer to God and to grow in Christian character. — Gary L. Thomas

A good marriage isn't something you find; it's something you make. — Gary L. Thomas

Being "married for a mission" can revitalize a lot of marriages in which the partners think they suffer from a lack of compatibility; my suspicion is that many of these couples actually suffer from a lack of purpose. — Gary L. Thomas

The mark of a spiritual man or woman is a listening heart, not a lecturing tongue. — Gary L. Thomas

Christianity does not direct us to focus on finding the right person; it calls us to become the right person. Our — Gary L. Thomas

If you remove the cross from Christianity, all that remains is some wise moral teaching not terribly different from any other religion. — Gary L. Thomas

The church must not teach the submission of wives apart from the sacrificial love and servanthood required of husbands. — Gary L. Thomas

Married life, offered in service to God, is such a good and rewarding life. Let's give ourselves fully to it; let's keep building our "marital house" until we die, pursuing each other, forgiving each other, loving each other, and growing together through the years. If we do this, we will, like Anne, be richly blessed with a lifelong love. — Gary L. Thomas

With Christ in us and the Holy Spirit transforming us, we really have no excuse for continuing immaturity. — Gary L. Thomas

for now I'm just throwing it out there and asking you to at least consider that romantic attraction, as wonderful and as emotionally intoxicating as it can be, can actually lead you astray as much as it can help you. I'm not talking it down; "connecting" with someone on that level is a wonderful thing. Enjoy it, revel in it, even write a song about it if you want, but don't bet your life on it. — Gary L. Thomas

We conceal, but God wants to heal, and to do that, He must first expose. — Gary L. Thomas

I wouldn't be surprised if many marriages end in divorce largely because one or both partners are running from their own revealed weaknesses as much as they are running from something they can't tolerate in their spouse. — Gary L. Thomas

Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate. W. H. Auden — Gary L. Thomas

I've found that obedience to God creates quiet fulfillment in the present. There is a spiritual satisfaction that comes even in the midst of our trials. It is a demeanor that may not be as "showy" as gleeful happiness, but it is much less subject to moods and makes for much more permanent a disposition. — Gary L. Thomas

Virtue, though often mocked and ridiculed, is as beautiful as wickedness is ugly. Self-denial curiously spawns joyful happiness, while selfishness and arrogance produce desperation and obsession. Being faithful to duty brings great fulfillment, while following unchecked passions eventually leads us to despise ourselves. And the greatest truth of all: There is no higher end, no more glorious life, no better aim, than to live in the fear and favor of Almighty God. — Gary L. Thomas

Neurologists tell us a startling truth that has major implications for spiritual formation: Our choices and experience shape our brain, both literally and physiologically. What we choose cognitively helps make us into who we are. — Gary L. Thomas

Christian love must be chased after, aspired to, and practiced. — Gary L. Thomas

The Bible views us as recipients of God's perfect love, already charged with an important life mission (seeking first the kingdom of God), and thus the decision to marry, though crucial, won't define us. Nor will who we marry define us. — Gary L. Thomas

This is the journey marriage calls us to, to seek to understand and empathize, for each of us to strive to become a redemptive partner rather than a legal opponent. — Gary L. Thomas

A Christian who has a hard time living by his or her faith while driving, for instance, could hang a symbol - a cross or a fish - on their rearview mirror to challenge them when their temper begins to flare. (That's certainly preferable to putting a Christian bumper sticker on the back of the car for all to see, and then driving like a son of perdition!) A pastor friend of mine uses a pond near his home as a symbol. As soon as he drives by that pond, he is reminded that he is going home and needs to prepare himself to focus on his wife and children, leaving the cares, worries, and concerns of the church on the north side of the pond. He can pick them back up the next morning when he passes the pond on his way to work. A symbol can be found to meet virtually every need in every situation. Men — Gary L. Thomas

That's what's so difficult about Jesus' call to love others. On one level, it's easy to love God, because God doesn't smell. God doesn't have bad breath. God doesn't reward kindness with evil. God doesn't make berating comments. Loving God is easy, in this sense. But Jesus really let us have it when he attached our love for God with our love for other people. — Gary L. Thomas

Long-term marital intimacy requires accepting this truth: to stop giving yourself to your spouse is to spiritually divorce them. — Gary L. Thomas

You won't hear a character's friend say this in a romantic comedy. Taylor Swift won't sing this, Eminem won't rap it, and Suzanne Collins won't write it, but it's true: just because you're "in love" with someone doesn't mean you should seriously consider marrying them. — Gary L. Thomas

Couples don't fall out of love so much as they fall out of repentance. — Gary L. Thomas

In this generation, we parents have gone out of our way to protect our children from pain and to see that they succeed. The problem with this approach is that the kids don't learn wisdom, and they don't learn decision-making skills. I believe we learn more from failure than success, but when parents keep kids from failure, our children inevitably end up lacking wisdom. — Gary L. Thomas

If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there's no question - stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise. — Gary L. Thomas

Our Lord has sovereignly ordained that our refining process take place as we go through difficulties, not around them. The Bible is filled with examples of those who overcame as they passed through the desert, the Red Sea, the fiery furnace and ultimately the cross. God doesn't protect Christians from their problems - he helps them walk victoriously through their problems.4 — Gary L. Thomas

We can use marriage for the same purpose - to grow in our service, obedience, character, pursuit, and love of God. — Gary L. Thomas

