Gabriel Iglesias Quotes & Sayings

In the beginning, when I was doing my shows, I was incorporating a lot of Spanish, just trying to be a Latino comic instead of just a comic. Now I try to make the show as broad as possible ... I don't want to alienate people. I want to make it so everybody can follow along and everybody can relate. — Gabriel Iglesias

I know enough football to know that's funny! — Gabriel Iglesias

You know, a lot of people think that just 'cause you work out, lift weights, eat right, and do what people tell you to do that you'll live a long live, maybe you will. But, why do people measure life by the years instead about how good the years were. — Gabriel Iglesias

As long as you have a director, that's your feedback. It's the director telling you, "Okay. That was great! Okay. Can we add a little? Can you tweak it like this? Can you make it more high pitched? Can you give it a little growl?" — Gabriel Iglesias

If I'm drinking I can either be the nicest guy ever or I'm the guy you should leave alone. — Gabriel Iglesias

I have always been told that I was a funny, entertaining person and have always been told to give comedy a try. — Gabriel Iglesias

I usually travel with a posse. I roll deep. I travel like a rapper, but without the artillery. We don't carry guns, we carry cookies. — Gabriel Iglesias

TV and film for me are not as exciting as the live stand-up show and getting the immediate reaction of the crowd. TV is a lot of hurry up and wait for your shot and less immediate reaction from people. — Gabriel Iglesias

I see a Latino comic as someone who can only perform for Latino audiences. I cross the board. — Gabriel Iglesias

If you Google the word "fluffy," I'm the first thing that pops up. It's me, dogs and rabbits. — Gabriel Iglesias

Make sure you're doing impressions of people that are still relevant, and that everyone knows. Red Skelton impressions are a little outdated. — Gabriel Iglesias

People think if you have money, it'll fix the problems, but it creates different ones. — Gabriel Iglesias

Believe it or not, I've got a really bad metabolism. One burger and I'm done. I'm not a guy that puts away 10 burgers. — Gabriel Iglesias

I just know you can not be on top forever. There's always going to be the next guy, and if I'm going to go down, I'd like to know I helped the next guy take my spot. You can't prevent the inevitable, but you can join the ship. — Gabriel Iglesias

I'm not fat. It's just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me. — Gabriel Iglesias

I know what it's like to have a family and not have insurance and really need it. As a comic, insurance was one of those sacrifices I made early on until I could afford it. — Gabriel Iglesias

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake. — Gabriel Iglesias

Finding places to perform was definitely the biggest challenge. Trying to find my voice over the years was a big thing because when I started I was just doing characters and impressions and that was it. — Gabriel Iglesias

I'm never home. I miss birthdays. I miss holidays. I miss anniversaries. I miss special moments. I'm not always there for important times, because I'm out on the road trying to make people laugh. I give up my privacy. I give up the ability to walk somewhere and relax. — Gabriel Iglesias

I get a lot of influence from pro wrestling. People are like, 'Oh, it's fake.' But it's not about whether the guy wins or loses, it's about how he entertains you the whole time you're watching. — Gabriel Iglesias

Honestly, I really don't like acting. I don't enjoy it. What I do like is going to a movie theatre and seeing my face on a poster. I like seeing my name on a poster. That is cool. — Gabriel Iglesias

I just like The Little Mermaid cartoon. Say what you want. I have a fish tank, it's a long story. I have a fascination with the ocean, and you put a hot chick in there, it just adds more to it! I liked The Little Mermaid. It's a cool movie. It's one of those I watch over and over again. — Gabriel Iglesias

You gotta live life before you can talk about it. Sometimes when things don't work out in life, they work out on stage. — Gabriel Iglesias

I eat a lot of junk food, because that's what's usually available at 1:00am when I'm all done working. — Gabriel Iglesias

Hanging out with comics, all they did was make fun of me. — Gabriel Iglesias

TV show's really quick. You're in, you're out. A film usually takes a lot longer. However, a voiceover is very much like TV in the sense that it's really quick. For example, I did the movie Planes in one day. — Gabriel Iglesias

It's because you alienate half the room talking about sports. Half the crowd will be against you no matter what you say. — Gabriel Iglesias

You wonder why I only talk about my personal life. But that's all I've ever done. — Gabriel Iglesias

I got a brother who calls me Hollywood. Sisters kind of keep their distance. Even my mom is kind of like ahhh with me. Yeah dude, it really sucks. And I wish things were different. Unfortunately, they don't understand everything I go through on a day to day basis to be able to maintain what I'm doing. — Gabriel Iglesias

You can't be bad ass in a car that kills gas like I kill tacos. — Gabriel Iglesias

I want to be known as a funny comic not just a funny Latino comic. I want to be able to go everywhere and anywhere. — Gabriel Iglesias

I see a lot of nice hotels, but I never really get to enjoy the cities, because I have to be on a plane the next day. — Gabriel Iglesias

