Fred Barnett Quotes & Sayings

Purrrrrrrr" Elizabeth kneaded Vlad's pecs. "I hear a Kitty!" Vlad's eyes sprung open. There was a moment of hurt, of sad. There was no kitty. "You're teasing me!" - Bats — Fred Barnett

I only require that my characters have one thing and one thing in common. A total lack of self-control. — Fred Barnett

Elizabeth poured the brewskilicious foam over her aforementioned bodalicious huzza-huzzas and Wahwahzoozie." - Bats 2015 — Fred Barnett

Muy Peligroso!" Bernie's choices had become as limited as the Taco Bell menu. Reason and blood had left the building, heading south, faster than reprobates to Florida." - Shark Fin Soup 2015 — Fred Barnett

They have no discipline. They'll still need us."
"Ha!" said Postel. "No discipline? Behold!!!! My cat has written a book! ...And she's published!" - Amok 2015 — Fred Barnett

Bolts of energy swirled in the air and streamed into Dave's butt. Dave sneezed ... No. He farted through his nose. — Fred Barnett

The figure hanging upside down at the top of the great hall had 'f'n had it' with the corpulent little blood dumplings! - Bats — Fred Barnett

We won't be able to sleep without the sound of her self-loathing orgasms crying out into the night." - Bats 2015 — Fred Barnett

Keeeerist! Look at the smile on the poor sumbiche's face. Ain't seen anything like that since the B.J. Killer was alive." - Shark Fin Soup — Fred Barnett

He sniffed until the long hairs of his mustache had been sucked up into his nose and out of his leafy ears." - Bats 2015 — Fred Barnett

Her eyes were dark, corrupt, fathomless and all of that other evil crap. Mostly all of that other evil crap. — Fred Barnett

The Stranger: Darkness warshed over the Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom. — Fred Barnett

...causing her eyes to bulge and her tongue to flick from behind her luscious lips, scaring away insects." - Amok 2015 — Fred Barnett

I could not put your new novel down. At 950 pages and weighing in at over ten lbs. I couldn't even pick the goddamned thing up! — Fred Barnett

I'll only be wearing a t-shirt," she said. "I love to let the tropical breeze ruffle my tail feathers. — Fred Barnett

They're dogs. Never trust a man. Even when he's dead. Especially when he's dead. - Bats 2015 — Fred Barnett

The kids found the new high tensile Duncan Yo-Yo string was strong enough to use as a garrotte. — Fred Barnett

Do it for the kids! The ones who look up to you - especially when they are pleading for their lives." - Bats 2015 — Fred Barnett

What Mufy means is that he is in possession of rather capacious breasts for a male of the human species — Fred Barnett

Elizabeth served herself to Vlad upon the Lazy Susan (Susan wasn't lazy. She was actually dead." - Bats 2015 — Fred Barnett

You're going to show up to a duel, in the street, wearing Come F - k Me Heels?" - Bats 2015 — Fred Barnett

Dauna inhaled a deep drag from her happy cigarette. (Yes, her cig was happy. Fuck'n euphoric.) Smoke swirled over her tongue." - Shark Fin Soup 2015 — Fred Barnett

Bernie let out the most pitiful wail heard since that god-forsaken day in 1942 when Bambi's mom was shot. — Fred Barnett

She could feel something unnatural following her every movement as she washed her bountiful Huzza and Wahzoozie" - BATS — Fred Barnett

G had fallen asleep and tumbled into the motor assembly of the Ferris wheel. It spat him out. — Fred Barnett

It wasn't kidnapping. She was no kid and she certainly wasn't napping." Shark Fin Soup 2015 — Fred Barnett

Grrrrowpt." said dead Penelope. Dead Huthbert nodded, and hugged her.
She moved his dusty hand from her dusty ass." - BATS 2015 — Fred Barnett

...an ambitious array of dishonorable intentions that he intended to wield upon the Countess's nether regions. - BATS 2015 — Fred Barnett

Depart, Satan,' she said, with a complete lack of enthusiasm. - Bats 2015 — Fred Barnett