Our souls are wired for what we will never enjoy until Eden is restored in the new heaven and earth. We are built with a distant memory of Eden.8 — Gary L. Thomas

Lying about what you want out of marriage going in because you're afraid you'll lose the relationship if you are honest is one of the worst kinds of fraud you could ever commit. — Gary L. Thomas

The truth is, we want to be known; we truly do. But we're afraid. If you see the real me, will you run away? Am I even worth being known? Will the real me bore you? Scare you? Repulse you? And so we hide. — Gary L. Thomas

A mask partially conceals, but it also tells us that something is behind the mask. — Gary L. Thomas

A Christian is never dependent on the response of others to grow spiritually. It's our own heart's decisions that matter — Gary L. Thomas

The reason we feel disillusioned about our life and faith is not because Christianity isn't fulfilling, but because we've stopped thinking and acting like a Christian - someone who has sold all she has for the pearl of great value, someone who considers everything a loss compared to the greatness of knowing Jesus Christ. Without this opportunity to suffer we will, like Lance, "go crazy," becoming undisciplined robots who think that relief is found in leisure and irresponsibility when in fact it comes from being wholly devoted to God's kingdom. — Gary L. Thomas

Otto Piper points out that "there is always an element of mistrust implied in the marriage contract."2 The reason we promise to love each other "till death do us part" is precisely because our society knows that such a promise will be sorely tried - otherwise, the promise wouldn't be necessary! We don't make public promises that we will regularly nourish our bodies with food or buy ourselves adequate clothing. Everyone who enters the marriage relationship will come to a point where the marriage starts to "rub" somewhat adversely. It is for these times that the promise is made. Anticipating struggle, God has ordained a remedy, holding us to our word of commitment. In this struggle we become nobler people. — Gary L. Thomas

Discerning someone's character, true values, and suitability for marriage is hard work. It takes time, counsel, and a healthy dose of objective self-doubt and skepticism. Identifying someone as "God's chosen" or Plato's "soul mate" is comparatively easy. You "feel" it in your gut. It seems right. You can't imagine anyone else. You must have found the one! — Gary L. Thomas

Abraham's servant prayed for success: "O LORD, the God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today, and show lovingkindness to my master Abraham" (Gen. 24:12 NASB). This is the first time in Scripture that we read of someone asking God for specific guidance. — Gary L. Thomas

Any mature, spiritually sensitive view of marriage must be built on the foundation of mature love rather than romanticism. But this immediately casts us into a countercultural pursuit. — Gary L. Thomas

In case you've never thought about it, a woman's body changes much more rapidly than her character does. — Gary L. Thomas

Repentance, contrary to popular misconception, is not a heroic first step I make toward Christ, nor is it a feeling-sorry-for my sins. It is the divine gift of being turned toward truth. William Willimon — Gary L. Thomas

A heavyweight boxing champion who dodges all serious contenders to consistently fight marshmallows is derided and ridiculed - and rightly so. Christians who dodge all serious struggle and consciously seek to put themselves in whatever situations and relationships are easiest are doing the same thing - they are coasting, and eventually that coasting will define them and - even worse - shape them. — Gary L. Thomas

We bring nothing to God, and He gives us everything. — Gary L. Thomas

I may not receive any new insights and God may not feel particularly close. This has taught me that the demand for spiritual experience can be as gluttonous as the desire for food, money, or sex. Desire for spiritual highs needs to be contained so that we can develop other parts of our being. — Gary L. Thomas

One of the best wedding gfts God gave you was a full-length mirror called your spouse. Had there been a card attached, it would have said, "Here's to helping you discover what you're really like!" - Gary and Betsy Ricucci — Gary L. Thomas

Wisdom says we should try to make a relationship work not because we have strong feelings but because it's a good match. — Gary L. Thomas

The story of Isaac and Rebekah is an account of what was, but not necessarily of what should be for all of God's people. — Gary L. Thomas

This is the reality of the human heart, the inevitability of two sinful people pledging to live together, with all their faults, for the rest of their lives. — Gary L. Thomas

We are told to seek first the kingdom of God, not seek first marriage. — Gary L. Thomas

A therapist friend of mine has worked with a number of different women who were at one point in their lives centerfolds for popular men's magazines. These women often had difficulty achieving sexual satisfaction. Though they seemed experienced in sexuality per se, they had almost no understanding of God-ordained sexual intimacy within marriage. As a result, there was a lot of spiritual and psychological healing that had to be accomplished in order for them to enter into a mutually satisfying relationship. — Gary L. Thomas

Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. We can choose which one we will obsess over - expectations, or thanksgivings. — Gary L. Thomas

Done well, marital sexuality can be a supremely healing experience. — Gary L. Thomas

I'm going to ask you to do something that may feel even more painful: when you get close to becoming engaged, put any public announcement on delay for a few weeks and spend several sessions talking through all these issues again with someone else present. — Gary L. Thomas

Just when we are most eager to make ourselves understood, we must strive to understand. Just when we seek to air our grievances, we must labor to comprehend another's hurt. Just when we want to point out the fallacies and abusive behavior of someone else, we must ruthlessly evaluate our own offensive attitudes and behaviors. — Gary L. Thomas

You don't marry a position. You marry a person. — Gary L. Thomas

Giving respect is an obligation, not a favor; it is an act of maturity, birthed in a profound understanding of God's good grace. — Gary L. Thomas

The reality of the human condition is such that, according to Porter (and I agree), we must "salvage our fragments of happiness" out of life's inevitable sufferings. — Gary L. Thomas