As a comedian, especially one that works as much as I do, there is a lot of sacrifice. People don't see that I'm away from my family 46 weeks out of the year. I miss all the birthdays and anniversaries and holidays. — Gabriel Iglesias

My material never comes out verbatim every time. I always tweak in a line, or tweak away a line, gain a couple tags or lose a couple tags. The timing is always off. — Gabriel Iglesias

Comedians do movies and TV so that when they tour, they sell out. That's the goal: To get popular enough so the place is packed. — Gabriel Iglesias

For about three years I was performing at one bar in East Los Angeles that was like a mean dive bar. You're in there performing for drunks or bikers, not the most flattering people. I think it helped build my confidence, because you have to get their attention, then make them laugh. — Gabriel Iglesias

I wanted to be a comedian, and this is what I'm doing. If I can keep this going, I'm happy. — Gabriel Iglesias

Connecting with people is not hard. I love the interaction and the feedback after shows. It does take some time, but the fans appreciate it which makes it worth it. — Gabriel Iglesias

Every night, it's a bakery on the bus. It's a curse, because I talk about how much I love cake, people bring me cake. And now I just found out I'm diabetic, so I'm like, are you kidding me?! — Gabriel Iglesias

I bought a Hummer before I bought a house, and then I bought a house. Every year, everything doubled. The work was doubling. The money was doubling. The popularity was doubling. — Gabriel Iglesias

I learned early on, stay away from politics, stay away from religion and don't talk about sports. Those three right there will get you in trouble. — Gabriel Iglesias

Stand-up is not just an American thing anymore. It's global. In some places, stand-up comedy is brand new. South Africa has only had a scene for 15 years. — Gabriel Iglesias

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you. — Gabriel Iglesias

I'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake. — Gabriel Iglesias

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight. — Gabriel Iglesias

I'm a big guy, but I'm really simple with the food. I'll hit the In-N-Out or just the regular buffets. — Gabriel Iglesias

Comedy is my passion. I'm going to do this until I drop. — Gabriel Iglesias

We can choose our family. We can't choose our relatives. — Gabriel Iglesias

Wearing a Hawaiian shirt, you don't ever come across as offensive. Nobody sees you as a threat. You see someone in a Hawaiian shirt, and you are like 'this guy is ready to party.' — Gabriel Iglesias

Home in bed listening to the rain getting ready to order a pizza. Sounds like a song til the last part. — Gabriel Iglesias

The Ford Flex is a really, really cool car. You get inside and you have so much headroom and it's really comfortable to drive and it's real techy inside. You look at the screen and it's blue and you've got all kinds of controls. Everything is digital. — Gabriel Iglesias

I don't get controversial, I don't get political and I don't tell you what to do with your life. I just go out there and tell some stories, and people can relate. — Gabriel Iglesias

Walgreens, Rite Aid, CVS and Wal-Mart have all figured out the evolution of life and they grabbed all the products that are necessary for a life. And they stuck them in one aisle and they put them in order according to how you mess up ... First thing you're going to see: condoms. Next to that: lubricant. Next to that: pregnancy test. Next to that: Pampers. Next to that: formula. And at the end of the aisle they sell beer. — Gabriel Iglesias

When you leave, you basically want to go eat, because I talk a lot about food in my act. So when you leave, you leave hungry. — Gabriel Iglesias

You know what I learned about Hawaiians? They're just blown up Mexicans! — Gabriel Iglesias

I don't even have a clue as to where to find a pregnancy test. I'm looking at all the aisles ... they don't have one that says 'oops. — Gabriel Iglesias

My favorite people to have fun with are police officers 'cause they're so serious, you know. — Gabriel Iglesias

Anything is possible as long as you're focused, determined and you really want to do it. — Gabriel Iglesias

Some comics don't like it when people talk during the set, and it does get a little bit annoying after awhile, but I basically let people dictate what jokes I'm going to do. — Gabriel Iglesias

Drinking can bring out a dude that has some issues. — Gabriel Iglesias

And I don't want you thinking that my girlfriend is a bad person. She is an amazing woman, the fact that I only have seven stories about her in eight years, says a lot. You know, don't get me wrong, five of them happened this year, but that's still way below the bar, you know what I am saying. — Gabriel Iglesias

A lot of the comedians nowadays just do comedy as a stepping stone. Take for example Dane Cook. The guy is huge. The main reason he got into it is to do what he is doing now: film and television work. — Gabriel Iglesias

I never go perform somewhere alone. I've done that since day one. I've always taken other comics with me. — Gabriel Iglesias

I love Australia. First of all, everyone is so nice. The people are down to Earth, and they like having fun with you. — Gabriel Iglesias

I try not to get political, I don't want to get religious, I don't want to get controversial, I just want to have a show that relates to everybody. — Gabriel Iglesias

When you're a comedian, the Holy Grail is an hour long HBO special. — Gabriel Iglesias

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn. — Gabriel Iglesias

I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time. — Gabriel Iglesias

I don't have to worry about writing jokes. I just tell stories about things that have happened to me. As long as I'm alive and I'm living and I'm experiencing different things every day, the show will always change. — Gabriel Iglesias

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run. — Gabriel Iglesias

Now I understand why people do drugs, why people drink, and why people go crazy. As the success level goes up and up and up, the further detached I get from everybody else. Luckily, with my girlfriend, everything is gravy because I brought her into it. I brought her in and she's very hands on with my career. — Gabriel Iglesias

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American. — Gabriel Iglesias

I was very dirty; I was a very dirty comic. There was no way I would have gotten on TV with the act I had when I first started. — Gabriel Iglesias

When I was a kid I did impressions and funny voices a lot. When I was telling a story I would use the voices to make it more entertaining. — Gabriel Iglesias

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were? — Gabriel Iglesias

Social media has definitely changed the game for me. I am able to connect to my fans on twitter and interact with them, daily. YouTube has been a game changer as well - people around the world have been exposed to my comedy through my YouTube channel. — Gabriel Iglesias

As far as guys who perform onstage, I love Chris Rock. I'm kind of jaded on everyone else. — Gabriel Iglesias

I want to get so famous that I don't have to wake up in the morning. It'll probably never happen. — Gabriel Iglesias

That's one thing about my shows. I tell people, I'm not a comedian, I'm just a really funny reporter. I put my life out there and make it entertaining. By putting it out there, it helps me to deal with it, you know, so I don't snap and so I don't go off the handle when I get home. — Gabriel Iglesias

I have very nice cars. I never get to drive them, because I'm never home. — Gabriel Iglesias

When you have nothing but big friends, you never get into arguments - except one. And that is, who is the biggest? I'll let you know right now, there's only one way to settle this. We all get in a bus and we go to Disney and we get on a roller coaster - whoever gets the least amount of clicks on the safety bar is the big one. — Gabriel Iglesias

When I go to dance clubs, I always dance with big girls, so we finish at the same time. — Gabriel Iglesias

Some people can handle alcohol. You know who you are. Some people can't handle alcohol. The police know who you are. — Gabriel Iglesias

Be personal, and original. Try to work clean. Stay away from topical material, as it does not allow you to craft it to make it better for later. And always remember that it is the fans who will make you or break you. — Gabriel Iglesias

I was not the popular kid in school. — Gabriel Iglesias

You live by the cake, you die by the cake. — Gabriel Iglesias

Kids, man, they're way too honest. They're like mini-alcoholics. — Gabriel Iglesias

I'm all about showing people that I'm a little messed up, I have a lot of the same problems you have. By exposing myself and putting myself out there, people can relate to me and my act won't grow stale. I mean, nobody wants to hear a comedian say, 'Life is great.' — Gabriel Iglesias

I'm a comedian who happens to be Latino. What's the difference? The difference is, my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo. — Gabriel Iglesias

I'm a big boy, but I can get jiggy with it. Ladies, I will go to dance clubs, and I will tear it up hardcore for a good 30 seconds. — Gabriel Iglesias

I'm not fat. I'm fluffy! — Gabriel Iglesias

Understand that you don't know it all. You don't know anything yet. What you've been taught is great, but always go with common sense. And don't marry your first love. — Gabriel Iglesias

I started riding the whole 'fluffy' train, and it's a cute word and socially a lot more acceptable than someone saying is fat or obese. If you call a girl 'fat,' yo, she'll raise hell, but if you say, 'Aw girl, look at you, you're fluffy,' there's almost a sexy appeal to it. — Gabriel Iglesias

If i wouldn't have done comedy, I would have been a teacher. I was really good when I took an exploratory teaching class in high school, at getting kids' attention, and delivering lesson plans. Though my principal even told me that this was what I was meant to do. And that being a big-mouth comedian was a waste of time. — Gabriel Iglesias

When I first got to St. Louis, I saw the arch and I said, 'I want to go to that McDonalds. — Gabriel Iglesias

I went up on stage, and said, "Why did the chicken cross the road? To check out the chicks." I was a genius at 10. Try telling that at 21, and you look hacky and stupid. That was the only joke I've ever told. Everything since has been character voices, doing impressions or just telling stories. — Gabriel Iglesias

I almost bought a DeLorean the other day just because. If I see something that I think is cool and I like it, I'll go for it. — Gabriel Iglesias

I'll walk up to a woman, I'll say the first thing that comes to mind: 'Hey, you hungry?' — Gabriel Iglesias

Being on TV sucks. It's a lot of work. You memorize scripts and then you show up and they change everything. I'm a control freak. When I'm doing stand-up, I say what I want and then I get instant feedback. — Gabriel Iglesias

I found that laughter was a form of acceptance, and I really enjoyed that and I just - I crave it. — Gabriel Iglesias